"Our new Congressman has made himself very popular."
"What has he done?"
"Introduced a bill declaring it a penal offence for a man to ask for a haircut or shampoo on Saturday afternoon."
"In my business," said the stock broker, "It is impossible to succeed without pluck."
"Huh!" snorted the man who had been up against it, "you mean 'plucking,' don't you?"
Servant--The plumber says this check should be $5 more.
Castleton--But it's the amount asked for.
"Yes, sir. But you've kept him waitin' for nearly an hour."--_Life._
Tom--What's that? A two-dollar bill! You told me this morning that you were broke.
Jack--Well, I want you to understand that Japan isn't the only one that can borrow money.
"Yes, indeed, he's the homeliest man in public life to-day.
Haven't you ever seen him?"
"No, but I've seen caricatures of him."
"Oh, they flatter him. You should see him."