Chapter 297: Heaven-Damned Little Turtle, I Hate You!
“Y-y-you….” Despite wracking his brain, Bai Xiaochun couldn’t think of any comeback. This turtle was simply too hurtful. Virtually every word out of his mouth was an insult.
That was especially true of what he had just said. To say he was germophobic and didn’t want to talk to Bai Xiaochun was an obvious insult to Bai Xiaochun himself.
Rage burned in Bai Xiaochun’s eyes, and just when he was about to offer a response, the little turtle suddenly looked at him sympathetically. Shaking his head, he said, “Ah, some people have to be insulted really blatantly, otherwise they don’t realize they’re being insulted. Make things even slightly cerebral, and it takes them forever to realize they’re being taunted.”
Bai Xiaochun was on the verge of exploding.
“Sharp-tongued blowhard!!” he howled. “Bastard of a turtle! Y-y-you….”
However, the look of sympathy in the turtle’s eyes grew even deeper. Sighing, he casually said, “Finished with your self-introduction?”
The words crushed down onto Bai Xiaochun with the weight of Mount Tai, like lightning on a sunny day. Trembling as if he had been struck physically, he was literally at a loss for words. All of a sudden, he realized that in terms of ability to insult people, this little turtle existed on a different plane than him. It was like the difference between heaven and earth, or the difference between mortals and cultivators….
They were different worlds….
Bai Xiaochun wasn’t the only one who felt like that. The other cultivators of the two sects were all left gasping. They had never encountered someone who could speak so bitingly. Xu Xiaoshan’s eyes went wide as he stared at the little turtle. To him, it seemed almost godlike.
Beihan Lie felt the same way. He had never before seen Bai Xiaochun in such a predicament. Jia Lie was going wild with joy, and although Master God-Diviner looked shocked, inwardly, he was getting very excited.
Regardless, everyone had already decided that they would avoid talking to the little turtle at all costs….
Bai Xiaochun waved his hand, causing blood qi to explode out toward the little turtle. However, before the blood qi even reached it, the turtle suddenly shrank back into his shell. A bang rang out as the blood qi hit the shell, then faded away, leaving behind not even the tiniest scratch.
However, the turtle’s muffled voice could still be heard from inside the shell.
“Bursting with rage, yet empty inside. If you don’t vent a bit, you’ll end up dead. Listen up Bai, you little whippersnapper, Lord Turtle has some advice. Why don’t you go build a crystal wall for yourself? If you keep going down this path, it’s not healthy….”
Bai Xiaochun’s jaw dropped. He actually had no idea what the little turtle was talking about, but he was sure that it wasn’t anything good. The fact that he didn’t even understand how he was being insulted got him even more mad than before. Suddenly, he thought back to how the little turtle had just talked about people not understanding how they were being insulted.
“I’m gonna concoct you into a pill!!” Bai Xiaochun raged. Waving his right hand, he summoned a pill furnace, grabbed the turtle, and then threw it inside. Eyes bloodshot, he pulled out a pile of earthflame stones and immediately began to try to concoct the little turtle into a pill, right there on top of the blood sword.
Strange expressions could be seen on the faces of the surrounding cultivators. Considering how Bai Xiaochun almost seemed to have gone mad, though, none of them dared to interrupt him. Everyone edged back until they were about 300 meters away.
For the following few days, Bai Xiaochun concocted like mad. Soon, his hair was in disarray, and he felt like he was on the verge of exploding. However, no matter what methods he used, he couldn’t get the little turtle to melt. Occasionally, the little turtle would even hurl insults out from inside the furnace.
“You call this pill concocting? If you think this heat can melt Lord Turtle, you might as well stop dreaming. Look, whippersnapper, why don’t you try again after practicing cultivation for 10,000 years or so?!”
“Hey hey. Not bad! Not bad at all! You realized Lord Turtle was hungry, so you threw some spirit plants in for me to eat. Keep it up, whippersnapper. I’m starting to like you!”
“Add some heat! Come on, Lord Turtle is freezing here! Heat, man, I need heat!!”
Bai Xiaochun was descending into complete madness. He felt like he was about to collapse, and had a mind to simply throw the little turtle away. However, it was a valuable treasure that he had only acquired after suffering untold hardships. He couldn’t just give it up….
And yet, he couldn’t just allow things to go on the way they were. He continued to stew over the matter for two days, until he suddenly realized that the little turtle hadn’t said anything for quite some time.
“Hmm?” he muttered, looking surprised. Everyone else in the area was also astonished. They had actually gotten used to the little turtle’s voice recently, so the sudden silence seemed odd.
Feeling a bit suspicious, Bai Xiaochun cooled down the earthflame and opened the pill furnace to find that it was completely empty….
Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There were some turtle droppings inside….
However, the little turtle was nowhere to be seen. By means of some unknowable method, he had somehow disappeared into thin air.
A very unsightly expression could be seen on Bai Xiaochun’s face, especially when he looked at the turtle droppings. He really wanted to beat that turtle flat into the ground….
“Hmmph! Well, I’m glad he’s gone. I’ll just pretend I never even picked him up to begin with!” His heart was filled with many mixed emotions as he gritted his teeth and put his pill furnace away. Finally, the other cultivators felt comfortable enough to get a bit closer to the blood sword.
Another five days passed. Bai Xiaochun hadn’t seen a single trace of the little turtle, and had dismissed his disappearance from his mind. Although he was a bit disappointed at losing it, when he thought about his maddening way of talking, he realized that overall, the fact that he had fled was a good thing.
His mood gradually got better, and his spirits lifted. One afternoon, just when he was getting everyone ready to continue along through the front lines territory, a golden beam of light suddenly shot up into the air off in the distance.
At the same time, the aura of Heavenspan River water also exploded out in all directions. Heaven and earth began to tremble, and the sky distorted. Many of the blood clouds on the battlefield were swept away, and the Spirit Stream Sect’s white sun twisted, causing the black raven inside to tremble.
The Blood Stream Sect’s reserve power, the ghastly scarecrow, also began to tremble. The same thing happened to the Profound Stream Sect’s enormous city headquarters.
All patriarchs of the three sects who were currently in the Heavencraft Continent all turned their heads at the same time to see what was happening.
Bai Xiaochun was quite close to the golden light, and felt the vibrations even more acutely. That was especially true considering that he cultivated the Violet Qi Heavenspan Incantation, which was built upon the foundation of absorbing Heavenspan River water. Because of that, he was more in tune with the Heavenspan River than ordinary cultivators.
“That’s….” Bai Xiaochun gasped. The other cultivators around him were so shocked they were trembling. And that was when all of them, Bai Xiaochun included, saw…
Another beam shooting toward Bai Xiaochun from the expanding golden light.
As the beam of light got closer, a voice suddenly echoed out, “Dammit! You trifling little creature. Last time Lord Turtle took a nap, you were a wimp, and the nap before that, your dad was also a wimp!”
As soon as Bai Xiaochun heard that voice, he was shaken to the core, and his mind began to spin. It was obviously the voice of the damned little turtle.
Furthermore, it was now possible to see that within the majestic golden light was a gargantuan crocodile!!
It was at least 30,000 meters long, and completely golden. Its majesty was virtually impossible to describe, and it was clearly enraged, its roar echoing out louder than thunder from the heavens.
It was so angry that Bai Xiaochun could see how bloodshot its eyes were. He gasped, his scalp tingling so hard it felt like it would explode. This was the very same crocodile he had seen back when he was in the Qi Condensation stage, a terrifying entity that lived within the water of the Heavenspan River.
Before Bai Xiaochun could even react, the little turtle shot toward him with explosive speed. As he closed in, he sucked his extremities in, becoming a turtle shell that then disappeared into Bai Xiaochun’s bag of holding.
Bai Xiaochun looked up with wide eyes at the distant crocodile, which was currently staring at him angrily. Clearly, it recognized him…. When it realized that Bai Xiaochun was the master of the little turtle, it let out a shocking roar that caused the sky to dim, and a huge wind to kick up.
“Senior Goldcroc, I… I’m not the turtle’s master! Really, I’m not….”
He wanted to drag the turtle out of his bag of holding, but when he looked inside, he couldn’t find a single trace of him. There was no more time to think, as the terrifying crocodile was currently heading in his direction. A pair of wings popped out behind Bai Xiaochun as he fled at top speed.
On the verge of tears, he screamed, “Heaven-damned little turtle, I hate you!!”
The other cultivators had long since fled, and were sympathetically watching Bai Xiaochun from a distance….
Translator: Deathblade. Chinese language consultant: ASI a.k.a. Beerblade. Editor: GNE. Memes: Logan. Tocsin. Transcendent Patrons: Daoist Elder N, BLE, ttre208. . .