Catch Him And Keep Him.
By Christian Carter.
Introduction.
One evening you're spending a romantic dinner with a man you're dating and you say to him: "What do you think about us... You know... about the future?"
Or you say something like...
"I don't feel like you tell me about your feelings.... How do you feel about where this is going? You know, about our relationship?"
So you've asked a simple question, right? And when he can't answer you in the way you hoped, you become upset or disappointed.
Yeah, I know... men can do all sorts of really STUPID stuff with these questions. Avoiding, turning things around, acting like you dropped a bomb on them, ignoring what you said, saying tired lines like, "It's not you, it's me", or reacting with fear and anger.
So what's going on here?
The reality is that men have spent much less time than you do thinking about their emotions, attractions, and intentions-or their "inner world."
It's time to learn how men think and what to do about it as a woman.
You're about to be introduced to knowledge and information that can have such an amazing impact on your love life.
If you read this book and make an ongoing effort to learn its content, then your perspective on men, dating, and relationships can change. This change could mean the difference between being happy and in love or lonely and single.
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Best of all, you'll learn the truth about dating and men without having to go through the painful failure and heartbreak that other women have suffered.
The information in this book boils down to the key elements of meeting and attracting men, the courtship process, and setting yourself up to be in a successful long-term relationship with a man.
Psychologists, social scientists, writers, thinkers, etc.
tend to focus on the "later stages" of love when people have found each other or are already married.
There's a whole lot that happens before two people commit into a relationship, but these earlier stages and processes usually don't get much attention.
For lots of women, just finding a great guy can be tough.
First she has to find him and meet him. Then she has to attract him and feel attracted to him. Then she has to get to know him and make sure he isn't some player. Then she has to figure out how to keep the chemistry alive.
It's an incredible process that can be overwhelming for lots of women. So why does it have to be so hard with men?
Why do ALL of these things have to fall into place with men before any of the deeper feelings and longer term commitments come into play?
Well, that's what we're here to talk about.
It's taken me a long time to figure out the things that you're about to learn. I've spent years on this stuff and discovered that learning about attraction and dating play a HUGE role in building the foundation and setting the course for a long-term relationship between men and women.
I think the early stages of attraction and dating are more significant than most people think. A strong and lasting impression is formed when a man and a woman first meet and date.
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If a woman doesn't know much about how a man views love, relationships, and attraction, then she's bound to run into problems that keep her from creating lasting love. But if she chooses to learn how to have a man understand her perspective and desires and she also learns how to understand his, then finding and creating what she wants in her love life is hers for the taking.
As we're growing up, we're taught about love, emotions, marriage, and all the things necessary for a relationship. But if you're like 99.8% of the people on the planet, then no one ever told you how attraction works, how to meet men, and what men are really thinking as they're getting to know a woman and how or why they commit in a relationship.
This book is jam-packed jam-packed with this kind of information. It's meant to be used as a reference. The best way to use it is to read and find all the parts you like and all of the ideas, skills, and techniques upon which you would like to improve. Then take those sections and write them down or print them out so you can remind yourself. Read them out loud and maybe talk about it with other women you know who might need the help of this book. with this kind of information. It's meant to be used as a reference. The best way to use it is to read and find all the parts you like and all of the ideas, skills, and techniques upon which you would like to improve. Then take those sections and write them down or print them out so you can remind yourself. Read them out loud and maybe talk about it with other women you know who might need the help of this book.
But don't assume that reading it once will solve all your problems. Make a note when you find a section that applies to your situation.
Get a journal and jot down the ideas that grab your attention. Keep these ideas processing in your mind.
The more you do this the more insights and "Aha"
moments you'll have and the more dramatic improvements you will have in your love life.
Right now it's up to you.
I can't do all the learning and practice for you. It's you who has got to make the decision that you'll do whatever it takes to get to that next level of understanding.
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Success with men isn't as simple as learning to drive a car. The rules change and there are always exceptions to the case.
Success with men is more like learning to play a musical instrument. It takes practice and learning. At first none of it makes any sense. Sometimes it seems as though all of your practice isn't making a difference.
But if you keep at it, eventually you'll be playing songs.
And then you'll be writing songs. The next thing you know, you've become a master.
So take this book and use it as a workbook. Come back to it often. Reread the parts that you want to learn and integrate them in your daily life. Take a look and learn from some of the other books and information I've referenced. And most importantly, DON'T STOP READING UNTIL YOU'RE DOING IT.
Many people make the mistake of reading a book and say "I know that stuff" before they've mastered the information.
Don't make this mistake yourself. Keep reading and practicing until you HAVE IT DOWN.
At some point you'll develop your own insights beyond what's in this book, and you'll become an expert in the world of dating and relationships.
Congratulations, by the way. You're taking an amazing step by investing in your own life to figure things out. If you stay with it, you'll have amazing results in lots of other areas, especially in your love life.
Do me a favor. E-mail me with your ideas, comments, and complaints. I want to know what you think. You can email me at: [email protected]
Part 1: Finding the Hidden Secrets to Success with Men
In this section I'm going to give you insights into how men think and what women need to know in order to succeed with men.
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Chapter 1.
Inside the Mind of A Man Let's start off with the inside scoop on men. Everything you read here has come from years of personal research and readings from other experts in the world on topics such as psychology, human behavior, communication, attraction, evolution, biology, physiology, and human sexuality. Let's start off with the inside scoop on men. Everything you read here has come from years of personal research and readings from other experts in the world on topics such as psychology, human behavior, communication, attraction, evolution, biology, physiology, and human sexuality.
Of course men have their differences, but as a group, men have a whole lot in common when it comes to their psychology, behavior, and emotional state. Look at how men like to watch sports, read Maxim Magazine, talk about cars, and act competitively. Women would go nuts if they were stuck doing these things all day Listen... If you're thinking that men don't make any sense right now YOU'RE RIGHT. So don't try to make sense of what a man does, feels, and says. Men are "wired" differently than women. The sooner you get that men are different, the sooner you'll start to see the secrets to attracting a man and keeping him committed in the relationship.
For most women, dating a man is like looking at an iceberg. Much of what's there is below the surface. The behavior and communication you get from a man is what I call the "outer world". It doesn't show what's actually going on underneath the surface in the "inner world" of his psychology and emotions.
Men have been practicing their whole lives to hide their "inner world." They've been conditioned to hide or ignore their emotions for most of their lives. So it should come as no surprise that lots of men are completely out of touch and unaware of their inner world.
The Inner World Most men don't have an idea of a perfect long-term relationship - at least not one that would make sense to a woman. With most men, they're making it up as they go along.
It's rare to find a single, attractive, and successful man.
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And it's even rarer to find a man with these qualities who ALSO wants to settle down in the near future. And the rarest of all men is one who's ready to commit to a relationship or marriage in the same time frame that a woman might want.
Ninety percent of men's goals might be summed up as "stay single until I find some reason to settle down." But most men don't have any earthly idea of what makes a good reason to settle down. I mean, how often do you hear men sitting around watching the ball game, drinking a beer, and talking about how they want their relationship to progress and bring more long-term fulfillment and satisfaction? About as often as you win the lottery.
But I know you've heard the men you know sit around and talk about sports, their work, their cool new phone, and a friend's new car or truck. You know, "guy talk."
In other words, men and women have different ways of communicating. Women believe that most men have a huge weakness because of their inability to get in touch with their "inner world" of feelings and emotions. So if a man doesn't think much about his "inner world", how do you ever expect him to give you a clear answer about something as emotionally complex as your relationship?
But women often ask men about their feelings out of the blue and expect a great response about how much he cares about her. Hello! It's about as surprising as a traffic jam in rush hour that the answers men usually give in this situation aren't what the woman would want to hear. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect men to easily express their inner world.
The "Male" Role Let's talk about how and why men express their feelings differently from women.
The world around us plays a large part in how our "inner world" develops and how it is allowed to express itself. Our society has thousands of rules, manners, and other expected behaviors.
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If you look at the social rules for men, you'll see a ton of them aimed at keeping men from acknowledging or embracing their emotions. And forget about men expressing their emotions frankly and openly. It's an unspoken norm that men not do this openly. And only in the last several years has it become mainstream and OK for men to explore and communicate their deeper emotions and experiences.
There just weren't any books for men about relationships and their emotional world 10 years ago it was basically taboo.
From a young age most men are taught to restrain their emotions. Several studies show that mothers expose their infant daughters to a wider range of emotions than they do with their infant sons. Mothers also work harder to control and limit the emotional ups and downs of their sons.
Fathers play a part too. They may rough-house with their sons, but they interact on more emotional terms with their daughters.
As kids get older, both parents discourage sons from expressing vulnerable emotions but encourage daughters to do so.
Have you ever seen the situation where a guy won't admit to his friends that he has a girlfriend or a woman he's interested in?
What's going on here?
In most cases it's not just him being shy. Most men expect other men to avoid showing any emotional sensitivity or being in touch with their feelings, especially in a way in which women can relate. If a man shows this type of sensitivity, he's ridiculed by other men as not manly or masculine.
Men LOVE to do this with each other when they're hanging out together in groups. What's happening is that they're reinforcing the stereotypical social role of men as "tough" characters who have little inner-emotional experience.
It's as though men get to a place where they're largely ::: 15 :::.
unaffected emotionally by the outside world.
Can you say "unavailable?"...
Wake Up! And Change Your Perspective on Men Let's face it. Men suck when it comes to communicating feelings. They also tend to suck when it comes to being in intimate relationships. Most women can't understand why men are so unwilling to explore and commit. Let's face it. Men suck when it comes to communicating feelings. They also tend to suck when it comes to being in intimate relationships. Most women can't understand why men are so unwilling to explore and commit.
On the other hand, most men are driven nuts by women's constant emotional search for meaning in their interactions.
Men can't for the life of them understand why women experience the world this way. They see it all as unnecessary "drama."
It's the timeless battle of who's right: Are men emotional deadbeats or are women too emotionally charged (or as men would like to believe, hysterical)?
The reality is that no one's "right." What matters is that you're willing to do what it takes to make things work with men. Just like how most men need to wise up and realize that they need to take the time and figure out what works with women.
So, in the interest of what matters, here are some important truths: Truth #1: Changing your perspective about someone is the best way to help them change their perspective about you.
Truth #2: Nothing will change in your life until you change your own BEHAVIOR.
Truth #3: The ONLY way to actually change your behavior is to change your mindset or perspective.
So let's start with a shift in thinking about men.
Let me ask you a few questions about your man. Take a few minutes to think about them: ::: 16 :::.
* Is he emotionally available?
(In other words, does he openly and willingly connect with you? Does he respond to your emotional needs in a positive or supportive way?) * Does he openly share his feelings with you?
* Do you think he's happy "settling down", or do you think he still wants a few adventures on his own?
* Does he want a lover and a partner in life, or is he simply more interested in a lover to share the night with?