Chapter 12: Decision
The piece of paper I took out of the coffin - the moment I touched it, memories came up at the back of my mind as clearly as if they were happening in front of me. Until partway through, they were my memories… and then once I fell down the stairs, they switched. Perhaps the memories of that person among the seven… the mastermind…
The next page we had been seeking was the scene of my death from reality. Down in the coffin before me was Miku, dressed as the Villager, sleeping peacefully… my own body.
“Hahah… You must be joking…”
They probably couldn’t hear me muttering to myself outside the door. It had become completely silent outside. The dream I saw this morning, no, very, very long ago now. That was my memory. It was me who died. The actress who came before me never had anything to do with it. Len twisted it into a story about her being a “ninth person,” which had never been the case, so that I wouldn’t realize I myself had died. And everyone followed his lead to act according to that ruse.
Certainly, there was a star actress in the company before I came along, who took many lead parts. And she did suddenly disappear one day. So I thought the one they sought to revive by acting out this crazed night wasn’t me, a novice, bumbling actress, but their talented friend. But as those seven told an inconceivable number of lies, fooled me and everyone, and had their minds suffer from it, they always believed in an outcome where I could live, and always reached out toward me.
A single person can’t make a play. Each person is there for the play, and the play is there for them. A phrase commonly spoken among the troupe. Their hearts were one for me, and for me, they endured an outrageously long time, the same night again and again, going mad, suffering. And yet, I…
“I” was a fake.
And this world, created to save me when I should have died, was a fake world. A world made because everyone wished for it. A world where that night was sealed away. I had to put them into a corner. If I’d not hesitated and just showed them the contents of the letter… If I hadn’t given up, and trusted them just a little bit more… If we had met halfway, maybe the future could have had a happy ending.
To start time again in reality, I would kill myself, the false me, so she couldn’t be revived anymore. That would end this world by the absence of the lead. That would end the sleep of the real bodies, and all eight of them could return to the moment before my death. If I stayed here forever… I would be able to just keep living in this world. Dying again and again here wouldn’t truly kill me. So I had to come to that True enD.
Unable to trust everyone, taken by suspicion, and driven mad… there had been nights when I killed them all by my own hand. It must have been frightening. Painful. To be killed in a play they were putting on for my sake, by the person they were trying to save… how… how sad it must have been.
With the confirmation that I was fated to die in reality, I now knew “I” was a fake. But I was still scared… scared to die. My hand holding the knife trembled. Just when I thought I’d finally made it… Everything I’d thought up to now was a nurturing world of kind lies. I was alone, all alone…
I couldn’t keep in the tears anymore. All this time, I’d been kindly, warmly protected by them all…
My ears slowly regained the lost sound. I thought it had suddenly gone quiet, but evidently I was just very deep in thought. I heard them shouting outside and ramming something against the door. They seemed intent to bust it down.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to my body, resting peacefully in the coffin.
With the hour hand of the clock, I gently cut open my left arm. With a bit of pain, there came fresh blood. Yes, injuring Kaito earlier had made me realize this method… I would use the blood as ink and the minute hand like a pen to write on the blank ending page. The pen fit easily in my hand, and moved smoothly.
So that this play wouldn’t repeat again, I wrote a dramatic ending, that would leave a tinge of transience - and take everyone outside this mansion. Unlike my trial with the wine, the thick blood lettering glowed shortly after it was written. I began to see the ceiling and walls twist inward from time to time. Order was leaving the story drawing near its end. It must have been because I’d accepted my death in reality.
I put the finished page at the end of the script, a perfect fit between the back cover and the last written page. The script gave off a pale light.
Thank you for everything, everyone… I’m glad I was able to be your friend in this magnificent night…
My body moved on its own, gripping the hour hand in both hands. I thrust it toward my left chest. Pain shot through me. It hurts… I can’t stand the pain…
“Dummy! Miku, you big dummyyyyy!!”
I thought I heard Luka and Rin screaming next to me. I’d wanted to at least see this last performance, but my vision started to get misty. Ah, the pain… Had it hurt this much when I died in reality? Or would it be just an instant, with no time for such pain? After I’d finally remembered, I’d just lost it again.
I saw a figure in my mostly-blind vision. Who’s that talking there…? It’s like I’m looking through a screen of fog. I reached out to try and push the fog away. I squeezed out the last of my energy. But the fog wouldn’t clear. My hand fell, lifeless, and was grabbed tight.
“We won’t let you die again!! We won’t…”
I have to die, or you can’t return to reality… I thought that, but I couldn’t speak it now.
“Everyone, hurry to the entrance! Hurry!!”
My body was lifted up and swayed slightly. Was I being carried? …It’s hot. There was the sound of fierce flames.
“Is everyone here?!”
“…We’ve had more than enough practice.”
I heard the creaking sound of an old door.
My senses blurred and sank. Ahh… maybe it’s been all those sleepless nights. It’s been so long. So very… sleepy…