When the two of us arrived at the station near home, his phone suddenly rang. He fished it out from the pocket of his coat, took a glimpse at who it was, then tucked it back in. I reached into his pocket and took the phone out, pressed the button to answer the call, then held it up against his ear.
He looked down to glare at me, then reluctantly answered, "Mum."
Silence dwelt on us for more than five minutes. In the noisy subway, I could barely hear the words which sounded like 'die', 'leave' and other short words that were rich in colour. It may have been because I did a lot of homework regarding sentence construction when I was in grade school, and basing it on the way his mum usually behaves, I've constructed some sentences from the phrases I've just heard: "You have to make that damn woman leave! Either I die or she leaves! I'll just die if she won't leave………alright then." When I was a kid, the teacher would often mark me with an X as my sentence construction was different from that of other kids.
In the end, I heard Jiang Chen say, "I won't listen to you, so be it, I'm busy right now."
I just want to make a side comment, if I would talk to my mom like that, she would probably shove me back inside her womb, drown me in amniotic fluid, then strangle me using an umbilical cord.
Jiang Chen seems furious, after he hung up the call, and shoved the phone inside my coat pocket, he never uttered a single word again.
I touched the phone that was inside my pocket and apprehension blossomed in my heart: Should I remind him that this is his phone? Will he fly into a rage out of humiliation and say he doesn't need a phone? Then it would be convenient to me who has the intention of wanting to change my phone.
As we were idling in the station, I kept on pushing Jiang Chen to finally say something. He took my hand and followed the surge of the crowd who were alighting. We were almost overwhelmed by the crowd at one time so Jiang Chen simply pulled me, and locked me inside his arms as we walked forward. When we finally escaped with great difficulty from the subway, Jiang Chen released me, heaving a sigh, "It's difficult without a car."
I teased him, "Young Master, how long has it been since you've taken the subway? I've never seen you complain back when we were in university."
He replied indifferently, "If I wasn't around during university, who knows how many times you'll find yourself crying in the bus and subway."
I couldn't help but pull on his sleeves, my fingers tightly clutching unto it.
We were from a small town and came to the city to study in a university. In our town, when you amble down the street, there would be simple-minded and honest uncles who are all smiles, riding their motorcycles that are attached with some sort of cart, asking you, "Child, where are you going?" Hence, when I went to university and saw the cobweb-like bus and subway system, I just felt stupid. So no matter where I go, I'd just follow Jiang Chen around. He was responsible for taking me back and forth in those complex bus and subway routes. I never had to think about which line I should take to get there, or worry about taking one that was going to a wrong direction.
When I was just starting my work after graduating, one day he especially took me on a lot of bus and subway rides — from the hospital he was interning to the place where I live, from my place to my company, and again from my company to where he was interning. He even made a mnemonic chant for me to learn by heart, 'hospital – company, cross the street 304, home – company, cross the street 507, home – hospital, cross the street 216', he told me I also have to remember, if the places in the mnemonics are the same but are written reversed in the bus, then I don't have to cross the road. I said, I got it, I'm not that stupid. Even though I claimed to have already known, but I occasionally still take the wrong one. When that happens, I'd just casually look for a bus stop to get off, then make a telephone call to Jiang Chen, a call that was like me spitting on his face if he were around, asking him to bring me back.
Later on, we broke up. I changed companies and residence. I very carefully and prudently documented every single line and route on my notebook, but I still kept on taking the wrong one again and again. There was once when I went home from working overtime, as soon as I got on the bus, I held unto the pole then started to doze off, when I woke up and found out that the bus has already passed by my stop without me knowing, I fished out my phone in a moment of desperation, wanting to call Jiang Chen to come and save me. Only when I was pressing down on the keys did I suddenly come to my senses, I just started bawling madly while holding unto the pole. Anyone who was there but wasn’t privy to what really happened to me, would think that I was the biological mother of that pole, and has been separated from it for many years.
At that time, I was standing next to a girl who dyed her hair like the rainbow after the rain during the summer. She was chewing her gum and looked at me compassionately, saying, "Are you all right? Does it hurt anywhere?" I said, "I took the wrong bus." After she heard it, there was a blank look on her face, then she cried out, "You caused me to swallow down my gum."
After that, I also had a blank look on my face, then I continued crying, the kind of crying wherein both tears and snot were running down my face. I said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you to swallow down your gum, how about I compensate you with another piece of gum? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take the wrong bus. I'm sorry, I remembered just now that I really don't have anyone I can rely on. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I'm sorry, don't be scared of me, I'm really not crazy.
When that Rainbow Girl heard the word "crazy", she silently moved a few steps to the side. Upon reaching the next bus stop, she just pried the doors that still weren't fully opened, and dashed out.
I heaved a sigh, if only time could go back to that moment. I really want to calmly and even-temperedly give an explanation to that Rainbow Girl, explain my sudden helplessness, explain my sudden wistful longing, explain that I'm really not crazy…….
In life, sometimes it gets difficult to gauge things — which is more painful, to have never obtained it or to obtain it and then lose it? I loosened Jiang Chen's cuffs then grabbed his pinky finger, swaying it twice.
Jiang Chen put his other hand over mine, slightly gripping it, "Stop swaying."
My mouth twitched.
I turned my head and saw that there were roasted sweet potatoes being sold by the roadside, "Look, roasted sweet potatoes."
"Oh." He said.
I dug in my heels, refusing to pass by it, "I want to eat."
"Not clean, causes cancer." He said.
I clearly saw that the facial expression of the uncle roasting the sweet potatoes turn stiff, judging by the way he was tending to the the hot coals, I had no choice but to quickly pinch the flesh on Jiang Chen's arm, wringing it around, saying, "What kind of nonsense, it smells delicious, you're going to buy sweet potatoes for me this instant."
When I was a kid, and gets complained for having beaten up another kid, my mum would quickly rush over, to scold me, and beat me up before the other kid's mum could open her mouth. She call it, 'strike first to gain the upper hand', this way the kid's mum would be embarrassed to say more. On the contrary, I think they're not opening their mouths in fear of fueling my mum's temper which would consequently make my mum lose her senses, and accidentally kill me……..
Jiang Chen turned to me with a look of incredulity, I think he didn't expect the me who was so tender, that when pinched, water would come out, was also domestically violent.
I glared at him viciously, "Buy me sweet potatoes!"
"Buying then buying, no need to be so unhinged." He mumbled to himself while fishing out his wallet. "Boss, give me two roasted sweet potatoes please."
The boss wrapped two sweet potatoes in a paper bag, and handed them over. Lastly, he didn't forget to stress a few words, "Eating my sweet potatoes strengthens one's body, causing cancer is just nonsense."
Jiang Chen looked surprised, then recovered with a smile, saying, "Sorry, just now I was only trying to scare my girlfriend."
After receiving the piping hot sweet potatoes, I insisted on eating them while walking. Jiang Chen said, "You want to eat them right now? Then stay away from me, I don't want anyone to know that I know you."
As soon as I peeled the sweet potato off its skin, a whiff of delicious steam rushed into my nose, while a mouthful of bite had my mouth exclusively filled with the lingering, dense aroma of the sweet potato.
I lifted the sweet potato towards Jiang Chen's mouth, "It's so good, give it a try."
He evaded, and gave me a look, "I thought I already made it clear that I won't?"
"Just one bite." I persuaded him. "It's really good, if you won't try it now, you'll spend the rest of your life regretting this decision, trust me."
He was unable to resist me, and was ultimately forced to take a bite, only that this bite took a big chunk of my sweet potato………I, this old mother, is truly regretting to death.
The journey going home would roughly take only around 10 minutes at most, but because I've also been eating sweet potatoes, we still haven't reached the community gates though we've already been walking for over 20 minutes. Jiang Chen was furious, saying, "You can go eat by yourself, when you're done, remember to go home." Afterwards, he stormed home.
I finished eating the sweet potatoes downstairs wearing a contented, happy smile. The entire time, on the third floor, Mrs. Huang's daughter was rolling on the ground, saying "Mum, I want to eat her sweet potato."
My bad, my bad.
When I got home, Jiang Chen was watching a game. I pounced on him, then beat him up "I allowed you to throw me aside then you ran off!"
He didn't avoid, nor dodge, laughing as he let me pinch him, and bite him, "In any case you would definitely follow and catch up no matter what."
This feeling of being eaten up is what people call 'helplessness'. But what can I do? Perhaps the so-called romance only has that kind of mood, the kind where there's no other option but for the spirit to be strong but the flesh to be weak. The sweetness of good fortune, and the sadness of bad fortune.
I was resting my head on Jiang Chen's lap, my fingers were caressing his chin. I didn't think that his face which seems clean-shaven actually has stubble. It felt prickly but it couldn't prick, making me feel like a kid once again when I secretly opened my dad's toolbox, and felt the sandpaper my dad has used till it was worn.
Jiang Chen lowered his gaze from the TV down to my face, after looking at me thoughtfully for a while, he said, "Lying down like this, your face looks very big."
I remember that there was a saying which goes, if a man likes a woman very much, he can't help but want to bully her, looking at her crying face, he'd be able to get some sort of inexplicable, sick satisfaction. From now on, I've decided to stick with this saying throughout my life, without wavering, otherwise the coming days would really be impossible to go by.