As he walked out of the lonely darkness of the Inner Palace, Fu Jian’s face was expressionless. Xuan Cheng followed after him, feeling that the air around Fu Jian had transformed from the usual kindness and gentleness into a heavy seriousness.
Xuan Cheng wanted to follow him further, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood quietly, so quiet that not even his sparse breaths could be heard.
He looked down, watching the ends of that black robe disappear from his peripheral vision.
Xuan Cheng suddenly wanted to call out Big Brother to the man in front of him. Although the words would be false, it surely had been something that this body had said since early childhood.
Perhaps, in Fu Rong’s boyhood days, he would have chased after his elder brother Fu Jian. He would have called out for him: Big Brother Wenyu, Big Brother Wenyu; foolishly toddling after an older Fu Jian into the forest. He would have watched Fu Jian learn horse-riding and archery. He would have watched Fu Jian mature into a distinguished and handsome young man. He would have watched as Fu Jian slowly won over the goodwill of the people, watched as Fu Jian achieved more and more power, watched as the people chose to give their allegiances to Fu Jian as emperor.
His face felt like it was burning. Perhaps this was the same feeling of those who met a beloved idol in person. Although they had experienced so many different emotions towards that idol, when they actually saw the idol in front of them, they simply didn’t know how to express those heart-felt feelings.
Fu Jian suddenly turned around. Xuan Cheng stared, confused, until he realized that kindly countenance was peering over his own face.
“You.”
“‘You’ what, younger brother? I’m not ‘you’, I’m your elder brother.” Fu Jian’s speech was as light-hearted as always. “Although, I must say, this form of address is more like two lovers exchanging greetings.”
Xuan Cheng’s face turned bright red. He continued stammering the word “You”, unable to finish the rest of his thought.
In the palace hallways, palace chamberlains passed by, deferentially addressing him: “Greetings to Your Majesty, Yangping Duke.”
Fu Jian smiled. Those people left.
Fu Jian continued to smile, until even Xuan Cheng couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. He backed away from the wall, leaning his head back. “Are you thinking of how I’ve disappointed your expectations? Because I failed to reply to Empress Dowager Gou, you feel angry.”
Fu Jian sad, “Does this smile look like I’m angry?”
Of course not.
But Fu Jian was always smiling. How many of those smiles were real, and how many of them were forced?
He walked towards Xuan Cheng, until he was standing beside him against the wall. “To tell the truth, Younger Brother, you are right. The Empress Dowager, since many years ago, has killed many virtuous and capable people.”
Xuan Cheng stared at him, askance.
“I could never refuse her requests. Whoever she wanted dead, would need to die. But, that didn’t mean that those people deserved to die.”
“You and me and Ah Fa were brothers that grew up together. Who could ever steel their hearts to kill him? But he still died. This is the reality of our mortal world, where no one can rule for long. Perhaps you could say that the heavens assign a fate for every human long before our births. Ah Fa was simply unable to flee from his fate.
“Now, it has been so long since his death. The Empress Dowager has spent her days living in this lonely palace for so many years, and yet you refuse to see her. This was your wrong. What kind of unfilial son does not visit his mother? Younger Brother, don’t you agree?” Although his words were said in a rousing, emotional manner, on Fu Jian’s face was his ever-present mild smile.
“But today I went to visit her, did I not?”
“But you said it yourself. Today, I was disappointed.”
Xuan Cheng was stumped for words.
He looked at the person in front of him. Finally, he realized that the light in those eyes was not that of laughter.
…from the beginning, it had never been laughter.
In Fu Jian eyes, there was only a deep-set sorrow, a raw, pained emotion. He carried the bitter sorrow that could only be found in disconsolate kings. But Fu Jian was a king, and Xuan Cheng was an ordinary person. His heart was still soft—when he looked at Fu Jian’s crystal clear eyes, he only felt the same heart-wrenching pain appear in himself.
He shouldn’t be like this. Perhaps in the future, he would find it harder and harder to control himself.
But this was only the beginning.
“You blame me.”
Fu Jian reached out a hand, gently setting it on his shoulder.
Xuan Cheng was shaking. He turned away, no longer looking at Fu Jian. “Big Brother Wenyu, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have treated her like that. It’s been so long since… it seems that it is time to let go of the past.”
These words were supposed to be said by Fu Jian. However, Xuan Cheng didn’t know why they came spilling out of his mouth instead. His mouth tasted sour and astringent. Something seemed to be caught in his throat.
Fu Jian looked at him silently. Just as Xuan Cheng wondered if they would stay like this forever, Fu Jian suddenly embraced him. As Xuan Cheng stood still in shock, he could feel the cool surface of a forehead bury itself in the crook of his neck.
A low voice said, “Your heart has always been this forgiving. You’ve never been able to see anyone else suffer.”