After the incident with Xi Jin and the fight Feng Tianlan had with Mobai, she knew not to ignore Mobai. Some words needed to be said, and it was not enough that she liked and cared about him in her heart.
She had to express those feelings to give him a sufficient sense of security. Men also required a sense of security.
“Mobai, my feelings for Big Brother Jin will always be like the affection one has for a brother. Since I did not fall in love with him over the ten years we spent together, then, even if we got along for a lifetime, I would still never fall in love with him. A brother will always be a brother. My feelings for him are the same as those for Sister Lin.”
She liked Big Brother Jin, but it was the kind of affection a younger sister had for an older brother. It was the love of family and friendship, and nothing more. She could not give more. So, she was avoiding him now, too. But in the face of his impending death, she could not avoid him because she was not that cold. Her heart was still human, after all.
Si Mobai looked down at her and her petite hands that still held onto his belt. She spoke so earnestly that his heart could not help but soften a little.
“There’s also Jiang Ying. I was not sensible before and was always known as a couple, so I inevitably had feelings. But now I like you. The two kinds of affection are completely different,” she said.
“I liked him because he was good to me and doted on me. It was because he stood in front of me countless times to shield me from being bullied. Because I grew up thinking that he would become my husband, so I should like him. That way, I could be happy for the rest of my life, and we could grow old together,” Feng Tianlan explained.
“Lan’er.” Listening to her talk about liking another person caused Si Mobai to frown, and his big hands held her slender waist tighter. Even if it had happened in the past, it still bothered him.
Feng Tianlan felt the change in his emotions and pulled out of his embrace. She laid on her side and reached out to gently tug at his stubble. She said, “Mobai, I know it bothers you, but that is my past. You were not involved and had yet to appear. You can mind for a while but don’t resent it for too long. It will cause a fissure in our connection, and then our two hearts will drift further apart.”
Hearing her words, Si Mobai’s heart tensed, and he responded, “What I am afraid of is that our one year cannot compete with your ten years.”
He had missed too much of her time. He was really afraid.
“Mobai, it cannot be compared. You’re all important to me.” Feng Tianlan rested her chin on her hand and lifted her eyes to look at him earnestly. She said, “I chose Xi Jin this time because he was poisoned and about to die. If the person in mortal danger were you, I would do the same for you because there is still a chance at life. But there’s only one life. Once it’s gone, it is really gone.”
Si Mobai, who had originally lost his mind due to jealousy, also returned to reason at this time. He listened to her words and could understand what she meant. But he could not say the word sorry because if there were to be a next time, he was afraid that it would hurt just as much.
After all, her own life had almost ended.
“Mobai, we have to be happy, but we cannot step on the lives of innocent people. Especially the lives of those we care about. Because if that happens, we won’t be happy for the rest of our lives. Even if we get married, there will be a sense of guilt.”
If Xi Jin had really died this time, she would not be at ease for the rest of her life. She would not be able to have a lifetime of happiness with Mobai, even if she did her best. She would inevitably wonder about if she had tried harder and if Mobai did not take her away, would Xi Jin have lived?
If that had happened, she would have such thought. Her estrangement from Mobai would become deeper and deeper until the two of them parted ways.