Chapter 11
The Mysterious Scholar
The House was empty.
It was as if the lamps lit themselves.
Brand-new brass lamps shinning bright as gold.
Brand-new brass lamps arranged on brand new mahogany tables. The brand-new mahogany tables were sitting on brand-new Persian rugs, there were even fresh flowers laid out beside the lamps.
There was everything.
Everything that belonged in a house was now completely arranged inside of Dash's house.
It seemed that a miracle had occurred.
The only thing left unchanged was Dash's bed.
But the bed had brand-new blankets, they were even embroidered with flowers.
Big G was standing in the doorway, his eyes were about to fall out of his head, "Did we come to the wrong place?" he muttered.
"Nope, where else could you find such a large bed?" Swally smiled wryly.
"It really looks like some celestial being has taken care of us, I wonder if it's a goddess?" Big G exhaled.
Swally: "Looks like old Mr. King is a living example of Dong Yong, his filial piety must have moved the gods."
Big G: "I am also a filial son, maybe the celestial beings were looking for me."
Swally: "You're an idiot."
Although they were joking, they knew very well that someone had moved all of these things here, and there was a good chance that it was the same person who took care of the bill at Lunar Mansion.
They were joking about the gods, only because they were trying to ignore unsettling feelings of bewilderment.
They couldn't figure out who this person was, and they had no idea why he was acting this way.
Dash slowly walked over to the bed, slowly took of his shoes, and then quickly lied down.
He did everything very slowly, without a care in the world, it was only when he was about to lie down that he would move fast, incredibly fast.
Big G was frowning, "You're going to go to sleep just like that?"
Dash yawned, that was the only answer he was going to get.
Big G: "Do you have any idea where these things came from?"
Dash: "Nope. All I know is that when I'm tired I need to sleep."
He didn't care if these things were sent by a goddess, it didn't even matter to him if they were sent by demons. Even if all the goddesses and demons of the world were to gather here, they couldn't prevent him from sleeping.
It was as if he could instantly fall asleep the moment he shut his eyes.
"I truly admire this guy," Big G sighed.
Swally was biting his lip, "I will go have a look in the back, maybe there is someone back there."
There was still a row of rooms in the back courtyard where Sour Plum had stayed.
There were seven or eight rooms in the front, other than the main hall and the parlor. Other than the room where Dash slept, three other rooms had new comfortable beds.
"This person is really thoughtful, he actually knew that there were four people living here," Big G mumbled.
"Come quick, look at this, there is a... a..." Swally suddenly yelled loudly from the back courtyard.
He couldn't even manage to say what he had seen.
Big G was the first to rush forward, Forest was following close behind.
The courtyard had been swept clean, and new bamboo had been moved in from who knows where. There were chrysanthemum flowers, Swally was standing in the middle of the flowers staring blankly at something.
Shockingly, he was staring at a coffin.
A brand-new coffin.
× × ×
There seemed to be characters engraved on the head of the coffin, taking a closer look, the words "The Corpse of Hideous Nangong" had been terrifyingly engraved on top.
Forest's entire body instantly froze, even his lips turned completely pale.
Big G was starting to feel nervous, "Where did you kill him?" he had to ask.
Forest: "Just... just outside."
Big G: "Outside where?"
Forest: "Outside of where he was staying."
Big G: "Did you bury his body after you killed him?"
Forest shook his head while biting his lip.
"You didn't even bother to bury the body," Big G sighed.
Forest was almost starting to cry all over again.
Swally: "No matter who kills somebody for their first time, it's hard not to be overcome by anxiety. How could you worry about anything else after killing someone, you wouldn't even want to look at the body."
Big G: "Sounds like you are speaking from experience."
Swally: "Don't forget, even though I haven't killed anyone, I have at least been killed."
Big G exhaled, "When you killed him, was there anyone around?"
Forest shook his head again.
Big G: "If nobody was around, then who put his body in a coffin? Who sent the coffin?"
He suddenly laughed, "He couldn't have climbed in the coffin and sent it here himself."
Big G had a bad habit, no matter how serious the situation, he couldn't stop himself from making jokes.
Even he could tell that this wasn't a very good joke.
Forest's facial expression started to look even worse, "I... I didn't want..." he muttered while biting his lip.
Before he finished speaking, DONG, a sound suddenly came from within the coffin.
Again, another DONG.
Swally and Big G's facial expressions instantly changed.
"Could the soul of the dead person have returned?"
Big G patted Forest on the shoulder, "Don't be afraid, we weren't scared of him when he was alive, why should we be scared of a dead guy?" he smiled awkwardly.
Swally: "Since you're not afraid, let's open the coffin and let him out."
It looked like he was actually going to open it up.
"Wait." Big G couldn't help saying.
Swally: "I thought you weren't afraid?"
Big G: "Of course I'm not scared, it's just that... it's just that..."
"DONG, DONG, DONG!" The sounds from inside the coffin grew even louder, as if the dead person really was urgently trying to come out.
A coward would have already ran for his life by now.
"Let me open the coffin, I am the one he is looking for," Forest said abruptly.
"No, let me do it," Big G said.
He jumped forward as he was speaking.
He was actually pretty scared, perhaps even more frightened than the other two, if it was only him involved, he probably would have already made a hasty retreat.
But Forest was his friend, when his friends were involved, even if he was scared to death, he would find the courage to face the danger head on.
Swally was staring at him, something in his gaze turned soft and gentle, "You aren't afraid of ghosts?" he suddenly asked.
Big G: "Who said I wasn't scared?"
His hand was already lifting open the lid by the time he said "scared."
WHOOSH, a living thing scurried out of the coffin.
Even if Big G was as bold as a lion, it would have been impossible for him not to yell out.
The living thing that jumped out of the coffin was also yelling, "Woof, woof, woof."
It was a dog, a black dog, a living, breathing, black dog.
Big G was stunned, he wiped the sweat from his brow, he wanted to laugh, but he couldn't, he finally let out a long sigh, "What a stupid prank, only an idiot would try to pull of this kind of prank," he said smiling bitterly.
Swally: "He is definitely not an idiot, and there is no way that this is a prank."
Big G: "Well, what is it then?"
Swally: "This person not only knows that Forest killed Hideous Nangong, he knows that Forest lives here."
"He knows a lot about our situation, but why would he do this?" Big G exclaimed.
Swally took a deep sigh, "Maybe he is trying to make a point, maybe he has nothing to do; but regardless of why, he is definitely not going to stop."
Big G: "You think that he has something else planned?"
Swally nodded, "We just have to wait and see what he is up to."
He patted Forest on the shoulder, "So we should go get some rest, such comfortable beds, we would be the idiots if we didn't put them to good use," he smiled.
All they could hear was Dash's voice from off in the distance, "That's right."
× × ×
The next morning, Big G awoke to the noise of bells.
The bells were ringing loudly, they seemed to be coming from the parlor.
Everyone is a little grumpy when they first wake up, especially when they are disturbed by loud noises.
It's called ""Morning Rage."
"Who the hell is shaking that damn bell? Idle hands? Big G howled."
When he was yelling, he thought he heard Dash yelling as well.
But the bell was still ringing.
Big G jumped out of bed, charging out in his bare feet, "It must be Swally, that guy, he always is looking for something to do," he mumbled.
He heard someone laugh, "When I have idle hands, I go looking for a fight not ring bells."
Swally was up, and he was already neatly dressed.
This guy seemed to sleep in his clothes every night.
Big G rubbed his eyes, smiling bitterly, "It couldn't be Forest, unless he really has been possessed by a ghost," he said frowning.
The bell was still ringing.
They could hear it clearly now, it was surely coming from the parlor.
The two of them looked at each other, charging in simultaneously.
Forest was actually in the parlor, but he wasn't ringing the bell.
He was just standing there, staring blankly, it was a cat ringing the bell.
A black cat.
There was a small bell hanging from the flower rack by a piece of string, the other side of the string was tied to the foot of the black cat.
The cat kept jumping around, dinging the bell nonstop.
The table in the parlor was covered with things, things you could eat: chicken, duck, steamed buns, steamed bread, and a large jug of alcohol.
It turned out that the cat ringing the bell was to call them for breakfast.
"Is there something wrong with my eyes?" Big G asked, he couldn't help but rub his eyes a couple of times.
Swally: "There is nothing wrong with your eyes, you only have problems when there is a beautiful woman around."
"Perhaps this cat is female," he smiled awkwardly.
Swally: "It's male."
Big G: "How do you know?"
Swally: "Because it doesn't appear to like you."
Big G blinked, "Even if it was female, it wouldn't like me, but it would like old Mr. King for sure."
It was Swally's turn to be confused, "Why?" he had to ask.
Big G: "Because female cats like lazy cats."
"This cat is certainly female," Dash suddenly said from behind them.
This time, both Swally and Big G were confused, "Why?" they practically asked at the same time.
Dash: "Because it knows how to cook."
× × ×
Cats obviously don't know how to cook.
Big G ripped off a leg of chicken and stuffed it in his mouth, and then pulled it out again, "The chicken is still hot."
"The steamed buns are also hot," Swally said.
"All of this must have been sent over not too long ago," Big G said.
Swally: "Correct."
Big G: "Who sent all of this? Is it really the same person who paid for us at the Lunar Mansion?"
Swally: "Correct again."
Big G: "Why is this person trying to get on our good side, could it actually be my godson?"
Swally: "Meow, meow... meow, meow..."
Big G: "Since when did you become a cat, I don't understand the language of cats."
"I am speaking to your godson," Swally chuckled.
Swally took a little piece from every dish, and put in on a plate, the cat jumped up, he was stroking him gently on the neck, "Since you brought us all this food, why don't you taste it first," he said.
Big G laughed, "So filial, just like a godson."
Big G knew that Swally was testing to see if the food was poisoned.
Swally didn't come across as somebody who paid attention to details, but here he was, always being extremely careful.
People who paid attention to details weren't that dirty, and Swally didn't even bathe.
× × ×
There was no poison in the food, the chicken leg was already inside of Big G's stomach.
Swally: "Looks like this person doesn't have any ill intentions, they are just a little strange."
Big G: "Not a little strange, extremely troubled, how could someone without serious issues be acting like this?"
He swallowed a steamed bun, "It must be a women," he suddenly said.
Swally: "How do you know?"
Big G: "Only a women would act this crazy."
Swally was biting his lip, he surprisingly started to nod his head, "Maybe she is trying to get on your good side, because she likes you, because..."
Big G laughed, "Because why? Because I am so manly, or because I am so handsome?" he couldn't help but ask.
Swally: "Not at all."
Big G: "Then why?"
"Because she must be crazy, only someone who has lost their mind would fall in love with someone like you," he said casually.
Big G was trying to keep a straight face, but he couldn't stop laughing, "A crazy women is better than no woman at all."
The sun was shining brightly through the window, with this kind of weather, most people wouldn't get upset easily, especially with someone like Swally.
He liked Swally.
He slowly started to realize that with this group of friends, he liked Swally the best.
The strange thing was, Swally was always looking for a reason to argue with him, was always looking for a way to make Big G look bad.
Even stranger was the fact that, the more Swally tried to put him down, the more he liked Swally.
Dash would always stand by and watch them bad mouth each other, he always watched them with a special kind of smile in his eyes.
Big G just finished stuffing his mouth with a steamed bun, and then reached for the jug of alcohol.
Swally gave him a look, "Alcoholic, you really can't wait until later this evening to start drinking?"
Big G started laughing, but he actually put down his cup, "Who said I wanted to have a drink, I just wanted to rinse my mouth out," he mumbled.
Just then, they suddenly heard a voice eloquently reciting poetry: "A distant mountain, bitter cold; a precipitous stone path, households engulfed in white clouds. A carriage at ease, admiring woods of maple, an evening of red leaves... a magnificent landscape, a place truly good."
"Here comes a poor scholar," Big G laughed again.
Dash: "Not one, three."
Big G: "How do you know?"
Before Dash could reply, they indeed could hear another voice from outside, "Since your grace is enjoying the scenery, why don't we have a rest, your legs must be sore from all that walking."
"I wonder who the master of this villa is. Will he allow us to go in and have a seat?" another voice asked.
The two voices sounded like children, but sure enough there were three of them all together.
"What sharp ears, even though you're nothing but a lazy cat, your sense of hearing is better than most," Big G sighed.
MEOW, the cat scampered out.
Cats did have a great sense of hearing, even Dash had to smile.
They could hear the scholar speaking, "A lofty gate opened wide, welcoming thy humble servant, what a hospitable master, surely to be of the most elegant kind... elegant indeed."
"Maybe not elegant, but definitely hospitable," Big G laughed.
He was the first to go out and welcome them.
The morning sun was shining like fresh bread straight out of the oven, naturally warming the hearts of all those present.
Such amazing weather would cause anyone to become exceptionally friendly.
Big G greeted the three guests with a friendly smile.
The two children had tufts of hair on both sides of their heads, one was shouldering a load, and the other had a case of books on their back, both standing behind their master. Their two little faces looked like ripe apples that had been in the sun for too long.
Their master was a refined scholar, still young and full of charisma. He was polite and civilized, with a graceful bearing.
Anyone would have looked favorably upon the likes of these three.
"Are you all touring the mountain? It sure is the perfect day," Big G smiled.
The scholar gave a deep bow, with clasped hands, "Please forgive our intrusion, and I hope that our humble presence isn't disturbing the master."
Big G: "I am a guest as well, the master of this villa is indeed quite hospitable."
"Is the master present?" the scholar asked. "I humbly attain to seek an audience."
Big G: "Although the master is hospitable, he isn't feeling well."
The Scholar: "What is troubling the master? Your humble servant knows a thing or two about herbal remedies."
"I am afraid his illness can't be cured, he has a serious case of procrastination. If you want to see him, you're going to have to go inside."
"If that is the case, to obey is greater than pretentious manners," he smiled.
He carried himself gracefully, his weak appearance suggested that a strong wind would get the best of him, but the children seemed to be carrying very heavy loads.
The child shouldering the heavy load was walking farthest back, you could hear the jostling of the pack's contents as he walked along.
Big G scratched his head, "I wonder what he is carrying? How heavy is that load?"
"It's not very heavy, just a few bottles of Maotai. Our master loves to drink, and he enjoys writing poems, I don't know much about poetry, I only know how to drink," the child said, blinking.
"You know how to drink? How old are you?" Big G asked with a smile.
"Fourteen, I will be fifteen next year. They call me Rhyme Fisher, his name is Iconoclast, and our master's surname is He, we come from the Daming Prefecture. Our master enjoys exploring the outdoors, so we don't spend very much time at home."
Every time Big G asked him a question, this kid's answer would be at least seven or eight sentences long.
He found this child even more amusing the more he listened, "Why do they call you Rhyme Fisher? Rhymes aren't fish, how are you supposed to catch them," Big G intentionally toyed with him.
Rhyme Fisher made a funny face, as if he was thoroughly unimpressed with him, "You don't even understand this literary quotation? Don't you know that a little liquor inspires creativity, and I am always carrying Master He's Maotai, so they call me Rhyme Fisher. Knowledge can cleanse away your vulgar ignorance, so we call him Iconoclast."
He looked Big G up and down a few times, "You haven't really read any books before have you?"
Big G laughed, "Such a good kid, the saying is true: 'there are no weak troops under a capable general,' you not only know how to drink, you are very well educated."
"Although I'm not very educated, I definitely know how to drink, would you care to join me for a few?" Big G said laughing.
Rhyme Fisher: "If you're so good at drinking, why don't you drink with my master?"
Big G realized that Master He had already entered the parlor, and was exchanging greetings with Dash and them. From the window, he could see that Dash and Forest had a favorable impression of him.
Swally looked indifferent, turning his head to look out of the window from time to time.
As soon as Big G looked at him, Swally stood up, his back was facing the others, while he secretly motioned Big G to follow him outside.
Big G followed him out of the parlor, "You wanted to talk to me?"
Swally rolled his eyes at him, "Why are you always acting like a kid? You get so excited from a conversation with children."
"That kid sure knows how to talk, he is more articulate than most adults, you know, talking with kids can even make you feel younger," he smiled.
Swally didn't say anything, he just walked down the long corridor, slowly making his way to the back courtyard.
All Big G could do was follow him, "Do you have something you want to say to me?" he couldn't help but ask.
Swally kept walking before finally turning around to speak, "What do you think of Master He?"
Big G: "He appears to be a refined gentleman, and I heard he knows how to drink."
Swally lowered his voice, "Don't you think he could be..."
Big G's eyes brightened, "The person from Lunar Mansion who took care of our bill," he rushed to say.
Swally nodded, "You think it's possible?"
Big G: "Hmm, I didn't think about it at first, but now it seems more than likely."
Swally: "There are no famous attractions around here, why would someone exploring the outdoors come here? Not to mention, how could it be so coincidental that he showed up this morning?"
Big G: "Life is full of coincidences, but this does seem a little strange."
Swally: "Have you ever seen him before?"
Big G: "Nope."
Swally: "Think some more."
Big G: "There is nothing to think about, if I had seen him before there is no way that I would have forgotten about it."
Swally was biting his lip, "Judging by Forest and Dash's reactions, it seems that they have never met him before either."
Big G: "What was his name again?"
Swally: "He calls himself Master He, but it could be a fake name."
Big G: "Why would he use a fake name? Do you think he is planning to harm us in some way?"
Swally: "As of now, I can't see that he has any ill intentions."
Big G: "Not only that, you could say that he is treating us too good, unreasonably so."
Swally: "Since he is acting so nice, it makes me even more suspicious—when someone treats you too good, they normally always have some kind of motive."
Big G suddenly laughed.
Swally: "What are you laughing at?"
Big G: "I was just thinking, being a good person isn't easy, if you treat a person too good, they will be suspicious of your intentions; but if you treat people poorly, they will just call you a bastard."
Swally glared at him, "I just knew you would say something to defend him."
Big G: "Why?"
Swally: "Because he likes to drink, and alcoholics always think that a person must be alright if he knows how to drink."
"That's true, people who enjoy a good drink are normally straightforward, when have you ever seen a drunk person planning on hurting anyone," Big G smiled.
Swally: "He isn't drunk."
Big G: "Soon he will be—I plan on getting him drunk right now."
"As long as he is drunk, I am not worried about getting the truth out of him," Big G said laughing.
Swally suddenly laughed as well.
Big G: "What are you laughing at?"
Swally: "I was just thinking, there is at least one thing about you that is more impressive than anyone else."
"There are at least three hundred impressive things about me, I'm not sure which one you are talking about," he said with a smile.
Swally: "You know how to seize every opportunity."
Big G: "What opportunity?"
Swally: "An opportunity to drink."
× × ×
Big G was mistaken about just one thing—there are many different ways of being sober, so getting drunk is not entirely different, not everyone was just like him, wanting to pour out their hearts the moment they get drunk.
Some people can't stop bragging once they get drunk, they simply enjoy talking nonsense; they themselves don't really know what they are talking about, and by the time they are sober they have forgotten everything.
Some people, once they are drunk, won't say anything.
These kind of people will often cry profusely, or perhaps start laughing out of control. Maybe they will just fall asleep the moment they lie down, but they definitely won't start talking.
When they cry it's as if their parents had died, the more they cry, the sadder they become. Before they are finished, it's as if they are the last pathetic soul left alive in the world.
Even if you were to get down on your knees and beg, or give them two million dollars to stop crying, their sorrowful crying would only intensify.
If you asked them why they were crying once they sobered up, they themselves wouldn't even know how to make any sense of it.
When they start laughing, it's as if gold nuggets were falling from the sky, and they're the only ones who can pick them up.
Even if their homes burnt down, they would still be laughing. Even if you slapped them around, they would keep on laughing even harder.
Once they fall asleep, it's over, even if the whole world started kicking them, they wouldn't wake up. Even if you threw them down a river, they would keep on sleeping.
It just so happened that Master He was that kind of person.
After getting started, it seemed as if he could keep up the pace, drinking very quickly, cup after cup without stopping, but all of a sudden, he would blink a few times and then he was already sleeping.
As soon as he fell asleep, Big G would just laugh.
"Are you drunk too?" Swally asked bitterly.
Big G: "Drunk? Do I even look a little bit drunk?"
Swally: "Not a little, like ninety percent."
Big G: "Wrong, I am so sober right now, I am basically Confucius."
Swally: "You're laughing like a homeless dog."
Big G: "I'm just laughing at him, we were just getting started, and I already made him pass out."
Swally: "Do you still remember why you wanted to get him drunk?"
Big G: "Of course, I wanted to get the truth out of him."
Swally: "Did he say anything?"
Big G: "Yes."
Swally: "Well, what did he say?"
Big G: "He said that if he had any ill intentions towards us, he wouldn't get drunk, drunk as a pig."
Swally looked him up and down, shaking his head, "Sometimes I don't get you, are you drunk or not? Are you still thinking clearly?"
Big G was giggling as he watched Dash.
Dash: "What are you looking at?"
"I am waiting for you to say something, shouldn't you have said something by now?" he was still laughing.
Dash: "What do you want me to say?"
Big G: "Say I'm drunk when sober, and sober when I'm drunk."
Dash couldn't resist laughing, that was exactly what he wanted to say.
Big G: "Did I get it right?"
Dash: "Right."
× × ×
The row of rooms in the back courtyard also had two beds setup.
These two beds seemed to have been prepared for guests who had drank too much.
Master He was out cold, they had to carry him to bed.
"He came at just the right time, if he arrived two days ago he would have had to sleep on the floor," Big G smiled.
Dash: "All I hope is that he will stay asleep until its light out tomorrow."
Big G: "Why?"
Dash: "To save us a trip to the pawnshop."
Big G: "Why do you need to go to the pawnshop?"
Dash: "To treat our guests for dinner."
"Maybe we won't have to go to the pawnshop, all we have to do is wait for the cat to ring the bell," Big G smiled.
Swally: "Do you actually think someone is going to send us dinner?"
Big G: "Yeah."
"You sure are certain," Swally could resist smiling.
Big G laughed, "That's right, I'm ready to be fed for life, let them take care of me until I'm old."
He was speaking especially loud, as if he wanted them to hear him.
What if that person was secretly spying on them?
Was it Master He? Was he actually drunk?
× × ×
People who get drunk fast, often sober up quickly as well.
Before the sun could even set, the two kids suddenly came running over from the back courtyard. They respectfully stood in front of them and courteously extended an invitation.
Rhyme Fisher: "Our master would like to apologize for the disturbance this morning and would like to treat you all for dinner tonight, please grace us with your presence."
Big G winked at Dash.
"Looks like you don't even have to wait for the cat," he muttered.
Rhyme fisher didn't hear what he said, but even if he did he wouldn't have understood, "Mr. King, what did you say?" he couldn't help but ask.
Big G didn't wait for Dash to reply, "He said we will be honored to be there."
Swally shook his head, "This guy sure has thick skin," he sighed.
Rhyme Fisher suddenly blinked, "What did your grace say?"
"He said we will be there shortly," Big G quickly replied.