Published at 31st of October 2020 08:15:45 PM
Chapter 19
Translator: Mamuni
Once, there were a couple out of many that were blessed by an engagement . A husband and wife for the Caprisky Family . Several years have passed, but there was a large problem between their engagement . The lack of an heir .
Some may say that the mission of the husband and wife is to fulfil the task of giving birth to an heir and continuing the Count Caprisky Family, but unfortunately, no matter how many nights of working, they were not blessed with a child .
One option that was whispered about, was having concubine, but the husband, Count Caprisky, despised that idea .
After the situation continued for another 3 years, finally . . . a stork brought a baby to the couple .
And that baby was me, Cosmos . Cosmos Caprisky .
My mother said that as a baby, I was so adorable, that everything will treat me dearly .
However, the world isn’t so soft .
The Count Caprisky Family has been known for their martial arts, and the successor is always a man .
However the long awaited child was a girl . This became a new source of distress for the family .
There was little hope for another child, and for them to be the long awaited treasure . So my father drew to one conclusion . If he won’t have a son, then he’ll have to raise the daughter to be one .
To be more precise, I was never allowed to act like a woman . To be pushed and live as a strong man . To be the ideal son of the Caprisky Family .
That was the curse that bound me .
I grew up rather mischievous, perhaps because of my circumstance .
I wonder if it was around my 8th birthday that I began to feel uncomfortable with myself . It all started when I met one of my best friends, one who I’d have a long relationship with .
In front of me, was somebody who was always the interest of the boys . One that truly fit the image of a fine lady .
The reason I met her, the one called Margaret, was related to my father’s intention to have my interaction with her refine my manliness .
However contrary to my father’s intentions, emotions that I could not understand began to spring up in me .
What made a strong impression at the time, was the smooth and well maintained hair .
As a countess, I have mastered the minimum of proper grooming, but the act of polishing myself as a woman was a different kind of thing .
From that day on, hair care became my secret hobby . It was my small rebellion from my restrained maiden’s heart .
There were some minor changes as I grew up, but I continued to live up to my father’s expectation .
However that feeling of strangeness that I got, gradually spread as I grew up . It eroded into my heart like acid, and shook my ego .
My father didn’t seem to notice, but perhaps from that time on, my mother had begun to notice my anguish .
My father took me to a high class banquet held in a mansion one day . It was then my destiny changed .
Black tie, and a suit, expected of the only son from the Caprisky family, I went as usual . Everyone who saw me thought I was just a boy .
To be precise, I was never out to misrepresent my gender, but . . . I think that I was manipulated, because everyone, especially my relatives, continued to treat me as a man .
Peer pressure can be a horror not easily understood . It was a daily treatment, but while I was in the middle of my puberty, my discomfort only grew .
That’s why I chose to recuse myself to the corner of the venue .
Taking a moment to myself, until a sigh reached my ear . . . then somebody began to talk to me .
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“Onee-san, you look awfully lovely . ”
I turned my face towards the voice .
There was a girl with a neat doll-like face . She had a sense of youth . Probably a few years younger than me .
It took me a while to process what she said . I had my doubts .
“Onee . . . -san? Are you talking to me?”
“ . . . Yeah that’s right? Because Onee-san is so cute, I unintentionally called out . ”
She answered my question, and it immediately moved my heart . That one word sharply pierced the discomfort that I had been holding inside for a long time .
“I’m cute . . ?”
“Yeah . And your hair is so silky, it’s really lovely . ”
“ . . !”
I was praised for my hair, it was a joy that I never experienced as it ran through my whole body .
As a maiden, my true self, that had been contained for all this time, was then unleashed .
Just the casual words from this girl, made me truly realize myself .
After that, we continued to talk, but I ended up blushing like a maiden everytime she treated me like a girl . I was trembling with happiness .
I felt butterflies, I was like a maiden who fell in love .
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“Onee-sama~ Onee-sama, where are you?”
There was a voice coming from the distance . Seems like she was looking for someone . After hearing that, the doll faced girl lightly, put her tongue out and then opened her mouth to say goodbye to me .
Before that, I involuntarily asked . Asked the one person who treated me like a girl .
“Who . . . Who am I? Should I continue to just behave like a man?”
I immediately froze and went pale .
I just asked somebody, who didn’t even know me that . Why am I bothering her?
Realizing that, I immediately hurried to try and cover that up . However before that could happen, she simply tilted her head, and returned with a question .
“ . . . Is that really that important? Onee-san is Onee-san . Don’t let others decide for you . You know yourself best . ”
That’s all she said .
She simply called me “Onee-san” because she didn’t even know my name . But her calling me that held so much meaning to it .
Her words echoed in my heart . They were really important to me . It’s important to be yourself and accept who you truly are . Live freely . That is what is important .
Before I knew it, tears were collecting around my eyes .
I quickly tried to thank the girl, but by the time it finished processing for me, she was already gone .
One day I will properly thank her . I made that promise to myself as I looked at where she once was, and smiled to myself .
I would like to continue to behave like a gentleman, be dignified as my father has been aiming for .
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However, I won’t be holding my maiden inside anymore . I won’t cut off either . Because both are me .
I went to enroll in Manjurika Academy when it came time to choose . A few days later, I told my parents .
My mother had a frightened expression, however it turned into a gentle one as she stared at her only daughter .
My father on the other hand was upset and angry, but I refused to change my mind . After that, I desperately told my father what I really wanted to do . It was a steep road for reconciliation, but . . . It’s a long story that can just be ignored for now .
It’s been a year since I entered Manjurika Academy . It was there I reunited with Margaret . We began to act together, and even ran for student council together . She was talking about something as I absentmindedly reminisce on the past . It was then when she changed the subject .
“By the way, Cosmos, You’re much more attractive then how you were in the past, it’s a little sickening, but you are getting more and more cool . ”
“Fufufu, is that so?”
Since that day, my destiny has changed, the love I have I cherish in my heart . I remember those feelings for the young girl who said I was cute for the first time in my life .
Her memory had freed me . It was the same in romance . The fact that the person I fell in love was the same sex, is arbritary .
I have a wish, I swore on it many times .
If I ever have my fateful reunion someday, I would like to return the favor and make her happy as a thank you . That to the best of my ability .
“Haah . . . Cosmos , are you listening to me?”
“Sorry sorry . ”
I apologized to Margaret with a carefree smile .
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