Chapter 44: Jane Elizabeth (1)
I was dumbfounded while sitting on the bed. I was staring at nothingness and until now I still couldn't believe. I touched my lips and blinked. I kissed Gin. I didn't know what went into my mind at that moment and did that. It was a selfish decision. Now I’m sure that the situation will worsen because of what I did.
I cursed and fall on the bed lying down. I wasn't myself that I watched the ceiling of my bedroom. I did not even notice how I came here. The only thing I remember is that I’ve heard a noise. Students from the Dining Hall and going back to the dormitory. They are still far from but I’m sure it will be a bad thing when they see us. So Gin pulls me out and we quietly go out before they finally get into the common room.
During that time, I felt that both of us were very selfish. As we walk quietly into the hallway far from the people, I can't avoid feeling guilty. I feel that I have forgotten the welfare of the group. We ignored Sir Apollo’s order and Priam’s warning.
Gin noticed that I became quiet since we came out of his room. His hair was still wet but he was able to dress neatly before we left. When we got to the hallway near my dormitory, he faced me.
“Shia,”
My deep thought disappeared and was slightly surprised before I could see him straight in the eyes. I wanted to act impassive. Does not care. But I know that what I did kissing Gin was the answer he wanted to know.
“That should not happen.” I uttered without thinking. I watched him while I was worrying. “Gin, it was a mistake.”
Pain flashed through his eyes for a second. But I was surprised when Gin held my cheek. “Take a break. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched him. It was clear to me that what I felt when it comes to Gin was more than just physical attraction. And this is what I should have avoided before.
I pulled his arm before he completely turned away from me. “Gin.” I do not know what to say. “You’ll lose everything.”
Gin looked at me and smiled slightly. “I don't have anything to lose, Shia.” He said. “If what I fucking want is not supposed to happen, then I’m willing to risk everything.”
He started walking back to the hallway we had walked before. I look at him. I know I made a huge mistake here. I can feel it in my guts. I had to let Gin break through my wall— a wall that had been long around me since I realized that only a few people could be trusted in this world.
But he got through with ease, even destroy it inside out. And I didn't notice it because I was so focused on how to survive of this place. If how can I get back to my old world? If how I can see Lucas again. I did not realize sooner that he started to break in, with his penetrating stare and commanding voice, with his drunk and honest state, with his self-doubt and overprotective side. I started to care for that version of Gin. And that is my biggest mistake. I never cared for anyone this deep beside Lucas.
About ten o’clock when I woke up the next day. I’m sure that they are already in the training room. I’m not in the mood to train. I’m not in the mood to do anything. I went out of the dormitory but did not know where to go. Until I remember that yesterday I didn't eat. I decided to head towards the Breakfast Hall.
While walking, I didn't immediately notice the voices that are talking inside. I only stopped when I almost at the door. I was stunned and immediately moved back when I heard their voice. Shouldn't be that no student be here at this time?
“Are you waiting for her here?”
It was the angelic voice of Corrine. Fine and soft. But you can also hear the irritation.
“Luna said that she's straight here when she comes down.”
I was shocked to hear her voice. It was monotonic. Almost no interest. But it still made me nervous. Shit. What is happening to me?
“You’re waiting for almost two hours.” Corrine pointed out. “What happened to you, Gin?”
There was a short silence before Gin answered. “None of your business, Corrine.” He said
Wait. This is not the conversation that I expected.
“It’s my business, Gin because I care for you. I know what happened to the two of you yesterday.”
I froze at what Corrine said. Their voice is overwhelming even when they are almost talking in a whisper. It was the Breakfast Hall after all. It was wide and the noise was enclosed, and no other person except the three of us.
“What do you want me to do, Corrine? Will you tell them again like you did at Shia’s personal information?” My eyes grew wider in what Gin said. Wait, what?
Corrine did not answer immediately. “I— I didn’t—” She could not say properly what she wanted to convey.
“I’m not stupid, Corrine.” His patience was slipping. He could not speak to Corrine like this if he was not really angry. “No one can do that thing except you. What’s fuck for?”
I don't want to hear this. Somehow I hope that Corrine couldn't do that thing. Even though I did not like her behavior, I did not think she could do it.
“Do you know what happened to her? She almost died, Corrine. We almost another member. Thanks to you! “
“I didn't mean to, okay!” She shrieked. I felt the crack of her voice. “I don't know that they would do that thing, I thought they would just threaten her. I didn't know that they would hurt her like that. Do you think I’m that evil enough, Gin?!”
Gin was just watching her. I knew that he didn't deliberately intend what came out of his mouth. “But you still shouldn't have done that. If you really care for me and the group you once part of, you will not do that thing.” His reply became calmer.
“I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the attention she’s getting from you!” Corrine completely lost her calm aura. “I thought at first that she would not be a problem, there’s no chance that the group or you will be close to a person like her. She’s not like us. She’s just a mere ignorant town’s girl that—”
“Do you hear what you are saying, Corrine?” Gin's irritation in his voice seems to return back. “When did you become like that? You have everything and you complain about a stranger’s presence in a place you don't even own. What do you want me to feel? Appreciative?”
“Gin, you know I don't have everything. These— These are not mine—” Corrine almost shouted. This is worse than my previous conversation with her. “That's why I did that because I wanted her to get away from you and the group. I don't want you to get hurt because of her.”
I feel the depth of my breath while leaning against the wall outside the Breakfast Hall. I don't know what to think. I understood Corrine’s point. Because that’s what I really wanted to convey to Gin.
“No. This is all for your benefit, Corrine.” Said Gin. “Don't make it an excuse to make someone’s life miserable because you care for someone else’s. That’s not how it works. I care about you, but I’m not going to make people’s lives miserable just because of it.”
Gin took a sharp breath. “So I'm pleading, don't hurt her. I don't want her to be defiled because of the likes of us. I still care for you, Corrine. But I don't care for you enough like I do with Shia.”
I felt Gin’s departure so I quickly went away from the door. I hid behind a thick curtain in one of the windows in the hallway. I silently turned away from them while hearing their footsteps going away.
“Gin,” I heard Corrine’s voice again. “Even though I’m going to stay silent, it will not be long enough to know about it for those above and you know it, Titan Academy still clutches her life.”
Gin did not answer. He just continued walking to where he was going until he completely far from the Breakfast Hall. Corrine quietly followed after a few minutes. I was left there that still couldn't believe everything I heard.