Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Families shape their own future by creating a mental vision and purpose for any project, large or small. They don't just live day to day with no clear purpose in mind. The highest form of mental creation is a marriage or family mission statement.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Families organize and execute around their most important priorities as expressed in their personal, marriage, and family mission statements. They have weekly family times and regular one-on-one bonding times. They are driven by purpose, not by the agendas and forces surrounding them.
Habit 4: Think "Win-Win"
Family members think in terms of mutual benefit. They foster support and mutual respect. They think interdependently-"we," not "me"-and develop win-win agreements. They don't think selfishly (win-lose) or like a martyr (lose-win).
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand . . . Then to Be Understood
Family members seek first to listen with the intent to understand the thoughts and feelings of others, then seek to effectively communicate their own thoughts and feelings. Through understanding, they build deep relationships of trust and love. They give helpful feedback. They don't withhold feedback, nor do they seek first to be understood.
Habit 6: Synergize
Family members thrive on individual and family strengths so that, by respecting and valuing one another's differences, the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts. They build a mutual problem-solving and opportunity-seizing culture. They foster a nurturing family spirit of loving, learning, and contributing. They don't go for compromise (1 + 1 = 1 ) or merely cooperation (1 + 1 = 2) but creative cooperation (1 + 1 = 3 . . . or more).
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The family increases its effectiveness through regular personal and family renewal in four basic areas of life: physical, social/emotional, spiritual, and mental. They establish traditions that nurture the spirit of family renewal.
A Day's Input To A Teen 6:55 A.M. Get up or you'll be late again.
7:14 A.M. But you've got to eat breakfast.
7:16 A.M. You look like something on punk video. Put on something decent.
7:18 A.M. Don't forget to take out the garbage.
7:23 A.M. Put on your coat. Don't you know it's cold outside? You can't walk to school in weather like this.
7:25 A.M. I expect you to come straight home from school and get your homework done before going off anywhere.
5:42 P.M. You forgot the garbage. Thanks to you we'll have garbage up to our ears for another week.
5:46 P.M. Put this darn skateboard away. Someone's going to trip over it and break his neck.
5:55 P.M. Come to dinner. Why do I always have to look for you when it's time to eat? You should have been helping to set the table.
6:02 P.M. How many times do I have to tell you dinner is ready?
6:12 P.M. Do you have to come to the table with earphones on your head, plugged into that rotten noise you call music? Can you hear what I'm saying? Take those things out of your ears.
6:16 P.M. Things are going to have to shape up around here. Your room is a disgrace, and you're going to have to start carrying your load. This isn't a palace with servants to wait on you.
6:36 P.M. Turn off that video game and unload the dishwasher and then put the dirty dishes in it. When I was your age, we didn't have dishwashers. We had to wash dishes in hot soapy water.
7:08 P.M. What are you watching? It doesn't look very good to me, and it's dumb to think you can do homework better with the TV going.
7:32 P.M. I told you to turn off the TV until your homework is finished. And why are those shoes and candy wrappers in the middle of the floor? I've told you a million times it's easier to put things away right them rather then later. Do you like to hear me yell?
9:59 P.M. That stereo is so loud I can't hear myself think. Go to sleep or you'll be late again tomorrow.5 * For additional examples of family mission statements and a worksheet to help you develop your own, call 1-800-372-6839 or visit www.franklincovey.com on the Internet.
* For information about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families calendar, call 1-800-372-6839 or visit www.franklincovey.com on the Internet.
* For complimentary samples of the roles and goals worksheet from the 7 Habits Organizer, call 1-800-372-6839 or visit www.franklincovey.com on the Internet.
* For additional information on how teenagers can apply the 7 Habits, look for Sean Covey's forthcoming book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.
* For a complimentary self-scoring survey to help you evaluate your current family culture, call 1-800-372-6839 or visit www.franklincovey.com on the Internet.
* Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those who have so generously shared their experiences.