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The silver hair that scattered about on the white sheets.

She’d said it was dyed. Certainly, although it was nothing like that girl’s hair, it can’t be helped that it resembled hers in some way.

In my eyes that were in a world far away from reality, I can certainly see that color which I can’t help but yearn for.

Those pupils that continue to look up at me were light purple.

That color that was rare in this country, wasn’t such an uncommon one in hers, she says.

While recalling her skin which I was no longer able to even touch, I can almost see Sylvia’s figure overlap with hers.

The fact that Sylvia, who was rumoured to be a fairy or an angel, had died became well-known in high society in the following weeks.

Moreover, she died not by illness, but in a robbery. And the one who devised the scheme, was the next marquis wife, her biological sister.

The stir in high society was tremendous.

Since I was away from home a lot as a knight and entrusted the socializing to Ilya, there were a lot of nobles that were friendly with her. Thus, they were required to prove their own innocence. If, for argument’s sake, it was concluded that they lent Ilya a hand, then there was also a possibility that they might be imprisoned.

Even if, for instance, that weren’t the case, it was easy to fabricate a crime or something.

High society was always maintaining an equilibrium with an exquisite power dynamics. With this opportunity, there had also been movements to try to crush the opposing powers.

For that reason, the ones who took action on the situation were high nobles that revolved around my family.

I had no intention of forgiving Ilya from the start.

I requested help from my family, laid the groundworks to convict Ilya on all sides, and made every effort so that she would have no way to escape from her crimes.

But whether due to her origin in a third rank Earl family or whether due to her position as a wife of Marquis family regardless of being divorced, it was considerable effort to drive her into a corner.

I was somehow able to move Ilya to a commoner jail, thanks to several people offering me their help.

When I had finished everything, the season had already finished a cycle.

Since I haven’t heard that the punishment had been carried out, she was probably still being imprisoned.

But what happened after was already none of my business.

Although she probably can’t escape capital punishment based on the charges, her execution will not be public.

The people who carried the backbone of the country on their shoulders will probably not allow anyone to bring back the issue that had already quieted down. Maybe because I knew that, in any case, I felt incredibly tired these days, so I didn’t feel like doing anything.

Finding it a bother just expressing this feeling of loss into words and not even making an effort in work, I committed a blunder.

Per my superior officer, they sentenced me to house arrest while calling it an extended vacation in name alone.

During that time, I came across a rumour.

That a silver haired, purple eyed young girl was selling favours. (1)

They say she has an ephemeral figure with slender limbs on a small stature, her gaze when she looks up was pure and innocent and that she looked exactly like a fairy.

The more I heard about the tale, the more I saw Sylvia’s outline.

Even though I saw that their features were as different as heaven and earth when I actually ventured to see her, it was still enough for me to imagine that girl.

More than anything, her innocent eyes that looked up at me reminded me of that girl.

When I see her form, that was enough to satisfy me.

「Soleil-sama… I… I can’t live without you…」

『……could you please be one for me? Be my will to live?』

I feel that her voice, which I could no longer remember even in my dream, was now audible.

My palms sank lightly into the hard, thin mattress of the cheap bed.

As I gazed at the situation, spaced out and in a dream-like state, a dark shadow loomed over.

When the young girl’s gaze, which had been looking up at me, veered to the side, she gave a tiny shriek, those big eyes of hers widening even further.

Turning my head to follow her gaze, I saw the tip of a sword over my shoulder.

A body angled in the reflection. I rolled off the bed while protecting the young girl and felt an impact run across my shoulder.

I felt my back slam into the bed before I registered the pain and noticed a leather shoe stepping on my shoulder.

「……what a fine sight. Soleil-dono. Do you always frequent brothels at the start of the day?」

From the back of the man who was staring down at me, the half light of early morning was shining through.

Because he was moving against the light, I couldn’t see his expression clearly, but I remember that golden hair that seem to glisten as it sways.

‘How?’, I asked, my own voice revurberating inside the still room.

「You thought I died? Unfortunately, I have strong ties with my fellow knights. I was aided by a friend, you know?」

I felt uncomfortable seeing that figure laughing boldly.

Did he use to be a man who laughs like this? Did he use to be a man who speaks in such a tone? Did he use to be a man who glares at someone this way?

His eyes that were infinitely darker than mine were supposed to have a warm gaze that was as calm as a clear lake.

I always felt it was completely different from my eyes which was said to be icy cold even when I was happy.

I’d always seen him at the edge of my vision, guarding her protectively with those eyes of his.

「Hey, do you know how much effort she’d done for you?

Ahh, that’s right. You should know. The people around you should’ve told you. That she'd been doing her very best to be your partner… but, you hadn’t seen just how much effort she really put in for you」

In his sharp gaze, the warmth that used to be in his eyes was nowhere in sight. The eyes, that had been filled with deep affection, cast a dark shadow and seemed like it was about to be engulfed in despair.

The man, who had such eyes, spoke with a detached and monotonous voice.

「In order to master languages, to study managing territories, or even to study etiquette as a lady, she didn’t have time to spare for sleep. I saw her vomiting countless times in the dead of the night. That figure, who was so afraid to even call out to anyone, had been far worse off than her little sister who was said to be ill. Before I knew it, she damaged her clear voice from burning her throat because of the repeated vomitting」

Have you ever seen the dictionary she’d been carrying? The space between the line had been black with writting. After reading it over and over again, the management books have the corners of its pages in tatters. Did you know she had calluses on her fingers? How the dark rings under her eyes won’t quite disappear? How she always had stomach medicine ready?

“Did you see any of it even once?”, he said, his foot digged even further on my shoulder.

When I arched my upper body to the side without anything to support it, the young girl who had been hiding in the background screamed sharply.

Then, she left the room while crying something.

She must have gone to call for help.

That man, who took one glance at her, wore a deep smile that I could clearly tell even as his face was eclipsed in shadow.

「That lady… every morning when she wakes up, the first thing she thinks about is her fiance. Every night before she sleeps, she says ‘sweet dreams’ to her fiance even when she isn’t by his side. She never once complained that she was lonely. Because she never wanted to be a bother. Even when her fiance only comes to see her on fixed dates, she’d still loved him」

Even while knowing it was a political marriage from the start.

She’d believed in a love that can’t be reciprocated.

「She was supposed to be the Marchioness. She was supposed to be respected and treasured by everyone. Even though she’d done so much for you―――――」

My body that was being held down was suddenly free, and when I tried getting up on my knees, drops of water came falling down on me like they were dancing gently.

「……how could she have died a miserable death in such a place―――――!」

When I heard the words that had been squeezed out so as to be hoarse, for some a reason, a smile appeared on my face.

“I see, so she died”. I clearly heard the voice mutter it in satisfaction.

It wasn’t someone else’s, the voice had come from me.

「Even though you were the only one who could save her…」

—-why? Why? Why?

Why am I… Why are you laughing?

That man, who was staring down at the laughing me, with his lips quivering, muttered accusingly,「You should've known that it was actually a false accusation」.

I’d seen a great number of water droplets slipping down the corner of those lips.

Now, I was simply watching the cold steel he raised over his head.

Suddenly, someone shouted 「Stop it!」. And before I knew it, I could see several figures behind the man.

「Alfred…!! Are you planning to dirty your pride as a knight with blood for this bastard…?!!!」

「I’ve already thrown away things like my pride as a knight when I lost her…!!」

It sounded to me like he was screaming. Even though he said the words clearly, I knew he was screaming like his throat was bursting.

「Do you know how she died? Do you know… just how she died―――――?!!」

Unable to even move, I could only look at it.

Heat filled my shoulder. I’d been pierced by a sword.

Without feeling even pain, my breathing simply stopped. I… couldn’t breathe.

In that moment, when I stretched out my hand, looking like I was going to cling to something instinctively, it dropped.  

As I sank down, at the far end of my vision that was swaying upside down, it soundlessly fell onto the dirtied floor, which I don’t know when had last been polished.

That weightless thing that had been dyed dark red and cut off, used to be long gray hair.

『My hair looks like an old lady’s, right?』

I recalled the voice that had leaked out like a whisper.

—-not once could I say the word.

I couldn’t say, “it’s beautiful”, even once.

It was darker than Sylvia’s. A color I couldn’t say was silver.

But I liked the wonderful color of her eyes that shines all the more thanks to that.

I was always supported by the powerful gaze that carried out her principle and the strong conviction that was enough to overwhelm others.

I’d believed that as long as those eyes were looking at me I would never stray from the right path.

—-killed…

—-I killed Sylvia.

Please stop. This is already enough. Please stop this.

Someone.

Please… tell me it’s a lie.

Someone, please.

I woke up with a start as if I was startled by my own gasp of air.

I was listening to my short breaths that seemed like I had just been running with all I had while lost in thought.

「……Soleil-sama?」

In the area I’d thought I was alone in, I heard a bewildered voice.

My shoulders sprang high up when I heard the voice sounding like it was only a breathe away.

When I covered my lips, feeling only nauseaus with the same unprepared breathing…

「……Soleil-sama!」

I was handed a wash basin that seem to have been prepared for washing my face.

When I almost completely caught my breathe and resisted the urge to vomit, I felt the hot lump returning into the pits of my stomach.

I felt a pain that seem to sting the inside of my throat.

When I made a small cough as I listened to the sound of my heart pounding furiously, the chamberlain peered at me with a worried expression.

「I…I (Ore), no, I-I(Watashi)… what in the world…」

It’s been a considerably long time since I changed the pronoun I used from 「ore」 to 「watashi」.

I was told that it was more natural to do so as the Marquis’s eldest son, and so, as advised by those around me, I did so.

Even I was shaking in surprise for using the pronoun 「ore」 that normally never spills from my lips.

「It seemed you were caught up in a terrible nightmare…」

The chamberlain told me in a discreet voice. I was handed a damp towel and was urged to calm down.

After accepting it, I noticed my fingers shaking slightly.

「Did you see a bad dream?」
「……a bad dream…」

A wry smile was welling up in his face as if I was a baby that was upset at getting caught up in a nightmare or something”.

And the instant he smiled, my entire body cooled down.

「Soleil-sama?」

A bad dream?

….What… did I see? What-

「―――――I can’t remember…」

Even though I saw a dream that was bad enough to be restless in my sleep, I couldn’t recall a thing about it.

It’s not that I meant to forget it, it felt like I didn’t even see a nightmare or anything to begin with. Not even a piece of memory about it remained.

「If you can’t remember, then it was likely just that. A trivial matter」

When I saw the chamberlain smile once more, I felt anxious rather than relief as if it was rising up from my feet .

I felt… like I was losing something very important.

And, the insecurity and anxiety about something I couldn’t even remember continued assaulting me.

When I extended both my hands, they were the same palms that I always had.

But I was having trouble breathing over the heavy sense of loss as if I failed to grasp something.

「……Ilya…」
「Eh?」

「I wonder how Ilya is doing?」

—-for some reason, I wanted to go meet with her no matter what.

(1) It’s a euphamism for prostitution. Literal: Selling youth.

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