"I'm sorry Tia, I'm really sorry."
The next day, when I looked up to Gina suddenly barging into my room, I suddenly began to have this maddening emotion pent up in my chest.
Please, can you stop coming into my room without any warning, I said with my expressionless face.
"What are you saying, Your majesty?"
“I’m, I’m really sorry, Tia. Really, really sorry."
Can you just stop? Some days you just barge into my room, accusing me to be a concubine, and today you visit me again for your own enjoyment in intentionally sabotaging me.
What did she do during the night while she stayed up? With her sick and tried face she barged into my room, making me feel irritated.
What are you so sorry for? You upraised an incident, and you want me to solve your problems?
Or that pathetic example of yours that does not improve oneself even with the education you get? Can you stop already? Seriously, at least approach me with some sort of moderation.
“I, but I…”
“… …”
“I heard that you were the one originally to be named the Empress. Also that as soon as you were born, you were engaged to Lube.”
I guess that news spread fast. I guess it’s been about half a year since I became the wife of the emperor and everyone knows that previous info as a fact.
“Sorry. Really sorry.”
“… …”
“For real.”
“No, Your majesty have nothing to be sorry for.”
“What are you saying?”
I was going to calmly listen to what you were going to say. I was going to let all the info you say go in one ear and go out in another.
I don’t know if I was just being lenient about her behaviour because it was early in the morning or I had a throbbing headache that day, I was just going to pretend that I didn’t hear anything.
“Your majesty was the one chosen by the Gods. Therefore, you are worthy of being the empress: an equal standing of the emperor. It’s just that it was us that made the mistake in the interpretation of the oracle.”
As the interpretation of the oracle was wrongly mistaken and things have been a “mess”. It was said that everything has returned to its rightful place after the appearance of Gina.
“How can you say this so easily?”
“What are you saying, Your majesty.”
“God? The god’s decision? Empress? Empress! How important is it for god to be the one to be making the decisions?”
What? I was at a loss of words.
Looking at that blank face of mine, she angrily shouted.
“How can you say this like it’s natural to you? Don’t you get mad at situations like this?”
Do you really think I sincerely mean the things I say?
How would you think in my perspective when I don’t get mad and stay ignorant at the reality in order to survive?
“Empress? Ha! I did not desire to become the empress! One day when I was walking home from school, I saw a coin that was on the ground. I just picked up that coin and suddenly fell this world as I stumbled into the pond. I was interestingly staring at the people. thinking they were cosplaying, as they were wearing those strange clothes. They were also using a language that I have never heard before. I was wondering how we would communicate. Then I started to think this wasn’t the place where I previously lived, but a whole new world, likely a divine god was probably the mysterious force that has started this incident!”
Gina was saying all these stuff that were impossible to understand in a long sigh.
“They don’t suddenly declare a nobody to become the empress of the emperor from randomness. I’m only nineteen years old (Gina is technically 17 years old and Tia is 16 in internationally), I’m not even an adult yet, but I am expected to get married already.”
“… …”
“Empress? I did not want to become the empress. I just wanted to return home. I was just planning to stay here until I returned home. I even studied those strange writings and etiquette, even though I really didn’t want to do it” (Gina)
I felt my anger just increasing inside of me. With my hand trembling from anger, I grabbed my dress.
“But, seeing the person I regarded as my younger sister becoming the empress, when I was supposed to become the empress. Because of you, I couldn’t become the empress and when I thought things couldn’t get worse from here, I became the villain in this situation as well. What more do you want from me?!” (Tia)
“Did you finish saying what you wanted to say?” (Tia)
Something just snapped inside my head. As I glared at the blacked haired girl that was exasperating from shouting.
And the anger that was increasingly boiling up more and more was finally released from what I said previously.
“What did you say the empress was? She is the mistress of the empire. It is not like the title is given to anyone as you are abusing it to be.”
“… …Tia?”
I was glaring at Gina with my tremblingly eyes from my anger. Even though I knew it was something that I shouldn’t be doing, I did it as my emotions were already exposed.
“Did you say that you just wanted to return to your original world? Now that you recognize who I am, you say that you’re sorry? That you’re sorry because you took what was supposed to be mine, did you think if you didn’t resolve your guilt that you would become the bad person? If so, why did you say that you would become the empress in the first place?
“That’s… …”
“You’re a coward. You really didn’t know anything. And I know you must’ve had a hard time trying to decline the offer. However, shouldn’t you at least take the responsibility for your actions?”
My pent up anger flew away. Gina started trembling after getting rid of her emotions as well as she had said everything she wanted to say.
“When you accepted the offer of becoming the empress, you would’ve at least have known what that position symbolizes and everything that came with it. Writing? Etiquette? Even if it was hard, I did it anyways? Did the position of the empress look that easy to you? The empress is the mother of all its citizens. The emperor is your only companion and the palace is a place where she rules the nation. It is not a place to sit own and rest.”
“I… …”
“You asked me, why I don’t get angry? I do get angry, but I hold it in. The emperor is pitiful and my people are childish. Above all, I feel pitiful for myself to have to struggle like this when I’m just comprehending the situation to improve it.”
“… …”
“Let’s return. I don’t want to see this behaviour of yours. I hope you now realize what the position: the empress is like now.”
My whole body shook with boiling hatred. Even to myself I seemed so pitiful that I couldn’t handle it anymore.
But, it was because of the emperor that this incident unraveled to its present situation. What was the cause that made him like Gina instead of me? What was so lovely about her?
“Tia, I… …”
“Please say it.”
“I, suddenly fell into this strange world confusingly… …”
Gina hesitated for a while.
“It was obvious what kind of world I fell into and it was hard accepting that Lube had another wife. You treated me nicely, as if I was your younger sister and I felt I was struck between you and Lube.”
“… …”
“Sorry. That’s all I can say. Really sorry.”
“… …”
“… …I’ll leave the room now.”
Suddenly I felt really tired from all that overworking. I slapped myself with both of my hands to wake myself up. I deeply breathed in and sighed.
I used to be confident that I was good at controlling my emotions. But, lately it looks like I’m not good at controlling them as I used to be.
I wonder why? It’s not like it has been happening constantly.
Seeing that pile of paper piled up again, made me feel exhausted. Concubine Bondi was originally in charge of this work, but lately she has been pushing all the work to me. At least the discussion between Gina and me has finally come to close.
I wonder how much time has passed? I looked towards the door when i suddenly heard the door get opened loudly.
I saw the emperor stand suddenly in front of me. I wondered why he came here, as I bowed towards him.
“I greet the sun of the empire, the emperor… …”
*Slap*
My head jerked to the right, as I gulped.
‘You cannot show the weak side of you right now,’ a voice inside my head proclaimed.
He stared at me for a while and said in a cold voice.
“What did you say to Gina? Did you say that you were supposed to become the empress?”
“No, Your majesty.”
“Then why is Gina crying? Why did she plead me to come to this place then?”
“That’s… …”
I had nothing to say to that. While I was hesitating, the emperor seemed already convinced I was the villain here.
When I came face to face with his cold eyes that looked down on me, as if he was scorning me, I felt empty as always.
But that’s not it. It looks like Gina didn’t say anything. It’s heartbreaking, but he has always treated me this way.
Even before Gina appeared in this world, he was always this cold to me.
“How desperately did you want to become my woman?”
“Your majesty?”
“For what? I know that love isn’t the reason why. A cold girl like you that doesn’t even scream in pain when she is slapped cannot love me. So what’s the reason? I know the Monique family isn’t doing this for social status. When the wife of the emperor have children with the emperor, none of them can become the successor.”
While I was trying to remain my composure, as I thought of the reasons why I remained in this position, suddenly—
“Take off your clothes.”
“… …Yes?”
I was surprised at the words he just said. With my trembling eyes, I saw a twisted smile from him.
“If you want to become my woman, I’ll make you my woman then.”
“Your, Your majesty?”
“Why are you pretending to hesitate? Weren’t you hoping for this to happen?”
“No, Your majesty. Don’t do this! Please!”
I tried to get away from his strong grasp where he grabbed onto my arm as he stripped. I started to fear him more than usual this instant.
The moment where I struggled to shake off his rough hands, an unexpected thought came into my head.
“If so… …”
My whole body trembled with the sudden thought. If I accept him now, won’t he at least think of me, at least a little bit? If I had a child, would he still treat me this coldly?
If I had a baby with his blood, how cold would he treat me afterwards.
I stopped moving. I calmed down and said in a calm voice:
“Although it is too late now, I am not a concubine, but a wife of the emperor.”
“The wife of the emperor? Your position is the title of the one the emperor loves most? Don’t be mistaken. You’re nothing to me.”
He laughed while glancing at my face, and grabbed me roughly. I closed my eyes as he wildly stripped my clothes. I shivered in fear, but I was happy to do it again and again.
One day— I imagined a day where he would provide me with some of his attention, but it was never this way. His face looked so cold and it broke my heart.
I couldn’t look at those empty eyes anymore and I closed my eyes again.
Even if he’s cold to me now, I think he will gradually warm up to me eventually.
I was sick and anguished of his rough hands, but I bit my trembling lips and endured it.
After some time has passed, I stare at him blankly and left him without a fuss. My eyes suddenly got blurry as tears were falling from my face.
I hope that someday, I will be able to feel his warmth.