(Thank you Alex, Aaron, Jason, Axl, Jeffry, Roanz, and Yan for helping me with proofreading and editing in the LiveDraft!! <3)
********** ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO TAPPEI NAGATSUKI, THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR OF RE:ZERO, THIS IS A TRANSLATION OF THE FREE JAPANESE WEB NOVEL INTO ENGLISH JAPANESE WEB NOVEL SOURCE:
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――After Garfiel left the room, Subaru, alone in his prison, sank deep into the sea of thought.
He could not get the words Garfiel left behind at their parting out of his mind.
It was just like Emilia, to not doubt Subaru at all.
[Subaru: But, in that moment, I……]
Despite being overtaken by rage, in the end, Subaru genuinely wanted to strangle Roswaal.
With his hands wrapped around that person's neck, he had used his tightening grip to seal off his airway, relentlessly building up strength as if to snap his neck, or otherwise suffocate him.
Although he could not move his hands, bound behind his back, Subaru could tell that his fingers were trembling.
Even more so, considering the target of that murderous intent was someone close to him.
[Subaru: I just… don't know anymore……]
Who to trust, what to think, and what to do, none of it made sense anymore.
What was Beatrice's position? Why did she have a Gospel? And what were those days they spent together?
How could he help Emilia pass the Trials? Or rather, was it right to push her towards the Trials in the first place? He couldn't even begin to answer that question.
What should he do about Elsa's attack, should he repel or evacuate? And why was there a difference between the timings of the first and second attacks? Why did that murderer know about the escape passage no one was supposed to know about? Who was Elsa's employer? What will he have to do to defeat her? Regardless, he could never forgive her.
And why was the Sanctuary created? What was the outline of the remaining Trials, and why did the Trials exist in the first place? What was the goal of Echidona, sleeping in her Tomb, and how can he meet with her again? And, at the end of the last loop, what happened to the depopulated Sanctuary?
In that final moment, what was it that killed and devoured Subaru?
[Subaru: I can't…… answer… a single one]
Round and round and round, these questions without answers endlessly circled in his head.
His insides packed with nothing but mysteries and doubts, he had come to a deadlock.
What tormented Subaru was not only his unanswered doubts, but also anxiety at the time that he was passing in vain, submerged in these fruitless thoughts.
Since his eyes were covered, he could not say for certain, but Subaru's feelings told him that most likely a day had already passed since the night he strangled Roswaal.
It was dark, so he was probably confined inside a hidden building in the forest. The chilliness of the room was conspicuous even considering the fact that not the slightest light could slip through.
Compared to the daytime temperatures he had experienced so far, he couldn't help but notice the drastic temperature-drop here. So perhaps, it would be more constructive to consider that it was already night after sunset. If he followed the assumption that it was night, then it was clear that at least a whole day had passed.
Ever since being summoned to this Parallel World, Natsuki Subaru had sustained a fair number of injuries both light and severe. And his body still carried memories of being healed of wounds of all the various degrees.
So, judging from experience, having half his head crushed and his skull cracked open was clearly supposed to be a fatal wound. The fact that he came out of it alive without Ferris was honestly nothing short of a miracle, which only served to show how skilled Garfiel must be.
Basically, in this world, as long as the person doesn't die, almost all injuries can be healed, depending on the abilities of the healer. But naturally, the more severe the wound, the heavier the burden it would be to heal them.
More than likely, a night had passed. But even more convincing was the fact that,
[Subaru: I'm… hungry……]
His empty stomach, which hadn't received anything in all that time he spent sleeping, was aching and groaning endlessly, asserting its existence.
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The passage of time and the indistinct hours gradually wore at Subaru's mind.
He couldn't tell how much time had passed since then, and his restraints remained unchanged. Just like this, Subaru was left inside the prison room as time went by.
[Subaru: ――――]
He tried counting the seconds to keep track of time inside the void, but after counting for an hour when he felt like he was about to go mad, he finally abandoned the idea.
Besides, what difference would it make at this point, even if he knew the time? After all,
[Subaru: It's… probably too late……]
Meals had been brought to Subaru six times. If they followed the schedule of once every morning and night, it would mean that three days had already passed. Three days after Subaru woke inside the Tomb―― would make this the fifth day since arriving in the Sanctuary.
Even if he left for the Mansion this morning, he would only barely make it in time for the assumed timing of Elsa's attack. The moment he passed that point in time, he had already missed the deadline.
In fact, Subaru had made the mistake from the very first moments of this loop.
No amount of regret was enough for allowing himself to be consumed by rage and throwing himself at Roswaal. If he hadn't lost control of his emotions, he would have been able to confirm far more information from Roswaal, and, above all, his relationship with Garfiel wouldn't have worsened to the point where he’d be imprisoning him.
The consequence of abandoning himself to that boiling heat of emotion, was this current caterpillar-like state.
That is, Subaru had already given up on this loop.
[Subaru: ――I really… fucked this up……]
Because of that momentary lapse, he had lost the chance to prevent the tragedy that was about to befall the Mansion. Which, in turn, meant that the survival of the four girls inside the Mansion had become hopeless.
Rem, Petra, Frederica, Beatrice, Subaru was knowingly leaving them to die. After he had just screamed, denouncing Roswaal, for doing the very same thing.
[Subaru: ……Damnit, I. Why didn't I die?]
He just wanted to die. If the restart point hadn't changed, if he could really start over again, then Subaru would return to that night and face against his odds once more. Although he would still be stumbling blind, at a loss about where to begin, at least it would be better than this unsightly state. Surely, he could do better than this. He must do better than this.
[Subaru: Otherwise, what's the point of……]
Was he prepared to accept this resignation, and bite down on his lips and bear witness to the end of this world?
Having judged that saving the Mansion was no longer possible, and that "Death" in this loop was inevitable, Subaru immediately committed suicide and Returned by Death―― was not what happened.
It was certainly the worst possible situation, and awaiting Subaru in this life was only an empty future devoid of meaning. He should gamble on Return by Death and reverse the world, and strive towards the best possible future. But,
[Subaru: If I return without learning anything, I'll just be right back where I started]
At least, Subaru needed to find out what happened in the Sanctuary after he was gone.
Just what happened on the sixth day? That alone needed to be confirmed. And it was for this reason alone that, no matter how much Subaru wanted to scream his throat hoarse and clench his teeth until they cracked, he swallowed down his regrets towards the Mansion, and resigned himself to this loop.
If now was the fifth day, something should happen tomorrow.
Over the last three days, only Garfiel and someone else tasked with taking care of Subaru visited the prison. The caretaker always stayed silent, probably following Garfiel's instructions, so Subaru couldn't tell who it was. But from the way she wiped Subaru's restrained body, and her motions as she fed Subaru by hand, he determined she was most likely a woman.
In an environment where his every move was being watched, there was no opportunity to investigate further, and so the real identity of Garfiel's assistant remained unknown.
However, this must be a place where Emilia, who had rallied herself to save Subaru, couldn’t find.
In fact, if Garfiel and Roswaal had both decided to confine him here, then it would be pointless to escape anyway.
[Subaru: If Emilia could pass the Trials to save me, that'd be amazing, but……]
If the situation was reversed, Subaru was confident he would pass the Trials for Emilia's sake. But Subaru had never imagined that Emilia would try to overcome the Trials for him. And he never thought he meant so much to her that he would be her motivating force. That was just how much Subaru undervalued himself in his mind.
But in reality, the fact that no good news came after three days probably meant that, just like the loops before this, Emilia couldn't pass the Trial no matter how many times she challenged it.
In other words, the situation at the Mansion, at the Sanctuary, with Subaru, and Emilia, had all come to an impacted deadlock. Exactly like what Garfiel had once shouted to him.
[Subaru: After all, I……]
――Have to do something.
For Emilia, the Mansion, the Sanctuary, every single problem that came up, he must overcome with his own two hands, and with the only weapon at his disposal.
A quiet resolve. Never good at giving up, it was the only reason Subaru went on living.
After thinking for a long, long time, he came to the same conclusion he had already reached so many times before. Seeing it was more than his fingers could count, Subaru nodded to his heart, and waited for time to pass.
――When something finally happened, was when he felt something shaking his body as it was drifting into sleep.
[Subaru: ――mn?]
Someone was grasping his shoulders, shaking him awake as Subaru returned from his shallow slumber into reality.
He noticed saliva drooling down the corner of his lips, and since he couldn't use his hands, he nudged over his shoulder to try to wipe it. It was a strenuous activity, but, apparently having gotten used to using his upper body, he managed to wipe it off,
[Subaru: Who……is it?]
His voice was still hoarse from having just woken up, in addition to the recent screaming.
He had promised himself not to scream like that again or his throat will break apart, and by now, he was already more or less desensitized to the pain that felt like he was going to spew blood. Although, it was nothing to be happy about.
Hearing Subaru's response, the person who woke him let out a short sigh. And,
[???: Sorry to do this in the middle of your nap… but can you move, Natsuki-san?]
[Subaru: Aauh?]
Hearing the voice belonging to someone he never imagined would be here, Subaru couldn't help but let out a stupid sound.
Perhaps mistaking Subaru's surprise for drowsiness, the person mumbled [Oh, come on] in a quiet voice and gave Subaru a light slap on the face,
[???: I'm also taking quite a risk coming here to help you, you know, so can you please liven up a bit? I'm pretty sure we'll both be sorry if things ended here]
Saying this, he cut the ropes binding Subaru's hands and feet with a blade. Regaining the long lost freedom of his limbs, Subaru reaffirmed this sensation and brusquely pulled off his blindfold,
[Subaru: Augh… hands, feet… even my eyes are hurting]
In the center of Subaru's thin, still-crooked vision, he made out the shape of a man who looked like he really didn't want to be here.
A character who was here for no discernable reason, Otto Sewen made his unexpected entry onto the stage.
-=Chapter 38 End=-
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I’m going to bed for the night! This week I’ll try to finish Chapter 39 on Saturday.
I’ve been putting off Arc 6 Chapter 35 for over a month now and people keep pestering me about it >_<. It’s still the latest chapter in Japanese since Tappei-sama hasn’t released Arc 6 Ch 36 yet.
So I will work on Arc 6 Ch 35 if I can finish Arc 4 Chapter 39 early.
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Chpater 39 Live draft will go up tomorrow! I’ve been waking up in the afternoons lately so it’ll probably be around 5PM Pacfic Time!