"My dear, I am not a very good hand to explain what I mean. But do you not think you owe it both to yourself and to God, not to do what would blast your life? you cannot serve Him so well with a blasted life."
"It seems to me," said Dolly, speaking slowly, "I have a right to give up my own happiness. I do not see the wrong of it."
"In anything else," said the housekeeper. "In anything else, my dear; only not in marriage! My dear, it is not simply giving up one's happiness; it is a long torture! No, you owe it to yourself; for in that way you could never grow to be what you might be. My dear, I have seen it tried. I have known a woman who married so, thinking that it would not matter so much; she fulfilled life's duties nobly, she was a good wife and mother and friend; but when I asked her once, after she had told me her story, how life had been to her?--I shall never forget how she turned to me and said, 'It has been a hell upon earth!' Miss Dolly, no good father and mother would buy _anything_ at such a price; and no man that really loved a woman would have her at such a price; and so, if you follow the rule, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them'--you will never marry in that way."
There was a little silence, and then Dolly said in an entirely changed tone, "You have cleared up the mist, Mrs. Jersey."
"Then there is another thing," the housekeeper went on. She heard the change in Dolly's voice, out of which the anxiety had suddenly vanished, but she was willing to make assurance doubly sure. "Did you ever think what a woman owes to the man she marries?"
"I never thought about it," said Dolly. "What a man asks for, is that she will marry him." How Dolly's cheeks flamed up. But she was very serious, and the housekeeper if possible yet more so.
"Miss Dolly, she owes him the best love of her heart, after that she gives to God."
"I don't see how she can," said Dolly. "I do not see how she _can_ love him so well as her father and mother."
"He expects it, though, and has a right to it. And unless a woman can give it, she cannot be a true wife. She makes a false vow at the altar.
And unless she do love him so, it may easily happen that she will find somebody afterwards that she will like better than her husband. And then, all is lost."
"After she is married?" said Dolly.
"Perhaps after she has been married for years. If she has not married the right man, she may find him when she cannot marry him."
"But that is dreadful!" cried Dolly.
"The world is a pretty mixed-up place," said the housekeeper. "I want _your_ way to be straight and clear, Miss Dolly."
There was a pause again, at the end of which Dolly repeated, "Thank you, Mrs. Jersey. You have cleared up the mist for me."
"I hear it in your voice," said her friend, smiling. "It has got its clear, sweet ring again. Is _all_ the trouble disposed of?"
"Oh no!" said Dolly, a shadow crossing her face anew; "but I am relieved of one great perplexity. That was not all my trouble;--I cannot tell you all. I wish I could! One thing,--I want to see my father dreadfully, to talk to him about mother's going travelling; and I cannot get sight of him. He stays in London. And time is flying."
"Write," said the housekeeper.
"Oh, I have written. And I have sent messages. I would go up to London myself, but I cannot go alone."
"Miss Dolly," said the housekeeper, after a minute's thought, "perhaps I can help here too. I have to go up to London for a few days, and was thinking to go next week. If you will trust yourself to me, I will take you, and take care of you."
Dolly was overjoyed at this suggestion. A little more conversation to settle preliminaries and particulars, and Dolly set off on her way home with a much lightened heart.
"Ah me!" thought the housekeeper, as she stood at the door looking after her, "how hard we do make it for each other in this world!"
CHAPTER XV.
THE CONSUL'S OFFICE.
Before Dolly had reached home she was joined by Mr. St. Leger. He was still in the park.
"Have you been for a walk?" said he in astonished fashion.
"I suppose that would be a natural conclusion," said Dolly. She spoke easily; it rejoiced her to find how easily she could now meet Mr. St.
Leger. Yet the game was not all played out, either.
"Why didn't you let me know, that I might go with you?" he went on.
"That was not in my purpose," rejoined Dolly lightly.
"That is very unkind, Dolly."
"Truth is never unkind."
"Yes, indeed, it may be; it is now."
"Would you like falsehood better?"
"You need not be false."
"I must be either false or true, must I not? Which would you rather have, Mr. St. Leger?"
"It would be no good, my choosing," said he, with a half laugh; "for you would never give me anything but absolute truth, I know. I believe that is one of your attractions, Dolly. All other girls put on something, and a fellow never can tell what he is served to, the dish is spiced so cleverly. But you are like a piece of game, with no flavour but your own; and that is wild enough, and rare enough too."
"Mr. St. Leger," said Dolly gravely, "you ought to study rhetoric.''
"Have. Why?"
"I am afraid that last speech was rather mixed up."
"Look here,--I wish you'd call me Lawrence. We know each other quite well enough."
"Is that the custom in your country?"
"It is going to be your country, as well. You need not speak in that fashion."
"I am thinking of leaving the country," Dolly went on unconcernedly.
"Mother is longing to travel; and I am going to bring it about."
"I have tried Mr. Copley on that subject, I assure you."
"I shall try now, and do it."
"Think so? Then we will consult about plans and routes again this evening. Mrs. Copley likes that almost as well as the thing itself.
For, Dolly, you cannot get along without me."
Which assertion Dolly left uncontroverted.
A few days after Lawrence had gone back to town was the time for Mrs.
Jersey's journey. Dolly told her mother her plan; and after a deal of doubts and fears and arguings on Mrs. Copley's part, it was finally agreed to. It seemed the hopefullest thing to do; and Mrs. Copley could be left well enough with the servants for a few days. So, early one morning Mrs. Jersey called for her, and Dolly with a beating heart kissed her mother and went off.