「Oh man, your wedding was really incredible. Your fiancee… or is it your wife now? I was under the impression that she was a really strong-willed woman or something, but when she’s quiet, she doesn’t look it」
I just made a wry smile at my unreserved friend’s remark.
From the very start, Ilya wasn’t a woman of many words. But, it was probably useless to say anything to my friend who’d seen her stern face.
There were accounts that believe Ilya was someone who regularly speaks abusively to others.
「Anyway, after everything is all said and done, as expected, that was Sylvia-chan, right! She looked just like an angel!」
The surrounding people’s gazes gathered on my friend who was gripping both hands tightly somewhat excitedly and shouting out loudly like he does every other day.
Completing the expedition of the knight order that we were affiliated with, we’d finally returned to the headquarters.
‘You haven’t even been home for a few weeks yet, it must be tough being newly weds’, my superior officer had laughed.
I’ve been told that she’d be happy if I wrote a letter or something, but we were a pair that never had casual conversations since we were engaged. I bought stationaries that seem to delight women that go downtown but as soon as I lower the pen nib onto the brand new paper, my fingers wind up stiffening.
I thought it would be good to write out words that asked about her well-being at least, but the words that I came up with were all business-like, asking about the territory’s state of affairs and whether the population of the fief was living comfortably.
I feel disgusted at the content of the letter that seemed like a report.
I didn’t plan to write this sort of thing in the beginning.
I was hoping to be more personal, like how Ilya’s favorite white flowers had been growing in the local area of our expedition and had looked very beautiful, or how the hair ornament I found downtown would look pretty with her hair color, or how the bandits’ arrest had been hard to do but we somehow fulfilled the task, or how the expedition was more rigorous than I’d expected but I’d been supported by friends. Although these were really trivial things, I’d intended to enumerate a list of things that she wanted to know.
But even then, the pen was choosing different words and writing sentences arbitrarily.
When I finally wrote it out, folded the stationary and inserted it into the envelope, the weight on my shoulders felt heavier.
The things spilling from my lips were nothing but sighs.
I realize that I’d been spending most of my free time writing letters during the expedition.
I did it not because I didn’t find it troublesome.
But because I wanted to be a 「good husband」.
I understood I had a duty to accomplish, that which was the only thing my father, who had accomplished the noble obligation that was a political marriage, had been unable to.
I want to go home. I want to quickly go home. I’m sure the words will naturally form once we meet each other face to face.
They say, emotional distance is proportional to physical distance.
Surely, that was it.
—-But deep down, I felt it would be better to continue not meeting each other.
When she sees my face, I’m sure she’d look down. It’s been like that since long ago. That’s why, it was easy imagining that appearance.
Since I knew it wasn’t because I was hated, I even asked her what was wrong.
But she only smiled and gave a small shake of her head.
「It’s nothing」, she said.
With a tender look, she keeps some separate intention to herself.
I don’t know the depth… the ferocity of that intention.
When I quietly stared out the window, I saw the cold moon had been gazing back down at me.
It would probably be tomorrow morning by the time I returned home.
When I close my eyes, for some reason, it was silver hair that suddenly floated in my mind.
‘I wonder how Sylvia was doing’, such a thing passed my mind.
A part of me was truly upset that it was that younger sister that floated in my mind first rather my wife’s face or even my wife’s very existence, and yet, while in the expedition, when I realized it, I had been thinking about only her.
And now, apart from the letters I wrote to my wife, I had started writting some other letters.
‘This was wrong’, I thought, but ignoring the echo resounding in my head, I continued to write.
I would enclose pressed flowers inside the letters at times, imagining that small girl’s happy expression. Having never once done it for Ilya, I felt a chill run over me when I saw myself managing to do that without even an ounce of hesitation.
And even then, I still couldn’t stop myself.
That girl was my little sister, after all.
I even went as far as preparing an excuse to justify my actions, saying, ‘feeling anxious about her health is only natural’.
She wasn’t like Ilya who could do everything by herself.
Sylvia couldn’t even stand up on her own. When she begged me to help her with her eyes, it comforts me.
Suddenly, I was the man I’d wanted to be as a child.
I’d wanted to be a person that can be depended on.
To protect and treasure someone, I wanted to be strong.
But, it was no good for the person who’ll stand by my side to be a frail human who needs someone else’s protection.
Adminstration was not that simple of a matter.
The moment she shows any sign of weakness, the carpet will be pulled right under her. That was why I can’t make a companion of a person that was capable of such weakness.
It had to be a person that could think for herself, express her intentions, walk on her own and take the lead in times of need. That was why I chose Ilya.
It had been a political marriage, sure, but that wasn’t the only reason I chose her.
I had been engaged with her since we were young, but had her accomplishments as a Marquis wife not been sufficient, the engagement would’ve been cancelled at any time.
She hadn’t been aware of this, but she worked herself to the bone nonetheless.
It was pleasant that she acted in a way that told me in earnest that she loved me, and though love was unlikely to bud, maybe I could give her my trust, was what I’d thought.
And in truth, I did.
I suppose I trust her, and she trusts me.
By spending everyday in that manner, we will geniunely be husband and wife.
For that to happen, I’d made a vow.
Even if love didn’t bud, maybe I could be a companion who could at least have her back, that was I’d thought about.
And yet…
—-crash!!
When I threw the tablecoth that I ripped onto the floor, broken pieces of porcelain flew with it.
Ilya, who had stared at my direction dumbfounded, chased after them as if unintentionally and tripped.
With no hand helping her, she remained on the floor to an all too amusing extent.
I gave a scornful smile at that appearance which I can even call unsightly.
Sylvia… has died.
With that fact, I couldn’t surpress the violent emotion boiling up from the depths of my body.
Sorrow won only for a moment, but as soon as I breathed in, hatred took over me.
Anger and resentment swirled like they were burning inside me and it seemed like I’d curse her if I opened my mouth.
After breathing in and out heavily liked a wild beast, what I finally expressed into words was:
「―――――was it you?」
Was it you who killed Sylvia?
It felt like I was hearing my voice saying that from far away.
As if the sight that was happening there was someone else’s business.
But still, I understood the heart of the matter when I saw Ilya clearly looking relieved after hearing Sylvia had died.
I stepped forward, preparing to use the knife that I picked up without thinking and intending to thrust it into her neck.
Had I not seen the butler leaning forward as if to protect her, I’m sure the tip of the knife would have already pierced that white skin.
My mind was a blank when this had been going on.
With a shout of 「Master！」, I was robbed of the murderous intent by the voice of the butler that seemed almost threatening.
The knife slipped out my fingers and at that same moment, I couldn’t bear even the sense of emptiness rising up like my whole body was drained of all its strength.
The only reason I narrowly managed not to slump down may be because of my pride as a noble – as a man.
Whether I was relieved that I managed not to kill my wife, or, whether I regretted not having done it, I don’t know.
I’d believed her. I’d intended to take good care of her.
I’d trusted her as a wife.
After I thought that, I didn’t want to even see her face anymore.
Pleading something as she sobbed, her voice seemed to jumble together and was extremely unpleasant.
While feeling nothing more than nauseous seeing her fingers reaching out to me in my line of sight, I commanded my feet unsteadily to exit the room.
I have to go meet Sylvia.
If that girl is really dead as they say, I want to at least say goodbye.
Convicting Ilya will be fine after that.
I have no intention of forgiving that woman for killing her sister.
—-no, no, no!!
Why? Why have you come to that conclusion…?!
You… what in the world are you saying?
There’s no way that Ilya would do something like that. She… she wasn’t a person who could do such a thing.
Sure, it was probably hard to say that she got along with her sister. They had been far from being close sisters.
But, there’s no way she hated her sister enough to kill her.
Ilya… Ilya loved her sister… she loved Sylvia.
That’s right, that’s what it was supposed to be.
「Collect all the evidence for the crimes Ilya commited. Don’t leave anything behind, gather every last one of them」
When I gave the order to the butler who followed right after me, he readily consented and disappeared. He probably started the work at once.
He was an excellent butler. It’s safe to assume he doesn’t need that much time to finish the job.
In the meanwhile, I had to prepare for my divorce with Ilya.
Although the murder of family was a serious crime that even a noble couldn’t talk himself out of it, it was another matter if he was a marquis.
I have to strike her off from the Marquis family and have her disowned by her Earl family so that Ilya will not be protected by peerage.
—-wait, please wait.
What… what on earth are you trying to do?
She killed that girl who called me her will to live.
She must pay for that crime.
—-please stop, please stop, please stop…!!!
I’ll show her a fate worse than death.
—-why? How come?
「……You……How can you be so heartless……？Even if it was only for a short while, hadn’t she been your wife?」
After applying for a leave of absence at the knight order, I’d been secluding myself in the residence to collect the documents in order to file for the divorce when my friend, who claims he was visiting a distressed friend, showed up with a frown.
That man, who I met after a long time, did not appear to be in his usual jovial nature.
He was the man who previously insulted Ilya, my 「wife」.
‘Disgusting’, he’d said badmouthing her, ‘disappointing’, he’d sneered.
As if you’re one to talk, weren’t you also enraged when you heard that she killed Sylvia?
Ilya brought this on herself. It’s not like I intended to do that to her.
「Soleil, I… I can’t keep watching this. What you’re doing to yourself and what’s happening to her」
Why won’t you forgive her?
Casting his eyes down, my friend said in a murmur.
Forgive? What are you talking about? What reason is there to forgive her?
She killed Sylvia.
「Aren’t you going to meet with her even once?
That girl still believes, you know, that you’ll come to pick her up」
My friend’s voice broke unnaturally.
I thought he might be sobbing, but I didn’t know the meaning of his tears.
When he turned his head, he made a face as if he saw something he couldn’t believe and covered his face with his right hand.
「Are you… planning on becoming a murderer?」
I thought about the meaning of the words that had been asked in a muffled voice but I still did not understand.
It was Ilya who’s the murderer.
Why must I be blamed?
I was doing the right thing.
The right thing.