Diary.
‘Four years ago I was a different person,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘My parents were busy working and neglected me. I shopped, gambled, drank, smoked and hung out with a bad crowd. One night I was at a nightclub with people I thought were my friends. One of the men tried to rape me, I escaped to my car. I was too frightened, and forgot to wear a seatbelt. I got into a car accident, my face was scarred, one of my eyes became blind and I broke two rib bones. When I woke up at the hospital, I found out my parents called the doctors to do everything to save my life. But I didn’t want to live being blind and disfigured so I didn’t take the medication the doctors gave me and I didn’t let the nurses take care of me.’
Li Lam took out a tissue and dried her tears.
‘I trashed everything in my hospital room,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘Then a young woman walked into my hospital room, and cleaned up broken glass pieces and the rubbish on the floor…’
‘If you’re in pain, reading a book can help you forget the pain,’ Chu Da said.
‘Get lost,’ Li Lam said. ‘Don’t be nosy.’
‘I’m a hospital volunteer,’ Chu Da said. ‘My name is Chu Da. You can call me by my nickname, Da Da.’
‘Go to hell,’ Li Lam said. ‘I hate everyone here. Get lost.’
‘If you don’t cooperate with your doctors and nurses then how can you recover?’ Chu Da asked.
‘Look at me,’ Li Lam said. ‘Look at my scarred face. Look at my blind eye. I’m an invalid.’
‘As long as you’re alive there is hope,’ Chu Da said.
‘What would you know about hope?’ Li Lam asked. ‘Do you know important beauty is to a woman?’
‘There is plastic surgery and eye laser treatments,’ Chu Da said. ‘As long as you’re alive there is hope.’
‘What hope?’ Li Lam asked. ‘If you were me, I don’t think you’ll feel the same way.’
‘If I was you, I’m certain I’ll still believe there is hope,’ Chu Da said. ‘I have three months left to live. That is what I call not having hope left.’
Li Lam couldn’t stop crying, and took out another tissue.
‘Later I found out big sister had ovarian cancer,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘I didn’t think someone who had three months left would volunteer their time left to help others. Big sister brought me new books every day…’
‘Don’t you have family members?’ Li Lam asked Chu Da. ‘How come none of your family members have come to visit you?’
‘No,’ Chu Da said. ‘I’m an orphan.’
‘What will happen to you…’ Li Lam asked.
‘Don’t worry,’ Chu Da said. ‘The hospital will take care of my ashes. Everyone turns to ashes after they die whether a person is an orphan or has a family.’
Li Lam poured more grape juice on the ground.
‘Big sister was the first person who truly cared about me,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘She treated me like a little sister…’
‘Xiao Lam, after I die I want you to have my eyes,’ Chu Da said.
‘Big sister don’t joke like this,’ Li Lam said. ‘I believe you’ll live a long life.’
Li Lam stared at the photo of Chu Da smiling.
‘Two months later big sister looked like a skeleton,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘She was in a lot of pain, but she didn’t complain and continued to bring me books. She loved reading, it helps her forget her pain after each cancer treatment session. She stopped treatments during her last month. I begged her to continue her treatments, I didn’t want her to leave me…’
‘Xiao Lam, I want you to help me with something,’ Chu Da said.
‘Big sister, I’ll do anything to help you,’ Li Lam said.
‘There is a man I love,’ Chu Da said. ‘I want you to have plastic surgery to look like me, and I want you take my eyes. After I die, I want you to go look at him with my eyes.’
‘Big sister told me everything about her relationship with you,’ Li Lam said to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘The day she closed her eyes for the last time was the most painful day in my life.’ She passed a diary to Gu Jiao Wu. ‘This is big sister’s diary. I believe big sister would want you to have it. After meeting big sister, I found out how I wasted my life. I kept my promise to big sister to look at you with her eyes. I thought you would believe I’m big sister, and be with me. I didn’t think I would fall in love with you. But after getting to know you… Gu Jiao Wu, I love you.’
End of Chapter 129