A goal I considered well within reach as we wouldn’t be facing the giant as enemies but prisoners. I imagined the conversation to go something like:
“What up, Keezy?”
“Yo, Gargantua. Delivery for the boss.”
“No problemo, go straight through. Ta ta for now.”
“Thanks. Cheerio.”
All very civilised, no fighting, no need for penis attacks.
“Do you think the other group are in there?” asked Claire, snapping me out of my wishful thinking. She was referring to Gideon and the Cool Kids who Gullen had sent here on a reconnaissance mission.
“Probably,” I said. We were approaching the fort on a wide, dusty road that ran parallel to the canyon and led straight to the fort’s rear entrance.
Keezy and the trolls had reverted to their soldier forms and wanted to enter the fort as though we were on official business and bluff our way across the bridge. This was what the trolls were good at and I was happy to go along with their plan.
“If things go south,” I said, “I’m sure the trolls will take care of it.”
“So am I,” said Claire. “That’s what worries me.”
I felt Claire’s concern for our fellow Visitors was unwarranted. It was obvious the trolls wanted to avoid any confrontation and even took pride in their ability to walk among their enemies undetected.
And it wasn’t just their faces they could transform. They had also changed their merchant clothes into military uniforms, by turning them inside out. They had reversible clothing, uniforms on one side, normal clothes on the other. Proper spy stuff.
Everything was much easier when you were with people who knew what they were doing. And could shapeshift. And couldn’t be hurt. So much easier.
The fort was a wooden structure with walls made from entire tree trunks sharpened to a point like pencils, lined up like jagged teeth. We were out in the open and I expected to be spotted by a lookout, but as we got closer it became apparent the walls were unmanned.
It was also clear there had been some kind of battle here. The gates, which were huge, lay on the ground, broken and splintered like they’d been knocked down from the inside.
The open gateway revealed a large, empty courtyard surrounded by various buildings, and another entrance opposite leading straight onto the bridge.
“How did you defeat all the soldiers?” I asked Keezy.
“I didn’t,” he replied.
Getting information out of the trolls was like getting blood out of a stone, which was appropriate, I guess.
“So we just go through the fort, across the bridge and then we’re in Monsterland?” asked Claire.
“Yes, but then it’s quite a long way to the castle,” said one of the trolls. “You should be prepared for a lengthy journey.”
“Plenty of time for more stories,” said another troll to Maurice.
Then again, maybe it was just me they were reticent to talk to. Everyone else seemed to be getting on like a house on fire.
A voice rang out from inside the fort. “Over here! Nice one!”
Had the fort been built with a meditation room, or had they renamed one of the rooms like only true hipster douchebags would?
Zane went off to get us some cutlery.
Everyone grabbed some stuff. Dudley found a nice bow, Claire loaded up with all the daggers she could find, and I decided to try using a shield along with the sword I picked up. It was fairly pointless as I was sure the trolls would make us dump the weapons once we got across the bridge, but we all did our part in maintaining the charade.
It would have been nice to spend the night, have something to eat, maybe a bath, but I couldn’t see Keezy allowing it, and the sooner we left, the less chance of someone saying the wrong thing and giving the game away.
When I looked around to see if the others were done, I noticed we were alone in the armoury. Gideon and Marc had been in the room with us a moment ago, but now they weren’t. I went to the door, half expecting it to be locked, but it opened without any trouble.
I walked out and found Gideon and his guys, now joined by a girl, waiting for us. They had got changed and were wearing armour and carrying swords. Everything was polished gold and silver, which made it hard to look at them.
It wasn’t clear what had happened. Had we been sussed? Did they have orders from Gullen to kill us? If they wanted a fight, I had no problem setting the trolls on them. Have at it!
I turned to give Keezy the nod, but two things immediately seemed off. First, the trolls were at the back of the group—not the best place from which to launch an attack—and second, they looked terrified.
“This is Stella,” said Gideon. “She’s our secret weapon.”
And they had a secret weapon. Great.
“Didn’t you have one more member in your group,” said Claire. “I think there was another girl.
“Yeah,” said Stella. She was a tall girl with black hair piled up in a beehive and heavy mascara around her eyes. “Roona. She’s back in Dargot. Gullen’s keeping her to make sure we do what he says.”
“Sounds like him,” I said, trying to act like I wasn’t bricking myself. “So, why are you guys all dressed up? Going somewhere nice?”
“Gullen’s sending you on an important mission, isn’t he?” said Gideon. “Probably quite dangerous.”
“Probably,” I agreed. “He wants us to find the Archfiend and negotiate a peace with him.”
Gideon turned to Stella, who nodded. “He’s telling the truth.”
Shit. She was a truth teller like God. Our whole plan was built on a giant stack of lies, and they had the perfect counter. We were fucked.
“How about this,” said Gideon, “how about you stay here and wait for the reinforcements, and we go on this mission for you?”
Wait, what?
AN: Thank you to all who have bought the ebook on Amazon. Book One is currently #20 on their Humorous Fantasy bestsellers chart!