Wasn't interested in tomorrow.
I knew the taste of alcohol and cigarettes.
I only came out at night [#3].
Colony, Earth, whatever.
Whatever.
Everything up until yesterday had been complicated. But I still went by the name "Duo" and I still had a long braid hanging limply down to my ass.
"Names are chosen by other people, eh."
As long as I had a place to go back to, I was set. That's what I thought. But--. It was supposed to be over and yet nothing really was. The seasons went flying by in front of me, but I was at a stand still. I'd started to think that, if this was how it was gonna be, I'd have been better off in the frozen capsule like him.
"I just want to say, it's cold as hell."
He'd definitely say something like that. Ha, that made me laugh. Maybe that was when [it was]. When I thought I'd break it off with Hilde Schbeiker, when I'd been running hot and cold (lit: been pointlessly/inefficiently living with Hilde), Hilde beat me to the punch.
"Sayonara, Duo...... I'm sick of you."
What the hell? I mean, why wasn't it me saying that?
"You know, it shows on your face right away."
"Huh?!"
"You really are hopeless...... always looking back." She (abused) my hair with a sharp tug, "What is this braid? I don't now if it was Mister Helen or Sister Miren but is it [really] that much fun? Do you think it's cool?! I think it looks like crap!!"
"Ow, ow! OUCH!"
"So long! Say hello to your buddy Solo or whatever his name is."
I spat on the floor and, by the time I'd thought to slam the door closed, Hilde was already gone. Even a guy like me was hurt 282/1/14. I was angry at myself for not fighting back [verbally]. My drunken vigor helped.
"Wait, oi!" I went after Hilde. "I told you to wait! OI!" She started running to get away. I caught up and when I grabbed her shoulder, she gave a quick turn and grabbed my arm instead. "!" Without a second to even think, I was in the air and thrown down to the ground.
"I used to be with OZ! You can't beat me!" She turned me over 282/2/1-2 in a stance unique to a soldier.
"Don't get within 9.46 petameters of me!"
"9.46 peta?" I later found out that 9.46 petameters is about the distance of one light year.
"If you do, be ready for me to file a restraining order (lit: sue you as a stalker)!"
If peta was [the same as] kilo, then it was nine trillion four hundred six billion kilometers...... so she hated me astronomically. I should just warp the hell out of there [is what she meant]. "I have a friend in the colonies who's a lawyer and it'd be so easy to get the papers."
She rattled on as I stood up and as I rubbed my throbbing backside, I yelled out loudly, "Aright! Alright already. I won't follow you any more, just go away."
"Then I'll go easy on you...... be thankful I'm being so generous!" Hilde turned on her heel and was gone, just like that. I was sad to see her go. Why? Was it just because that matched how I felt or was I just conceited enough to think she still loved me 282/2/5-7<. Either way, for me, it felt like the worst way to break up. I felt like crap. [My] stupid braid was pitiable [ALT: I was one wretched, braided idiot.] I was a dimwit and a dullard and completely uncool. But I thought "uncool" seemed just about right for me.
MC-0012 NEXT WINTER
I landed on Mars. It was close to the foot of Mt. Olympus. Although one light year was impossible, I had gone as far away as I could. Not that I was afraid of legal action. It'd be easy to break out if they caught me. As long as I wasn't wanted (lit: hated), this way was the best way. It was also perfect for getting off the bottle. I used my wanderlust to [handle] my grudge 282/3/13. Staying in one place made me antsy. So the endless wilds of Mars suited me far better than the cramped colonies. I collected a light engine and parts at a junk [yard] and while I was putting together an off-road bike for [exploring those] wild lands, I thought suddenly of a question as I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my oil-covered arm:
"Huh, was Mars always this warm?"
I thought the life system of the para terraforming dome was on the fritz. I left the dome and was surprised. A little leaf beetle was flying. The ocean was off in the distance. Clouds floated by. You could go on forever without a helmet. I took a deep breath and choked a little on the sandy air that spread through my lungs.
"Wooow...... chalk one up to the human race! [We] really did terraform Mars!"
I was in total admiration. The small sun was shining. Phobos was moving in the opposite direction [from everything else].
"That's just really something."
I suddenly thought of something then: what was man's greatest legacy? [I knew] it wasn't this world or the colonies at least. The pyramids and Roman Coliseum weren't it either. The human race wouldn't change all that much with or without ancient remains. It wasn't that kind of structure, it was something more (conscious) of the essence of man. [Was it his] possibility or [his] ever-expanding pioneering spirit[?] I didn't really know, nothing I could think of really fit 283/1/3-4<. Mankind in and of itself is something to behold but our existence was rubbish. It wasn't for (a guy like) me to know if I should look at the scene before me as the light of a new hope or as the dark cloud of a future of continuing endless ruin. Honestly, what of it? 283/2/5
Tears spilled down my cheeks. I wondered why [I was crying] at a time like that. I certainly wasn't a kid and neither was there any reason for the scenery to move me [to tears]. What the hell were these tears? Was it sadness or vexation or even happiness? Lonliness. This carefreeness and freedom that were supposed to suit me best somehow left me feeling miserable and lonely.
"......"
But I swear, even then I didn't think about Hilde.
"Ahhh......" I gave a huge yawn. After stretching my back, I went back to the workshop. I had to retune/rebuild the engine all over again. At first, I'd thought I would have to tour in an astrosuit, but I'd be happy to get more horse power. Thinking back about it now, I might have been able to have made it in time.
MC-0014 NEXT WINTER
I got on my partner ((an 800 cc two wheel bike)) and had me some Mars touring. In a few months, the immigrants coming from Earth increased dramatically. They'd probably gotten tired of living the quiet life over there. You could immigrate by [taking the] Mars (endemic) preventative vaccine and a simple document check. There was no reason not to smuggle yourself in, though 283/3/11. Actually, that's what I had done. There was noting to it when you got accustomed to the one-third gravity 283/3/13. It felt good to be outside without a helmet. I bet everyone just wanted "freedom." There were times when tens of thousands of immigrants came in one season. That was how the fishy Federal government got started-- [because all these people had been attracted to Mars]. The increase in population brought with it an increase in fighting. When that happens, the [list] idiots who mistake "self indulgence" for "freedom" goes on and on. If it's just a scuffle, the police or the sheriff can do something, but for the guy who goes as far as terrorism and (disputes), he can't be (so easily) taken care of. Anyhow, an armed force was established. It was imperative to save the peace. Since Earth's "Peace Law" didn't condone the maintenance of an army, it was (within the limits of assumption) that the Mars Federation could only declare it's independence.
I shouldn't have done it, but I'd [gone riding] at full tilt one winter night on Mars. It was probably in the middle of the night, at "midnight plus thirty seven." I'd had a road accident. An iceberg, frozen solid, is serious bad news for a (two wheeler) bike. If [I had had #3.5] four wheel drive, I just would have slipped, but a motorcycle falls over onto its side. It was a picture perfect blunder 284/1/15, and I was an idiot. My spiked tired weren't worth shit. That little bit of alcohol I'd had (lit: the bit of alcohol in my stomach) wasn't too good, either. I [just] wanted some "fire" to warm up my frozen body, but that was the fatal [mistake]. The handle bars swayed left and right and the light from my headlight [intermittently] lit up a rock wall. I can't remember what I slipped on. I might have been avoiding some obstacle. All I know was that it wasn't a banana peel. Before I knew it, I'd taken a fantastic spill 284/1/3<; my partner had crashed into the rock wall and was going up in flames. Thanks to my helmet and protector, my head, spine and internal organs were fine but my left arm and both my legs had been broken [#4]. It was feeling my age more than the broken bones that caused a far more acute pain. It was sad seeing my partner burning away.
"DAMNIT, this shit huuurts!" Cry or scream, no one came. "Gimme a break, bastard!" I railed at the Mars winters and [my] advanced aging at the hands of the Mars endemic.
It began to snow.
I could smell my self loathing 284/2/11. It was ridiculous to shout at myself. When a huge clump of snow looking like a snot ball fell into my gaping pie hole, I decided to shut up.
"Angggg.... guh." Clenching my teeth hurt. But I could have been on the verge of dying 284/2/11<.
"Owa---! Somebody heeelp!"
It snowed harder.
I wasn't loved.
But I wanted Ares.
"Let's get married."
"Huh?" Hilde said and turned around.
"I love you, let's get married!"
I'd give up alcohol, smokes, and women.
I'd give up the name Duo.
So long, Solo.
Forgive me.
I don't need a blessing. I didn't expect a promising future. I wasn't a pacifist or a bachelor. And I sure wasn't a consequentialist [#12]. This was also goodbye to dragging my past [around with me]. I played along for two or three months. Of course, I thought that was the hardest I'd worked in my life. I also did manual labor in MTFs ((Mars teraforming suits)) used for public works. It got around that I was hired muscle and a cheating gambler so I couldn't make much money doing that anymore. [Instead], I got into handling the smuggling of goods that the government had taken it upon itself to declare illegal by bullying the weak 288/1/12. The money wasn't half bad. Piggy Junior got nice and fat and all that would go towards my partner, version 3.0.
My first partner was [Gundam Deathscythe}. Actually, I'd stolen that, too. I had it remodeled and it became {Gundam Dethscythe Hell}. He was a super cool partner, but there was no way to use him outside of war so I (crushed) him [#13]. It was incredibly difficult and I'd heard grinding here and there [#13!!!]. I could hardly keep him [after the war], so I'd gone off to [the/my?] final battle in Brussels with my guns blazing. My second [partner] got junked the other day. This one was n umber three. I'd finally saved enough and busted open Piggy Junior. I got all the parts for my partner together and in the storehouse behind the church, I was a regular grease monkey putting her together. When I tried to make her roar, she didn't disappoint.
"Hey, Maxwell," the old priest said.
"What's up, Gramps?" I was in a fantastic mood.
"Looks like I can't pay off my debt. [#11]"
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm just about finished with my girl, so let's call it even."
"I can't let you do that."
"When I was a kid, I owed a great deal to [another] church...... so I don't need anything."
"But"
"I may be a fake and shady, but I don't take money from the poor, that's me, Du- Pig Maxwell." I sat astride my partner, hit the accelerator. "Catch ya later, Gramps!" I headed to the wilderness at full throttle.
"YAHOO!"
I had a feeling I was forgetting something, but there wasn't supposed to be any past for me to look back on. I didn't even have that troublesome braid. I thought I heard a woman's voice [scream], "You IDIOT!" but it was lost in the roaring of my bike's engine. Don't worry, don't worry. Anyway you slice it, I'm a big pig of an idiot.
MC-0016 FIRST SPRING
A year on Mars had passed and I went back to Lanagrin [for the first time since leaving]. I didn't want to get older and winter was pretty dang cold. Even with my snow tires clandestinely fashioned out of mud tires wrapped in wire rope, I sunk [into the snow] a lot. Each and every time [that happened] I called myself an idiot. Ever since, I stopped riding my girl at night in the winter and spent the night at a saloon. The alcohol and smokes had already made a comeback. When my hair got long, I cut it. I didn't need anything at Hilde's [#13.5], so I didn't go to the maritime city but headed to the port town at the foot of camelback Mountain. I dropped by Gramp's church. I was in a for a [big] surprise. Hilde was there in a nun's habit looking after God knows whose kids.
"Hey...... what happened to you?" I asked amicably. Just as soon as I said that, Hilde's face got seriously angry.
"Don't you even! Asshole!"
Suddenly, she grabbed by right arm, twisted it up my back and pressed my hand to my back. "This is all your fault!!" Just like that she pinned me to the ground and the (violent woman) straddled me. My protector felt the impact and inflated. Thanks to [my gear], I got through my last accident without breaking my back.
"Ow ow ow...... ow, ouch, that the hell happened?"
"That old mad died and left the church to YOU! Said to tell you his debt was settled or something!!" Said Sister Hilde, ex-librarian, ex-girlfriend, ex-OZ Space Army soldier. "Moreover, this money pit of a church is in a real FIX!!" I thought my right arm would get broken. Her kansetsu technique [#14] was no joke. "You got the God of Death on one shoulder and the God of Poverty on the other, don't ya. How'd ya like that, huh?!"
"Whaddaya want me to do?!"
"Give me a divorce! Right here, right now: divorce!"
"What?"
"What do you mean 'what'! It's because my estate's jointly owned by you that I'm in this mess!!"
Shit, ex...... I'd forgotten she was my wife.
"Why didn't you just file for divorce yourself?" I heard a snap that I hadn't wanted to hear, "OWWW!!" A long time ago, a learned man once said: If thy right arm has broken, extend thy left. But I had no intention of doing that! I'd just broken my left arm about a year ago.
"There's these poor kids here with no place to go! And I'm supposed to just leave them to fend for themselves?!
"I don't know. Why not!"
"Where did this bad guy come from, you jerk?!" I thought about saying the non-resisting old man with the broken right arm was pretty poor [as in pitiable], too. There was a load of other stuff I wanted to say, too, but I kept quiet. Because Hilde grabbed my chin and made me flip over 289/2/11-12<. If I stayed like that, she could get my spine.
"U-uncle! I give up!" I surrendered. She had a flawless victory. With my powerless, dangling right arm, I signed the divorce papers. When I signed 'Pig Maxwell,' she blew up at me and called me an idiot. When I resignedly wrote 'Duo,' she took a jab at me, [accusing me] of dragging it out.
"Well, what should I write?" Hilde said a name I'd never heard before: James Clerk Maxwell. I gathered it was apparently the name of a Scottish physicist a long time ago and according to (our) family registry, my official name. For the marriage license, Hilde had taken it upon herself to give me that name. As [she] told me how to spell it out one letter at a time, I [was struck] by this (desperate/frantic) thought: it's strange how she's telling me what the letters are. I had a strange feeling. It was like being wrapped in warmth, like being in the palm of a gentle hand. It wasn't a distinct [feeling]; I'd never experienced anything like it until then. It was different even from the warmth of Sister Helen who loved me [ALT: who treated me with affection]. Hilde's ferociousness just before seemed like (a lie). I felt something akin to maturity.
"Something's different about you, eh."
"Really?"
I thought it was because she quit wearing the black rimmed glasses.
It was a clear flashback of that scene.
I hadn't moved since then.
Father Maxwell, a killer and a priest.
I put my partner [back] together straight away.
BANG!
#17 - three different words are used for memory in this passage. Omoide is [A], kioku is [B], and memorii is [C]. Omoide, I feel, is more along the lines of nostalgic memories. It's often used when talking about the past and how fun something, like a shared trip, was. Kioku is more like factual things you recall for tests and stuff, you INTEND to remember a "kioku" thing more so than an "omoide" thing. Memorii is obviously a loan from English and usually used when talking about compu