A Very Real Way
The story’s nearing the end now. I’ve got less time to devote to writing this, so I’m not sure if it’ll get cut off before the end or what.
After all, it seemed impossible from the start. Her debt was a sum far greater than the salaryman’s expenditures which Himeno once spoke of. There was no surefire way for a boring college student to make that much in two months.
But for the time being, I searched for one. Doing admirable work was something that seemed unrealistic in this case. No matter how hard I worked, having only two months to do so, it would be squeezing water from a stone.
And because I was trying to earn the money for her, of course I wouldn’t want to do it in any way she didn’t approve of.
I considered gambling, but even I wasn’t stupid enough to go through with that one. I knew very well that I wouldn’t be winning any bets with my back to the wall like this. Gambling is something always won by those with money to spare.
My only “weapon,” so to speak, was the fact that with such little life left I could take any risk, but I wouldn’t be the first person who’s thrown their life away for money. And I could tell how that didn’t pan out for them.
But I still kept thinking. Reckless, I know. But even if no one else had succeeded before, I just had to be the first.
I kept walking the next day, and the day after that. I hoped for an answer to come rolling at my feet.
I didn’t eat much of anything during that time.
My last hope was the shop in that musty old building, that had once thrown me into the pits of despair, and still allowed me two more transactions.
One day I asked Miyagi. “Thanks to you, Miyagi, I’m a lot happier than I used to be. If I were to hypothetically sell my lifespan at that shop now, how much would it go for?”
“So then, what would add the most value?”
“Easily recognizable, huh.”
“Um, Mr. Kusunoki?”
“Please don’t think of doing anything strange,” Miyagi said with concern.
“Just for reference, Miyagi, what’s happiness for you?”
But it didn’t mean I’d give up that easily. I had resolve. I’d acquire easily-recognizable things like contributions to society and popularity.
I came to think that they were equally unrealistic. But I had nothing else, so I had to at least give it a try.
I first visited the old bookstore. I did tend to go there when I was troubled, after all. Casually looking through books that had nothing to do with the situation seemed to make most problems evaporate.
I decided not to touch upon the shop that dealt in lifespan. Though I did have some desire to find out just how much he knew about the shop, and above all I wanted to tell him about everything that had happened in the past month.
About the weather. About books. About baseball. About festivals. There wasn’t much of note to speak of, but surprisingly, the conversation gave me a unique sense of ease. Maybe I liked this store, and this old man.
While Miyagi was busy staring at the bookshelves, I whispered a question to the old man.
“Hmm. Guess you just have to be reliable about doing things. That’s not something I can do, though. I guess you just see things you "can” do in front of you, and you get good at staying on top of them. That what I think at my age.“
“They have only just arrived at the starting line. They have only just regained their composure after a long losing streak. Mistaking that as a chance to turn things around will do them no good.”
Lastly, he said:
“What does that mean?”, I smiled innocently.
After leaving the bookstore, just the same as before, I entered the CD shop. The usual blond clerk greeted me kindly.
“How do you think you can accomplish something in a short time?”
His reply came quick. “Guess you gotta depend on others, dude. ‘Cause a single guy can’t do that much on his own, yeah? Which means you gotta have someone else’s help. I don’t have a whole lotta faith in my own ability, tell you the truth. If it’s a problem I can’t tackle with, like, 80% of my all, I go straight to somebody else.”
I went to leave the store prepared to get soaked, but the clerk lent me a vinyl umbrella.
"I dunno what’s goin’ on, but if you wanna accomplish something, don’t forget about your health,” he said.
People watching looked at me quizzically - they saw an idiot holding an umbrella the wrong position.
“I like this,” Miyagi laughed.
“Well, essentially… Despite how comical it looks to others, you letting your shoulder get wet is a very kind gesture. I like that sort of thing.”
“You’re a shameless shy man,” Miyagi said, poking my shoulder.
By this point, I didn’t just not care what people thought of me, I enjoyed being treated like a weirdo.
I took shelter from the rain with Miyagi under a shop overhang. I heard thunder in the distance, rain pouring out of the gutter, and squishing inside my wet shoes.
He was a guy in my department at school who I knew well enough to exchange greetings with.
“Been a while,” he said with cold eyes. “Where the hell have you been? Haven’t seen you on campus at all lately.”
“Can’t stop you from thinking that,” I replied. “I’m sure I’d say the same thing in your position. But Miyagi’s here, all right. And she’s real cute. I’ll respect that you don’t believe it, so I want you to respect that I do.”
Then he left, fed up with me and stunned.
I sat on the bench and watched the raindrops. It soon started to clear up, seemingly only a brief shower. We squinted at the light off the wet ground.
I put my hand on her head and ran my fingers through her smooth hair.
Be “reliable,” huh?
It was like she’d told me herself - to “pay attention to her.” Simply being treated like an oddity by those around me gave her considerable delight.
“Mr. Kusunoki? I’m truly, truly glad that you would use what little remains of your life to help me. …But it’s not necessary. Because you’ve saved me long ago. Even once decades have passed without you, I believe I’ll be able to think back on the days I spent with you, and laugh and cry. I believe just having memories like that will make living somewhat easier. So you’ve done enough. Please, forget about the debt.”
“Instead,” Miyagi said, shifting her weight toward me.
And that was how I’d decided that I was to end my life as the most foolish person you ever did meet.
Most would raise their eyebrows or burst out laughing when they heard what I did there.
I rented a boat on the lake. While there were simple rowboats, I dared to rent one of those ridiculous swan boats.
I turned to Miyagi and smiled, “Okay, let’s go!”, and the clerk’s face stiffened. There was some amount of terror in his eyes.
Miyagi couldn’t help laughing at how funny it was the entire time we were on the boat.
“Can’t be that stupid. I mean, how fun is this?”, I laughed.
On the other hand, in winter, the lake would be mostly frozen and the swan boats would be retired, the real swans taking their place.
The one-man Ferris wheel. The one-man merry-go-round. The one-man picnic. The one-man aquarium visit. The one-man zoo visit. The one-man see-saw. The one-man pool. The one-man toast at a bar. The one-man barbecue.
Whenever I ran low on money, I’d spend a few days doing part-time jobs, and then go have fun again.
I didn’t notice at the time, but I was gradually becoming an infamous celebrity in the small town.
No, not only that - apparently some people’s hearts were soothed when they saw me, and I actually made people happy. The response truly was varied.
Surprisingly, the proportion of those who got a bad impression and those who got a good impression were pretty equal.
Because I looked like I was having the time of my life.
“Mr. Kusunoki, is there anything you’d like me to do?”, Miyagi asked one morning.
“I felt that you’ve been giving me everything. I’d like to occasionally give something to you.”
“There isn’t. My wish is to know what your wish is.”
“Thus it is my wish to know your wish, Mr. Kusunoki.”
After we pointlessly repeated that four times, Miyagi spoke with resignation.
“Starry Lake, your grave, childhood friend.”
“You wanna meet your childhood friend, then?”
Miyagi nodded apologetically. “Thinking on it, I do not know when I’ll die. Thus, I thought that it may be best to visit him soon, while I still know where he is. Though we will not be meeting, only me seeing him. …Will you accompany me?”
“Please tell me your wish soon, Mr. Kusunoki.”
While riding the bus along hilly roads, she looked out the window nostalgically.
“That’s not what I meant at all. Are you stupid?”
“Like that,” Miyagi nodded.
It lacked personality no matter what slice you took out of it, but now, it was all beautiful to me. I no longer needed to just take a quick, efficient glance at the world, nor blame my wretchedness on it. I could afford to stop and look at things how they were.
I’ll look for places where it seems he might be, Miyagi said. Apparently his name was Enishi.
When we finally found Enishi, Miyagi didn’t approach him right away. At once, she hid behind my back, timidly put her head out, and gradually drew near until at last standing beside him.
In essence, it was an expression that could only be had by those with the confidence from loving someone and being loved.
“Thank you. But I want to watch. I want to see what kind of person he loves now.”
A two-car train arrived. Most of the passengers that spilled out were high school students, but one was an agreeable woman in her middle twenties.
Most people’s smiles are at least somewhat forced no matter how natural they appear, but hers showed no trace of being unnatural. Maybe it was simply the result of smiling very often.
Since they naturally came together without saying a word, it seemed they had been dating for a while. But from the happiness on their faces the instant they saw each other, it was like they’d only just had a rendezvous for the first time.
Enishi was getting on happily without Miyagi.
Miyagi looked at them emotionlessly, not crying or laughing.
A future I may not have been satisfied simply dying in.
The couple left, and only Miyagi and I remained inside.
“Like what?”, I asked.
“Like that, huh. Well, if I were in that position, I’d do more than that.”
We stayed that way for about two minutes.
“…Indeed. No one will blame you,” Miyagi finally said, her head still lowered.