Volume 10
Chapter 8
February 28th.
Following what I said in the message I sent to Koigasaki, I go to the Akihabara Electric Town Exit after school. Of course, since that message we haven’t sent any more messages to each other and we haven’t talked to each other or anything like that. The probability of her coming here is… Let’s see, a 1% chance… No, it might be even less than that. But, that’s fine.
That’s because I’m doing this so I can give up on Koigasaki.
I have my iPod earphones in my ears and lean against the wall.
I will, right here, today… Give up on Koigasaki. At the same time, I secretly have hope in the less than 1% chance……
Doing this, I recall the first time I came to Akihabara with Koigasaki. That was quite the incident, all she did was complain and halfway through, she started feeling bad…
The next time we come to Akihabara was with Azuki-chan, all three of us went maid cafe hopping. Then, we went to the cosplay shop, and Koigasaki even tried on some outfits.
Ah… Like today, when I go somewhere like this, I would end up thinking of Koigasaki. Whether I’d go to Harajuku or Ikebukuro or the summer comiket…
Then after this… It will probably be the same. Even though after this, Koigasaki will be transferring… I won’t be able to meet her again.
After that, a long time passed.
One hour, two hours…
… Sure enough, it’s no use… Eh.
Well, the original intent was for it to be of no use though…
However, now, like this, it hurts more than I thought it would… I had gotten my hopes up. That Koigasaki would come… Really, I was so stupid…
“…Eh?”
The next moment, I doubted my own eyes. From the ticket gate, a familiar figure came closer to me. This can’t be… Surely, I’m mistaken. No, but… There’s no way I’d mistake someone else for her.
“You’re still here?”
Koigasaki, without a hint of timidity… Shockingly spoke first to me.
“I thought that you wouldn’t be here by now and came here, yet you were still here…”
“H-Hey you…! Is that something to say to the one you made wait for an awfully long time!?”
“… I said that I wouldn’t come here.”
Koigasaki looked a little to the side and whispered.
“…But, you came…”
She came. And just with that… I am incredibly happy.
Even though I thought she definitely wouldn’t come…
“So, what is it? What do you want?”
“Eh?! A-ah… There’s a… Place I want you to come with me for a bit.”
“I see… Then, let’s quickly go there.”
Koigasaki started walking briskly.
I scrambled to follow after her. Looking at her from behind, I must desperately hold myself back for if I let my guard down I will grow desirous.
“So, where do you want to go?”
“A-ah… Toranoana…”
As if nothing happened, we were able to talk to each other. That we can speak normally like this after not talking for so long and after that stuff happened surprises even me.
“Is there a place you wanna go to? You came all the way to Akiba after all.”
“Eh, a place I want to go to? Ah… I want to go to the Vocaloid CD corner I suppose.”
“Vocaloid CD…?”
“Yeah, you can listen to them fine on Nico Nico Douga, but lots of people prefer the CD. Speaking of it, is there a place they sell that here in Akiba?”
“A-ah… Let’s go someplace where they sell it!”
Koigasaki having a place she wanted to go makes me a little glad, I guide her to the CD department of Toranoana.
“Uaah~ there’s so many!? Ah, this is one of my favorites, P’s songs!”
I see Koigasaki having fun looking at the CD department, I think. The day we first came to Akihabara… I couldn’t think that she’d become this much of an otaku. Of course, she’s still not on the level of a serious otaku, but she’s cosplayed, has purchased doujinshi of works she likes, and has even joined a circle to sell their own doujinshi… Without a doubt, she can be properly called an otaku.
After a bit of time of having fun looking in the CD department, it was now my turn to go where I want to go. Where I wanted to go was… Toranoana’s doujinshi corner.
“Hey… You mean to bring me to the erotic doujinshi corner!?”
“Wrong! It’s the corner for all age groups!”
We go up the stairs and make it to the department with doujinshi for all ages. I move to the original works section of the doujinshi corner.
“What I wanted to buy was this.”
From among what was there, I picked up a book and showed it to Koigasaki.
“Eh… Wait, that’s…!”
Koigasaki was terribly surprised upon seeing the doujinshi. Sure enough, she hadn’t caught on to what I meant to do…
“Now that I think about it, Nikaidou-san did say that Toranoana committed to sell this, but… To think you can just buy it like you can buy anything normally…”
Yes, what I showed Koigasaki was Murasaki-san’s work which was published at the winter comiket and which was a joint doujinshi that had Koigasaki contribute to the rough draft. I haven’t gotten a chance to see the real thing yet, as we were in circumstances in which I couldn’t ask Koigasaki to let me see it, I had planned to buy it today.
“A-amazing! The book that I helped make the rough draft for is being sold so normally in a shop like this, with other works… I can’t believe it! … I’m so glad…”
Koigasaki seeing the doujinshi she helped make being displayed moved her. It’s a good thing I brought her here… I think in my heart of hearts.
“…Wait, you’re… Going to buy it? Seriously!?”
“Yeah, a certain someone won’t show me the finished product after all. Even though I helped them with it a little bit myself…”
“Wha…!? Ugh… T-true… Sorry about that…”
“I’m interested in what happened with it. Anyway, I’m gonna go buy it.”
I left Koigasaki while she looked like she wanted to say something, and brought the doujinshi to the register.
“…Th-thank you…”
After I returned from the register, Koigasaki thanked me a little awkwardly.
After that we moved to a different floor while chatting as we looked at manga and light novels.
“But really… It truly was moving.”
After being in the store for a while, while leaving Toranoana, without thinking, I said such.
“Eh, what are you saying so suddenly?”
“Well, it’s just… The first time we came to Akihabara together, you seemed really frazzled by it, but now you’re acting like it’s normal.”
“… Well, since then I’ve come here many times… I’ve gotten used to it I guess…”
“That you would become this much of an otaku… To be honest, at the beginning I thought it was definitely impossible.”
“…!”
Koigasaki was startled at my words.
“I also… To be frank, am shocked that I could become such an otaku.”
“How was it?”
“Eh? How was what…”
“How was actually becoming an otaku?”
“… It was fun. I gained new friends, and my world grew so much larger to encompass a lifestyle I had no idea about…”
After entering high school, to become an otaku I did a bunch of stuff… It was all so much fun. I’m glad I could become an otaku.”
Koigasaki, who was walking at my side, turned a little to face me, and smiled.
“To you, who has made me into an otaku, I am thankful.”
“…! Koigasaki…”
I was surprised at Koigasaki’s simple words of appreciation.
“… M-me too. Well, I’m still a far way from being normal… But, for teaching me about that world… Thank you.”
I formed an agreement with her, and have struggled to become normal…
There were bitter times as well, but, beyond that… It was all so much fun. At my words, Koigasaki’s eyes grew large and she was surprised. Then… Suddenly, she smiles with her mouth closed.
“…You haven’t realized it? From the start, you’ve been especially normal.”
“Eh…?”
I… Have been normal? What is she saying? Sure, when I was dating Azuki-chan, I think I was pretty normal, but now… The only girl I can easily speak with is Hasegawa, and the gals in class make fun of me, calling me creepy and an otaku and such…
“Hey, by the way… Right now, where are you going?”
Koigasaki had been quietly accompanying me while I tirelessly walked, but… Sure enough, that seems to have gotten a tad odd.
“Ah… The station?… Perhaps, are you going home?”
That Koigasaki looked a little lonely when saying this… Is probably my being conceited.
“No… There’s just one last place to which I want you to come with me.”
Koigasaki seemed puzzled at my words.
“Won’t you… Come with me? This really is the last favor I ask of you…”
Yes, the last favor I ask of Koigasaki to whom I must say goodbye come spring break. After this, Koigasaki, a little surprised, was quiet for a bit.
“…Understood.”
Is how she responded.
We traveled by train to Suidobashi station, two stops away. It is already passed 7 pm. It seems Koigasaki already told her parents she would be late over the phone.
“Hey, could it be that the place you want to go is…”
“Ah…”
After coming this far, Koigasaki is starting to suspect about where we are headed. I am trying to go to Tokyo Dome City. The place where Koigasaki, Koigasaki’s little sister Yuzu-chan, and I made memories of going to play in September of last year.
Koigasaki doesn’t say anything. Though I had prepared for her to say she didn’t want to go… She just quietly walked by my side.
“Ah, this”
Before long, we arrive at Tokyo Dome City, and I give Koigasaki her ticket I had bought in advance.
“Eh…!? This… What, you had already bought this!?”
While the probability of Koigasaki not coming was high, I still decided to make a bit of a bet by buying these tickets.
“Ah, well…”
While surprised, Koigasaki accepted the ticket, and then pulled out her wallet from her bag.
“Eh?! Oh, it’s fine… I went out and bought them on my own, and I’m the one bringing you here against your wanting to not come with me.”
“No, it’s not like that!”
“And when we came here before, you were the one being very generous.”
“Kashiwada…”
Well, more than Koigasaki, it was her parents that were generous.
At my words, Koigasaki gave her thanks and reluctantly put her wallet back into her purse. When we went on that mock date in Harajuku, she told me to pay and be generous on dates so conceited-like, yet look how she acts when I try to do exactly that. Far be it from me to think that she only meant that that is what is popular and that she obviously would pay herself.
What I bought were evening tickets to ride 3 attractions after 5 pm. I figured we wouldn’t have much time and chose these tickets.
“What do you want to ride? I’m fine with whatever, so choose what you want.”
Well, I’d be done for if she were to say she didn’t want to ride anything with me… While I think this in my heart, I timidly look at Koigasaki’s face. At my words, Koigasaki was, surprisingly enough, smiling.
“Eh?! Really? Then…”
… So.
Sure, I did say that I’d be fine with anything, but…
I quickly came to regret what I had said. Koigasaki said she wanted to ride in the coffee cups, and getting on that ride is fine, but…
“Wait… sto… stop spinning~”
“Gahahahahahahaha!”
The cups spun much more than Koigasaki could believe. With such thin arms, where did she gain so much strength?
“Haah… haah…”
At length the attraction’s run time ends, and we get off the ride on unsteady feet.
“Ahahahahahaha hahahaha! Really, you scream so much!”
Looking at me, Koigasaki erupted in laughter.
“You feel fine just like this…?”
“Hey, next, next we should ride that!”
“Eh!?”
Let me rest up a little bit… Without a break, Koigasaki took off as fast as she could. Without a choice, I hurriedly ran after her.
“Eh… Th-this…”
But, upon seeing the attraction in front of my eyes, I became thoughtlessly speechless.
“A haunted… House…?!”
Of all things, the thing I am the worst at!
“… A-another one doesn’t catch your eye…?”
“Eh, what, don’t tell me you’re bad at dealing with haunted houses?
“Ugh… We-well…”
“How pitiful~ Hey, earlier you said anything was fine with you.”
“Well that’s true, but… Hey, ah, wait!”
Koigasaki forcibly grabs me by the hand and we go inside the haunted house.
“…”
Wow, ignoring the course of events right now… Koigasaki and I are holding hands….Yeah, it’s so that we go into the haunted house, but Koigasaki is the one who reached out to grab my hand, right? My heart starts pounding for a different reason from the fear of the haunted house.
“…! Uguaaaah!?”
But as I was thinking that, such reason for my heart pounding lasted only an instant and I scream at a monster that suddenly appeared as a trap for the haunted house.
“Hey… You really do get scared too easily!”
While Koigasaki didn’t show signs of being even a little bothered, she laughed when she saw how shaken I was.
“Oi, d-don’t laugh, there’s no helping it!? Uuwaaaagh!?”
After this, I continued to scream in such a manner.
“Haah… Haah…”
At last we reach the exit, and I am completely tired out from screaming.
… I notice that at some point Koigasaki and I stopped holding hands.
“To get scared so much…”
From the start, Koigasaki had been laughing at how scared I would get, but now over the amazement of it, she looks at me with a cool eye.
Shoot… It’s such an important day, yet I had to show such a pathetic display of myself…
“There’s no helping that! That’s why I said I was bad at these haunted houses…”
I pathetically wanted to cry.
“… Then, what should we do last?”
At this point, there’s no more scary things to worry about. We can ride anything!
“Eh? Ah, hmm…”
At my words, Koigasaki was bewildered for some reason…
“… Over there…”
She pointed in that direction. There was..
“Eh… The Ferris wheel?!”
I was super amazed. When we came to the amusement park before, Koigasaki really did not mesh well with the Ferris wheel.
“Wr-wrong! I mean the attraction over there!”
“A-ah…”
So that’s what it was…
The area with the Ferris wheel is a little separated from where we are, so we start walking over there. Eventually we reach the commercial LaQua facility (TL note: LaQua is one of the largest natural hot spring complexes in Tokyo and is located near the “Big O”, which is the world’s first centerless Ferris wheel) adjacent to the Ferris wheel area.
“…!”
“Wow… A-amazing…”
Koigasaki said in a voice of admiration. It spontaneously took my breath away. What unfolded there was a large illumination with beautiful lights being displayed.
In such excitement, Koigasaki took out her smartphone and started filming the illumination. Girls really do like this stuff, huh… But to even a guy like me, this illumination sprawled out across the area was charmingly beautiful.
“So… What do you want to ride?”
“That…”
Koigasaki quickly pointed using her fingers. What she pointed to was… The merry-go-round.
“Eh…!?”
The merry-go-round, the two of us…?
I couldn’t hide my surprised at Koigasaki’s proposal. The beautifully lit-up merry-go-round was fairy-tale like and very romantic.
“Any attraction is fine, right?”
For some reason, Koigasaki asked me this with an uneasy look.
“… A-ah… I get it…”
Looking at that face, I couldn’t turn her down. It was just a little embarrassing, but… The two of us, Koigasaki and I, got on to ride the merry-go-round. We both straddle horses next to each other. Soon, the attraction starts to move.
“This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be…”
The real motive behind this leaks out. Why did Koigasaki want to ride this… With me? Usually, you wouldn’t want to ride this with someone that is not someone you love, with someone whose favor you think of as a bother, right?
“… Because it was my dream…”
As if reading my emotions… Koigasaki said such without any prodding.
“Eh…?”
“Riding this… Was my dream.”
With her cheeks blushing as though she was embarrassed… Koigasaki says this while looking in my direction.
Her dream? To ride a merry-go-round? But, when we came here last time, she was riding the merry-go-round with her little sister Yuzu-chan. Then… Just what does she mean…?
At length, the attraction ends and we, in silence get off the attraction. Koigasaki does not move to look at my face. We got off the attraction and started walking when…
“…!?”
Suddenly, music began playing near us, and we were at once shocked. We turn to face to the direction of where the music was coming from. There was a fantastical water fountain show beginning where the music met shining lights.
“… Incredible… Beautiful…”
With an entranced-like expression, Koigasaki let out such words. Good thing it’s starting now… Today, when I was looking up the Tokyo Dome City earlier, I found out about this show, and I secretly thought that I wanted to show it to Koigasaki.
At such a gorgeous water fountain show, Koigasaki and I stared in blank amazement.
“Koigasaki…”
“Eh?”
If I’m going to say it, it’s now or never.
I call Koigasaki’s name. The moment she turned to face me…
“Happy birthday.”
I give Koigasaki the birthday present I had prepared for her.
“Eh…!?”
Koigasaki stared at the paper bag I handed to her as if she didn’t understand what was going on.
“N-no way…! You knew…!?”
Yes. I knew that today was Koigasaki’s birthday, so I invited her on this date to celebrate her birthday. The probability of her not coming out with me on her birthday was very high since she has been avoiding me ever since I confessed to her. There should be no way that she will spend her birthday with me… is what I had thought.
But, Koigasaki came.
“Your present… Please accept it.”
At my words, still bewildered, Koigasaki took the paper bag from my hands.
“… Th-thank you…”
“Please open it.”
“Ah, yes…”
With shaking hands, Koigasaki grabs the present from within the paper bag surrounded with wrapping. Within the wrapping…. Is the silver present I picked out for her. It was decoration shaped like an “M”, the initial of Koigasaki’s first name.
Since I bought a really expensive gift for Azuki-chan last year in December, I was terribly out of money, but with my New Year’s gift and the work I’ve been doing at my part-time job this year, I was somehow able to buy something. I chose it out of my own liking, so I honestly didn’t have much confidence that Koigasaki would like it.
However…
“…!?”
I was surprised at Koigasaki’s reaction. Looking at my gift, Koigasaki was crying. I thought of what I should do if she said it wasn’t her style or that she didn’t like it but…
“Koi… Gasaki…?”
“… Th… Thank you… I’ll value it…”
While she was crying at length, Koigasaki thanked me. I grew curious as to why she was crying. I feel that it would be a little lonely to be separated… From my friend. Seeing her crying face, I became unable to bear it.
“Koigasaki… I… Like you.”
Such words come from my mouth unconsciously. I was taken aback after saying it. Even though I already understand Koigasaki’s feelings… What am I saying? What a persistent man it would take to confess again after being rejected once already. Koigasaki also is shocked, it should be clear that she thinks of this as a bother.
Timidly, I look at Koigasaki’s face. While crying, Koigasaki is surprised at looking at my face. She is holding tight onto the present I presented to her.
“…I’m sorry. I understand that you… Don’t like me. That these feelings are just a bother. But… No matter what, I wanted to get that through to you one more time. Knowing that you’re moving far away, I just can’t… Contain myself.”
“…”
“…You’re transferring, and will be separated from me…You’ll probably forget about me. That’s fine. But, I won’t forget about you. Probably…I’ll always like you. So… Just that, I wanted to get through to you at the least…”
Before I realized it, I was moved to tears. This might be the last day Koigasaki and I can speak. Thinking about that, I grow more and more sad…
At my words, Koigasaki looked down and was quiet for a while.
Ah… Once again, I’ve troubled Koigasaki…
“… Saying all this stuff again is just a nuisance… Sorry for getting all fired up on my own… It’s getting late, and we should start heading home…”
“I…”
“…Eh?”
Koigasaki picks up her head from looking down, and with her crying face, stares at me in the eye and says…
“I also… Like you…!”
… Eh?
Just now… What did she say? Just now, did I… Mishear something on a grand scale? Or, is this a dream?
“Koigasaki… Y-you…”
I couldn’t believe what Koigasaki had just said and was flustered.
I mean, when I confessed to her a month ago she said she didn’t like me and couldn’t go out with me in very clear terms. What does this mean…!?
Koigasaki… Likes me? Then, after all, what was on that radio broadcast was Koigasaki’s… True feelings? If that’s true then why…?
“… Azuki-chan heard my submission that was read on the radio, and learned of my feelings… I myself thought that what I had done was so stupid. Because of that, I caused Azuki-chan to suffer… You also heard about it from Azuki-chan, right?”
“…! A-ah. Azuki-chan recorded it and let me listen to it.”
“Eh…!? Really?! Then, you also listened to that radio broadcast!?”
“Ah…”
“No… Seriously!? I can’t believe it!”
Koigasaki was completely red, even to her ears, and was terribly disturbed. This reaction means…
“…What you said on the radio were… Your true feelings…”
Koigasaki is looking down while so red.
“… Y-yes…”
She affirmed it without looking me in the eye.
“So… When you told me you liked me… The truth is, I was incredibly happy…”
…! If so, why…
“But…I won’t go out with you.”
… My face goes totally pale at the words that she continued to say while crying. She likes me… But won’t go out with me…?
“Eh… Wh-why’s that…!? I don’t understand what that means at all…”
Koigasaki wipes her tears and looks at me. For some reason, she smiled.
“… When we first met, you were clearly the plain, typical otaku who couldn’t read a situation…”
“Eh!?”
“This is what I said but I really wondered if it was possible to turn you into a normal person.”
Koigasaki suddenly started talking about something not related to the present situation, so I was unable to hide my confusion. Wait, at the beginning is that what Koigasaki thought of me…
“But, the current you… So much so that I couldn’t have imagined it when we first met, have become normal. Though it doesn’t seem that I myself had realized it… As you are now, like that, anyone can go out with you. You no longer need my help. Be assured and go on by yourself.”
Koigasaki told me this… With a smile that seemed just a little lonely.
“Huuh!? Wh-what’re you saying…”
I am normal? Like that, anyone can go out with me? No matter how you look at it, that’s a serious exaggeration. Sure, compared to before, I also think that I’ve gotten better, but I don’t think there’s been such a dramatic change like Koigasaki is saying. Is Koigasaki saying this sincerely…?
“So…!”
Koigasaki says in a voice much louder than before, looking at me with a serious expression.
“Forget about me, who is moving far away, and go out with the one always at your side, always thinking of you!” [1]
“…!”
Koigasaki… Th-that’s…
Azuki-chan… Right?
Koigasaki desperately told me this with a saddened expression while her tears, which she had stopped, came pouring down again.
Almost as if she were urging me.
“Wh-what’re you saying… That…”
That… Can’t be done. To lie to my own emotions…
“Did you hear from Azuki-chan about where I’m moving to?”
“Eh? I… Didn’t…”
“Hokkaido, you know. That’s not a distance that allows us to meet easily…”
“…!”
Hokkaido…?
I couldn’t imagine that she was moving to a place so far away.
“… B-but… If your father relocates, the possibility that you return to Tokyo…”
“That probability is… Almost none… Because Papa has been entrusted with the Hokkaido branch…”
“…!”
I became overwhelmed.
Such a far distance. The fact that she won’t come back here again. I knew when koigasaki was supposed to move out.
Koigasaki likes me.
However… She understood that she can’t go out with me, due to this too-cruel reality. She was so troubled by herself and draw this conclusion within herself and rejected my confession.
What… Do I do?
Koigasaki will be so far away. Yet, I am confident that I will still like her.
——Within me, the answer soon came.
I close my eyes and think back to my days with Koigasaki.
“Koigasaki… I also often think back to the time when we first met.”
“Eh…?”
“I entered high school… I met you and at first you were threatening, and then you forced me to help you in your romance…”
“…!”
“But somewhere along the way, somehow… Between you and me, it was like we were buddies, or that a friendship, that kind of weird feeling came about… We made our agreement…”
When Koigasaki told me… “You are my important friend”… I was so happy I could cry. When I got a message from Hasegawa, when I went on a date, when there was trouble with the outfit, I was helped beyond what mere teaching can do by Koigasaki.
“And on the other hand… I couldn’t let it alone it if you are crushed. Keep fighting on, I’ll also keep fighting on, so you also keep fighting on…”
At some point her being there gives me strength to fight on. It’s not just my own strength. I’m not alone.
“I have become normal… If what you said earlier is true, and I have become just a little more normal, that is without a doubt because of you. I think if I was alone, to this day I would definitely not be able to speak to girls, I would have fun friends, and I would be living plain, boring days.”
“Ka-Kashiwada…”
“But… It’s odd. At some point… I unconsciously started getting irritated at you getting in good relations with Suzuki…”
“…! Eh…”
At my words, Koigasaki was round-eyed in astonishment. I finally said it to her.
Koigasaki is surprised at my words.
“We had our agreement, so I was in a position where I would have been happy to see the space between you and Suzuki shrink, yet for me to get jealous… I’m terrible…”
“…You’re not terrible.”
“Eh…”
Koigasaki shook her head and denied my words.
“I… I as well… Was like that…”
“Eh? What do you mean…”
“Like you… I too… Was jealous… Actually, I think I was always probably full of jealousy…”
Koigasaki says, seeming embarrassed. Koigasaki was… Jealous because of me? I can’t believe it. While surprised, a feeling of gladness also overflows within me.
“Though I should have supported your love, I was just so jealous… At some point, even though I was supposed to like Suzuki-kun, I started noticing you more and more… When I realized my feelings, I felt our relationship still was about the agreement… So, I said that we should quit the agreement.”
“Ko-Koigasaki…”
So that’s how it was…
“… Hey,”
I resolved myself, looked Koigasaki in the eye, and started speaking seriously.
“Sure enough, I… Like you. Your going to Hokkaido or any other far place won’t change these feelings.”
“… Kashi… wada…”
“It’s not like you’re going overseas… You’re still in Japan, right? If I want to meet you, I can go to meet you.”
“…”
“So… I can’t give up. I don’t want to give up.”
This is the conclusion I have reached. With the distance between us being so far, I want to continue thinking of Koigasaki. At my words, Koigasaki was surprised and is staring blankly in amazement.
“So, please go ou-…”
In the middle of my words, my mouth was blocked from speaking. By Koigasaki’s hands.
“…!?”
“Just your feelings makes me glad. That’s already enough…”
While crying, Koigasaki smiles and says this. Though it is incredibly bitter… She is worrying about me in showing that smile.
“Ko-Koigasaki…”
Now… No matter what.. It won’t work out, is that right…?
Nothing will come out of it…?
Though we like each other so much…
Though we don’t want to be separated…
Before I realize it, my eyes are also full of tears. Tears continue to pour without stopping from Koigasaki’s eyes. No matter how hard she squeezes and squeezes my hand, they pour one after the other.
I don’t know how much time passed. The tears finally stop, and Koigasaki, a little calmed down, at length raises her head.
“Hey, Kashiwada… It’s my birthday, so I have just one request I want you to hear out.”
“…! Wh-what!? Say whatever you wish! If it’s something I can do, I’ll do whatever it is you want!”
“…Then… Today, it’s fine even just for one day…”
“I want to be your girlfriend.”
While crying, Koigasaki asks of me one last thing. Without thinking, I hold Koigasaki tight. As though surprised by the sudden development, Koigasaki’s body starts shivering with a start.
“I like you, Koigasaki…”
“… Kashiwa… da…”
Koigasaki’s voice is quivering.
“… Name…”
“Eh?”
Koigasaki separated from me a little, and with a totally red face looks me in the eye and says such.
“Please… Call me by… My name as well… Properly, by my first name…”
“Eh…”
“Then, one more time, say it again…”
Seeming embarrassed, Koigasaki, with her face all red, whispered that to me. Her first name, eh… Of course, this would be the first time I call her by her first name. For some reason, I become very embarrassed.
“… Mo-Momo… I like you…”
“! I as well…”
At my words, though the tears falling down, Koigasaki smiles.
“I’ve always wanted to say it, but I couldn’t… I really do… Like you! I love you. I really, really love you!”
I once again held Koigasaki tight.
Overflowing with love, just like this, I want to never separate from Koigasaki forever. Despite having such mutual feelings for each other, we must be separated. I’m so powerless. I can’t do anything, I’m such a small man.
I can’t open up some new way, I can only go with the flow; after all, I’m just a child.
I gently close my eyes, and show her my affection through the arms I use to hold her.
“Momo… I like you.”
“…Yeah.”
“I like you.”
“…Yeah….”
“I like you..”
“…(sob), Ye…ah…”
“I like you…!”
Like idiots, we repeated the same words over and over again to each other. During the whole time, Koigasaki was shaking and crying. While crying, though it seemed painful, she desperately kept responding to my words.
I didn’t know how much time passed while we were hugging. It felt like a short amount of time, but in reality a lot more time passed than I imagined.
I want to hold onto her like this forever. I don’t want to let go of her again. It would be good if time would stand still. It would be good if today would never end. I couldn’t help wishing for such.
After that, of course, Koigasaki and I didn’t become a genuine couple.
As per her wishes, we were only a couple for Koigasaki’s birthday, that one day.
“Oh, Kashiwada, late night, every now and again I’d watch the TV since that anime you like is on, and it’s surprisingly funny.”
“Right!? It’s an anime so it can’t be too ridiculous!?”
“Heh, wait~ Even Kiritani has become an otaku through Kashiwada’s influence-?”
It’s been a few days since then, and now it’s lunch break. A girl in a seat next to us inserted her thoughts into the conversation that we had unfolding.
“Ah~ really, you’re no longer hiding that you are an otaku, but now you’re dragging others into it…”
“…!”
When I saw the female student who was adding to our own conversation, I was a little shocked.
“Koigasaki…”
“When you first entered high school you so desperately hid the fact that you were an otaku, but now just how much are you turning on that idea?”
“Haha… It’s fine. You also said that being able to become an otaku was fun, didn’t you?”
“Eh!? What, Momo has been an otaku?!”
“Well, yeah! I’ve done cosplay, and even put out doujinshi.”
Koigasaki said with a smiling face to a surprised female classmate.
Hey, Koigasaki… No matter how much of an open otaku you are, you don’t have to declare that at school, you know…?
We have now totally returned to our old “mutual friends” relationship. That’s what Koigasaki wanted after all. Isn’t that one thing I can do for her if she wants that?
Until spring break, I will enjoy the fun days as “mutual friends” with Koigasaki, and these short, last days deeply carve up my heart. Returning to such a relationship with Koigasaki, naturally I return to being mutual friends with Azuki-chan, and after so long we three could laugh together again.
At length, that spring break comes upon us. I didn’t hear what date Koigasaki was leaving on. Had I heard it, I would go to see her off and the farewell would have been painful. Koigasaki didn’t tell me anything about it. She also probably didn’t want me to go see her off.
Message from: Koigasaki Momo
Message: Today, I take off for Hokkaido. Thank you for everything up to now.”
It was the later half of a day near the end of March. At my house, I receive that one message.
I see. It was today…
I read the message and, without sending a response, fold my cell phone closed.
It is fine like this…
..Is it really?
Because this is how she wanted it to be… Is it really fine left like this?
“…No…”
This isn’t good…! Sure enough, I think if I can’t meet with Koigasaki one last time, I will definitely regret it so much I will want to die.
In the instant I think this, I fervently leave my room, hurriedly get ready to leave, and rush out my house.
When is the flight that Koigasaki is leaving on? Will I make it in time if I hurry there? While I fret like this, it is clear I don’t want us to get separated like this. I want to really give her a good farewell. I want to see her off.
After a long while, I reach Haneda Airport and I get absorbed in asking the staff where the lobby for those taking a flight to Hokkaido is. After learning where it is, I run full-force over there, and I look for Koigasaki all around.
Koigasaki… Where are you? After I’ve come all this way here?
I recklessly look and eventually, far away, I spot a familiar sight from behind.
“Koigasaki-!”
Right there, I screamed in a loud voice.
“…!?”
Koigasaki turned around and grew stiff upon seeing me.
I ran to where Koigasaki was.
Koigasaki was talking to her family about something. Presently, Koigasaki’s family leaves Koigasaki behind and leaves the area.
“Haah, haah, haah…”
“Kashiwada… I didn’t think.. You would come…”
“Haah… If you’re gonna let me know, let me know sooner…”
While I am out of breath, I look at Koigasaki’s face. She is looking at me with a troubled-looking expression.
“I mean, I… Didn’t want you to come see me off…”
Koigasaki’s words shocked me a bit, but then I soon realized she means that separating would be painful.
This is… Really, truly, the last…
There was much I wanted to say.
However… They are all words that would cause Koigasaki to be troubled. So, I have those words in my heart, and must tell Koigasaki words that we can both smile and say our farewell with. As though Koigasaki is happily leaving for Hokkaido.
“Ah, well, Koigasaki…”
“Hm?”
“Take care.”
I make a smile and with as much of a bright attitude as I can muster, I tell Koigasaki words of farewell…
“…!”
Koigasaki was a little shocked at my line and then…
“Yeah, you too.”
She smiles, then returns the thought. Good, now… I won’t have any regrets. Yup, not any…
“…!?”
But at that moment, I…
Saw tears come out of the smiling Koigasaki’s pupils.
“Ko-Koigasaki…!?”
“Eh…!? Ah, this… Oh no, really..”
Koigasaki hurriedly wiped away her tears.
“Really… This is why… I didn’t want you to co-…”
The tears were already pouring one after the next without stopping.
“…”
Seeing Koigasaki cry like this, I feel a lump in my throat…
“No…”
“… Eh?”
“I don’t… Want to be separated from you like this! I definitely don’t want this—!”
Before I realize it, I’m absorbed in and yelling out my true feelings.
“Ka-Kashiwada…”
“I don’t want to… Give up on you… I don’t want to… Not be able to see you again!”
While Koigasaki was crying, she blankly listened to my words.
“And… You wanted it this way, so I pulled out my own views and have been doing as you wanted, but… I’m at my limit! Are we just supposed to ignore my emotions completely!? Even though I feel for you… So, so much… Saying you’re going far away, so it is better if we don’t go out… There’s a limit to how self-serving you can be, right!? I really don’t want that!”
I sorta spilled out what was inside me. The words I have been enduring not saying have poured out. Oh no, if I say this that’ll be bad… Is what I was thinking in my mind, yet the words didn’t stop coming.
“… Self-serving? Wha-what’s with that…”
She intercepted my by suddenly saying that in a low voice.
“H-how irritating! Are you really saying that! How super~~~~ irritating!”
I was confounded by the suddenly livid Koigasaki.
“Self-serving!? That’s you, isn’t it?! You don’t understand a tenth, no, a single percent of my feelings! Up to now, I’ve always, always had feelings for you! Yet you’d go out with other girls… With Azuki-chan, and didn’t notice my feelings at all…! Just how much pain do you think I’ve had to endure this whole time up to now…!? I don’t want to cry because of you any more…!”
“Eh…!”
Koigasaki yelled at me, worn out and crying. Because Koigasaki was yelling in a loud voice, those around us stared and turned their eyes to us. Koigasaki… Had felt for me so strongly? Because of me, she’s been hurt and has cried…? Even though up to now, she hadn’t said a word of this…
“You don’t want to be separated from me!? You don’t want to not be able to see me again!? To me… That, all of it… So much more than you, of course I don’t want it, don’t you know!?”
“Ko-Koigasaki…”
“Even though I’ve always wanted to be your girlfriend…! I’ve always endured it, and endured it… Yet, yet now, farewell… This time is different…”
Koigasaki cried and shouted with a bitter expression.
Koigasaki…
I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to have to bid farewell… Yet, Koigasaki didn’t show me that even a little bit, and has endured it all this time…
“Koigasaki… I’m sorry…”
While not understanding Koigasaki’s feelings, I selfishly got angry by myself… At the very least, I’m such a no-good man. [1]
“But if that is so… Then a long-distance relationship is fine, so we really can go ou-”
“… I also want to do so! But… I can’t trust you!”
“Eh…!?”
When she turns her face to me and tells me that she can’t trust me, I take a great shock.
“I mean, if I’m not by your side… Sure enough, you’ll be with another girl!”
“Th-that’s…!”
“Over me, being so far away, you might be much happier with a girl who can properly be by your side… If we would start going out like this, I’ll go my way and I’d have no choice but to worry and worry every day… Over whether or not you’d come to like another girl. If I’d be like that, then it’d be better if we didn’t go out…!”
“Ko-Koigasaki..”
She thought about that, and decided against going out with me…
Despite me not knowing this myself, I’ve caused her a lot of anxiety… That is, of course, because as she said earlier, I didn’t realize her feelings at all and went out with Azuki-chan.
“S-so… I don’t know when or if Papa would let me, but… If I could become independent, and returned to Tokyo by myself… I could meet with you, Kashiwada, again, and if you weren’t dating anyone by that time… I could confess to you, I’ve thought about that… A lot…”
“Eh! Y-you…”
Koigasaki thought so far ahead like that? She was thinking of me so much? [2]
“I… Definitely won’t go out with any other girl!”
“… Eh?”
Koigasaki opened her eyes wide in surprise at me who had so clearly declared such.
“My feelings aren’t so half-baked as that! If it were such a poor resolution, I wouldn’t say that to you. First, you are the one I think of the most; for me to date another girl in spite of that… That would be rude to her!”
In my mind, the face of one girl popped up. Yes. She, no matter with what emotion. We separated with…
To me, it was a very painful separation. Even now, if I think back to it, my chest feels like it is about to burst. However, more than me, she surely…
Yes, it wasn’t like we split over some half-baked emotions.
“Ka-Kashiwa… da…”
Koigasaki stared blankly at my words.
“Even when we are apart, I will continue to think only of you… Without doubt.”
“… Really? Really and truly?”
“Ah.”
I resolved myself, and opened my mouth.
“In the future, I will definitely… Go to see you… So… So, when that time comes…”
“… Marry me!”
That may have been one of those silly things high school kids say. But, to me, it was something I said with my true feelings, without a hint of lie or deceit in them.
I said something pretty offbeat, so Koigasaki’s response was a scary thing. In any case, wouldn’t saying something like that so suddenly be… Cringy? I don’t know if she believes my words or not…
“…”
With her eyes wide open, Koigasaki was at a loss for words in surprise.
“… Huuh? Wh-what are… You… Are you st-stupi…d? To really say something like that… We’re high schoolers, you know? First, you have way too many romantic interests, I can’t trust you… And of course something like that is impossible…”
… Ah, of course. That’d be the normal reaction…
Suddenly, Koigasaki let go of the carry case she had been holding. Then she briskly walked near me.
The next moment.
“——!?”
Koigasaki wrapped bother her arms around my neck to put her lips on my lips.
Koigasaki and I had our first… Kiss. It was fairly sudden, so I didn’t understand what was going on.
“…”
Eventually, slowly, Koigasaki separated her lips from mine.
“Is it OK… For me to believe you?”
Koigasaki asked me with tears piling up in her eyes with a heartrending expression.
“A-ah… Of course! Definitely!”
“… I’ll be waiting.”
“Koigasaki…”
“Even when I’m an adult or when I’m an old lady… I’ll be waiting for you to come visit me.”
… That is Koigasaki’s response.
“Buha”
I reflexively burst into laughter.
“Hey!? Wh-what’s with that reaction!?”
“An old lady… Just how long am I making you wait!?”
“I-I mean…”
“I’ll come meet you… Much sooner.”
With all my might I wrap both my arms around Koigasaki in embrace. It felt like the eyes of the people in the airport were gathering on us, but right now none of that matters.
———————————————————————————————————————
Editor Notes
[1]
(Arocks: Yeah, yeah. We know that well enough by now.)
(Yuki: Can’t believe it took him such a long time to notice that… -_-)
[2]
(Arocks: You have no idea how much farther into the future a few of them can think… shudders)
(Yuki: Just shows how powerful someone can be when they are in love. sighs)