I wanted to spit in his face again. He was patronizing me. I couldn't care less what these people thought of my plan.
"But we've been tracking your movements for a long time," he admitted. "We were prepared for something like this. You could even say we were expecting it. Especially given the way you look at her."
I thought about the memories they'd stolen. All the times she'd looked into my eyes and felt something. Each one of those moments was now stored in an encrypted pod in a server room somewhere.
The idea made nauseated me.
"You knew I was going to see her," I said. "For months. Why didn't you ever tell me to stop? Why did you keep erasing her memories of it?"
Rio nodded. "At first that option was discussed. As was altering your memories. But we eventually decided to let it play its course. It was an interesting turn of events. One that made for a nice addition to the data we were collecting for this project."
His answer made my blood boil. The fact that I was just another pawn in their game. Another variable in their equation.
"What is the project?" I growled. "What is she?"
"She's a synthetically engineered human being, with the most advanced genetic code in history. A scientific miracle."
I was actually surprised by how candid he was. If that was even the truth. "What do you plan to do with her?"
Dr. Rio smiled. "I'm afraid I can't divulge that."
So much for candidness.
"She's not like us," I stated somberly.
"No," Dr. Rio confirmed. "She's not. She's everything we want to be. Fast. Strong. Smart. Beautiful. Healthy."
"And you created her?"
He almost looked proud at the question. It made me want to punch the smirk right off his stupid smug face. "I did. After many failed attempts."
"So, what?" I asked. "You're going to tell me the truth about all of this and then wipe it from my memory? Just like you did with her countless times? That's why I'm in here, isn't it?"
"You're in here because it's protocol. You saw something you weren't supposed to see. But I've already dismissed the Memory Coder on staff tonight."
"Why?"
"Because I thought I would try to talk to you, Lyzender," Rio said, growing impatient. "You're a scientist, like me."
"I'm nothing like you."
His lips pursed as though he were about to argue, but instead he continued where he left off. "I've seen what you can do. Your little inventions are extraordinary. You have your mother's brain. I'd rather not tamper with it by coding in a new set of memories. I'd rather we try to come to an agreement."
I scoffed at this. "An agreement that involves me never speaking to her again?"
"Naturally."
"Forget it," I spat.
"You love her." Rio's voice had dropped to a near whisper. It took me aback. Not only the tone, but the words themselves. And how easily they flowed from his lips. It wasn't a question. It was a fact. A universal truth.
He was right. I did love her. But I remained stoically silent.
"It's an illusion," he remarked. "You only think you love her. She's designed that way. To make people fall in love with her. It's like these wall screens. We can program them to look beautiful and serene. We can make you feel something when you look at them. But it's not real."
"It's real," I grumbled, and immediately regretted it. There was no use arguing with Dr. Rio. He would never understand what Seraphina and I had. And he wasn't worth the effort of trying to explain it.
But I was too emotional to keep quiet.
"I don't love her because she's beautiful."
Rio looked interested. He tilted his head to the side, as if encouraging me to continue.
"I love her because she's her."
"Strong and intelligent and flawless?" he ventured with a smirk.
I shook my head. "No. I mean, yes, she's all those things. But she's also vulnerable and nave and tragically flawed. She's the ultimate contradiction. You think you made someone perfect, but in doing that, you made someone so, so imperfect."
The smirk instantly vanished from Dr. Rio's face. I'd insulted him. His creation. His life's work.
I felt a small surge of victory in my chest.
He stood up, clearly irritated. "Look, Lyzender. One transmission and I can get the Memory Coder back in here. Is that what you want?"
I glared up at him, my eyes challenging his. "What does it matter what I want? You're just going to do what you want anyway."
"I want you to stop." Rio's voice was back to its stern, even tone. "Stop seeing her. Stop filling her mind with thoughts and ideas. You'd be better off forgetting about her."
"Not gonna happen," I vowed. "Unless you or Dr. Alixter get in there and scrape the memories out of my mind, I won't be able to forget her. And even then, I'm not sure it would work."
Suddenly the chair Rio was sitting in went flying across the room, startling me. I hadn't even realized he'd kicked it until it was smashing against the wall screen. "Don't you get it?" he bellowed. "This goes beyond me! Beyond Alixter! You don't know what you're getting yourself into, Lyzender. She's not one of your little freedom missions! She's a trillion-dollar investment. I should erase your memories just to protect you from the consequences of getting in the way."
"Then do it!" I yelled back at him, my eyes and throat and chest on fire. "Do it already. Take everything! Stop threatening me and just glitching take it all."
Rio lowered his head, defeated. "I can't."
"You can't?" I repeated in disbelief. I'd never heard a Diotech scientist ever use those words before. That was not the mantra of this compound.
He struggled for words, looking distraught. "Your mother. She asked me to look out for you before she left. She would be livid." He took a deep breath, seemingly lost in thought. "After the last time..." His voice trailed off and I could tell he'd spoken more than he'd intended.
My eyes narrowed. "The last time?"
He offered me a smile that was faker than the scenery these walls projected. "I need you to forget Seraphina. I may not be able to erase her from your mind, but I can beseech you to trust me."
I snorted at this. "You've got a lot of nerve asking for trust."
I studied Rio's reaction carefully. A flash of something that could almost be described as pain flickered on his face, disappearing a nanosecond later. "If you can't trust me, then I can't protect you."
"Maybe I don't need your protection."
Rio moved toward the exit, slowly shaking his head. "You have no idea what you need, Lyzender."
As soon as the door sealed shut behind him, the screens flickered back to life, filling the room once again with a warm sunset.
I didn't know what was going to happen next. He said he wouldn't-or, rather couldn't-recode my memories, but he also hadn't bothered to release me.
So what was I still doing here?
A moment later, I felt the sharp prick of a needle stab into the back of my neck. As my eyelids started to droop and I slipped into the looming darkness, I focused on the sunset that surrounded me. A picturesque view of somewhere far, far away. Somewhere without Diotech. Without Memory Coders. Without compound walls. I tried to imagine a life inside that illusion. A peaceful, serene world where a sunset like this was the only miracle to be found.
14: Cut.
I woke up in my bed feeling groggy. My vision was shrouded in an unsettling white mist. I sat up and took inventory of my memories. I fought to remember how I'd gotten there, what had happened the night before. And slowly, reassuringly, everything came back to me.
The failed escape plan. Seraphina's face as they took her. My conversation with Rio. Even the needle piercing my skin, putting me to sleep.
They didn't take it.
They didn't take anything.
Although just the fact that I thought to check my own brain was proof enough. If they'd recoded my memories, I wouldn't have had any inclination to verify that they were intact.
But still, I found it strange.
Why not recode me? Rio clearly didn't want me to have anything to do with his little science experiment. He filled my system with the same poison they used on their other memory victims-I was fairly sure that's what the needle prick was-but then they left my mind intact. They clearly only used it to sedate me so they could bring me here.
Perhaps to instill some kind of fear in me? To let me know that they could take whatever they wanted? That they had the ability to manipulate me, too, just like they do with everyone else on this godforsaken compound?
Just like they clearly did to Sera last night after she was taken away?
I heard what Dr. Rio said to Director Raze. Full restoration.
The reality sank into my heart like a heavy stone.
They would erase me.
She would not remember me. Or the escape. Or anything.
I would have to start all over...again.
I attempted to reassure myself that it didn't matter. That I'd done it numerous times before. That no matter what they took from her, she would always remember me somehow. In some deep part of her soul. I simply needed to reawaken that part.
I simply needed to remind her.
Still, it wasn't ideal. It was never ideal. It would never be ideal as long as she was here. As long as she was a prisoner of this place.
For so many years, I considered myself the prisoner. I griped and fought and rebelled against the invisible chains that kept me here, just because I had a mother who valued science over anything else. And a father who couldn't deal with her choices.
But Seraphina was the real victim. Worse than any of the rabbits or nanocams or vaporous gases I could ever release into the wild.
And I was now more convinced than ever that I had to set her free.
That I wouldn't stop until she was safely away from here.
I went to school like it was any other day. I studied hard. I behaved well. I didn't let on that anything had happened the night before. If anything, I'd want my teacher to report back to Dr. Rio that I'd been a good little boy today. Maybe then he'd believe that he had gotten through to me. The last thing I needed was a suspicious Havin Rio on my case.
I waited until nightfall before slipping out of the house.
As expected, there was nothing buried under the bench in Seraphina's yard. She didn't remember me.
That was okay. Tonight, I didn't need her to fall in love with me all over again. I just needed her to trust me enough to let me try what I came here to try.
It took a few hours of coaxing, recounting some of the highlights of our past together, before something flickered in her eyes. A flash of recognition. It occurred when I recited the poem. "Sonnet 116." It had become her favorite.
I made a mental note to remember that.
Something about that poem was imprinted on her soul. Not to be erased by any Diotech Memory Coder. No matter what they did to her brain.
"You..." she said warily, almost afraid of her own voice.
"Yes," I assured her. "Lyzender."
She shook her head, as though trying to shake away cobwebs.
"But you like to call me Zen."
This did something. Her mouth fell open. I could almost see the neural pathways connecting in her brain. Or at least trying. I knew they would never actually find a way to reach one another. Her recollection of me always came from somewhere else. Somewhere deep within.
"Sera," I said urgently, "I don't have a lot of time before your fath-before Dr. Rio gets back. But I need to try something. I need you to let me try something."
She nodded, still in a slight daze.
I swallowed hard. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. In fact, it would be downright impossible. How could I possibly do something that would cause her pain? Would I even be able to go through with it?
I willed myself to continue. I was doing it for her. I was doing it to set her free.
"Let me see your wrist."
Hesitantly, she proffered her right arm. But I shook my head. "The other one."
She swapped them out. I shuddered upon seeing the mark-the tracking device, as Rio had explained. I pulled the laser knife I'd swiped from the kitchen out of my pocket. My hands trembled.