Jiang Li hurriedly put the lid on the pot without panicking at all. He turned to find me cowering in the corner and proudly said: “I had mastered this move in the kindergarten only.”
Me: ……….
I had nothing to say; obviously he was the person who did not know how to cook so in the end why was he ridiculing me?
Feeling extremely accomplished Jiang Li put all the vegetables that he had just fried into …..a basin. That’s correct, a basin, you read it right, I did not write it wrong because those fried vegetables could not fit in the dish bowl.
After finishing this task, Jiang Li still had more to say: “Do you have anything else to cook?”
“Ummm, then how about steamed egg custard?” I suggested this dish because the rate of error while preparing steamed egg custard is relatively low. Of course, there was another reason- other than eggs, we had no other raw ingredients……
Acquiescing with my opinion, Jiang Li nodded his head. Then steamed egg custard it was.
I kindly probed: “Jiang Li, you don’t know how to cook it, do you?”
“Of course, I know how to cook it.” Jiang Li looked at the eggs in his hands and then quietly murmured to himself “But what do I have to steam first egg or rice?”
“You can steam both of them together.” Steam together, we all understand what that means, right?
Jiang Li gave me a weird look and in a questioning tone asked: "Can we steam them together?”
“Nonsense, of course we can!” so Jiang Li finished washing rice, put them in the rice cooker, pour the water, plugged the cooker in and started cooking.
He cracked opened a few eggs into a bowl. Then he grabbed a spoon to pick up the egg shell pieces that fell into the bowl (sweating), stirred them nicely for a few minutes (which I instructed him), added sesame oil and salt (which again I instructed him) then he took a very valiant action, an action so fierce that for a moment I could not even react.
Holding the freshly beaten eggs bowl in one hand, he removed the rice cooker lid, quickly ‘rattled’ the rice and then very neatly poured the eggs into the still uncooked rice.
Disoriented, I stood in my place. I looked at the boiling water gushing out of the cooker, the uncooked eggs and raw rice rolling together and laughed at the madness of this world.
It was all over, finished……
Jiang Li very proudly grasped a pair of chopsticks to stir the things in the cooker then turned his head to look towards me. He noticed that my reaction was abnormal. Therefore he put forward a question very carefully: “So how’s it? Is there anything wrong?”
Was he joking? Was there anything wrong? Jiang Li pondered for a moment, innocently said: “There is nothing wrong, I did as you said, wash the rice, beat the eggs, and steam them together….”
Steam them together, did he take it literally as in ‘steaming them together’? I stood in the kitchen corner like a statue and for a long time only one sentence reverberated in my mind: not true, it’s not true.
While Jiang Li finished serving the ‘steamed egg custard’ in the dishes and brought it to the dining table I was still standing at my designated spot, the kitchen corner.
“Come and eat, no need to be modest with me or do you want me to feed you with my own hands?”
I desperately resisted: “No, I don’t want to eat.”
Impatiently, Jiang Li pulled me away: “I am treating you so well and you are trying to be picky. Have you ever seen me being picky with the food you serve me?”
Hey, that’s because the food I serve you had always been normal!
Jiang Li dragged me to the dining table, pushed me on the chair and placed a bowl of rice-egg mix in front of me. I picked up my chopsticks and stabbed it, re-stabbed it but did not eat it.
Jiang Li got irritated; he sat beside me and took the chopsticks from my hand. I thought he was going to throw them away, good, he should just throw them away but I would not eat it.
However, using those chopsticks Jiang Li stirred the rice-egg mix then pressed my neck brought a piece of that rice-egg mix in front of my mouth and in a low-deep voice said: “Come on, eat.”
I always thought men use such low husky voice to seduce women (or men) but I never knew it could also be used to coax people to eat. I hardened my heart and remained firm with my decision ‘not eating’.
Jiang Li did not give up; he bowed down a bit and whispered in my ears: “If you don’t eat then the consequences will be very serious, got it!”
I laughed: “such as?” Paper tiger, I did not believe he could do anything to me.
“For example” Jiang Li suddenly in a very cold tone whispered: “For example, your cherry may pop!”
I shuddered to the bone and almost fell down from the chair.
Jiang Li, this guy was too cruel!!
Jiang Li grabbed my shoulder, chuckled to himself and said: “Come on let’s eat, it’s very delicious.”
I shakily opened my mouth and put in a piece of rice-egg mix.
Surprisingly, this thing was not as terrible as I imagined. The egg was nicely cooked and of course the rice tasted as usual. In fact this dish was neither good nor hard to swallow.
“Are you enjoying the food?” I was almost in tears, simply nodded my head. I dared not to speak anything
…
Jiang Li also nodded his head with satisfaction, picked up a piece of carrot and put it in my bowl: “Come, eat some vegetables too.”
I looked at the bizarrely cut piece of carrot- grotesquely black in color and silently cried without tears.
Thanks to Jiang Li’s constant coaxing cum perusal, which in reality was a threat in disguise, I managed to eat a bowl of rice-egg mixture with an added seasoning of soya sauce and salty fried vegetables (also called as fried pickles.) Since I coordinated obediently Jiang Li finally let me go.
Looking satisfied with his achievement he asked: “Was it delicious?”
He had already asked the same question at least two hundred times. I bobbed my head aggressively; it was delicious, tasty and extremely scrumptious!
Jiang Li smiled modestly and said: “it’s delicious, eh, then eat some more of it?”
I despondently shook my head, did not want to eat, could not eat…….Uncle Li please spare this little Xiao Yan…..
Jiang Li gently patted my head: “Wife, ah, today I found out that my cooking is really not that bad then should I cook the dinner from now on?”
I was too scared, repeatedly shook my head, Uncle Li you mustn’t take the exertion. You should rest your body well.
Jiang Li cheekily made things more difficult for me: “eh, you don’t want to.”
“I do, I do, I swear” my eyes were full of sincerity, my face endlessly serious. In my heart I was thinking- Joke or not, no one should abuse others like this.
Jiang Li seemed a little embarrassed, finally smiled earnestly. I sighed in relief. Dear God, my body was getting old and it really could not take such torments any more.
Jiang Li picked up a piece of the rice-egg mix and put it in his mouth. He did not even chew it and spit it out immediately.
My heart bled tears.
Since then my mind had a firm belief:
Jiang Li was not a human, he was a scum!!!