Before reading: I made a mistake last chapter. Ilya entered the bathroom by herself, the maid didn’t follow her in. That’s why there is nobody to stop her when she fell asleep in the bathtub. It’s really great to have Japanese teachers at hands to ask about parts I’m not sure of!
This is CHAPTER 24 PART 1 UNEDITED , wait till next Sunday for the whole chapter. I'll upload it on NU at that time.
If this is the real end – 7
I exhaled, and a big air bubble escaped my lips. It’s painful, I can’t breathe. As I thought that and opened my mouth wider, another bubbled rose up. My throat opened to inhale air. But my lungs didn’t expand, instead I felt like throwing up as my lungs were pressured by a squeezing weight. Even though I wanted to cough, one bubble after another left my mouth and that choking sensation didn’t change. Or I should rather say, I couldn’t breathe.
A disagreeable burbling sound echoed as a bubble extended and covered my face. When I stretched out my arms in anguish, something coiled around my body shook greatly and went away. But it returned to its former position the next second and bound me. My hands reached out, my fingers broke through something and felt the air. A splashing sound echoed in the distance. At that moment I finally realized where I was.
I was sinking. I was submerged inside the water. In other words, I was drowning. I hadn’t noticed until that moment because I had lost consciousness. I probably woke up abruptly because my body was warning me. It warmed me that if things continued like this it will die. When I remembered I was taking a bath until a moment ago, then naturally, I understood I was in the bathtub.
I tried to straighten my posture with one hand and stretched out the other to support my body but it wasn’t going well. The palm of the hand that should have used the bottom of the bathtub for support didn’t stop slipping. Finally, one of my legs lost its footing and made a loud noise as it broke through the water surface. Following it, the other foot sank and made an even louder sound. As I kept struggling, my upper body remained completely submerged, and yet, I felt the pain going away. I thought that perhaps my consciousness was becoming hazy, but I had no way to confirm it. In the first place, I was inside the water, all the boundary lines around me were vague and fuzzy. Even the fact I was drowning, I wasn’t sure if it was real or not.
“… …. ! ….dy! …. La… dy!... Ah, lady…..!! My lady!!”
I could see someone’s face beyond the blurry water surface. I couldn’t make out their traits because of the blurriness, but from their figure it was probably a maid. Did she notice from the sounds, or did she come check the situation because I was taking too long? While repeatedly calling me out she was plunging her arms in the bathtub, trying to lift me up. But it was impossible for a woman alone to raise a person with a similar stature. My body further sank to the bottom of the water. I intended to swallow my breath in one gulp but a large quantity of water entered my throat. I felt my vision getting darker.
“…. Someone! Someone!!”
The sound was muffled but I could hear the maid call for help. It seemed my ears were still working. Soon, several maids came, alarmed by the noise and I was finally rescued from the bathtub. Is what I like to say but it was only to the extend of extracting my upper body from the water. When I grabbed the arm of a maid while coughing violently, I noticed she was trembling. The maid looking at me with a face that had lost all its color was Merge. Her heartbroken gaze distorted by pain pierced my chest. While I kept coughing again and again, quite struggling to catch my breath, at the same time I was thinking with a cool head. I couldn’t believe I made such a blunder.
Taking a bath by myself was not commendable, but drowning in the bathtub wouldn’t simply end with turning it into a laughing matter. As I was no longer a child, all the responsibility lay with me. The daughter of a noble should borrow the help of maids to bath. At least, someone should have stayed in the bathroom. Because I was the next marquise. Protecting myself was an obligation imposed as a “duty.” In other words, it meant I had to do my utmost to protect myself. I ought to have known this and yet… “… fu” Did I expire in order to escape from the pain, or was it to scorn my own idiocy? Even that, I no longer knew anymore.
Before long another maid in my back wrapped a towel around me. The towel was just fine to warm up the shoulders that had become cold, however, because almost half of it was sinking in the bathtub it was very heavy. Being unable to stand by myself left me stunned. From both sides of the bathtub, two maids tried to pull me but it didn’t go well and my body that had been scooped up after great pains once again fell into the water. My body seemed to be complaining as if it had lost its bones and refused to listen to me. A sigh unintentionally leaked from my mouth and my lips half sank into the water. At that moment.
Bang!
The door that should have been closed was flung opened and a man with golden hair rushed into the room. That his forehead was covered in sweat wasn’t just my imagination.
“Alfred-sama!”
The one who rose her voice was Merge who was supporting my strengthless body. She increased the number of towels wrapped around me, trying to hide my body from Al’s eyes. But he wasn’t the last bit perturbed and walked to the middle of the room, pushing Merge aside. Not caring about her who once again screamed “Alfred-sama!”, he scooped me up from the bathtub.
I was also fully aware that it wasn’t a good thing to expose my skin to someone of the opposite gender even if he was my escort, but it was also true that I felt relieved. My feet had become swollen and dull, I couldn’t feel any sensation from them.
“Why did you let her entered alone!” Moving his gaze to Merge, Al roared in a deep voice.
“…Ththat’s….” Merge who immediately start stumbling on her words wandered her eyes in the room.
“… It was me who said I wanted to bath alone.”
Besides, Merge wasn’t here a while ago. When I added this while suppressing a light cough, Al’s lips tightened and he shook his head.
“I heard they were excellent maids, but it seems to not be the case,” he suddenly said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I don’t think an excellent maid would do all and everything her master orders from her.” He sounded as if his voice didn’t contain any warmth. But I understood he was wrapped in wrath.
“I am sorry, Al. It is my fault.” The maids who were on the receiving end of Al’s sharp glare were completely shriveling. So as much as possible, I tried to say that in bright tone instead of them who became completely unable to answer. But I couldn’t do it well and quivered on the last words. It was natural as I nearly died. Whether he was aware of this or not, Al flatly rejected my words with a voice devoid of emotion.
“There is no need for my lady to apology.”
He easily held me up in his arms as if the struggling of the maids a while ago was a lie. Then, in a careful motion he carried me out. The maids who had a bad expression when Al, a person of the opposite sex, had entered the bathroom, watched him in silence, understanding the help of a man was necessary.
To begin with, I was in the bathroom adjacent to my room, so when we came out of the changing room we directly reached my bedroom. There was nobody here. Just when we were about to leave the bathroom, a maid had put a gown on me who was held in Al’s arms. She probably thought that a towel was not enough. Al gently put me down on the bed and withdrew after saying “I will come back later.” He gave me time to put on clothes.
I exhorted my body that had lost all its strength and when I rose up my upper body, the gown fell off. This time night clothes were handed over to me. I didn’t confirm who had given them and passed my arms through the sleeves. At that moment, a trembling voice say, “My lady, I deeply apology….” Not looking at my face and keeping her head bowed very low, the person who spoke was Merge. Because she was the one with most seniority among the maids who happened to be present, she probably was apologizing on behalf of them all. “I said it before, but you don’t have to worry about it. Because it was me who said I wanted to be alone.” My vague consciousness was also returning. My fingers didn’t shake and I was able to speak clearly. This made me feel unbelievably relieved.
I didn’t die. … …. I was still alive.
“I am sorry.” While I said that in a light tone to prevent the atmosphere from becoming too heavy and awkward, I touched Merge’s shoulder. When I did that, she suddenly rose her head and said, “Please stop….!” Then, she escaped my hand and took two, three steps back. Although it was only just a small distance, that was enough to prevent us from touching each other. She was supposed to be close, and yet, for some reason I felt she was very far away.
The other maids had left when I wasn’t aware of it and now only the two of us remained in the room. In the bedroom that had become deadly silent, her voice that had regained her calm echoed.
“… There is no need for an apology. Because it is me who failed my duty as a maid.”
Seeing her like this, I understood she was really regretting. But my mind was dominated by the dream I saw when I was swallowing water inside the bathtub. The sensation of losing everything the moment I died. That shock. Even though I’ve experience it enough times to get tired of it, I still couldn’t get used to it. It was so distressing, painful and sorrowful I couldn’t help it. This couldn’t be expressed with words. I wonder why that moment when you were on the verge of dying bestowed people so much agony? I prayed many times to at least be granted a gentle death. Every time I died I was always thinking about this.
While I let my thoughts wandered aimlessly, I muttered “But, I am the one at fault.” Not only this time. Always, I’m always calling misfortune on myself. Even though I have lived so many lives, repeated everything so many times, even though I might have been offered an amendable life… … I cannot live well.
“Spilling ink, drowning in the bath… I am really beyond help.”
I intended to say it as a self-depreciation but unexpectedly my voice came out in a grave intonation. The shoulders of Merge who had once again lowered her head swayed a little and she rose her face suddenly. Her hand strongly clutched her chest. As if it was painful. Her collar which was usually straightened was twisted and squashed by her palms.
“Merge?”
“Why, my lady why are you… so kind? It wouldn’t have been strange to rebuke me for what I did. Rather than entrusting it to the other maids, I ought to have stayed at your side and yet…!”
Merge made an expression like she was about to cry at any moment, even though Al’s condemnations earlier had been much fiercer. It was really rare for her who always kept her calm. The woman who spend time together with me when I was young always had calm eyes. Being alone together with her who was usually constantly attending to Silvia was a rare situation, I didn’t know what to say to cheer her. If I spoke now my words would reflexively become, “You are Silvia’s maid so you do not have to worry about this.”
However, those words I planned to say stayed stuck in my throat and refused to come out. If I say them right now, they will definitely be taken as sarcasm. Because I understood this, no matter what, I mustn’t say them. Even though she might have wanted me to blame her. I didn’t want to say such words. Like how Marianne and Merge just now had described me, I wanted to become a tolerant person. Someone who forgive everything, love everything, confer kindness to everyone.
I’ve always wanted to become that kind of person.
*
*
In the end, the sole words I managed to say to Merge who kept apologizing were “Thank you.” With a smile on my face, I told her I was grateful for her consideration. I knew that by doing this, everything would be settled nicely. When you are in the middle of a conversation with someone, if you cannot understand your partner’s intention, for the time being you could stop the discussion by giving them your thanks. If you do that, in most cases you will avoid settling an uncomfortable mood between you. However, despite my smile, I couldn’t convince Merge.
Even though she was the one who taught me that when I was a child.
“At all time, you are a lady.”
In other words, a lady ought to always wear a smile and carry herself properly, that should have been what she meant. … … I was doing it properly, right? I instinctively swallowed back those words. Merge gazed at my face for a while, but then she sighed and deeply lowered her head. Then, keeping her head bowed like this, she left the room as if she was trying to break off from my line of sight. The brief moment before she turned her back from me, she clearly showed a hurt expression.
Wait, I was about to call out. Do not go, I almost said. That’s right, the one who left the other behind wasn’t me. The one who threw me away was Merge. And yet, for her to be making an expression like she was being abandoned, it was unfair.
I lied down on the bed, took a deep, deep breath and closed my eyes. I was the noble’s daughter of a third ranked earl house, and the fiancé of Soleil, heir of a marquis family. So, I mustn’t be shaken by such a thing. I must keep my composure. I mustn’t let anyone sense my wavering heart. I mustn’t be perturbed by anything, rather, I must boast of the strength to coerce my opponents. Because I had been raised to become such a person.
But, why. Why can’t I suppress my sorrow?
“… I was reported that you drowned in the bath.”
Merely a few minutes after Merge had left my room, my mother appeared. Mother was making a difficult expression, but more than looking worried she seemed to be brooding over something. I was about to get up but she told me to remain as I was, so I ended up looking up at her who had sat on the bed side. When I suddenly sensed a gaze on me and looked toward the corner of the room, I saw my escort knight there. I guess he entered with mother. Although he was frowning, he wasn’t angry. Rather, he was probably anxious about me. Because we have been together for a long time, I completely understood how kind he was. In the past, I misread this feeling and ended up losing him.
“You are not feeling unwell, right?”
When I acquiesced to my mother inquiry, that person heaved a huge sigh and held down her forehead.
“… Mother?”
“Do not make me worry.”
Seeing the sorrowful appearance of my muttering mother with her head lowered like this, somewhat my heart got warmer. Even though usually she didn’t give a care about me, it seemed that she became worried this time. Knowing that cleared my heart. Just when I thought it was unscrupulous of me to have those thoughts and I was about to smile to her,
“Having to worry about only that child is enough.”
I fully understood mother’s words. The smile I was about to show was destroyed in an instant. Still, my lips somehow managed to form a gentle line. My teeth were colliding against each other as if I was trembling in the cold. I rose my face wondering if my unrest had been perceived, but mother was still making the same difficult expression. A thought crossed my mind. Maybe the words I heard earlier were just an auditory hallucination. But,
“It is troubling for me.”
END OF PART 1
Actually, it is a bit more than half the chapter, but I felt that cutting here was good. After all, Ilya has such a great mother, I can't be the only one raging while I translate. Let's share!