Chapter 16: Escaped (1)
I was so stunned because of what he said. I just realized how cold these railings on my feet were and how hard the howling wind has been hitting my face. SHIT. I stumbled on the bridge post and looked into the ravine below it. A wave of shiver ran down my spine. I turned and looked around but I could no longer find that girl before—she has become me. I was already the one walking down the railings. I'm now my very own memory. This can't be happening!
I should have never let those emotions from my old self-controlled me. What should I do to get out from this place? SHIT. I can't stay any longer in this stupid illusion. I need to get out from here. I looked at Lucas who's in front of me. He suddenly smiled. At once, the surrounding spun again. I feel really nauseous. This whole spinning thing is making me so damn sick.
"A day will come that I will take a step in that institution."
I heard Lucas' voice again. But I don't want to open my eyes. I don't think my guts can hold any longer.
"What do you think they are doing at this time?"
Wait a moment— this conversation seems familiar to me. I opened my eyes and saw where we at. On a hill. The very hill outside of town. I watched where Lucas was staring. The Titan Academy.
Lucas turned to me. He was smiling. "Shia, how does it feel being a student of Titan?"
I was rattled at his question. He was not supposed to say those words. I examined his smiling face. There was something strange in the way he smiles. Victoria is altering my memory. That bitch.
"Why aren't you answering, Shia? What is it like to be a student of Titan? The school I so much yearned for?."
I know I should stop listening to him. This is only an illusion. But my mouth suddenly went dry. I don't know why his words are affecting me. This scenario already flashed through my mind. I got here instead of Lucas. I entered the Academy he truly desired whilst I very much loathed.
I didn't answer. Instead, I stood away from him. Up in this hill, I don't know where else to go. But I really just want to stay away than hear what he's saying.
"Where are you going, Shia?" he asked. "Will you abandon me again?"
I barely heard his question because I felt something on my palms. An unfeeling, dead-cold metal. I stared at it but did not speak. A dagger was on my hand. I suddenly looked at Lucas then back to the dagger on my hand. What's this for?
'If you and your past became one, you will forever be stuck. For you to get out, you need to break the thing that keeps you from staying.'
I frowned at this words that came out from nowhere. Hold on—
"Shia?"
I abruptly looked on Lucas. The words I heard gradually sank in. My hand numbed holding that dagger. Was Lucas the reason why I can't get out from here?
"Are you alright, Shia?" Lucas' face started to show worry.
His voice, how he spoke, his smiles— Can I do it? I gripped the handle of the dagger tighter. You need to break the thing that keeps you from staying.
I walked closer to him. I have to do this. This is an illusion. I need to get out. I need to escape from this damn illusion. Lucas didn't move from where he was standing. I took the dagger out from behind me. But found it back again when I heard his next words.
"Shia, no matter what happen, I'm here for you. Remember that."
It was like a bucketful of cold water hit me whole. I felt so weak with what I heard. I didn't know what to believe anymore. My hands were trembling while holding the dagger.
I know none of these is real. But why am I hurting this way?
I shook my head. Don't be stupid, Shia. I closed my eyes for a moment to focus. I don't know now if I could still bear what's going to happen, what I'm actually about to do next. I took out the dagger again. Now even Lucas saw what was in my grip. I breathed deeply. Lucas was still not moving. Slowly, he smiled while watching me. And that made this thing a lot more painful. Can I pierce this dagger to his chest? Can I really do it?
Go on, Shia.
Hit him with the dagger.
So that you can get out from this illusion. Don't get suck in. Don't let your emotion overpower you. He is there outside doing all he can to set you free.
I raised my hand holding the dagger and aimed it at Lucas' chest. The pointed tip already tore a bit of his clothes. I can feel his flesh. I can feel how his heart pumps as if nervous as me. I remembered the times when we were both scared, just like this. Those times when we were in grave danger but managed to escape, we just laughed it out like nothing happened. But there was no reason to laugh this time. Because this is between us.
He didn't move from his place. He just looked at me while waiting. That same smile earlier was still on his face. What does it mean? Is he trusting me that much to do the right thing? I could feel the dagger almost slipping because of my uncertainty and powerlessness. All a sudden, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply— I buried the dagger— not in Lucas’ chest— but on my wrist.
A sharp sudden pain enveloped me. I felt a hole burned in that place. I can feel myself yelling in pain. Thick red blood oozed out from the deep cut and trickled agonizingly into the ground. The pain was too overwhelming that my vision started to blur.
This is too much. The pain is too much. But I rather have this. I'd rather feel the pain than to let my very own hands hurt Lucas—
Gradually I'm losing my breath— my world starts spinning again—
But before everything turned blurry and indistinct, I saw Lucas' face for the last time. He was still smiling; smiling as if bidding me goodbye.