In Chapter 22 of The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful, we finally deal with the fall out of discovery. With the police clamping down so tightly on the both of them, this day was bound to come sooner or later; but knowing that it was bound to occur, and seeing it play out, is two entirely different things. My heart aches for my two poor, silly youths. Once again, thank you everyone for being patient and understanding!
The sky was a brilliant shade of red and orange as the setting sun cast its amber rays over the cloudless sky. The gentle evening breeze grazed the thick foliage of the mulberry trees, causing the tree leaves to rustle restlessly.
Bei Ye sat on the swing, his eyes inevitably following Chen Nian’s tiny figure as she swept the fallen leaves from the abandoned grounds of the steel mill.
“I noticed that, an object is missing from the drawer beneath the basin,” Chen Nian asked uncertainly, “They said, Wei Cai had been ……, but I suspect that she wasn’t. Did you, perhaps, use that object ……”
Bei Ye raised his eyes to meet Chen Nian’s gaze. The two youths fell into silence.
Bei Ye bit onto his lower lip gently. After some time, he spoke up, “In any event …… I subsequently discovered that Wei Cai had truly been raped. That day, after you injured her with the knife, Wei Cai was subdued by the raincoat man who had been stalking her, and raped.”
Chen Nian gripped the broom tightly, “Are you speaking, the truth?”
“It’s Lai Zi.” That day, Chen Nian tensed up unnaturally upon seeing Lai Zi. At that very moment, Bei Ye realised that Lai Zi could have been amongst the group of males who bullied and hurt Chen Nian that night along with Wei Cai. “I’ve broken off all contact with Lai Zi. He has now fled to the other districts. The previous two cases of rape were also committed by him.”
Chen Nian remained silent.
“Don’t you remember? There were a few times when I had to help him to clean up his mess. Once, you were even at my house when he reached out to me for help.”
“He was the one who murdered Wei Cai?” Chen Nian asked hesitantly, the suspicion unmistakeable in her voice.
“Yes.”
Chen Nian’s brows furrowed together slightly;
Bei Ye rose from the swing. Walking over to Chen Nian, he grazed his fingers over her cheeks. Chen Nian gazed at him silently, her brows gradually unknotting themselves. Lowering his head, Bei Ye cupped her face gently in his hands and whispered in a ow voice, “You must believe this – that you didn’t kill anybody. That everything would turn out fine.”
Chen Nian shivered quietly, “I didn’t kill anybody.”
“That’s right. You didn’t.”
“You didn’t too either, did you?”
Chen Nian stared at him obstinately. Bei Ye broke into a gentle smile, and gave a small, gentle nod.
But Chen Nian’s heart remained clouded with worries and fears. She knew that Bei Ye was hiding something from her, that it wasn’t anything good, and that it was a disastrous piece of news. She believed in Bei Ye, but at the same time, she felt that he wasn’t being entirely truthful with her, and that his reassurances were filled with truths and lies. However, she had no way of differentiating which parts were true, and which parts were lies.
She was overcome with a strange sense of uneasiness, just like he was.
After all, they were still two young, immature youths – they were afraid and fearful of the uncertain future. And yet, like the fields of wild grass who struggled to live despite the harsh conditions and lack of care, they would simply grit their teeth and struggle through what was to come.
That evening, the two youths clambered onto the window sill, hopped onto the cement ledge and sprinted up the emergency stairwell. On reaching the rooftop, the two youths sat side by side on the edge of the roof, their feet dangling beneath them as they gazed at the innumerable households in Xi Cheng. The sun had already dipped beyond the horizon, its remnant glow gradually fading away.
Chen Nian was overcome with an inexplicable feeling, that calamity was about to befall the both of them.
All of a sudden, Bei Ye’s voice rang out, “Little Stutterer?”
“Yes?”
“What’s your greatest wish?”
“You know my greatest wish already, don’t you?”
“I do. But I would still like to hear you say it aloud.”
Chen Nian said her greatest wish aloud, and turned to look at him.
“Did you hear what you said?”
“I heard.”
“Good. You will definitely meet someone like that in the future.” Bei Ye paused before continuing, “But please remember, that I was first.”
Chen Nian felt as though there was a huge rock on her chest, which she couldn’t rid herself of no matter how hard she tried. In a quiet voice, she asked him n return, “What about you, Bei Ye?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s your greatest wish?”
Bei Ye slowly told Chen Nian his greatest wish, his voice steady and calm. As Chen Nian listened to his wish, her eyes gradually reddened in the night breeze. She wanted to gaze at him, to look into his eyes – but Bei Ye had already lowered his eyes, instead choosing to gaze at the buildings beneath his feet.
Strumming his guitar, Bei Ye requested in a strained voice, “Little Stutterer, could you recite a poem for me?”
Chen Nian began to recite his designated poem aloud:
“I want to live with you,
I want to enjoy the neverending sunsets with you,
In the hotel in this small town,
Weakly, and softly,
Occasionally, when evening arrives, the sound of
Drifts from a certain room in he hotel room.
The tulips in full bloom outside his window.
I wouldn’t take it to heart.”
A single drop of tear made its way through the darkness of the night and splashed onto the book Chen Nian was holding;
Bei Ye turned his head to gaze at Chen Nian’s lowered head. After gazing for a long period of time, a gentle, indulgent smile formed on his lips. He didn’t say a single word and instead chose to continue strumming his guitar. As he strummed his guitar, his gaze fell onto the red string that had been tied onto his wrist.
I want to live with you, in a small and unknown town. I want to enjoy the neverending sunsets with you, along with the unceasing clanging of the city bells.
But if it’s an unattainable dream, then let me transform into a key. Thread the red string through the key, and hang the red string from your neck – only then would I be able to stay somewhere close to your heart.
Fishing his key out of his pocket, Bei Ye placed the key firmly onto Chen Nian’s palm and reminded her carefully, “Remember not to let anybody else see this key.” It’d cause you a ton of trouble.
Chen Nian wrapped her fingers around the key and clenched her fist tightly. Raising her eyes to meet his, she replied softly, “I know.”
Both of them knew, at the bottom of their hearts, that such peaceful days were about to come to an end.
The next day, when Bei Ye and Chen Nian left for school, Bei Ye instructed Chen Nian, “Do you remember the alley where we first met? Wait for me at the corner of that alley at 6PM tonight. Don’t go too early – make sure you reach only at 6PM.”
“Why?”
“Don’t worry, just do as I say.”
Chen Nian didn’t press Bei Ye any further.
It was only when Chen Nian arrived in school did she discover the drastic development in the solving of Wei Cai’s murder. The police had begun to comb the hill behind the school building for clues relating to Wei Cai’s death.
During class time, when Chen Nian headed to the front of the class to hand up her assignment, Xu Miao tagged along behind her. In a low voice, Xu Miao apologised profusely to Chen Nian, “I’m terribly sorry, Chen Nian. I didn’t reveal anything, but that police officer is simply too sensitive – he managed to discern Wei Cai’s train of thought simply from that single call.”
It turned out that Zheng Yi had always been particularly concerned about the significance of Wei Cai’s call to Xu Miao. Xu Miao was, at that period of time, closely watched by her parents – Xu Miao was forced to return home immediately after school, and no longer had the spare time to meet and hang out with Wei Cai. As such, Wei Cai and Xu Miao’s friendship deteriorated extremely quickly, and they hadn’t contacted each other for a long period of time.
However, on the day Wei Cai went missing, she gave Xu Miao a call. The call didn’t even last for half a minute.
However, from that one single call, Zheng Yi’s theorised that Wei Cai had originally intended to go somewhere near the school compound that day, and that the very sight of the school compound reminded her of Xu Miao. This would thus explain Wei Cai’s sudden call to Xu Miao – Wei Cai probably wanted to ask Xu Miao out for a short meeting or catch up.
Zheng Yi even managed to theorise, from the single call, that the place where Wei Cai originally arranged to meet Xu Miao was the hill behind the school building. After all, Wei Cai knew that Xu Miao’s parents were extremely strict with her; thus, meeting outside the school compound was no longer an option. Wei Cai was thus left with no choice but to arrange to meet Xu Miao in the school compound; if so, the only possible option left for Wei Cai was the hill behind the school building, as it was the only corner that wasn’t under surveillance.
Chen Nian shook her head quietly, “It’s alright.”
Xu Miao continued, “The police officers know about the bullying that you suffered at Wei Cai’s hands. I hope you’re not too affected by Wei Cai’s sudden disappearance and murder.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Ah, I wonder what the current state of the investigations is… I hope that no one else saw you head towards the hill behind the school building. Also, it better not turn out like those television dramas where the police discover a critical piece of evidence (e.g. strands of hair etc) which would like you to Wei Cai’s murder and disappearance. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell the police officer that Wei Cai also invited you to meet at the hill behind the school building; I only told them that she was interested in meeting me.”
Chen Nian fell into silence.
For the rest of the day, she continuously glanced at the direction of the hill behind the school building. What clues would the police be able to uncover? Blood stains? Footprints? Strands of hair? Would the torrential rain and storm that occurred a few days ago successfully remove all such pertinent clues?
If the police officers managed to find related evidence linking her to Wei Cai’s disappearance and murder, she would be immediately brought to the police station and interrogated with a higher intensity compared to before. Alternatively, if they managed to uncover crucial evidence proving her involvement in Wei Cai’s disappearance and murder, then she’s doomed.
What exactly was Bei Ye doing at this precise point in time?
Just as the Bei Ye’s teacher was about to leave the office when he heard the deafening sound of a motorcycle braking outside the office. The brash and unruly youth removed his helmet, secretly unbuttoning his sleeve buttons as he did so. Bei Ye strode over to the office and gave a short, sharp knock. Before his teacher managed to reply, however, Bei Ye had already entered the office.
Glancing at the motorcycle parked outside the office, Bei Ye’s teacher was starkly reminded of the description of the raincoat man which the police officers had circulated previously; although he had a handful of students who fit the description, the police officers hadn’t reverted with any news of the raincoat man even after the previous observation they conducted. Well, who would have thought that another student fitting the descriptor would turn up today?
Bei Ye’s family background – with a criminal and a prostitute as parents, it was little wonder that Bei Ye was often excluded and discriminated against by youths of similar ages. He was extremely good looking as well – when he was studying, he had innumerable girls who flocked after him, craving for his attention. However, Bei Ye was always extremely short and irritable with them. It was as though Bei Ye possessed a deep hatred for females in his bones.
“Teacher.” Bei Ye’s voice was slightly cool, and he didn’t bother disguising the impatience in his voice.
“Oh.” The teacher collected his thoughts, “Are you here to collect your graduation certificate?” The teacher began rummaging in his drawer, “You have been skipping classes quite a fair bit recently, haven’t you?”
Bei Ye didn’t bother answering his teacher’s questions.
Finally, the teacher managed to locate Bei Ye’s graduation certificate. The teacher was about to continue his conversation with Bei Ye when Bei Ye impatiently wrenched the graduation certificate from his teacher’s hands. Just as Bei Ye reached for his graduation certificate, the sleeves on his uniforms flapped open, revealing a few fresh fingernail scratch marks, as well as a newly scarred knife wound.
It was only then that Bei Ye’s teacher realised the oddity of Bei Ye wearing a long sleeved shirt in such hot weather.
Bei Ye’s teacher hurriedly retracted his gaze from Bei Ye’s arm, and continued the conversation as if he hadn’t noticed the odd wounds on Bei Ye’s arms, “Once you’ve graduated, remember to find a good job for yourself.”
Bei Ye smirked at his teacher coldly before turning and leaving the office.
Covered in cold sweat, the teacher slowly sank onto his office chair as his legs gave way beneath him. It was only when the ostentatious revving of the motorcycle faded into the distance did the teacher compose himself sufficiently to call the police station.
Chen Nian had kept her phone by her side the entire day. Although the phone hadn’t vibrated a single time the entire day, Chen Nian wasn’t anxious or fearful in the slightest. However, she wasn’t calm and collected as well. What if the police officers managed to discover some clues on the hill behind the school building? What if those clues led them to her? Would Zheng Yi call her? Or would the police officers simply arrive at her doorstep, ready to arrest her within a moment’s notice?
The moment the school bell rang, signalling the end of school, Chen Nian sprinted out of the school compound. Zheng Yi wasn’t waiting for her at the gates of the school compound. This meant that the police officers hadn’t made any new discoveries today that linked her to Wei Cai’s murder. But what about tomorrow? What about the day after tomorrow?
Bei Ye was conspicuously missing from the gates of the school compound as well. However, Chen Nian wasn’t worried in the slightest as they had agreed to meet somewhere else today. Panting heavily from the physical exertion, Chen Nian ran towards the alley where they first met. It was still 10 minutes from 6PM when Chen Nian arrived at the designated corner.
Chen Nian circled the area a few times using haphazard and strange routes. She was afraid that someone was following her – but at the same time, she didn’t know why she felt the need to hide and conceal herself.
When it was nearing 6PM, she ran to the corner of the alley where she and Bei Ye first met.
The alley was void of people at this hour. Chen Nian stared at her wristwatch. It was 5:59PM, and was ten seconds away from 6PM.
She was like a refugee who had escaped from her country, and was waiting for the rescue boat that would only come at dawn.
One second, two seconds ……
All of a sudden, the familiar loud sound of a motorcycle engine pierced the eerie silence. Chen Nian instantly whipped her head towards the direction of the sound, the delight and happiness unmistakeable in her eyes. It was the look of a lost child who finally managed to locate her closest kin. However, the youth on the motorcycle did not reduce the motorcycle’s speed; instead, the youth pressed his body even closer to the motorcycle, stomping on the pedal with all his might. The motorcycle rushed towards Chen Nian.
Within the blink of an eye, the youth had already scooped Chen Nian onto the motorcycle and driven off, leaving the passer-bys in the dust.
Having been thrown onto the motorcycle like a rucksack, the books in Chen Nian’s bag toppled onto the road, leaving a short, messy trail behind the motorcycle.
The motorcycle continued zooming forward, the uneven motion of the vehicle easily contributing to the waves of nausea overcoming Chen Nian. After some time, the motorcycle came to a sudden halt. Before Chen Nian could even gather her senses however, Bei Ye had already thrown her over his shoulders and started striding towards his house. The motorcycle, the thick, lush foliage of the mulberry trees, the setting sun, the lonely swing, the stairwell, the shutter doors – all these items flowed past Chen Nian’s vision like a steady stream.
Once again, the two youths have returned to the dark, musky and humid house. Bei Ye threw Chen Nian onto the bed and turned to stare at her.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Bei Ye heaved himself onto Chen Nian, using the weight of his body to pin her underneath him. Clasping Chen Nian’s face in an iron grip, Bei Ye began to kiss Chen Nian wildly, his actions rough and violent. Bewildered, a sense of anxiety began to form in the depths of Chen Nian’s heart.
The setting sun took cover behind the innumerable clouds, its weak rays barely able to pierce the curtains of Bei Ye’s room. The entire room to be cloaked in a silent darkness. Although Chen Nian couldn’t see the expression etched on Bei Ye’s face, she could feel his entire body trembling uncontrollably, as though he was a bowstring that had been fully pulled back.
“The police will arrive anytime now.” Bei Ye grabbed hold of Chen Nian’s collar, and began to tear at it with all his might. The fragile cloth easily ripped apart under Bei Ye’s brute force. At that very moment, Chen Nian’s heart began to tremble.
Shocked, she raised her eyes to meet Bei Ye’s gaze. At that very moment, she understood.
You lied to me?
Chen Nian’s mouth hung agape; and yet, not a single sound came out from her mouth – she had turned into a mute. Frantic, she began to shake her head profusely.
“Listen to me, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” Bei Ye began to choke up, and he expended all his force in keeping Chen Nian’s head still; glancing at the red string that was tied around his wrist, he hurriedly removed it and began tying it around her wrist, “I’m so sorry, I thought it was perfect. I thought nobody would ever find out.”
He thought, that as long as nobody found Wei Cai’s corpse, nobody would ever discover that she had been murdered. He had tidied up the crime scene and tried to remove all the clues that could potentially lead to them – he buried the blood stains with mud and soil; he transported Wei Cai’s corpse to the isolated San Shui Bridge, and hid her copse within the mud.
But, just as he was in the midst of hiding Wei Cai’s corpse, the red string that hung from his wrist came loose. As he tried to retie the red string securely onto his wrist, one of Wei Cai’s shoe fell into the gushing river below. That night, the torrential downpour easily covered up Bei Ye’s motorcycle tracks; but, it also prevented him from going down to the river to pick up Wei Cai’s stray shoe.
Even if one had made all the possible plans and preparations in the world, there would always be a term called “accident”.
And who would have ever thought that, the San Shui Bridge would collapse amidst the torrential downpour one night?
“This is an accident that was destined to happen. I couldn’t have prevented it. I’m not sad.” His gaze bored into Chen Nian’s eyes, his tone filled with the determination and resolution of a person due to die.
Because, it was precisely this accident – this accident that was destined to happen – which allowed me to meet you.
It’s fair.
“No.” Chen Nian shook her head vigorously, “No! There’s …… bound to be another …… way……” Chen Nian resisted Bei Ye’s grip, her voice strangled and muted.
“No.” Bei Ye furrowed his eyebrows, a deep crease forming over his forehead. Tears began forming in his eyes, and he pressed his forehead against Chen Nian’s. Manically staring at her, Bei Ye continued, “It’s not Lai Qing – it’s me. I’m the raincoat man.”
Chen Nian didn’t fall for Bei Ye’s bluff. Not even a single second. Shaking her head resolutely, she stated calmly, “No. You’re not.”
“It’s me.”
“No.”
“It is.”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“……”
“……”
Bei Ye was at the end of his rope.
“You recall that night? The night when you woke up and saw me washing some items in the basin? Do you know what I was washing?” Bei Ye leaned close to Chen Nian, and whispered a single sentence to her. His secret.
Chen Nian’s eyes widened in shock, and a muffled, strangle cry erupted from her throat. She began to punch Bei Ye ferociously with her tiny fists as she shook her head vigorously from side to side.
“Who allowed you to do all these things for me? Who allowed you to do so?!”
She grabbed his collar and began to shake him furiously, just as he grabbed her collar. It was as though the two youths were on the brink of strangling each other to death.
Bei Ye wrapped a strip of white cloth around Chen Nian’s mouth, effectively muting her desperate, strangled cries. In a low, quiet voice, he warned her, “Do you want to go down the path of destruction together with me? If you don’t want to lose the bright future ahead of you, listen to my instructions and do as I say. Do you understand?”
Chen Nian bit on the white cloth, and continued shaking her head as a sign of protest.
Bei Ye began to kiss Chen Nian’s face in earnest.
All of a sudden, the setting sun emerged from the cover of the clouds, and the room was once again bathed in its glow. The setting sun cast its rays on the two youths, the sudden brightness piercing the skin of the two youths as though it was a sharp razor knife.
Tears began to form in Chen Nian’s eyes.
The sharp wail of the police siren pierced the tense silence in Bei Ye’s room. It was time to say goodbye.
Bei Ye loosened the white cloth around Chen Nian’s mouth, and instructed her, “Scream for help.”
Chen Nian refused to budge, stubbornly keeping her mouth shut.
Hardening his heart, Bei Ye bit down on Chen Nian’s neck as viciously as he could, as though he had no qualms about tearing off a piece of her meat. The intense pain caused tears to flow out of Chen Nian’s eyes; and yet, not a single sound escaped from her tightly shut lips.
Tears began to form in Bei Ye’s eyes; Bei Ye tried to blink his tears away, but it was all in vain.
The wail of the police sound grew louder. There was no time left. Bei Ye hurriedly grabbed Chen Nian by the collar and began to plead.
“Little Stutterer, ever since I was born, I was a piece of trash, a piece of rubbish that nobody wanted. My entire life is doomed for normalcy, I won’t be able to achieve success in anything I do; but you – you still have Beijing. I’m not destined to be that special person in your life, and I will never ever become someone worthy of you. So please remember this – you have nothing to lose by losing me. As for me, I don’t have a choice. When I fall in love with a person, all I want to do is to protect her and hide her away, so that nobody would be able to touch her, nobody would be able to scold her, and nobody would be able to inflict harm on her; nobody would be allowed to say nasty things about her – not even a single word. — That’s all I want to do.”
The sharp screeching of vehicles braking rang out from the empty grounds of the abandoned steel mill.
“When I’m not around, you must be strong. You must remember to stay strong.”
On finishing his sentence, Bei Ye once again pinned Chen Nian onto the bed, his gaze savage and vicious, “Shout for help!”
Chen Nian bit her lips together, and simply returned his stare.
Bei Ye began to rip Chen Nian’s clothes, easily shredding her clothes into pieces, “Shout for help!”
Her lips remained glued together, and her eyes began to redden.
Footsteps – the police was clambering up the stairwell.
Frantic, Bei Ye’s eyes began to redden as he stared at Chen Nian. With trembling hands, he flicked his lighter and help the flame near Chen Nian’s neck. Chen Nian curled her body up and began writhing in pain beneath his iron grip. He was serious – he was like a lunatic, sparing no expense in forcing her to comply with his instructions. The pain caused tears to stream down Chen Nian’s face, but she remained obstinately silent as she pinned Bei Ye with a glare of hatred.
The two youths pinned each other with their charged glares, each filled with desperation and resolution. If their gazes were knives, they would have already hacked each other to death.
As they wrestled each other on the bed, the shabby curtains fell from Bei Ye’s window, causing the entire room to be bathed in the soft, yellow glow of the setting sun.
The forceful knocks on the shutter door caused the entire door to tremble violently. The police was about to burst through the door anytime now. The police began to issue instructions from outside the shutter door, “Open the door!” “Surrender now!” “You have been surrounded!”
Amidst the chaos and the confusion,
Bei Ye wrapped his hands gently around Chen Nian’s face. A thin layer of perspiration had formed over her face.
The gazes of the two youths collided with each other’s. In that moment, tears began to stream uncontrollably down her face, blurring his face from view.
The corners of the youth’s lips began to curve downwards. His heart was so heavy he felt incapable of smiling. Ultimately, however, he managed to curve his lips into a tiny smile and he gazed at Chen Nian gently. His throat began to quiver, as though he had a lifetime’s worth of dying words stuck in the passage of his throat. After some time, he only managed a single sentence, “Little Stutterer, when you’re all grown up, please don’t forget about me.”
It was as though a knife had been driven directly into Chen Nian’s heart. Her lips began to quiver, and her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. Scrunching her face tightly together, a piercing cry of pain and suffering erupted from her throat.
“Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The police officers broke down the shutter doors in that very instant, and rushed into the house.
The youth began to hug the girl with all his might, as though he was a drowning man clutching on to his final straw. He forcefully bit down on her lips. She too, bit on his lips ferociously, causing their mouths to be filled with the metallic taste of blood. The police officers surrounded the two youths, but there were unable to separate the two, who were seemingly glued to each other. Bei Ye gripped her neck with both of his hands – from the outsider’s point of view, it was as though he was about to strangle her to death;
“Let go of her!”
“You have been surrounded!”
“Bei Ye! Surrender now!” The police officers all knew his name.
“Call for reinforcements!”
The two youths continued tussling with each other, biting each other and gripping each other as tightly as they could; blood began to flow from their lips.
At long last, the two youths were finally separated. Chen Nian was like a rag doll who had been wrested from Bei Ye’s arms. It was as though the officers had ripped off a piece of meat from Bei Ye’s chest.
A female police officer hurriedly stepped forward and took Chen Nian in her arms, sheltering her from Bei Ye’s piercing gaze.
Chen Nian stared at Bei Ye, the desperation, fright and fear evident in her gaze.
The police officers kicked Bei Ye violently, and pinned his arms behind his back. They grabbed his head and shoved his head onto the floor. Like the very first time they met, his face was thrust into the dirt and dust on the floor.
Innumerable pairs of hands and legs pinned Bei Ye onto the floor, rendering him immobile and defenceless. With a distinct clicking sound, the police officers placed his wrists in handcuffs.
With his face planted on the ground, Bei Ye nevertheless continued to gaze at Chen Nian unblinkingly, as though he wanted to imprint Chen Nian’s image in his memory.
“What are you looking at?!”
A police officer slapped Bei Ye’s head whilst rebuking him. However, Bei Ye’s gaze remained determined and stubborn.
Taking Chen Nian into her arms, the female officer began to soothe and comfort Chen Nian, “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.”
This single sentence caused Chen Nian to fall onto the ground as she burst into tears.
……
……
— Little Stutterer, what’s your greatest wish?
All I wish for, is for there to be a person who would protect me from harm, and spare me from confusion and hardship;
For me to be able to face this world without fear before I grow up;
That’s all I wish for.