Arc 1, New Moon
Chapter 24
Did that man really want to do that sort of thing?
Did Ernst actually want to do that sort of thing?
"Lord Ernst?"
Ernst looked into those reddish-brown eyes, which held a tinge of curiosity.
"You said that you love me. If that is the case, then why are you so calm like this? Dunbertians are the kind of people who are quick to become intimate, aren't they? …As I thought, because of this childish body of mine, you can't feel that way for me."
Ernst had wanted to speak with composure, but by the end, his voice distorted. After he had come to the realization that he loved this man, and after finding out the manner in which two men would do it, Ernst's heart wasn't able to stay calm.
Even though they had hugged each other, even though they had kissed each other, this man hadn't made a single attempt to move forward. If he believed in the man's words, then would a person of Grude really be able to show that much restraint?
"That isn't true! Lord Ernst, that isn't the case… because, I!"
Suddenly, Ernst felt the arms circling his back tighten with power.
"I… must apologize to Lord Ernst."
His large head hung down.
"I know that I will receive Lord Ernst's beratement. And that you will despise me. If it were possible, I would have kept silent about this my entire life… that was what I had cowardly thought."
This large and despondent man who hung his head before Ernst looked so pitiful; Ernst started to rub the man's head.
"There is a rule that the servant of the bathing chamber has to follow. It is a rule that must absolutely, never be broken. It was… that one should never make contact with the honorable body of the crown prince."
Ernst twined his fingers around the man's curly hair and pulled.
"The truth is, the crown prince's body mustn’t be washed with anything other than a golden cloth."
"Humm. If I'm not remembering incorrectly…"
"…Yes. I had used my bare hands to wash you…"
It was just a faint memory by now, but Ernst had a feeling that the other manservants had certainly been using something when they washed him.
"At first, I had also used the golden cloth. But Lord Ernst always looked as if you were deep in thought over some difficult matter… In that state, you paid no mind at all to my conduct… and one day, the back of my finger made just a slight bit of contact with Lord Ernst's skin."
Ernst wasn't sure of just how long this man had served in the bathing chamber. When he had lived in the royal palace, he didn't really differentiate between any of the people around him.
"Lord Ernst hadn't noticed that my finger had touched you. Every night after that, I made contact with Lord Ernst's soft skin. Before long… I had stopped using the golden cloth. Yet even so, Lord Ernst hadn't noticed at all…"
The man smiled bitterly as if in self-derision.
Unable to hold back, Ernst pressed his lips to the man's wide mouth. He slipped his tongue inside and tasted the man's thick tongue. The man's saliva was sweet, and his taste spread through Ernst's mouth.
"Forgive me. I, the Ernst who had been in the royal palace, hadn't yet become a person."
The man's tongue licked at Ernst's wet lips.
"The one who must beg for forgiveness is me. What I had done to Lord Ernst without your notice was inexcusable. I, whenever I touched Lord Ernst's body… I was unable to keep my body from heating up."
Even though the man's hot tongue had felt around the inside of Ernst's mouth, even though the man had said that he hadn't been able to restrain the fervor of his body, on this night, as well, the man left before the fire of the hearth went out.
Once the man had left, the room felt cold even when the flame of the fireplace continued to burn.
Ernst reread the book that he had found yesterday. In the book, the manhood between the man's legs had risen with a flourish, and it penetrated the hole of the other man's rear. The man who had been pierced also had an erect manhood between his legs. Seeing that, the man who had penetrated him had been pleased.
Was that man also seeking for Ernst to respond to him in such a way? Was that why he didn't do anything? If it was that man, he of all people would know what Ernst's manhood was like. No matter what was done to it, it wouldn't stand up.
For the first time, Ernst felt mortified over his disease-stricken body. No matter how much time passed, even when he was on his deathbed, his body would continue to be like a child.
Ernst gazed down at the training soldiers. That soldier, and that soldier, and that soldier, and that soldier, they were all men. All of those soldiers over there, they would all be able to become erect.
Those soldiers of the militia, all of them would be able to please that man.
"Lord Ernst?"
Not even able to wait for the man to sit down, Ernst clung to the man's large body.
"The reason why you don't touch me, it's because I'm not a man, isn't it!?"
Ernst shouted for the first time in his entire life.
"You know it too, don't you!? That my manhood is, that this thing that hangs between my legs is useless and good for nothing!"
Ernst cried as he said this. He had never before cried in front of another person.
"L…Lord Ernst, please calm down. U-um… First, how about we go sit down. It's cold over here, right?"
The man easily picked Ernst up and sat down with him in front of the fireplace, setting Ernst upon his hip. Ernst felt vexed by the man's composure.
"You… so even if you don't do anything with me, it doesn't matter to you…? Even though for me, it's not enough anymore to just always keep talking like this without doing anything more."
The man licked Ernst's flowing tears with his tongue.
"Each and every one of those people you had touched before, I want to find them, I want to cut them down, it's so horrible."
The man's large finger traced Ernst's bitten lips.
"Lord Ernst, you don't need to have such thoughts. I myself have already forgotten anyone who had ever been my partner before."
Ernst looked at the man's eyes.
"But I feel this way because I've fallen in love with you."
At Ernst's whisper, the man's reddish-brown eyes widened in shock. Ernst now remembered his own failure – he had forgotten to tell the man his feelings.
"Aah, that's right. I had forgotten to tell you. I hadn't meant to, but I had ended up falling in love with you."
The flames of the fireplace burst, devouring.
Translator’s Note