Tekkou or knuckle weapons
In order to prepare for the battle, I headed to the guard station where Loser(Bizef) was working.
Loser(Bizef) owes me because of the incident with Garm. As for why, it’s because during the Garm incident, I carried the unconscious Loser(Bizef) all the way back to the guard station. Well, I very nearly forgot about him and almost went home by myself though…
Honestly, even though he went on about how he would “Give Garm a warning!” in the end he wasn’t useful in the slightest. He was really nothing but baggage. I want him to show me that he can act like a former adventurer this time.
With those kind of slight hopes, I got quite close to the guard station when I suddenly heard some kind of argument.
――Mn!? What’s going on?
The people stationed were in a clamour. I decided to ask George-san, the one who took care of the documents here, about what was going on.
“George-san, did something happen?”
“Ah-, Tilea-chan. You came at the right time.”
“Heh? Did you need me for something?”
“Please say something to stop him as well, Tilea-chan. Bizef-san won’t listen to us, and keeps saying that there’s a dragon near town, and how he’s going to call for reinforcements from the capital.”
Hahh? Loser(Bizef), what the heck are you doing!
I’m sure I gave the other guards a rough explanation when I carried Loser(Bizef) into the station. It wasn’t a dragon, just a little puppy. Did Loser(Bizef) properly listen to the other people at the station?
Loser(Bizef) was trying to leave for the capital even now. With his travel gear on, and gallantly straddling his horse, he even looked like an adventurer… So disappointing.
Now that’s it’s come to this…
The other staff members were desperately trying to stop Loser(Bizef) from being rash. I could hear his conversation with the others.
“Bizef-san, please stop. The other men in town tried searching for it, but there wasn’t any dragon nearby like you said, you know.”
“Right, right. Around here we just get small animals at best.”
Even though they had their work at the guard station, he spread completely nonsensical information. Thanks to Loser(Bizef), they all had a hard time.
“I already told you! That just meant it went somewhere. If we don’t hurry up and deal with it, there’s going to be victims throughout the country!”
“Move, you say… There weren’t any tracks, or any eyewitnesses either, you know.”
“Eyewitnesses? How many times have I told you already, I saw it myself!”
Loser(Bizef) yelled, almost mad. It seems that because Loser(Bizef) used to be an adventurer, the other staff members couldn’t strongly refute him.
“Bizef-san has been like this the whole time… He isn’t listening to us at all.”
“It seems not.”
“We’re really troubled. If we call an emergency meeting in the capital and they find out it’s false information, what kind of punishment will they give our town?”
“I understand. Please leave it to me, George-san.”
George-san’s worries are spot-on. I can’t let the town be troubled because of Loser(Bizef). I’ll try explaining again.
Agitated, I circled around so I was right in front of Loser(Bizef).
“Bizef-san, please stop!”
“Tilea-chan, so you’ve come. I’m sorry. I didn’t believe you. That really was a dragon. Since it was a dragon and a dragon user, there’s no mistake that the demons have appeared. That’s why I fainted that time, because of the demon’s miasma. I have to hurry up and make an emergency announcement for the whole country!”
Huu… What demon miasma! What the heck is a former adventurer doing getting influenced by illusion magic?
“Biiizeeef-san, that was illusion magic.”
“Tilea-chan, I’m a former adventurer. Illusion magic wouldn’t work on me so easily. So I’m sure that was a real dragon. It’s definitely the demons.”
Ahh, geez. Loser(Bizef) is oddly self-confident out here in countryside. It’s because he got pampered by everyone around him for being a former adventurer, after all. He’s completely filled with confidence right now that illusion magic definitely wouldn’t work on him. Honestly, even though he doesn’t have any real ability.
“That wasn’t a dragon. After all, didn’t we come home safely!”
“W-, Well yeah, but… W-, We just happened to be lucky.”
Oi, oi, getting targeted by a dragon and demon, and getting away? Just how lucky would we need to be!
Is Loser(Bizef) understanding that he’s not making any sense?
“If we were targeted by a demon, there’s no way we’d make it out alive, right? And even Timu and the others said that it wasn’t a dragon.”
“Eh-! Timu-chan went there too?”
“Yes. I told you earlier, didn’t I? That person was Timu’s playmate. After you fainted, Bizef-san, she brought along her pet dog and they played together.”
“T-, That can’t be… Really?”
“Really. I’m not lying.”
“Ha-, haha. T-, That’s weeeird. It looks like I’m getting rusty. To have illusion magic work on me, and even faint from it…”
Loser(Bizef) smiled wryly and scratched his head. His confused state definitely didn’t look like a former adventurer. You’re the Guard Captain in this town, okay? And now you’ve disturbed the peace of the town. Honestly, please get your act together.
I looked at Loser(Bizef) with a cold gaze. George-san and the other staff members were astounded as well.
“Ha ha ha. Sorry for the fuss, everyone. It seems that it was my misunderstanding.”
“Bizef-san, please make this the last time.”
“Even if you’re half asleep, you can’t go too far.”
“Really, really. Please don’t drink so early in the morning.”
The staff members criticised him one after another. Obviously. He had all the guard members go searching for a puppy after all. I’m sure they’re tired from searching all night. Especially tired after they found out that it was all pointless effort.
And so, after they finished complaining, everyone headed back to work, with expressions that seemed to say ‘Honestly…’.
Thank you for your work, everybody. I’ll bring everybody some refreshments sometime.
“Damn~ I wonder if I hurt my old wounds.”
Immediately, excuses. What ‘old wounds’!
Speaking frankly, jumping into excuses like that is the sign of being a loser.
“A-, And also, I wasn’t wearing magic resistance armour that time. That person who played the prank on you was definitely a famous adventurer. Mn, there’s no mistake.”
“Yea~h. I’m sure he was definitely a famous adventurer. Instead of subjugating monsters or performing research, he prioritised playing with Timu. What a hard worker.”
“Uu-!? I-, I’m sure that he was getting hints for his research by playing with children.”
Loser(Bizef) fired off one excuse after another.
At this rate, the success of Plan Number 2 is looking doubtful. I decided that it was better to switch to Plan Number 3 in my mind.
“T-, Tilea-chan. Don’t look at me so doubtfully. Aah, speaking of which, you carried me here when I fainted, didn’t you. Thanks.”
“That’s fiiiine. Please don’t mind such a small matter. More importantly, Los――I mean, Bizef-san, there’s a small favour I’d like to ask.”
“Tilea-chan, just now, didn’t you almost say something? It can’t be that it was ‘Loser’ wa――”
“Ahhh~ Geez, more importantly, please listen to me. In Timu’s playgroup there were these delinquents, and it seems that they’re coming here to start some trouble.”
“Really? We can’t let that go. Leave it to me. I’ll definitely protect you.”
“I’m honestly relying on you, okay? Also, please make sure to bring armour this time.”
“Armour-…? I don’t really think that I need armour just for delinquents.”
“Bizef-san, isn’t there a saying about not taking chances? What are you going to do if they use illusion magic again!”
“G-, Got it. I think you’re exaggerating though.”
“Also, I have one more favour to ask. Please lend me armour as well.”
“Eh-, Tilea-chan, you don’t need armour, you know. I’ll be there after all.”
“Le, nd, some, to, me, please.”
After talking with him, I’m sure now. I can’t rely on Loser(Bizef) any more. It would be safer to go in with the mentality that I’ll need to fight, myself. So I need him to lend me armour no matter what.
“G-, Guess it can’t be helped, huh. I owe you after all, so I’ll give you a chance to try wearing armour.”
Loser(Bizef) reluctantly agreed, so I had him guide me to his house before he changed his mind.
Since Loser(Bizef) was a former adventurer if nothing else, he had lots of different weapons and armours. And they were being stored in his house’s storehouse.
I entered the storehouse while listening to his bragging and,
“A-, Amazing. You have so much.”
I was shocked…
In the storehouse were things from swords, spears, axes to armours, helmets, all sorts of things decorating the room. And they were all differently coloured too, as well as differently modelled. And there were even things like mannequins standing dignified.
Whoa, isn’t this a full set of plate armour? Rather than having stuff because he’s an adventurer, isn’t this guy just a weapon fanatic?
These items are completely beyond just the level of a hobby. Even though it would’ve been great if he just opened a weapon store instead of working as Guard Captain…
“Hu hu, are you surprised, Tilea-chan? They’re all things from my days as an adventurer, and I just couldn’t part with them, you see. Before I knew it, I had this many.”
Yeah, I’m surprised. Quite the collector. I’m sure he ignored adventures in favour of going shopping for all of this.
Well, it helped out this time though. I guess your equipment makes a huge difference in battle after all. I’m just a normal person. There’s no choice but to cover for my lack in stats with my equipment.
Alright. Since I’m doing it anyway, let’s try and borrow something as expensive as possible!
Mm~mm, which should I pick?
Ah-!? I think I might have found something good…
There were stands in the back of the room, and on them were some items displayed in cases. They looked precious, placed inside the polished glass cases, and were completely different from the rest of the things in the room. I can smell rares.
“Well then, Bizef-san, please lend these 『bracers』 and this 『chain mail』 to me.”
“T-, That’s a little much. Both the 『Bracers of Regius』 and the 『Chain Mail of Magimades』 are rares.”
“So they really were rares. Then I’ll go with these. Please lend them to me.”
“T-, Tilea-chan, these are for admiring, and not really for actual use.”
So Loser(Bizef) really was a collector. What the heck do you mean ‘for admiring’. Weapons are made to be used. If you use them and they get a little dirty, that just makes them more valuable.
“Bizef-san, didn’t you say that I wouldn’t need to fight? In that case, I won’t be actually using them, so please lend them to me.”
“B-, But I’ll be troubled if they get dirty, so…”
“S-, So cruel… Are you saying that I’m dirty!”
I appealed to Loser(Bizef) with teary eyes. With such intensity that I was basically implying ‘saying indelicate things to a girl will get you hated’.
“G-, Got it. You won’t actually be fighting after all, so I’ll lend them to you.”
“Thank you very much.”
Yes! Best gear GET!
Huhu, with this I can feel a little more relaxed.
“Honestly, I really can’t win against you, Tilea-chan. To put on rare gear for just a few delinquents.”
“Then if I wear this, will I be immune to the delinquents’ attacks?”
“Completely, completely. Rather, if the delinquents attack, it’ll be them that gets hurt.”
If Loser(Bizef) is telling the truth, then even if the dokyun attack me, there’s nothing to be afraid of at all. The chance of victory has definitely incre――hang on a moment.
My defence has increased, but what about my offence?
I had a look to see if there was anything else rare.
Mn!? There’s something that seems to be good over there.
I discovered a knuckle weapon that was clearly being treated preciously, placed inside a case. There were two layers of glass, and it was beautifully wrapped in cloth. From this, I could tell that it was pretty valuable.
“Bizef-san, while we’re at it, please lend me these 『knuckles』 as well.”
“T-, Tilea-chan, we aren’t going on an adventure. Even if it’s you, Tilea-chan, if you put that on and hit somebody, they’ll die, you know.”
“Ehh-!? Even with my strength!?”
“Mn, those knuckles are a magic tool called the 『Knuckles of Burst Earth』. It adds to your strength, as well as adding the power of magic to your attack. So no matter how weak you are, Tilea, the power of the magic itself is quite strong, so it’ll have quite the attack power.”
“How much attack power?”
“Hmmm, let’s see. If you put those on, even you, Tilea-chan, would probably be able to kill a small magic beast.”
“It’s that amazing a weapon!?”
“Mn, it’s a precious weapon that enters even in the top three of all the weapons I own. In order to buy this, I had to use all the money I had saved at the time, you see.”
“Haha, I can tell that it’s amazing just hearing that. It’s true that if I use this weapon, I’ll knock out delinquents in one hit, maybe even kill them, huh.”
“That’s right. Well, I’ll lend you the armour, so I’ll take care of that dangerous weapon, okay?”
I suppose it can’t be helped. No thank you, to being a murderer. But I’ll have Loser(Bizef) equip the knuckles instead. I really can’t feel at ease unless Loser(Bizef) comes with the strongest equipment.
“Well then, once the delinquents come I’ll call you, so please help me with the rest.”
“Yeah, leave it to me.”
After making an arrangement with Loser(Bizef), I returned to the shop.
For now, although I’m still somewhat anxious, the preparations are ready for Plan Number 2. I’ll begin on the finishing touches for Plan Number 3.
First, with the armour that Loser(Bizef) lent me, my defence alone has increased. With this, the attacks from the dokyun shouldn’t work on me.
Then what about my offence?
Loser(Bizef)’s weapons really were too powerful and would be quite liable to kill somebody, so I couldn’t borrow them. Or rather, it might be different for armour, but weapons need a degree of skill to handle. No matter which weapon I chose, I wouldn’t have been able to use it properly.
And of course not. I’m not an adventurer. I’m just a mere cook!
――It can’t be helped. I suppose I have no choice but to unseal my dark history.
Now is the time to undo the seal.
I looked for two suitable metal poles in the shop storehouse, and tied them together with a cord of suitable length. Indeed. The so-called “nunchaku”.
In my past life when I was a hikikomori NEET, there was a time when I was mad about nunchaku. I didn’t go to school, nor to work, and did nothing but wholeheartedly train with my mail-order nunchaku. While watching Bruse Li’s nunchaku course, I single-mindedly endeavoured in my “HACHAA!” “OCHAAA!” training.
Heh. I’m sure this world has never seen such techniques before. There’s no doubt that even those dokyun will get cold feet. If they mistake me for a famous martial artist, even better.
…They’ve, probably never seen nunchaku, right?
Maybe I should test it. I decided to call in Pervert(Nielsen) to show him a demonstration.
“Tilea-sama, I have arrived at your call.”
“Oneesama, what is it that you are doing?”
Ah-, not just Pervert(Nielsen), but Timu too? It’s my dark history, so I’d prefer the smallest gallery possible, but…
Well, whatever. There’s no way I can drive out my beloved sister.
“Niel, Timu. Watch. I want you to give me your impressions on the techniques I’m about to use.”
Alright. Recall them. Bruse-san’s nunchaku techniques!
The memories of my old life came to mind.
“Fuooooooh, hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Fuo! HACHAA! OCHAA!”
Thank goodness. I didn’t forget my old memories. I managed to flourish the nunchaku the way I envisioned.
Downwards swing. Side strike. Right armpit stance. Right diagonal swing. I chained techniques one by one. The image in my head was a scene from “Enter! Dragon!”.
“M-, Magnificent, Oneesama! What is this technique called?”
“K-, Killer Nunchaku.”
Ah-, crap-… I accidentally blurted the chuuni-esque name that I gave it in my old life.
“I am filled with deep emotion at being able to witness such a grand technique, Tilea-sama! 『Killer Nunchaku』. Truly a martial art that unifies attack and defence.”
“I too, feel the same, Nielsen. I am truly moved. And, Oneesama, how many opponents did you defeat with this 『Killer Nunchaku』?”
“W-, Who knows… Just how many, I wonder.”
“As expected of Oneesama. To think that you had slain too many opponents to count with that 『Killer Nunchaku』.”
“『Killer Nunchaku』. I have never witnessed such an amazing technique before. For creating such a skill, I once again express my deep respect for Tilea-sama.”
S-, Stop it. Please don’t say that name any more. It feels each time you use that name, my spirit is being gouged
And so, my spirit was worn down as I spoke with Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) for a while, but I managed to understand that apparently these nunchaku techniques were unknown in this world. It was Pervert(Nielsen)’s impression though, so I can’t really say I have much confidence in myself.
But for now, the preparations are ready.
Come whenever you like, Demonic Evil Three!I don’t think it’s possible, but just in case it was lost on anyone, “Enter! Dragon!” is a parody of “Enter the Dragon!” and Bruse Li is a parody of Bruce Lee