Published at 10th of January 2021 03:36:49 PM
Chapter 112
Chapter 112: Yearning to be a Hero
Yes, it was a very simple order .
To avoid putting the organization at risk because of one person’s feelings . Of course, Matia disapproved of those whose emotions were like fire . She wanted to avoid risking her entire foundation . I agreed with her to some extent .
Saint Matia said she wouldn’t allow anyone to be reckless during the negotiations with Belfein .
Ah, anyone, including the reckless me . Nevertheless, I knew I was an idiot who acted without much thinking . I only brought trouble to the people around me .
That was why…If I wanted to take some action, I had to do it on my own .
The darkness of the night filled the whole area and put the Earth to sleep . I gazed at the road ahead while moving my eyes . I put a piece of the chewing tobacco in my mouth and felt a pleasant scent passing through my nostrils . My horse’s hooves hit the cobblestone road in direction to the main gate of Garoua Maria .
There was no one around . Literally no one . When I thought deeply about it, I realized there had been a lot of noise around me lately . That would have been unthinkable in the past .
The strange tranquility of the night made my heart cool and calmed me down .
How nostalgic . How could I even remember this strange nostalgia? Yes, I was the only person who was “stuck” behind . A person who never reached the frontlines . I could not walk side by side with someone at all .
But, what about now? I had Caria, Filaret and Eldith walking side by side with me . This distorted situation was the existence I once envied and hated of the hero who walked side by side with them .
In addition, I did not forget the treatment I once received . They were my enemies . Yes, my natural enemies .
They trampled on me . They destroyed my dignity . I felt totally abandoned and neglected . Then, I felt hatred . My chest clearly remembered the hatred that ignited toward those heroes .
Ah, but now, I felt joy in this tiny heart . I felt fulfillment that burst my insides . A feeling of irresistible pleasure that made my skin itch .
The fact that someone recognized me as the hero I was envious before . Even tears overflowed at the edge of my eyes .
However, at the same time, I felt a trembling sensation in the depths of my heart .
The true nature of this tremor was my twisted self-esteem, which made me feel excited because of those who once despised me, recognized me now . In the end, I felt scared . I did not know what to do about my emotions . I was afraid that nothing would ever change in my life .
Yes, I wanted to change everything about my past . Some things did change, which made me feel happy but wary at the same time . However, my insides, what I truly felt about myself never really changed . I did remember the time when I used to guard the surroundings alone . That time took me away from reality as I comforted myself with the chewing tobacco . I would just sit there in the lookout and reminisce about what I wanted but did not have . Yes, day by day .
I knew that those people would eventually abandon me . Despised and banished by the people who now approved of my self-being .
I knew that very well . Even coming to the past was a big risk . I came here to search for a little bit of wisdom, and to gain a new purpose in life . I knew a little bit about the future, and it worked just fine . At least, until now .
However, I had to change in order to avoid the cycle of hatred .
Lagias, the old King of the Elves told me . “You have to trample on my own corpse and use it as a stepping-stone in order to move forward . ” I had to overcome my own obstacles in order to be responsible for my own choices . Only then, I could walk through the right path .
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Those were big words, and kept piercing through my heart every single day since then . A blood of impatience that filled my wound and created great confusion in my chest .
I was an unmistakable insignificant person . I knew it too well, and I swallowed that fact many times over .
However, I still wanted to do something . Yes, something relevant with my own life . I wanted to reach the heroes’ necks . I wanted to be seen as someone worthy . Yes, as someone who ignited “fire” in people’s hearts like true heroes .
In order to be in par with them…I had to become a hero myself .
Ah, what a faint dream . I felt ashamed of myself that I even strengthened my cheeks .
A hero, huh . A person like me . If I wanted to reach that faint dream, I would have to walk a thorny path . Yes, a path that would make my body full of scratches . I would have to shed blood and do what I could to deserve that almighty title . That is, if the average person like me even tried to reach the feet of heroes .
I sighed as I bit the chewing tobacco with my teeth . My breath was white because of the cold night .
If I wanted to reach the feet of heroes, then I mustn’t remain within the walls of Garoua Maria .
There was Caria, who had become a hero with the sword . There was Filaret who had become a hero by magic . Then, there was Matia, the hero of the Heraldic Order .
Who was I? I was sure that Garoua Maria wouldn’t fall so easily . But, if I didn’t do anything at all, then I wouldn’t be able to move forward . I didn’t want to follow the path of my past life anymore .
Indeed . If I stayed quietly in Garoua Maria, then they would do everything and take credit themselves . I was sure of it . Those heroes would be the ones to achieve glory and status .
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They were the heart behind the success of both Garoua Maria and the Hanging Gardens of Ghazalia . All I did was pull some strings, nothing else . Ah, what a disgusting feeling .
If that was the case, then I could not stay in Garoua Maria . I had to prove myself . To prove my worthiness, and in order to do that, I had to pursue my own path . Even if I was alone, I was a person capable of doing some things . However, I had to ask this pertinent question to myself . If I wasn’t a hero, then how could I become one?
Belfein, the mercenary city . I thought this could be a good opportunity to prove myself .
They were definitely underestimating us . They were looking down on us . That was why they approached us with an alliance plan . A plan to lure us in and cut our necks .
Of course, they were not stupid . They probably understood that it was not easy to form an alliance from day to night .
However, I knew that Belfein was trying to have the upper hand over Garoua Maria .
The idea was probably to make internal disagreements, incite them, and eventually break them down . It seemed that they were plotting to devour the giant elephant named Garoua Maria from within .
It was precisely why Matia instructed Ann to take care of internal adjustments . Matia clearly understood the enemy’s intentions .
What Belfein was most confident about was their armed forces . They knew that nobody would mess up with them out of the blue . That’s the reason why they were slowly trying to strangle our necks, because they felt they had power to do so . But, for me, even though they had the power to fight, they ended up choosing a disgusting way to fight .
A cold breath went through my throat . This icy cold cooled down my hot body . I kept thinking while approaching the end of the road with my horse .
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I recalled my past life, and…was “that” man the leader of Belfein? He was a fat man who looked down on people . I knew it well . True, I knew a lot about the city and that vicious man .
That was why this was such a good opportunity for me .
I was no one and I had no hero power in me . But, I had no choice but to do it on my own .
I bit my lips while rolling my eyes in the darkness . No problem . I was used to doing things by myself anyways . Rather, it seemed too abnormal to have much power around me until now .
I made up my mind . But, I felt something like a heavy iron weighing in my belly .
The mercenary city of Belfein, I shall get rid of it by myself this time . Failure meant that I would remain insignificant and unworthy forever . I would end up with the same empty body as I used to have in the past timeline .
I was prepared to die . I was willing to expose my corpse up to the end . When that time comes, then I would gladly die without bothering those around me .
I had to possess a clear resolve in order to become a hero . I did not know what Caria or Filaret would say when they heard this, but if they ended up going against me, then I shall bring them down along with me to the bottom of this Earth .
“…This story sort of became like the script of a play . I did not know if my story was just a foolish story or a masterpiece . ”
The moon appeared from the shadow of the clouds . Today, the light was strangely dazzling .
The sound of my horse’s hooves dominated the darkness of the night .