Chapter 64
I smiled and continued, “I was wandering on the surface of the lake as a ghost, but I felt like I was the one slowly drowning . There was a strong sense of desperation and it came from the perception that everything in this world has vaporized . But just as I was slowly coming to peace with the fact that I was dying, I heard a voice, telling me that Zhang shi’s life is too valuable to die like that and that I should go back up . ”
I spoke slowly on purpose and paused here and there . When I finished those words, I noticed that Qi Sheng slowly closed his eyes .
“I refused to listen to that voice . I had died once . Why would I want to be that woman? I refused to return, and the voice wouldn’t allow me to continue my descend . In the end, the voice resorted to showing me the kaleidoscope of lives living in this world and it said that I would be able to see the world in the different light after I had a full picture of what the world truly looked like . This experience lasted for three days, and I felt like I had gone through the length of three lifetimes . I had experienced all kinds of human emotions and in the end, I came back to being Zhang shi . ”
I paused and turned my head to Qi Sheng . I waited until he opened his eyes and then continued slowly, “You have conjured up all kinds of theories about my true identity, but you never thought that I could actually be that Zhang shi who you thought was too willful and capricious in the past . You have noticed the sudden change in her character, but what you didn’t know is that she had been so desperate that she had to reinvent herself into a complete different woman . ”
Qi Sheng fell into a long silence .
I had determined to stick by my story no matter what and if I couldn’t spin this story anymore, I would try to think of something else, even if I had to say that I was an alien and made the whole thing looked like the plot of a science fiction .
I thought for a while and decided to add an emotional finale to this almost tragic-sounding story where the scheming supporting female character turned into the charismatic female protagonist .
I looked up to meet Qi Sheng’s gaze and said without any trace of emotion, “Zhang Pengpeng has never changed . She just turned into a different woman, one without the feelings of love, jealousy, sadness and anxiety . ”
If Qi Sheng’s eyes had been a tranquil lake, now it had turned into a pond of pitch-black, stale water, not capable of reflecting any light . He simply stared at me, sending chills down my spine .
Silence has inundated the whole palace and I could hear his heavy breath clearly, along with my pounding heart and the cracking of the nearby fire .
The two of us were locked in the stalemate and Qi Sheng suddenly broke the silence, asking, “You want to tell me that I should apologize to Zhang shi, right?”
What he said was presented as a question, but the tone was very certain, like it didn’t actually require an answer .
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I hesitated, trying to think of an answer . But he simply smiled . The smile seemed so lighthearted, like Qi Sheng had just heard a funny story .
It had only struck me that Qi Sheng looked so much like Bathroom Lord! But I should have realized this long ago, as they were blood brothers . How silly I had been to define them as two different men .
Qi Sheng subtly crooked up his lips and said calmly, “Even if I owe Zhang shi my apology, what does it have anything to do with you? You are not Zhang shi . No matter how you spin it, you are not her . You cannot fool me because I had known her for more than a decade . ”
I was struck dumb by his words and at this point, all I could think of is that I would be an idiot if I continue to see Qi Sheng as a stupid man!
He squinted at me and slowly asked, “You didn’t answer my question . Are you a man or a woman?”
Not knowing how to answer it, I only looked at him in silence .
He watched me for a while, a trace of unknown emotion flashing across his eyes . Then, he smiled as he got up, looking like he was about to leave .
But I knew his leave meant that he had confirmed my identity as a man, and I would be facing certain death .
I was not afraid of death . I only feared that I might suffer before I died .
For a second, I very much wanted to grab him and beg him to give me a quick death on account of my past with him as man and wife .
With this thought in mind, I subconsciously grabbed his sleeve as he left .
He halted his steps and turned back to look at me, asking, “Man or woman?”
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I dared not say “man”, but I was equally reluctant to say “woman”, and so I remained silent .
He stretched out his hand to unlock my grip on his sleeve, like what I used to do to him in the past, one finger at a time .
I exerted more force to my grip and asked him in a hoarse voice, “Are you going to kill me?”
Upon hearing this question, Qi Sheng paused . He tilted his head sideways to look at me with a visible smirk on his face, “I will not kill you . I will keep you as my Empress and make you stay in this palace forever . ”
A wealthy life with need for nothing? Well, I could accept that . With this thought, I loosened my grip and let go of his sleeve .
However, Qi Sheng gritted his teeth and continued, “I will make you wish you have never been born . ”
What? What I have done to deserve this?
I hurriedly grab his sleeve again and pleaded, “Don’t be so cruel . Let me go, or at least give me a quick death . ”
Qi Sheng stared at me and asked, “Let you go?”
I nodded, “Let me go!”
Qi Sheng fixed his gaze on me and suddenly burst out laughing .
This sudden laughter surprised everyone outside the palace . Lv Li and Xie Yi scurried into the palace and just as they entered, Qi Sheng yelled out, “Get the hell out!”
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Lv Li and Xie Yi were stunned by this and halted right where they were . Xie Yi was the first to sense the tension permeating the palace and she hurriedly pulled Lv Li out . Together, they backed out the palace the same way they entered .
Qi Sheng lowered his head and looked at me with a ashen face, “Let you go? Then who will let me go?”
Seeing that he was being so unreasonable, I waved my hand in a moment of fluster and yelled, “Go find the one responsible for your torment and stopping punishing me for your trauma!”
Qi Sheng was obviously very angry . He slid his hand out to grab my wrist and pulled me closer to him . Then he growled with obvious hatred in his voice, “Answer me! What are you? A man or a woman?”
Though I was infuriated beyond control, the basic instinct of survival prompted me to rip my clothes open as I snarled, “See for yourself! Does this look like a man’s body to you? Have we not slept together before? Did I not give birth to your daughter? Does any of this sound like the kind of things a man would do?”
As I was yelling frantically, a fit of sorrow suddenly overtook me and almost made me cry .
Surprisingly, Qi Sheng suddenly pulled me closer to him and asked again harshly, “Answer me . Man or woman?!”
The answer coming out of my mouth would seal my fate .
I was perfectly aware of the gravity of the situation, yet I still couldn’t bring myself to utter the word “woman” . To me, it was as if all the things I had done for the past twenty years would be wiped clean the minute I said this word . If I did this, then from now on, I would forever be just Zhang shi, an ordinary woman, the former princess and now the Empress . Even if I made the Dowager Empress, I would still be a woman, living under the whims of Qi Sheng like the rest of the women in his harem . I would go down in history as a nameless and insignificant woman!
In the past, I never thought twice about bending my principles to survive . Even when I woke up and found myself in Zhang shi’s body, it only took me half a day to digest that reality that I would spend the rest of my life trapped in this woman’s body .
It was all because deep down, I had always regarded myself as a man . Even though I didn’t have man’s private part and I was no longer able to feel anything when holding a woman, I nonetheless still thought that I was more of an upright man than Qi Sheng could ever be!
But at this moment, Qi Sheng was trying to mentally castrate me into acknowledging that I had always been a woman!
Qi Sheng stood straight with his stiffened body, his eyes burning with flaring fire . He kept his eyes fixed at me like a tiger looking at its prey .
I mustered up all the strength I had to spit out this difficult word, “Woman, I am a woman . ”
Upon hearing that, Qi Sheng immediately loosened his grip .
As soon as he did that, I collapsed onto the floor uncontrollably and the long-suppressed tears began streaming down my cheeks . I didn’t want to cry in front of Qi Sheng, and so I wiped the tears off with the back of my hand . But even I used two hands, I still couldn’t be able to wipe my face clean .
I felt rather aggrieved as I wiped off my tears, but since I had acknowledged that I was a woman, I might as well behave like one . And thus I began howling like crazy .
However, crying was the easy part, and hardest part was to stop it . I felt like I had tons of grievances to let out and those grievances would only be appeased after I cried my heart out .
While I was crying on the floor, Qi Sheng stood quietly in front of me .
I didn’t know how much time had passed, but when I realized that my throat had become hoarse from all the crying and that I had run out of tears, I saw the silhouette in front of me moving and the next thing I knew, Qi Sheng squatted down and spoke to me with our eyes aligned on the same level, “Do you know how much I want to kill you and be done with it?”
He crooked up his lips as he finished those words, with a self-mocking expression on his face . He walked past me and out of the palace .
I was still trying to digest the last line Qi Sheng said when Lv Li scurried in . When she noticed my condition, she felt into a stunned silence and then fell to her knees and kept kowtowing to me without uttering a word .
The heavy sound coming from her kowtows prompted me to pull her up from the floor . After noticing that her forehead was covered with blood, I felt so stunned and reprimanded her, “You silly girl . What did you do that for?!”