Published at 12th of January 2021 09:25:04 PM
Chapter 446: 446
Chapter 446: The Emperor’s Daughter 446
Probably because I wept out loud during the day, I managed to fall asleep rather quickly . I opened my eyes, only to find the night sky . I smiled bleakly at what I saw .
It was still night . Looking at the black sky, it felt unlikely for the night to end quickly .
All right, it had been a while since I slept so good at night .
The dark landscape accompanied my feelings . It seemed so quiet and lonely, yet it calmed me .
“Assisi, you there?”
I wasn’t asking . I just said it because I wanted him to come out; I knew he was there .
Unsurprisingly, I heard a sigh from the outside; the door opened after a long gap . Assisi opened the door and entered .
It was a familiar scene I had always seen since Assisi became my guardian knight .
I smiled as I watched Assisi approach me .
“Sorry . ”
Assisi was shocked at my sudden apology . He was surprised, but I just shrugged it off .
“I was grumpy, and Assisi kept on accepting everything, so it seemed like I acted out of context . ”
I approached Assisi, who stopped .
“Can you forgive me?”
I knew that he would forgive me; that was why I asked it, but I felt horrible . Assisi, who was caught off guard by my sudden apology, pitied me .
Hesitating for a moment, he nodded .
I smiled .
Assisi’s hand was as cold as ever, but there was a warmth I could feel .
“There was always something I wanted to ask . ”
I opened my lips .
“Dad and you aren’t just lord and knight, right?”
Yeah, it was something I always wondered .
No one really answered my question . I tried to think of an answer, but I could never get one .
After a while, Assisi nodded .
“I have to repay Your Majesty for something . ”
I wanted to ask what it was, but my mouth didn’t open . I felt like I shouldn’t push too far .
As I smiled, Assisi’s face went dark . What was it?
I grabbed Assisi’s hand . It meant that he didn’t have to say anything if he didn’t want to, but Assisi’s head dropped with a darker expression .
“I… I am a cursed child . ”
“Huh? What does that suppose to mean?”
I was embarrassed .
‘What was he talking about?’
Assisi spoke as if it was a grave matter . Like he wasn’t kidding . To prove his seriousness, Assisi continued .
“I will make the people around me unhappy, and someday I will lead them to hell, a child who shouldn’t have been born . ”
What bullshit was I hearing? I was a little angry .
“Who said that?”
“My father . ”
I went quiet without realizing it . I held my breath .
Assisi, who observed to confirm my reaction, bit his lip thinking back on the painful words he spoke . However, he didn’t stop talking .
“When I was young, before bedtime, my father would punish me . He said that I had to be punished because I was the child of the devil . Even when my skin would tear apart and bleed, even when I couldn’t scream out loud anymore, I had to get punished . ”
“It’s alright . You don’t have to talk about it . ”
Although the man before me would swing a sword all day, the pain of his past distorted his face . I was sorry to see that; I tried to make him stop, but Assisi was set on talking about it .
With a shaking breath, Assisi shook his head and began to talk again .
“My father loved my mother, but my mother couldn’t love him back . No, I am not sure if she loved him or not because I didn’t know my mother . ”
Assisi’s mother was Lady Sicelia . I thought she was simply the previous King’s concubine, but the woman was a mother and a wife . It was something natural, but it came with a strange shock for me .
“I don’t know if it was because of my love for my mother or simply because I hated it . I don’t remember much, but my childhood was sick and painful . ”
So, that was why he couldn’t stand still when children were getting hit .
Although he didn’t talk about it, I would have acted out of the memories I had if I was in that situation . I resented what I did and pitied him .
Wounds on Assisi’s body .
I always assumed that his wounds came from his long experience on the battlefield .
“You don’t have to say it all . ”
“No . ”
Assisi shook his head firmly .
“Let me speak . ”
I didn’t mean to stop Assisi’s words . He just seemed to be in pain . Even his expression made me feel terrible, and I didn’t want him to go down the painful road once again for me .
It must have been painful to remember what happened; just speaking out would create new wounds on him .
Nevertheless, Assisi was firm on wanting to speak, and I didn’t stop him anymore .
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“It was because my father ordered me to hold a sword, but I did it because he wouldn’t hit me when I was holding a sword . I had no purpose with a sword . I held onto it and escaped . Those who helped a broken boy like me were Ferdel and Silvia . ”
I knew then why Assisi had very few people around him . I could also see why Ferdel and Silvia were constantly worried about Assisi . I always assumed that it was because Assisi wasn’t great at socializing .
“But Your Majesty never approached me nor avoided me . ”
“Sounds like my dad . ”
“Which was why I felt comfortable with Sil and Ferdel . All I needed was a little comfort to live . ”
Just telling his story, Assisi’s expression softened .
I noticed that my dad saved Assisi from his abusive father .
“I never thought that after such a past, I would grow up to be normal . ”
Assisi bowed his head .
I just waited .
How was I supposed to comfort him? I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to say something wrong and hurt him .
Ugh, stupid!
I held Assisi’s hand tightly, making sure he wouldn’t pull away .
“It wasn’t your fault . ”
I was trying to tell him that he was loved . After knowing the hell Assisi had to walk through and the sorrow he had to feel all on his own, my heart ached .
I went to hug him, just like he used to when I was younger .
“It wasn’t your fault Assisi . ”
Right, it wasn’t his fault . He was never in the wrong .
Whatever it was .
I was certain . Assisi bit his lips .
“Then…”
Assisi asked .
“Where did it go wrong?”
His troubled expression returned . I held him a little tighter; That was all I could do .
“It wasn’t your fault . It didn’t happen because of you . ”
He wasn’t bad, and he didn’t do anything wrong .
What did it mean to be a parent if he would harass his child? Through love or hatred, a child could be lifted or lost .
There was no other relationship apart from parent and child, which could harbor love and hate .
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“My blood is made up of two evils . The blood of a woman that could love no one, and a man ruined by love . ”
A voice filled with grief .
“There is no woman in the world that I can truly love, for I am twisted . For that same reason, I am not sure if I can love my child properly . There is no guarantee that my child will grow up well . This cursed bloodline ends with me . No one ever will get sick or feel pained…”
He sighed .
“So, a child like me must not be born again . ”
A depressing declaration .
I couldn’t say anything; I just held Assisi in my arms .
‘Please make my Assisi happy . Please don’t let him feel pain anymore . ’
“You said that I could leave anytime I wanted, Ria . But the truth is, I can’t live a single day apart from you . ”
“Why?”
Assisi laughed bitterly at my question .
I couldn’t even notice what kind of expression he had .
“I just didn’t want to feel pain; the moment I grabbed the sword and took away someone’s happiness, I realized that I didn’t deserve happiness . It wasn’t my will to drive so many to death, but it was something I did . I know that they were unforgivable and deadly sins . ”
I wanted to deny it, but I couldn’t get myself to speak . Assisi’s words continued .
“And since I’m such a person, you are the last thing that I will be greedy about . ”
“Huh?”
“I just want to be with Ria . ”
I was the last thing he would be greedy about; what could it mean?
I shook my head and wanted to say something, but I couldn’t think of any . My head was in a mess .
Assisi smiled while looking at me . A different smile .
“This moment makes me so glad that I feel sinful; I can’t hold on to more than this . This is right for me,”
“But Assisi…”
“Princess . ”
Assisi pulled my hands .
The hands which held mine were huge .
“You are the only one I can protect . ”
Said Assisi in a quiet tone .
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“So I will give all my happiness to the princess . ”
‘What is that? That is messed up . ’ I complained .
“Can’t Assisi just be happy?”
“At this moment, I am very happy . ”
Assisi smiled .
“I am happy . ”
But…
He looked at me .
“To watch you be happy is what I want . ”
Happiness differed for each individual, but this was too much . I really knew that it was too much .
I released his hand and stroked his cheek, his eyes looking into mine .
“My happiness is seeing Assisi be happy . ”
The knight who had been by my side since my childhood .
My knight in shining armor .
“Which is why we…”
It was difficult, but I smiled as brightly as I could .
“Should be happy together rather than wish for one-sided happiness . ”
No matter how happy I was, how could I enjoy it if Assisi was suffering?
“How about that?”
Assisi was family . Being a part of the family didn’t mean we had to be connected with blood . If Assisi, who lived his life protecting me, couldn’t be called family, then I had no right to consider anyone else .
Assisi hesitated at my words .
“How can I do that?”
I smiled .
“This princess allows it . And you can . ”
Since we needed each other so much, we kept clinging on desperately to the relationship we formed .
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