Published at 11th of November 2020 10:39:52 AM
Chapter 29
I’m Actually Quite Selfish, You Know?
TL: PuffyPyjamas .
ED: Daemon .
It seems that I’ve gone and done something quite bold .
In the darkness, while listening to the sleeping Aoyagi-kun’s gentle breathing, I regretted the actions that I had taken . He seemed a little feverish, so I responded in a hurry . I treated Aoyagi like I would usually treat Emma when she would be feverish . But now I realize, this is complete overkill .
It is natural for Aoyagi to be baffled . He is currently sleeping while breathing stably .
It seems that my eyes are starting to get used to the darkness, and I can almost clearly see Aoyagi’s face if I bring myself closer to it . I don’t know why, but I brought my face closer to his .
Looking at him from this close, his eyelashes are… very long… They’re like that of a girl’s . His face is rather stern and nose is sharp . It’s a pity that his hair is a little on the rough side . Wouldn’t he be popular with the girls if he would just take care of his hair?
If he did that, then no one would speak badly of him in class .
Even today, he acted as the villain by his lonesome and took on everyone’s negative remarks . If one were to seriously consider it, Aoyagi is correct, but no one is trying to understand him .
No, Saionji was on Aoyagi’s side, so he must definitely realize . However, he didn’t take either side, remaining effectively neutral .
Therefore, he will not say anything even if he is on Aoyagi’s side . Observing from the sidelines, Aoyagi alone has been made into a bad guy . It’s an extremely sad sight to witness .
I may be thinking about this now, but I belong to the bystander group in the class as well .
I really wanted to tell everyone that he was right, but when I tried to defend Aoyagi, he stopped me by signalling with his eyes . Later, when I pursued the topic when we were alone, he just said, “It’s fine . A solution may have not been possible unless someone became a bad guy . If you were to intervene, your opinion would have split the class and it would have developed into a dispute . Even if I’m blamed at school, you don’t have to defend me . Akira will step in when I am really in some trouble . ”
I understood what Aoyagi was trying to say . If some of the others would’ve joined Aoyagi’s side by following me, there was a possibility that the opinions of the class would split into two and an argument would break out . Aoyagi seemed to hate that possibility and tried to get things sorted out comfortably by becoming a bad guy himself .
Everyone was saved at the cost of one person’s sacrifice .
It may sound good on the surface, but it is a very painful way of life . I wouldn’t be able to do the same . How awfully kind he is…
――Suddenly, I remember the exchange I had with Hanazawsensei at school today . It was when I asked about Aoyagi’s preferences .
“—Hmm? You’re asking about a manga genre that Aoyagi would enjoy? Why do you want to know about that?”
Hanazawsensei questioned me about my intentions when I visited her during the lunch break .
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“I’m thinking of recommending manga to him, but I don’t know what he would like, so please let me know . ”
“If that’s the case, then you should ask Saionji . He has a longer relationship with Aoyagi than I do, and naturally as his best friend, Saionji is more familiar with Aoyagi’s interests . ”
“T-That is…”
“Is there a reason you can’t ask him?”
I nodded in affirmation at Hanazawsensei’s question . Initially, I also thought of asking Saionji . However, I remembered that Aoyagi wanted us to keep our relationship secret, so I reconsidered it . If I were to ask about Aoyagi’s preferences, Saionji would definitely be suspicious of our relationship .
In that respect, Hanazawsensei is aware of our relationship, and it seems that she understands Aoyagi to a certain degree . She is the perfect person in this situation .
“Hmm, well… If I were to be honest… I’d recommend not recommending any manga to him . ”
“Could I ask the reason?”
“Would it be sufficient if I said that he is a realist to the core? He hates things that are unrealistic . He especially hates stories where happiness is obtained without any effort . ”
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“…I think that a person would normally prefer a story where the characters were happy…”
“That’s what happens normally… I think I’ve mentioned before, he has a vastly different perspective from the norm . Well, I can’t really elaborate, but many things happened in his past . So, if you really want to recommend him, a manga that is as close to reality as possible would be an optimal choice, preferably one where the result is fruitful because of the characters’ efforts . ”
I see, so a manga that is realistic and produces results thanks to efforts? If that’s the case, there are many candidates in my mind . It may be good to recommend a sports manga in particular . There are many sports manga that implement supernatural elements, but there are also many manga that emphasize reality and produce results thanks to the character’s efforts .
“—On the contrary, avoid those manga that have a depiction of a happy family . In the worst case scenario, he would end up avoiding you . ”
“Eh…?”
“No, it’s nothing . Anyway, it’s good to choose a manga that is realistic and produces results through effort . ”
While I was confused, Hanazawsensei turned her back on me and entered the staff room . The previous phrase seemed to imply Aoyagi hates a happy family . He is a very kind person, so I assumed that he was brought up by kind parents in a happy family . Was that assumption wrong…?
While I was worrying about what Hanazawsensei said, I forgot about the passage of time and continued to think about Aoyagi .
“Aoyagi-kun… How many burdens are you taking upon yourself?”
I ask Aoyagi, who is still sleeping with stable breathing, in a small voice . Did I manage to conceal that I was thinking about Aoyagi all day today? All things considered, he didn’t seem to have caught on . It would be painful if he started avoiding me because he noticed .
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…No, rather than all that, I should focus on his health for now . Although he looked fine, I was worried when his fever suddenly rose . If it gets worse, he who lives alone can’t be helped by anyone… A message came from Mother saying that she was going to stay overnight at work today as well, so it should be okay if I’m not at home, right…?
Since I don’t have the key to Aoyagi’s house, if I were to go home, Aoyagi’s house would be in a careless state with the door open . Therefore, this is a natural response .
――I made an excuse for someone invisible and decided to put into action what came to my mind .
First of all, I brought a futon for Emma from our apartment home and lay Emma in a separate room so that the cold does not spread . Then, I wrapped a towel around the ice pillow I brought from home and carefully placed it under Aoyagi’s head so as to not wake him up .
In addition, I placed a cooling patch on his forehead to lower the fever so that he could get better as soon as possible . After that, I had planned to wait by his side until he woke up .
…It’s strange . Although it has only been a few days since I met him, I couldn’t leave him be . Adding on to that, being near him makes me feel relieved . Aoyagi sure is a mysterious person .
…That may be the reason . What the hell am I thinking?
“Aoyagi-kun… I respect your decisions . However, if you’re having a hard time, I can’t hold myself back forever . I’m surprisingly selfish, you know?”
The good thing was that he couldn’t hear my voice while he was sleeping, so I was able to put my thoughts into words .