Chapter 45
[Evil’s Mistake]
“After breaking up with Hyde and leaving the organization, I went through various cities . ”
A faint voice echoed in a quiet room .
Yoiyami-san’s room in an apartment on the outskirts of the city was a dreary room with only a set of table and chairs and an old wooden bed .
Also, the three arranged chairs couldn’t be sat on without removing the dust that covered it .
It unsurprisingly didn’t gave off the feeling of being lived in .
In such a room, we listened to Yoiyami-san who began talking .
The reason we decided to listened to Yoiyami-san’s talk was because Desuko-san asked us to listen .
We expressly listening to the story to judge wether or not Yoiyami-san should return to Anonymous .
But, maybe Desuko-san wanted me and Roll to listen to the story of “A person who doesn’t want to kill people anymore” .
Or did I wanted to listen to it myself?
In any case, I’m also interested in why Yoiyami-san who had power to compete with Boss and as a matter of fact had killed a lot of people, didn’t want to kill them anymore .
“…… The city I first headed to was Saint Celia . ”
Saint Celia . It’s a large city where the headquarters of the SDF are located .
It’s a city that we had to passed through to get to Mt . Jiize where Tameiki-san brought me to finish up my training .
“If it’s at Saint Celia, ……the people of the organization wouldn’t easily approach . I decided to live quietly there .
Fortunately……, I had more money than I can possibly use . ”
Is it the money earned from Anonymous’s mission?
I also regularly received an amount of money that I won’t be able to used up . Even now, it’s already pretty well accumulated, so it’s not unusual for Yoiyami-san to saved enough more money than he could possibly used .
Or rather, it accumulated on its own .
“For a while, I lived in Saint Celia .
Saint Celia was a peaceful city because the SDF’s headquarters were located there . ”
“Un . ”
Desuko-san nodded .
“I who used to ‘killing’ everyday……, was overwhelmed by the gap .
So I turned to drink . From the light of the outside world . I lived in the dark side of the world because the other side is too bright for me . ”
Gap…… the gap between peace and ‘killing’ .
I also know that .
No, I was supposed to know .
When I came to this world, I couldn’t feel a clear gap .
Because I couldn’t afford it .
That’s why I was like shortcutting something, unlike Yoiyami-san who should have naturally feel it .
To live, I had to cling to it .
For myself, who stopped all my consideration, might not be able to get that something back .
When I thought so, I felt a little sad .
“I regrets . For me who had killed too many people, can I stop from keep killing people? ……even though I only did it to survive?”
“Yoiyami-san, what is your reason for killing people?”
I unintentionally asked such a question .
Roll line of sight turned towards me . While Desuko-san keep looking at Yoiyami-san’s eyes .
“My reason to kill people……?”
“Yes . ”
“There must be a lot of people who kill because they belong to Anonymous .
The people of the organization……, had to kill people during mission . ”
……Certainly . Being a part of an organization like Anonymous, you are forced to kill people .
But I don’t want to hear the ‘reason’ to kill people is because it is a mission . It’s a more underlying story .
I might be asking a wrong question .
Why you entered Anonymous? It was better to ask that .
“It’s not only because it’s a mission . That’s only part of the story . ”
Desuko-san added .
“……That’s right .
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In the end all of the organization’s members were brought in by Hyde except himself . Abandoned people by the side of the road and the people who lost their way of life .
Cornered, I (Hyde) became an ally to those who didn’t have an ally, ……that’s how he gathers people . ”
Silence descended .
“I was also like that . ”
Roll muttered so .
Me too . Seems like Tameiki-san was also like that, and I heard Kuroinu-san might also like that .
“Anonymous was in that sense .
There are many people who can’t live without the organization . That alone was sufficient reason for it to exists .
Therefore, for me, who was in the organization since the time of it’s founding, “killing” was a job to protect the value of myself (Anonymous), and no other meaning was necessary . ”
“……I see . ”
Yoiyami-san was not good at speaking, and the words are choppy .
The timing of cutting a word is also strange, and the interval until the next word might be unusually long .
However, I had a hunch that it was to gave us time to think, and I felt the weight of those words .
“If you need to kill so you can live, it’s not evil .
It’s just an instinct . ……The same as killing and eating a pig . ”
Those words seemed to affirm me .
“I’m not sure about the killing part . But why compare it to pig?”
Saying that, Desuko-san puts her elbow on the table .
“……Comparing it with livestock that were born to be killed is too much . But, they are similar . ”
Silence descended .
Only Desuko-san that had a face that she couldn’t accept the words of Yoiyami-san .
“Yoiyami-san, do you have a life purpose?”
“……Is that question like, why I lived?”
I thought that he would answered the question in a roundabout way, but he return it directly .
“……In a nutshell, yes . ”
“Yes…… What am I living for?”
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So it’s like that . Yoiyami-san wasn’t alive because he had a purpose that he ultimately wanted to achieve .
I also don’t have a purpose to live and achieve . I just don’t want to die .
Despite that, he lives by killing people who may have dreams .
I’m thinking about such things at this late hour .
However, Yoiyami-san’s words were too heavy for me . It makes think about it, didn’t it?
“Roll? Do you have a dream?”
“……No, I don’t . ”
The way I worded it is bad, but Roll also just lived .
People still lives even without a purpose .
But, I wonder what is the meaning to live if you have to kill? Even though it’s too late now, what is the meaning that I have kill because I was afraid to die?
Sense of guilt? Wrong .
I felt that it was better to live with a purpose .
“……How about Desuko-san?”
“I have y’know . ”
So Desuko-san had one .
Even though she usually played around like that?
“……In the first place, is there good or bad in killing? If so, who decide it?”
Suddenly, Roll said that .
Roll seems to have lived in this organization since childhood .
Roll is the same as Yoiyami-san . She can’t understand that killing people is clearly evil because she had always lives by killing people .
It’s common sense that killing is not acceptable by law and moral .
However, It might not be understood in deeper places .
Or rather, understanding it leads to self denial .
“Everyone decides . Because they don’t want to be killed, it’s fine even though killing is evil . ”
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“There’s also some cases where killing is fine .
Or rather, let’s get back to the main topic . I want to know why Yoiyami won’t kill people anymore . ”
“Aa, the talk has diverted . ”
“I’m sorry . ”
I apologized for having interrupted the talk .
“How far did we talk?”
“It’s about your regret . ”
“That’s right .
I regretted leaving the organization . I was stopped by various people but I can’t reconsider it . ”
“……”
“You guys seems to misunderstand me, I don’t hate Hyde . Rather, I still consider myself as his partner . ”
“Then you should come back and make up with him . Why did you fought anyway?”
“Why we fought? ……I forgot it . ”
You forgot?
It was only 5 years ago, how could you forgot that you had a big fight?
“So you really won’t tell me . Neither Hyde nor Yoiyami . ”
Aa, so it’s actually he doesn’t want to?
“Then you just have to read my heart . ”
“I can’t . Hyde and Yoiyami, you guys hid it deep inside your heart . ”
There must be something happened between Yoiyami-san and Boss .
That was the reason they fought . If Desuko-san can’t read them because they hid it deeply inside their heart, it must be something that they can’t let out to other people .
“Anyway, after leaving the organization, as you said, I spent my time comfortably for a while . ”
Yoiyami-san looked at Desuko-san as he said that .
“I didn’t kill people even once .
But one day, one request came to me . It’s a killing request .
Was it 4 years ago?—”