"At peace," I answered.
"Like you."
I shook my head, still confused.
"Lyzender."
Hearing my name on her tongue nearly made me lose my balance.
"Are you saying I'm at peace?" I asked, a doubtful grin on my still-tingling lips. If anything I was the opposite. I was always angry. Always frustrated. Always disturbing the peace. Ask any authoritative figure on this compound.
"I'm saying you make me feel at peace."
I closed my eyes, soaking in her words, her sweet voice. And that's when I realized that she had never seen that other part of me. She didn't know that angry, bitter person who terrorized the compound. Because whenever I was here, that part of me simply ceased to exist. It evaporated into the parched desert air. I was a better person here with her.
A zen person.
The memory of my mother's departure flashed through my mind.
"However long it takes."
Those were my mother's last words to me. And I heard them ringing in my ears as I reluctantly left Seraphina alone on the porch and disappeared back into the dark night.
They were true for me, too.
I made a promise to myself that night. One that I swore I would keep no matter what happened.
I would protect her.
I would take her away from this place. I would set her free.
However long it took.
11: Convincing.
Seraphina looked out of place in Paris. She was too beautiful. Too inquisitive. She walked down the Avenue de l'Opera, gazing wide-eyed into every shop window, gawking incredulously at every passing pedestrian. She was more than a tourist in the city. She was a tourist on the planet. And watching her stare in amazement at the grand opera house at the end of the street, I had the unsettling feeling that she would stand out no matter where she went. That her adorable awkwardness would attract attention everywhere we tried to hide.
But I couldn't let that stop me.
I would just have to teach her to blend.
Fortunately, none of the people shuffling past her on the avenue right now knew she existed. At least not yet.
They weren't real.
If they were, they might be stopping to gawk at her, too.
I tapped at my DigiSlate, accessing another projection. "This is the state of Colorado," I explained as the Paris street slowly faded. The gray overcast sky dissolved, brightening into a gorgeous clear blue painted sky. The two-hundred-year-old buildings dispersed, leaving behind a scattering of snowcapped mountains. A hawk flew right over our heads.
Seraphina gasped and ducked, still not grasping the essence of the technology.
Although I had to admit, it looked terrifyingly real. Like we were literally standing on the peak of an enormous mountain. I almost felt as though I could bend down and scoop up a handful of powdery snow and it would feel cold and wet in my hand.
I'd never used this program before. I always thought it was kind of amateur. Why digitally project yourself into another world? Doesn't that only intensify your longing to leave this one?
But now it was a necessity. I had to make her understand. I had to show her that there was an entire world outside these compound walls. Outside her own wall. And it wasn't dangerous, as they'd been brainwashing her to believe. It was beautiful. It was endless. It was safe.
Sera spun in a slow circle, taking it in. She didn't make a sound. She just absorbed. With her superior vision, I wondered if the illusion was incomplete. Did the programmers include enough detail to convince even her eyes?
From the look on her face, I would say yes.
"What is it?" she asked, looking at her feet.
She'd run countless blurry laps around this yard to show me her speed.
She'd lifted massive objects effortlessly into the air to show me her strength.
But this was the first time I'd ever heard her breathless.
"It's called snow. It's what happens when the rain freezes."
"Snow," she repeated with delight. She bent down and tried to touch it, but then remembered it was nothing more than a very convincing hologram.
I smiled at her fascination, wanting so badly to be able to show her these things for real. To take her to these places.
But first things first.
I had to get her over that wall.
I tapped on my slate, ending the simulation. The breathtaking scenery drizzled out, leaving us with the desolate reality: this yard that had become our entire world together over the past few months. That house where she lived. This compound where we were both prisoners.
"You can take out the lens now," I said.
She reached hesitantly up to her eye and floundered, not quite sure how to accomplish the task.
I stepped close to help her, once again feeling the dizziness that always came with her proximity. My fingers brushed her hairline, her cheek, her eyelashes, as I gently pulled on the corner of her eyelid. "Blink."
She did.
The DigiLens popped out, and I caught it, repeating the process on the other side. I removed my own and returned them to the case in my pocket.
"Those places are real?" she asked, peering at our somber surroundings. I hoped she was seeing them as I had come to see them: not a place to stay. A place to leave.
"Yes. Very real."
"And they are located on the other side of this wall?"
I nodded. "A little farther than that. But essentially, yes. Would you like to go there with me?"
She looked at the house behind her, then she looked at the wall in front of her.
Then she looked at me.
I held my breath until my lungs threatened to pop.
I could feel the fear radiating off of her, irritating my skin. Their brainwashing was strong. It was the only way they could keep her here. And, even though I hated the thought of it, I needed to use the same tactic to get her out.
"You're not safe here, Seraphina," I said. "They will keep erasing your memories, manipulating your mind. I don't know why you're here or what their ultimate plans for you are, but I don't want to wait around to find out. I have to protect you. I need to protect you. But I can't do it in here. They watch everything. They monitor everything. They know everything. But outside these walls, they can't touch you anymore."
Once again, she made the slow circle with her gaze.
House, wall, me.
"My father-" she began to say.
I stopped her before she could go down that road. "Your father doesn't love you. There's no way he can. Not if he keeps you locked up in here like a lab rat. Like a science experiment. That's not what normal fathers do. Sera, you have to believe me. You have to trust me."
I watched her breath grow heavy. I watched her mind spin. The way it did when she was searching for a definition she doesn't have.
"Sera, please."
I held out my hand. She stared at my fingers like she could see every skin cell, every atom. And who knows, maybe she could.
"When you came here today, I didn't remember you," she whispered.
"Yes. They erased me from your memory."
"But I knew you. Somehow I knew you." Her mouth twisted as she tried to form the right words. "I can't explain it. I...felt it."
She brought her fingers to her lips, touching them curiously.
It had been three nights since I'd kissed her right here in this yard. I knew that memory was long gone for her, but it was as though she were searching for it now. Trying so desperately to grasp something that was only a shadow now.
The blood in my veins sang. "I kissed you," I told her.
"Kiss," she said, an echo of the first time I taught her that word.
"Do you remember?"
"Yes," she said but her voice was heavy with doubt. "No." She buried her face in her hands. "I don't know."
In one step I was next to her. I closed my arms around her and pulled her into me. "It's okay. I know it's a lot to take in at once. I'm sorry."
She collapsed into me and I held her. It felt so good to hold her. But I also knew we were running out of time. There was a window and it was small.
"Seraphina," I murmured into her hair. "There are some things they can't take away from you. Parts of you that they'll never have access to. No matter how advanced their technology gets. No matter how many times they scan your brain. Those are the parts that I love. That's what you have to cling to." I placed my hands on her shoulders and stepped back, holding her at arm's length, forcing her eyes to connect with mine. "You need to come with me."
She turned away, casting her gaze to the ground. Like she couldn't look at me.
"If I go with you," she said softly, causing my whole body to tighten, "will you kiss me again?"
Everything released at once. My breath, my muscles, my heart.
I moved toward her again. Not with urgency this time. But with all the patience in the world. I placed my palm flat against her cheek, memorizing the shape of her face and the softness of her skin for the thousandth time. She closed her eyes.
I'd like to think she was attempting to memorize me, too.
I prayed it was the last time she'd ever have to do it.
"Every day," I promised her, and then I brought my lips to hers.
12: Escape.
Seraphina didn't need to scale the wall. She cleared it in a single running leap, sailing over the crest as gracefully as the hawk in our digital projection. I'd already seen her do impossible things, and this was further evidence that she was more than human. That they had turned her into something else. Something that might have frightened me at one point before. But now I just wanted to be with her. To protect her.
I had this distinct feeling that everything I'd ever done-every system I'd ever hacked, every fingerprint I'd ever lifted, every gadget I'd ever built-was all leading up to this moment.
When she landed softly on the other side, we started to run. In the open space, she was faster than anything I'd ever seen. She surged ahead of me countless times and turned back, confusion etched into her flawless features. She couldn't understand why I was so much slower.
She didn't even know her own abilities.
I wasn't surprised. Why would they tell her? Why would they let her know that she had the power to destroy them with a flick of her finger?
As I struggled to keep up, I made a vow to myself. If anything went wrong, I would let her go. I would urge her to keep running. I would let myself be caught if it meant she was able to escape.
I would put her first. Always.
They could never hurt me the way they'd already hurt her. The way they would continue to hurt her. If she stayed.
We reached the northwest gate ten minutes later. I fell to my belly and signaled Sera to do the same. I was drenched in sweat and panting for breath. Sera looked the same as she had when we'd left, no outward signs of fatigue or exertion.
I was in awe of her.
I wanted to kiss her again. Kiss her until I couldn't breathe.
But I reminded myself that now was not the time. There would be plenty of time for kissing when we were safe.
When she was safe.
"Sera," I whispered as softly as I could, knowing she could hear me even if I were a mile away. "This is important. No matter what happens out there, if I tell you to run away from me, you have to do it. You can't hesitate. You have to go. Do you understand that?"