Claire continued, "It's documented, when people are forbidden something, once it's made available, they tend to overindulge."
His tone turned sultry. "Before it is made available, a person may dream of it, long for it, and fantasize about it. Especially if he once had it and knows how amazing it is."
"I don't recall availability being an issue for you."
His pulse quickened. If she only knew how close he was to being that person again. Not because he desired to harm her. On the contrary, his desires were totally and completely centered on pleasure-his and more importantly hers. Tony warned, "Be careful, Claire. That could be interpreted as an invitation."
She stood. "Then once again, you would be misinterpreting."
He stood and stepped toward her, yet she didn't move. Was it self-control or unabashed determination? Whatever she possessed flooded his system like no chemical aphrodisiac ever could. Though their bodies didn't touch, electricity sparked between them. The inches of separation were but a conductor for the energy that couldn't be contained. If he moved nearer, would they be burnt? His words came from somewhere deep in his throat. "I believe you want what I want, as much as I do."
"If you're suggesting I want you to leave, you're absolutely correct. If you're suggesting anything else, it couldn't be farther from the truth."
His head bowed slightly. Her words said one thing, but every ounce of her being said something else. Perhaps it was a subtle scent, the way her cheeks reddened, or the hardening of her nipples under the light shirt. He wasn't exactly sure, but Tony knew his desires were shared.
He wanted to kiss her and take her newfound boldness to the next level. How would it translate to their bed? Then he reminded himself that they no longer shared a bed or a life. As she lifted her chin and her lips neared his, Tony summoned all of his restraint to not bend and taste what was right in front of him. Instead of a kiss, he reached for her chin and bathed her cheeks in his warm, sensual breath. "You, my dear, have never been a good liar."
If he leaned forward, he'd be able to feel her hard nipples against his chest. Before he could move, she stepped back, sat, and crossed her arms over her chest.
"You're right. Your deceitfulness far exceeds my modest attempts at dishonesty. I bow down to your superior duplicity."
It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Tony worked unsuccessfully to hide his grin. She'd just confirmed she still had feelings. Exhaling, he retook his seat. Refusing to relinquish contact, he allowed their knees to touch.
"I know you have no reason to believe me, but I thought you should know why I came to California."
Her gaze was too innocent as she asked, "Why?"
He couldn't lie. "To take you back to Iowa."
Claire stared. Finally, a smile briefly fluttered across her lips. He wondered what it meant. She replied, "Well, since this time I have a choice, I'm going to say no."
Tony tried another route. "Catherine misses you."
"I miss her, too." With a hint of hesitation, Claire asked, "Does she believe that I tried to kill you?"
God, he hated this. It was just one of the many things he'd done to her, one of the many things he couldn't take back. The anguish in Claire's voice tugged at his heart. He couldn't tell her the truth, not now. If he told her that Catherine not only knew, she was also involved, it could alienate Claire forever. Trying to focus his thoughts, Tony carefully worded his response. It wasn't lying; it was more a minimization of facts. "I'm not sure. We've never discussed it. I know at first she was worried about me. Then once I was well, she was upset, but I don't know for sure if it was at you or at me. The subject's never come up."
"Then how do you know she misses me?"
"I just do. When word came of your pardon-"
Claire interrupted, "You were angry."
Red knocked at his thoughts-memories of his rage when Preston called, the impotency of not knowing her location. This time it was Tony who stood and paced, avoiding her gaze. Stopping at the large windows, the beautiful view was lost behind the impending veil of red. She was pushing him, testing him. He couldn't lose his temper; he wouldn't. He knew what he'd done to Claire-and so did she. If she were ever to trust him again, he needed to be honest. Perhaps someday the whole truth could be revealed, but Claire wasn't ready for everything, not yet.
Forcing restraint, he weighed his words and began. "I was. I admit, I was... stunned. Governor Preston informed me of your release two weeks after it occurred. I was angry at everyone: at you for being pardoned, at Jane Allyson for presenting the petition, at Governor Bosley for signing it. Hell, I was even mad at the clerk who filed it." He turned toward her, continuing to maintain control. She didn't turn away. The intensity of her stare frightened him as much as it exhilarated him. No one else in Tony's life had ever glared at him, not like Claire. He went on, "I finally figured out that the person I was the most upset with was me. For the first time in years-yes, more than three, you know that now-I'd lost track of you." His volume increased. "My God, you were gone!"
He waited as she remained silent. Only her stare intensified and prodded, as if she could see deep into his soul. The sudden vulnerability chilled his skin. Could she see his pain? Yes, he was responsible for her consequences and pain that she'd endured, but he had pain, too. With all his heart he wanted to make them both forget it all-the pain, the past, everything. Stepping toward her, he saw anxiety in her expression increase. His chest ached at the realization that she was frightened of him. He would do anything to change that.
Exhaling, he maintained his distance and forged ahead. "Damn it, Claire. Nothing has been the same without you. The house is just a big, empty hole."
"Tell me why," she demanded.
"Why is it empty? Because you're not there."
"No, Tony. Why did you do it to me? Why'd you set me up-worse, arrange my entire life to look as though I was after your money, setting you up for the kill? You know I continually told you I didn't care about the money. But everything, from the beginning, was manipulated to make me look guilty. Now you say you loved me. You don't do that to someone you love. Tell me why you did it."
"It isn't past tense, Claire. I still love you. And I thought you knew why."
"I want to hear it from you."
"What was in the box you said you received? What information did you think I revealed?"
Suddenly, he envisioned her in prison, receiving the package. It wasn't a thought he'd entertained before his dream. He'd convinced himself that prison was her fault, but now having her before him, he thought about the time she'd endured in a cell-months, a year. Thirteen days in her suite had nearly broken her. Damn, he deserved anything she said to him and anything she did with this newfound knowledge.
Her words rushed together, glued by years of suppression. "There were pictures, articles, and a letter. It explained that your birth name was Anton Rawls, and that you changed it after the death of your grandfather and parents."
Perspiration threatened to dampen his veneer, as his hidden past came rolling from her tongue. "Was it handwritten? Where is it? I'd like to see it."
"Yes, the note was handwritten. I thought it looked like your writing. It wasn't signed, but you never signed anything." Her fire-filled gaze disappeared as her eyes dropped to the floor. "You can't see it. I burned it."
His anxiety lifted as a relieved laugh escaped his lips. "You what?"
Her stare once again found its target as the intensity grew. "I burned it-all of it. I took it to the incinerator at the prison and watched it burn."
He couldn't believe his ears. "You're serious. You have no proof of anything you just said? You burned it." A smile momentarily flittered across his lips. "I don't know who sent it to you. I did confirm, today, that you received a box in October of last year. The prison said the return address was Emily's."
Claire nodded. "Yes, I assumed it was books or something."
"Burned it. Why?"
She shook her head. "I've asked myself that same question a thousand times. I believe it was a cleansing of sorts, my way of removing you from my life."
Tony smirked, "How's that working for you?"
Claire's grin filled his heart. It was more real than any last night, and he didn't want it to stop. "Not as well as I'd hoped." Looking about, she added, "I really do need to get ready for my lunch date. If we're done, I'd like you to leave."
Date? He didn't want to leave-ever. "I would like to ask you one more thing."
Claire nodded.
"Who was the expected recipient of that dazzling smile?"
Her head tilted and brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"When you first opened the door, your smile was earth-shaking. Who were you expecting?"
"A good friend."
Tony raised his eyebrows, but Claire didn't respond. A good friend. Could it be Harrison Baldwin? He would or could have a key; after all, he's Amber's brother. Or did someone else have a key?
Claire stood. "If you'll follow me; I'll show you to the door."
Tony followed. "I will not give up my quest." He wanted to be honest, too. He wanted her back in every way possible, by his side, united in everything.
When they reached the door, Claire said, "Please give Catherine my love. If you have truly changed, as you claim, you'll respect my decision. If that's the case, you're wasting your time."
"I have invested much more. One last thing," he paused as his words slowed. "Do not share your unsupported theories with anyone." He'd kept this part of his life hidden for years. The repercussions of it becoming public were too far reaching.
Claire's neck straightened. "I'm sorry. It's too late for that."
Though her words set off alarms, her proximity incited desires, pushing the warnings temporarily away. Wanting one last morsel of contact, Tony reached for her hand, lowered his lips to soft skin, and brushed her palm with the tips of his fingers. Despite her demeanor, her acceptance and arousal were evident. If he could just take her back to Iowa-there were so many things he wanted to do.
With her hand still in his, he warned, "Be careful. You don't want to disappoint me."
Her posture grew and her voice feigned strength. "That-is no longer my concern. Good-bye, Tony."
Nodding, Tony turned and strode through the door toward the elevator. Behind him, he heard Claire's door shut. The sound reverberated through the unoccupied hallway, returning the emptiness of the last fifteen months to his soul. Part of him wanted to turn around and tell her that, no matter what, she could never disappoint him.
Then he remembered her question, why? Why did he choose her? He lowered his head and debated the answer. It was because of the vendetta; she should have figured that out from the box. Tony knew in his heart that it was so much more. She was part of him. Maybe that was the real purpose of the vendetta: it brought them together in the most unlikely of circumstances. Fate. No matter of the why, the truth was that he needed her. He was incomplete without her, and he didn't want to live another moment without knowing she would once again be part of his life.
Suddenly, he turned on his heels and returned to her door. He would tell her!
Before he could knock, the crash of something breaking came through her door. Tony inclined his head and listened. With each passing minute of silence, his anxiety grew. What if she were hurt? He knew Amber was out of town. Claire might be injured and in need of help.
Tony reached for the handle, expecting it to be locked; however, it turned under his grasp. Hesitantly, he opened the door and slowly entered the foyer. Straining his ears, he heard only silence.
Walking in the opposite direction from the living room, he neared a partially open door. Pushing it wider, he found a bedroom. Immediately, he knew it was Claire's. It wasn't one thing in particular, although he did see a picture of Emily and John; the space was filled with her presence-her scent and her aura. Searching the room for his ex-wife, he allowed his fingers to touch the sheets of her unmade bed. Instantaneously, images of her sleeping upon this bed filled his thoughts-or better yet, not sleeping.
His loafers echoed on the wood floor of the silent condominium as he walked back toward the living room. When he turned the corner, he saw Claire was lying on the sofa, and on the table, was the small cell phone she'd put into her camisole. He picked it up. The screen was cracked. When he tried to access the numbers, nothing happened. Perhaps that was the sound he'd heard.
His heartbeat quickened. Tony knew that he should show himself out. Claire was all right, just sleeping. He should leave and not look back.
He couldn't. Though she wasn't speaking or moving, her presence pulled him closer. Her slightly parted lips looked perfect for kissing. Before he could stop himself, Tony knelt beside his ex-wife and touched his lips to hers. The decadent sweetness aroused him; he yearned to taste more than her lips. With her eyes still closed, Claire's body moved toward him. He expected her to tell him to leave; instead, a soft moan echoed throughout the condominium. The sound was magical, like a switch turning on the feelings and emotions he'd tried to hide.
Tony didn't know what was going to happen, but she looked wrong sleeping on the couch. Her bedroom was so close; he decided she needed to be in there.
"Claire, put your arms around my neck."
He waited. Would she respond? She moaned again with a slight shake of her head. Tony tried for another kiss. This time when their lips united, hers were no longer soft, but firm and puckered as they pushed against his. When her mouth parted slightly and her tongue searched for his, he couldn't control himself any longer. Conscious reasoning disappeared as primal instinct took over. Before he could repeat his demand, her arms encircled his neck, fanning the heat of his desire. His mouth searched for hers, hungry for more. This wasn't just him. He'd felt the mutual attraction earlier. They were both willingly surrendering. Claire's breasts heaved against his chest as her arms tightened their embrace. He gently lifted her from the sofa causing their lips to momentarily disengage.
The sound of her purring unrecognizable words as she nuzzled her cheek into his shirt made her room suddenly seem too far away. Tony wanted to ask if she were sure, if she wanted this as much as he did, yet, as he lowered her onto her bed, he feared her response. If he didn't ask, he could claim innocence. Gazing into her bedroom eyes, he slowly removed the clip from her hair and fanned the long brown tresses over her pillow. The scent of shampoo filled his senses, as her back arched and the most beautiful smile lit his world.
His fingers lingered at her collarbone as his lips found the sensitive skin of her neck. Piece by piece, he removed her clothing. At times he directed her movements, asking her to lift her arms or arch her back. Each command was met with compliance. When he lifted her camisole over her head, he watched as her pink nipples hardened before his eyes.
Tony couldn't stop his fingers from caressing the hard nubs. Claire's body responded as she pushed her breasts toward his hands and whimpered his name.
The sound of Claire speaking his name-dripped with need-threatened his resilience as he eased her soft pants over her hips and toward her ankles. Before he could remove them completely, Tony saw her panties and gasped. The small piece of black lace was Claire's ultimate display of independence. The panties both fascinated and intrigued him. Curiously, he encircled her hips with his large hands as his thumbs teased the small bow directly above his destination.
Lost in his own sensations, he didn't notice the change in Claire's breathing until he saw the goose bumps upon her skin. When he tore his eyes from the delicate lace, he saw her alarm. Tony couldn't comprehend the change; instead, he breathed deeply in anticipation and displayed a reassuring, devilish grin.
She sighed as her eyes mellowed, and she lifted her hips for him to remove the panties. When they slipped over her ankles, she said, "This isn't real. This is a dream."
"Do you want it to be a dream?"
She shook her head, and repeated, "It isn't real."
Tony smiled at her justification. There was no way this wasn't real. He'd dreamed about her, her scent, and the taste of her soft skin. He'd imagined her body and fantasized about her responses... this was all of that and more!
After he removed his clothes, he climbed upon the bed and watched her eyes for approval. Tony wanted this more than he wanted life, but he wouldn't take it from her unwillingly. He'd done that before and swore to never again. With her petite body radiating immense heat, he eased himself over her. The tips of her hardened nipples pressed against his chest as he lowered his lips once again to her shoulder.
"Please," was all Claire could seem to manage as his lips moved from shoulder to neck and down to her breasts. As he suckled each nipple, Claire's fingers wound through his hair and pulled his mouth tighter against her chest. When his lips moved past her flat stomach, her pleas became louder and less coherent. The scent of her arousal intoxicated Tony as he gently spread her legs.
"God, you are so amazing." He needed to hear her approval. If she denied him, he didn't know if he could stop, but he needed to know that this was consensual. "Are you sure?" Once again, he held himself above her body as their eyes made contact. "Claire, are you sure?"
"Oh, God, yes, please!"
She didn't need to repeat herself. His fingers delved as gasps and moans filled his ears. Her petite hands seized his shoulders as her body quivered at his touch. When the time came and they reunited, Tony couldn't remember anything, anytime, feeling so right.
Claire was his. He'd made terrible mistakes and done awful things, but as they moved in sync, he saw hope for a future. He told her over and over how beautiful she was, how magnificent she was, and how much he wanted her. He knew it wouldn't be easy-hell, he wasn't supposed to be seen with her in public-but it would be. He knew every inch of Claire, inside and out. He knew that the woman with him was there willingly. She may keep making comments about reality and dreams, but he understood. This was his dream, too.
Her time away hadn't changed the magnificent woman she was. She still excited him. Her hands, lips, and body could bring him to heights he'd never approached with anyone else. Her lack of inhibition proclaimed her newfound independence. She willingly pleased him while allowing him to fulfill her every fantasy. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. There was no question: in dream or reality, they belonged together.
After every desire was fulfilled and every height exceeded, they collapsed in each other's arms. Claire's breathing slowed as she nuzzled against his chest, and her fingers swirled through his chest hair. Within moments, she was sound asleep.
Tony lay with her for a while, drifting in and out of dreams. Maybe Claire was right. Maybe this wasn't real. As he held her sleeping body, he wondered if reality could truly be this amazing.
When he finally eased himself from her bed, he saw her black panties upon the floor. Picking them up, he fingered the delicate lace. He'd never imagined underwear could be so erotic. Inhaling her scent, he eased the panties back over her feet and up her sexy legs. Seeing her asleep, wearing only underwear made him hard again.
Tony shook his head. He was getting too old for this multiple-orgasm sex. Nevertheless, he couldn't deny his obvious arousal. He covered the panties with her soft pants. Surprisingly, she didn't wake as he dressed her. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy seeing her naked. It was that he needed to leave. If he didn't cover her, he wasn't sure he'd be able to walk through the door.
Once they were both clothed, she was sleeping soundly, and he was ready to leave. He brushed her lips with a light kiss. Claire didn't wake, but he watched as the tips of her lips turned upward, and she nuzzled into her pillow.
Perhaps this was wrong on many levels, yet as he walked from her room toward the door, wrong wasn't the feeling he entertained. They were both consenting adults. They could pretend it wasn't real, that their feelings didn't truly exist, but he would know and she would know that it was real and despite everything, they were and always would be one.
Tony made sure the door to her condominium was locked.
The wise man doesn't give the right answers, he poses the right questions.
-Claude Levi-Strauss Tony hadn't called home during his trip to California. He wasn't sure what to say. Had he called the night he and Claire dined, he would have laid Catherine out. Each moment his thoughts lingered on Claire's prison delivery, the darker the consuming crimson became. He didn't want to believe that it was Catherine, but yet, it had to be her. There truly were no other options.
While his mind searched for answers on the night of his and Claire's dinner sleep remained an elusive goal. Tony utilized his insomnia by messaging his contact at the Iowa State Penitentiary. Surprisingly, he received a quick response. Over the course of Claire's incarceration, she received multiple packages and letters. The senders of those mailings were constantly either a J. Findes-someone with a Chicago P.O. Box number-or Emily Vandersol. Initially, Emily's packages came from New York; later, they came from Indiana. One package, in October of 2012, had Emily's return address, handwritten-as opposed to her customary label-and the scanned image showed a Cedar Rapids postmark. Tony had no idea who J. Findes was, although he wanted to find out, but he believed the one from Cedar Rapids was the delivery that Claire mentioned. His mind went into overdrive, questioning the contents and intent.
Catherine had been so concerned when Tony altered the course of their plan. She warned that bringing Claire onto the estate was dangerous. She mentioned more than once that Claire was a liability they shouldn't have taken on, yet over time, she came around. Tony mused, it was Claire. She did that to people-penetrated shields and infiltrated thoughts. When Claire failed her final test, Catherine never gloated. On the contrary, she was as disappointed as Tony and was genuinely concerned about Tony's condition. Her actions to rid the estate of Claire's things were solely meant as an aid to help Tony deal with the situation.
He didn't agree, but he understood.
Then, when Tony learned from Claire that the box she received contained pictures, articles, and a letter explaining his change of name and association with his grandfather and parents, anger intermixed with curiosity.