Chapter 59: Choice (1)
A few hours before the official opening of Linus Cup, I watched the outside of Linus building from its terrace in the 48th floor. It's 12 O’clock in the evening and I felt the cold air hit my face. I watched the lights in the arena not far from me and also the people below the building that are still awake.
I tried walking near the safety railings of the terrace but a light sound of electricity was the reason why could not hold it. So I remained standing as I looked around. The Above seems all are peaceful. The others might be asleep at the suite and resting for tomorrow. But I could not sleep.
From where I was, I saw the suites in the building with lights still on. Probably some of them couldn't sleep like me. The only difference is I didn’t want to switch on the light. I just let myself wrapped in the darkness around me. I felt there someone opened a door in terrace below the floor in where I am. I felt the two people talking but I don’t know them nor hear what they were the talking. I also don’t care.
My head turned and looked at the suite on my right side below. The 41st floor. One of the lights in the room is turned on that brings slightly brightness into the empty terrace. The suite of Lucas group. After how many months I finally I saw Lucas. There's a lot I want to say to him. Even when I'm still in the Titan Academy this has been almost planned in my mind. On how I could explain the events. But I couldn't do all of this things.
I saw him but he didn't notice me. He didn’t know that we are both in one place. I wanted to go to the floor where he is but I couldn't do that especially that we are in different groups. I want to laugh at situations that I have. Why did things went like this?
“Why are you still awake?”
I was startled when I heard the person who talked. I turned around and saw Gin leaning on the door frame of the opened terrace and looking at me. Since we came to this building today, I only saw him now again. I didn't go to dinner with them earlier so I don’t know if he was there. He stared at me and I know he’s something to think deeply.
I looked to the outside again. I couldn't dare to look at Gin. Not at this time. Maybe never. I fear lest when I stared at him he could read my thoughts. Funny to think of it that way but that's how I scared what I', about to do.
“Are you scared?”
I froze at his question. I could feel him walking towards me. Please, stop. Don’t get any closer, Gin. I might tell you all of my fears. You can’t be involved in it. I slightly closed my eyes when I sensed his presence behind me.
“Are you thinking of him?”
I opened my eyes to what he said. What? I went cold and almost restless because of what he said. Does he know? Does he know that Lucas is here? I wanted to look back at him but he spoke again.
“I can never replace him there, can I?”
I was surprised when Gin draw near to me. He encircled his arms around my waist softly and hugged me from behind. I felt the heat of his body far from the cold air of the twilight. I could hardly breathe. His chest on my back and I can feel his steady breathing and the beating of his heart. I'm very small compared to his body. I’m almost only reaching until his shoulder.
“Will you still be there for us when the Game starts?”
I completely feel weak in his arms. He knows. Gin goddamn knows everything. I feel his hot breath on the side of my face while he almost leaned on my shoulder. I don't know. I don’t know, Gin. I felt him pulled me more towards him that seems afraid to lose me.
“Will I still see you after the Game?”
I shook my head as tears gradually falling, the tears that I've been repressing since earlier. I almost wanted to cover my mouth to stop the cry that wanted to come out there. I want to scream. I feel weak and collapsed on the floor because I can't stand. Gin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I felt Gin removed his hug from me. No. No. Gin, please. My tears continued to fall. He grabbed my shoulder and gently turned me to face him. He stared at me and I had to avoid because I don’t want him to see me crying.
“I know you made your choice, Shia. The moment we stepped out of Hesperia, you already made your choice.” He grabbed my face and gently dried the tears running down my cheeks. “And I know it’s not me.”
I shook my head in his palms. Gin, no. He slightly parted the hair on my face and smiled. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ll still do anything for you." His face leaned closer to mine. "Anything." He whispered. "Even if I'm going to lose you this way."
He sighed deeply and stared at me like it will be the last time he will stare at me. “So rest, Shia. We have a long day tomorrow.” and he walked away from me.
He started walking back inside the suite but I suddenly stopped him. I pulled his arm causing him to stop. "Gin." I almost whisper. He looked at me and for the first time, I saw the exhaustion he's trying to hide beneath his familiar penetrating gaze.
“Will you… stay with me?” His forehead slightly furrowed. "Stay with me,” I said. “For tonight. Even just for tonight.”
——
I watched Gin's face beside me, his closed eyes, the gentle up and down of his chest, his arms hugging me while lying on the bed. We're so close, yet so far at the same time.
I gently touched his face. If only I know you would be this important to me. I could have stopped myself so it won't be this hard for both of us. I'm sorry for making things hard for you.