Li Du was confused when he saw all this mess. He asked Robbie quietly, "Is this man crazy?"
"I heard what you said, I heard you!" the young man pointed at him.
Li Du was shocked; this guy had good ears. He had been whispering just now and the young man had been playing with the golden retriever. But he could somehow still hear him.
Conrad stopped and said, "I'm not insane—of course not. But I might have issues because I get mad easily. I'm anxious, but who cares? It doesn't kill, right?"
Li Du had talked behind his back and he'd been caught. He nodded, feeling embarrassed. "You're right."
The golden retriever wanted to play again. It jumped on Conrad's back and knocked him over.
Conrad pushed the golden retriever away, yelling, "Go away, Little Plane!"
The golden retriever speedily ran away.
Conrad got up and reached out his hand. "We know each other now. Hi, Li Du. I'm Max Conrad—"
"Hi, you already introduced yourself," Li Du had no choice but to interrupt him. This guy was too talkative—he couldn't stand him.
"I'm not done yet. Let me finish introducing myself. My English name is Max Conrad. My Chinese name is Lu Guan."
Li Du was shocked when he heard this. "Oh my—do you know what that means? And that tattoo on your chest... I don't know how to say this, but I think you've made a mistake."
Conrad said confidently, "Of course I know. Lu Guan was China's Leonardo da Vinci. He was a talented inventor like Thomas Edison!"
Li Du stood there blankly. "You mean Lu Ban," he mumbled.
"Yes, Lu Guan," Conrad said happily. "That's who I'm talking about. Both of us are talented inventors."
Li Du sighed, "It's 'Lu Ban,' not 'Lu Guan.''Lu Guan' sounds like something else."
Conrad became curious. "What do you mean?"
Li Du felt helpless. He was here to buy a carriage. He wasn't a Mandarin teacher and he hadn't come here to promote Chinese culture.
But he explained as it was a polite thing to do: "'Lu Guan' sounds like the word for 'masturbating' in Mandarin."
Conrad paused for a moment, and then laughed. "Oh yes, I love to masturbate. My nickname is 'Jet.' My dog is called 'Little Plane,' and I shall call myself 'Lu Guan!'"
Li Du covered his face with his hands. He was trying to calm down. "Alright, man. As long as you like it..."
"Of course I like it. I love this Chinese name so much. From now on, call me 'Lu Guan!' Don't call me 'Max' or 'Mr. Conrad.' Mr. Conrad was my father and he's dead."
Hans glared at Robbie. "F*ck," he whispered, "why didn't you tell us that this guy likes to talk?"
Robbie said, "This is just the beginning. Wait until he's drunk."
Conrad turned around and shouted, "Hey, don't talk behind my back. Say it to my face. By the way, Robbie is right, this is just the beginning."
Li Du was surprised. He had noticed Hans and Robbie talking, but he couldn't hear what they were saying. However, this young man had heard everything.
He cleared his throat. "Max, man..—"
"It's 'Lu Guan,'" Conrad emphasized.
Li Du sighed. "Alright, Mr. Lu Guan. I saw your carriage just now and I'm interested in—"
"It's yours." Lu Guan patted his shoulder.
Li Du was shocked. "What?"
Ever since meeting this kid, Li Du had been overwhelmed by all of his nonsense.
Lu Guan said, "If you're interested, then this is for you."
"For me?" Li Du asked. "Is it free? Don't you want something for it? Are you sure?"
Lu Guan nodded. "Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you told me the meaning behind my Chinese name, and I thank you for that."
Li Du covered his forehead with his hand. "Alright, thank you very much. But I only did you a small favor, I think I should—"
"What are you thinking?" Hans interrupted him and smiled. "This guy is a jolly person. What is your name again? Masturbate?"
"Don't pronounce it like that. Just call him 'Lu Guan,'" Li Du corrected.
'Lu Guan' sounded awful enough. If someone called him "Masturbate" directly, it would be insulting. It was an insult to Chinese culture as well.
Anyway, they got themselves a carriage for free.
Li Du felt guilty about taking it. Although it was an old carriage, it was in good condition. It had just been painted, and the frame was solid.
Moreover, the carriage had an old-style shaft and old-style rubber tires. He thought the carriage could sell for at least 1,000 dollars.
Under these circumstances, when they were leaving and Lu Guan asked for their contacts, Li Du gave him his phone number and added him on Twitter and Facebook.
Before they left, Lu Guan asked, "Do you mind if I contact you in the future? I would like to ask you questions about Chinese culture."
Li Du said, "Of course, please feel free to visit. We have a cabin near the Amish village. I'll give you the exact address."
"Okay."
That was how they came and left: in confusion. At least they also left with a carriage.
When they returned to the market, Robbie found a bridle, reins, and bent wood. Once they put everything on the American quarter horse and harnessed the horse to the carriage, it looked like a medieval horse-drawn carriage.
It was crowded, as an auction was being held at Hoffman's market.
When a white old man saw the horse-drawn carriage, he asked, "Is this for sale, man? I didn't see it earlier."
Li Du said, "This is a gift."
The white old man shook his head. "It's not for sale? That's too bad. Don't you want to sell it? You can buy another gift."
Robbie asked, "How much do you offer?"
The white old man said, "I have 2,000 dollars here. What do you think?"
Li Du waved his hand dismissively. "I'm sorry, this is not for sale. It is a gift for a friend."
The white old man was very stubborn; he asked, "Why don't you make an offer? Three thousand dollars?"
"No way, I'm not selling it."
"Four thousand dollars?"
"I'm sorry, it's not a matter of money." Li Du was about to change his mind, however. He hadn't realized that a horse-drawn carriage could be so popular.
The old man sighed, believing that Li Du wouldn't change his mind. Then, Robbie approached him and said, "We can discuss this. Do you really want a horse-drawn carriage? Give me your contact number, and I'll find one for you."