Chapter 26
6 . You and Mine, the Alcohol (1)
“The thing is…at the end of the day, you still have Carolina, who is like an impenetrable iron fortress that shields you from everything . But I don’t have a Carolina, you know that Kaid . ”
“It can’t be, Carolina is Laius’s, unless she herself wishes to go to Gimmi . ”
Izador shrugged his shoulders after hearing Kaid’s statement .
“I know, I’m just saying . Unless my lady is in Gimmi, Carolina would never leave Laius even if heaven and earth were overturned . ”
I kept staring at the two people engaged in the pleasant conversation . They spoke without reserve, and the continuously smooth conversation flowed like water . I was now convinced that my previous realization was correct .
With Izador, it could be said that their easy-flowing conversation was because of their relationship . But, if you think about it, even with Caron (the maid chief), or even Samua and Jasmine, Kaid didn’t seem to hesitate to talk .
He is always choosing the topic and having the appropriate two way conversation, along with smoothly removing unnecessary points without losing the original meaning and oversimplifying the topic’s original content . We’re talking about Kaid, so I’m sure he’s doing this consciously, but doing it consciously implies that he has a deep understanding of the practice and is therefore skilled in the art of communicating .
The conclusion is .
“Kaid, it can’t be that you’re only bad at talking when it’s with me? Is it?”
The hands that seemed to be unwavering even after drinking so much alcohol suddenly were shaking . The two people who were making statements of being sober, abruptly lowered their glasses, making a loud clunk . Their two pairs of eyes, which had started becoming a little sleepy due to the alcohol, were now wide open . Izador very awkwardly looked towards Kaid .
“You . . it’s not like I don’t understand your feelings . But how innocent hmp!!”
Kaid moved at an unbelievable speed and covered his hand over Izador’s mouth, blocking whatever the other man was attempting to say . I think it must have hurt because it made the sharp sound of a slap . Even so, Izador didn’t clutch his blocked mouth or wither in pain, he only turned his startled eyes towards Kaid .
“My lady, that’s…”
“……Izador, it doesn’t hurt?”
“I’m fine . ”
Because the said person waved his palm lightly, it seemed like he was really alright . However, he was still looking at Kaid with startled eyes . No longer worrying about Izador, I was troubled by how resolutely assertive Kaid had just been, and turned my eyes towards him .
“Um… because you like talking to people, right? I can’t think of you as someone who is bad at talking after looking at the usual you . Since it’s not my forte, you must try to match me . Thank you, Kaid . ”
He seemed to be flustered as his golden eyes began wavering, somehow exuding pain before narrowing tightly . Suddenly, Kaid stood up vigorously, and with that same energy, kneeled at my feet . This time I was dumbfounded by his sudden burst of energy .
I began panicking and tried to get him to stand, but his much larger body refused to, no matter how hard I tried pulling him up . When I attempted to go down to the floor, I was held to the chair . Then, the hand I was using to make him stand was grabbed by Kaid . He then looked straight up .
“My Lady, I’ve had enough, I’m not going to tell a lie to you for the second time . ”
Unconsciously, I became startled by his eyes and voice that were so breathtakingly earnest .
“But, I’m not thinking that it’s a lie . ”
“It’s different, my Lady! I would never trick you, for the second time, that is… . ”
“Kaid!”
Kaid was so desperately and passionately arguing, that his eyes started trembling, so much so that I wanted to scold my thoughtless words . Not being able to tell the truth has left a much deeper wound inside him than it has in me . I reap what I sow . Even though I didn’t think that his rightness is hateful, as I myself understand it, there’s no one who cannot forgive their past more than Kaid .
“Kaid, forgive me . I ended up saying something weird . It’s not like that . I didn’t say it to you because of that . ”
“That’s not it, my Lady . The truth is I really can’t talk to you properly, it’s… because I’m embarrassed . ”
“Embarrassed?”
Kaid seemed hesitant to say it . I tilted my head at the unexpected response . It’s unusual for him to mumble with such a heavy voice, so unknown to myself, I began staring at him .
I was bothered that he was still kneeling on the floor, but now I was more concerned by Kaid’s unusual state .
“Why? I mean, in the past you talked to me like usual, right?”
You and Mine, the Alcohol (2)
“… . That’s, because… it’s necessary for me to control myself, and I didn’t let it go too far… … since this is happening, please forgive me for saying this, but my Lady, you are overlooking something . ”
The lips that had been mumbling and the eyes that had been trembling, suddenly stopped . Kaid opened his mouth with a determined feeling . I was pondering over the words he just said . Hmm, “overlooking” . I didn’t think of it like that before .
“That’s right… I’m sorry . I have said it before, but recently I’ve been saying it again . In the past it’s rare for me to be able to talk to anyone, and even now I still like that… . Thus, I’m happy . Of course I’m happy talking to Caron and the others, but talking with you like this makes me tremendously happy . ”
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“M-my lady . ”
“Kaid, All of the people in the territory are looking at you, their eyes are always sparkling, it’s very beautiful . Although you were being stared at by so many eyes, you were always looking dignified… . So, umm… I know that you always have to restrain yourself, but please, I hope that you can also get used to being stared at by me… can’t you?”
“It’s impossible!”
I felt dejected by his forceful response .
But after reconsidering what he said, It does seem unfair to constantly demand him to change . At the very least, I should also say “because I will also try as hard as possible” .
Although it may be a bit difficult, but… I should try to not stare at him so much .
Because I like Kaid so much, my love for him causes my gaze to follow him by all means . But, I think it’s the same way for Kaid, because our eyes always meet with each other . It has been like this, especially after both of us came back to the mansion .
Thus, we use our gaze to express the repressed feeling of love . Although, perhaps I should stop staring at Kaid so intensely, it’s unbearable (for me) to the point that I can’t hold back on staring at him because I like Kaid so much . It’s impossible to turn away my gaze and hide my love for him .
I wonder, what should I do? I was at a loss . There was no way in which I would not trouble Kaid .
I, who was at a complete loss, must have made a pathetic face, because Kaid became extremely flustered .
“My lady, I beg you, please don’t equate the stares of others to those of the people I cherish . It’s impossible for me to see them as the same thing, because I’m in love with you . ”
Kaid said it with sincere eyes and voice . I didn’t even think to look for such things, but from his direct gaze and his tight grasp over my hands, I could tell that he was not lying . It was impossible for him to be lying, Kaid has always only given me the truth .
There’s no blindfolds to cover the malic, sadness, agony, and misery . Thus, he opened his feelings to me this way without pretense . My chest felt chaotic by his feelings being directed straight at me, however it was happiness that surged inside .
But, there was also a feeling of anxiety floating around .
I held back Kaid’s hand that was grasping mine . He raised his serious face, his golden eyes meeting mine, and a gentle heat began dancing around us . Despite him being an adult who carries a beautiful gaze, I am more anxious about when Kaid shows his childish expressions . I’m afraid that others might do something horrible to him because he’s too cute…
Despite him being an adult, I have always been concerned about him . But because he is someone who is such a successful feudal lord, I was hesitant to say too much . Up until now, I was unable to voice my concerns, but I thought that I should tell him properly once and for all .
“Kaid, you can’t . You shouldn’t be . ”
“Yes?”
“You shouldn’t do cute things, and carelessly say such cute things . You’re a man so maybe you didn’t learn these things . However until recently, I have declared that I will never get married, perhaps it’s such a self-deprecating, but now… I’m able to say please marry me, so is it fine for the surroundings to realize such things, moreover realize that you’re the same way as me?”
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Marriage and love are interconnected things for commoners, but for nobles, it is something one must never entertain too much .
Humans have desire, that is something that will not change whether you’re a commoner or noble . But, the direction of the desire also changes according to the position, especially for a noble . Although marriage is an issue between the man and woman, the family situations are prioritized over their feelings . Thus, it’s common for people’s feelings to become neglected when dealing with marriage, and sometimes leads towards the unpleasant direction of having and dealing with multiple partners (concubines and lovers) . My parents taught me that I must convey love carefully, not because it’s something shameful or indecent, but because it needs to be carried out modestly .
ou and Mine, the Alcohol (3)
And yet, Kaid seemed to not understand, his face blank while whispering out a “Haaa?”
“What I mean is, it’s fine to be that way in private, but you must not do or say such adorable things in public . Although the issue of becoming family is important, falling in love is another matter . If you were at ease doing such adorable things, it wouldn’t be strange for people who were already crazy for you to come forward . ”
“No, this… I never thought that the day would come where my lady would lecture me about this issue . My lady, I’m not a child, I am a man . ”
“That’s why I said, regardless if you are a man or woman, when it’s about someone you love, you still have to be modest in your expression of your love . If something bad happens because of one’s excessive actions of love, wouldn’t it be too late? Like in my case, I seem to go crazy for you because you’re so adorable . I even unconsciously want to embrace you, but I choose not to do it in the case you scold me for being improper . Right Izador, don’t you think so too?”
Kaid raised his face in surprise when I turned to Izador, who had been silently listening to me .
“For you to remember my existence, it’s an honor my lady . ”
After saying something as if he had been forced, Izador turned his gaze towards Kaid, the two of them sharing a strange look . I was surprised that Kaid, who had received his gaze, silently nodded as if he understood completely .
“Kaid, you really have to give it your all when taking care of her!”
“… I know . ”
“It’s fine for you to be blushing with ‘you were there!?’ while forgetting my existence, but even in the situation when you want people to remember you, how could the lady be so natural about it!? No matter how much I think about it, this is not normal!”
“I know!”
“It’s not so bad if it were us, but even my attendants who know nothing have said that somehow, when continuously being stared at by the lady, they become flushed and get a weird feeling! After all she is the Young lady of Laius! Nevertheless the princess who has been sheltered from the world, her captivating gaze is too much for one to handle!”
“I know it!”
“Is it really okay for her to come out from Laius !?”
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“I don’t know!”
Kaid who screamed in despair, stared at me again with a great spirit . I felt the strength of Kaid’s grip around my hand get stronger .
“My lady”
“Y-Yes?”
“After all this, please look at me”
Even though Kaid had a face of determination, his body and mind seemed to have tensed up before me . What he just said was something that was hard to understand, because I thought that no matter how hard I try, it would be difficult for me to not look at him . But now, it seems like everything turned out as I wanted, but why is it suddenly alright for me to look? I don’t quite understand, but since I now have permission from Kaid, a new wave of emotion soon overrode my previous feelings of suspicion .
“Kaid, I’m happy”
“Umm… so, that . Well, please only look at me”
“But I intend to always only look at you… . You should know how much I love you, so there’s no way I would look away”
Have I done something that made him anxious? While I was trying to think back on my own actions, Izador jumped in between us .
“My lady, please stop it already! Kaid is already dying!”
“Eh!?”
“Let me tell you on my own, the straying arrows are still quite dangerous even for me who get used to playing around . So it’s impossible for Kaid, who has been continuously receiving them directly, to be unaffected! I beg you, Could you please go easy on him ?!”
“Ab-about what!?”
“About love!”
I spontaneously yelled at his surprising reply .
“It’s impossible! Because I like Kaid so much!”
After thinking about it later, I yelled such an embarrassing line with all my might! Most likely it was because I had unknowingly become drunk by the smell of alcohol that had filled the whole room . Were Kaid and Izador, who both admitted to being strong drinkers, also quite drunk? The scent of alcohol that filled the room must’ve been incredibly strong because even after the drinking part was over, I was still giddy .
One of the strange things is, the following days after, I often saw the appearance of Kaid and Caron discussing something together . Furthermore, I think the strangest thing is how those discussions mostly ended up with both of them being in a troubled state .