263 Left Alone
By mentioning Ta Lai, Si Luo's attempt to rile Du Yue up proved to be successful as her face darkened immediately. She looked embarrassed, and I found it rather pitiful as I looked at her.
Women who turn into bloodthirsty creatures because of love are all pitiful. But, what about me?
I wasn't pitiful. It was just sad for me.
It was the wrong person I thought I was in love with all this time, and when I thought I had found true love, I realized that I was actually the one who brought him the most pain.
I said to Du Yue, "Give me a private space so I can communicate with my weapon on my own."
"You're finally going to conquer your living weapon?"
"I wouldn't say it's a conquest. I'd just like to talk to her for a bit," I answered. Actually, I merely wanted some alone time.
If I wanted to conquer Piercer, I had to go against that female soul. That soul was no easy opponent, but this fight was something that I needed right now.
I needed a fight like that to clear my head and to help me stay rational. The pain from it might wake me up a little.
Apart from that, what I actually needed was power. Without power, I can't achieve anything here in the Split Zone.
Si Luo asked, "Have you decided? From what I know, that living weapon of yours is very different from Gaoqin's. The soul in your living weapon has a deep hatred within her, and that has been accumulated for a long time over many years."
I smiled at him. "This is why I need your help. If you assisted Gaoqin Jiuye in conquering Shen Qi, I believe you'll be able to help me out on this too, right?" Si Luo did not respond.
Jiao S spoke in that hoarse voice, "Ah Shen, wherever you're going, you have to be with me. I'll be worried if you are alone."
I shook my head and said, "Give me some time alone, Jiao." This was the first time I addressed her as 'Jiao' in such a serious manner. Though she looked a little stunned, she didn't say anymore.
Si Luo looked at me, his eyes serious. "You should know your current situation. You don't have a heart now. Do you really think it's okay for a body of consciousness to be without a heart?"
Du Yue nodded. "That's right. It's not a minor thing to be without a heart. This is also why I want to get your heart back. Gaoqin Jiuye was probably venting his frustration about this on you since you didn't seem to cherish your own life."
Haha, you speak as if you were actually my friend.
"You're worried about my second personality instead of my heart, isn't it?" I asked sarcastically.
Du Yue was surprisingly patient as she answered, "That's not important. Without a heart, you won't be able to summon your second personality. Also, it'll be difficult for you to regain those lost memories as well. Lastly, it will be difficult to maintain your MF at its initial level in such a situation. I don't know how Nie Zun did it that you're not able to regenerate another one, but I'm sure of one thing. If he was the one who took it, then you can only get it back from him."
I didn't want to hear them talk about this anymore. It was almost as if I didn't want to recall that it was Nie Zun who took my heart away. In slight frustration, I said, "I just want some time alone to think right now. Is that possible?"
Du Yue looked at me for a while before signaling to the standing women. "You want alone time? I can lend you the main hall in the Palace of Cold Blood. What do you think?"
I raised a brow. "Here?"
Hearing my answer, Du Yue signaled for the women to leave. She then began making her way towards the main entrance.
Si Luo and Jiao S looked at each other, but seeing how resolute I was, they followed Du Yue out after reminding me of some things.
On her way out, Du Yue glanced at Piercer that was now hanging on my waist. "It will definitely be dangerous if you're planning to conquer Piercer without a heart and with a low MF. I won't be placing any guards outside since I'm lending this to you as a private space. If anything happens during this time, there'd be no one around to save you. You'd better think twice before doing anything."
She sashayed out of the main hall with her entourage after finishing. While she was leaving, she looked at the ice phoenix.
With trembling eyes, the ice phoenix landed on her shoulder and left together with her. It looked at me with a pleading gaze, but there was nothing I could do.
It wasn't that I didn't want to do anything, I just did not have the ability to do so at this point.
There was also this feeling of hopelessness I felt whenever Nie Zun left me.
He and Gaoqin Jiuye had both left me. Though I wasn't a girl who lived solely for love, this was still a major blow to me.
I was the only one left in the Palace of Cold Blood as I heard the doors of the main hall click shut.
Looking around me, I realized that the floor of this palace was so clean and shiny that I could see my own reflection on it. Walking over to somewhere more central in the main hall, I sat cross-legged on the floor.
Everything was in a mess now. Everything and everyone seemed to be all over the place.
Nothing was like how it was in the beginning.
I set off to save Laurel at first, but Laurel had made her own choices and had new loyalties now. I wanted to save Song Lu and Yu Liang, but they did not say anything in their haste to leave the Split Zone. They left so hastily without any hesitation nor any hint of wistful affection.
Nothing remains constant in this world. This was difficult to accept, but it was something we all had to live with.
Though I sat alone in this huge hall, I didn't really have to pick a fight with my living weapon. I simply wanted to take a break from all that mess outside.
This was the first time I missed somebody so much.
Back in that icy wonderland, I seemed to have always hated being alone. I didn't like solitude, I didn't like being ostracized.
But now that I'm thinking about all that had happened, I wondered if I really hated it.
You actually like solitude, don't you, Li Shen? You enjoy being alone.
You think that being alone is far better since nobody likes you.
Because of Pomelo's betrayal, you realized that friendships were made just to be broken. You love to be alone, because you're afraid that people would leave you.
That smile on Gao Qi's face the very first time we met was not a genuine one. Behind that sweet smile of his, there was this hatred in his eyes. I definitely saw it then, but why did I lie to myself?
Why did I lie to myself and tell myself that he was actually someone who's gentle? And I even wanted to get to know him better.
Was it because I felt that dangerous aura around him? Would Gaoqin Jiuye have been dragged in if I was a little bit more rational at that time?
But was I really at fault here?
Why would Gaoqin Jiuye dream of me? He and Gao Qi were doppelgangers, but he ended up dreaming about me. Was this all fated, or was somebody else pulling the strings here?
I'm tired of all this.
I don't know what else I can endure here in the Split Zone.
I didn't fear what might come at me in future, but the thought of losing my past scared me. Just imagine someone telling you that whatever you remember is all wrong, that everything in your head was incomplete, that you've forgotten about the most important part about your life.
This wasn't a simple case of turning your back on things. This was equivalent to disavowing everything you had known and all that you've been through. Your perspective, your feelings, your memories and basically everything in your life would be turned around and destroyed.
What did I do wrong? Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do wrong that I had to endure this horrible life?
I looked down as I drew Piercer out slowly. As usual, Piercer felt soft against my hand. It was glowing with a violet light.
It had already been with me for the past year or so. I placed it on the floor in front of me and looked at it in silence.
Days passed so quickly that I haven't really taken a good look at this weapon of mine.
How did Gaoqin Jiuye conquer Shen Qi for it to be so loyal to him? What did Si Luo put him through? There was no way I would find out.
Even though Si Luo was a secretive, mysterious and unpredictable individual, I could tell that he was a trustworthy person, from all those memories of his I've seen.
No matter what method Gaoqin Jiuye used to conquer Shen Qi, there was definitely something which caused them to be inextricably tied to each other.
It wasn't a relationship between an individual and a weapon, it was a friendship.
They were lifelong partners.
Gaoqin Jiuye had earned Shen Qi's loyalty with an equal amount of loyalty on his part, and I was sure it didn't come without a price. What about me though?
Looking at the whip which had been with me for quite a while now, I realized that I had never looked at it properly, apart from the very first time I held it.
I realized that the spike on the end of it was a dark red, as if it had sucked human blood. That purple color of Piercer also looked brighter than before.
"You've changed too. Have you grown like me…?" I talked to myself as I caressed Piercer.
It was cold when I first touched it, but it began to feel warm after a while, as if I was touching somebody's skin.