I’m not an idiot. More accurately, I’m not an idiot but, rather, a fool who understands that the thing above his neck isn’t just a regulator of biological activity. Chii’s friend, Pyeii. I had no idea what kind of phantom she was, but there had to be a reason for why she would follow Chii to my house.
“Please drink this,” Chii said.
“Ah, thanks.”
[…TY.]
I took a drink of the iced barley tea Chii gave me. It was good.
“I didn’t know we had barley tea in the house.”
“There was nothing here, so I went out grocery shopping.”
Chii was sitting at the table, her gaze harsh yet also full of a mysterious tenderness.
“Thank goodness Pyeii has so much money. I very nearly had to go hunting as a bird.”
Pyeii = rich. I cemented that equation into my mind. I’d better be nice to her. …I felt bad for thinking something so calculating, but after coming home, I’d awakened to both the joys of housemaking and the fears of poverty. My time in Jirisan felt like a fantastical dream that I thoroughly enjoyed, but now that I was back in real life, it almost felt like I had a weight clasped on my ankle. Though this may all be because of the supplementary classes.
“So. Did Pyeii follow you here for fun?”
I thought that this was a good way of subtly bringing up this topic. But, for some reason, they were acting strange. Because Chii, who until just a minute ago was looking me straight in the eye, was keeping her head lowered, and Pyeii didn’t conjure even a puff of smoke and instead drank her barley tea. Something was up.
“Th-that’s the thing, Big Brother.”
Chii began to speak when Pyeii suddenly raised her hand and stuck a smoky X over Chii’s lips. I wanted to take a picture of Chii’s adorable antics as she panicked, but that wasn’t the important thing.
[I’ll tell him.]
Chii nodded her head, and I crossed my arms.
“So you didn’t just come here for fun?”
Pyeii nodded her head. Did something happen? Man, it seriously feels like I’m going from one crisis to another. It felt like time itself had been altered ever since I met Rangii. By the time summer vacation ends, I may end up unrecognizable.
[…Not paying attention.]
“Ah, sorry about that.”
I focused on Pyeii’s words.
“I missed what you wrote. What did you say?”
[I didn’t write anything yet.]
If this were a manhwa, Chii’s and Pyeii’s eyes would be in the shape of half-moons, impressing upon me how unimpressed they were. Those little brats.
“Well, I’m ready now, so go ahead.”
[First, background info.]
…What background information did I need? However, I resolutely kept my mouth shut and waiting for her words to appear.
[Two days ago, Chii wanted to go to your house when a scary lady stopped her.]
Chii removed the X from her mouth and spoke.
“She said that you would be going to school starting tomorrow, Big Brother.”
Ah, I see. …Wait, two days ago? But she never mentioned that I’d be going to Seoul. So how did she know that I’d be doing just that because of my supplementary classes? Did Narae tell her? …That was highly doubtful. They weren’t on close enough terms for that to be possible. Which begged the question: who told her? The answer won’t be something like, It was magic all along~☆, right?
[…Are you watching?]
Shoot. I let my attention wander again.
“Sorry.”
[Your concentration is lacking.]
Pyeii’s displeased expression made me want to poke her on the cheek and ask her, You upset? but even I had some sense of restraint. I might have done that to Chii, but not to some phantom I’d just met.
[I bet it says on your report card: Your son is academically challenged, is horribly careless, and lacks attentiveness. He requires much family guidance.]
I also couldn’t hit her over the head.
“Well I bet it says on yours: Your daughter lacks any respect for her elders and needs teaching in basic manners.”
[…I don’t go to school.]
Something bothered me about what Pyeii said.
“…Do phantoms go to school?”
[I have lots of money, so I don’t need schooling to live well.]
I felt seriously, insanely, murderously jealous.
[You’re poor and weak. So school is life for you.]
“I know.”
I raised both my hands and spoke.
“I’m all ears.”
[You mean eyes.]
…I had to stop myself from strangling that kid. Saehee. Just think of Saehee.
“Fine, I’m all eyes.”
[The normal idiom is “I’m all ears.”]
“So freaking what?!”
[Wordplay.]
“I’d rather leave wordplay for my Korean classes.”
[This is fun.]
The smoke she used to write those words also formed into maracas which she began to shake festively. …She seemed like a pretty calm and collected person at first, but she was actually pretty fun.
“…Please get back on topic.”
Chii interrupted our conversation that had subtly gone off the rails and brought us back on track.
[Back then, Chii was worried because she only knew your Jirisan address. That’s when I showed up.]
Pyeii stood up and moved her hand so that it was under her chin. She looked like the quintessential arrogant noble character from those medieval-style stories. I didn’t want to look at that arrogant face of hers, so I shifted my gaze downwards. Because of how she was standing, I noticed that Pyeii’s breasts, already amplified by the color disparity of her clothes, were especially pronounced, and I….
“Big Brother.”
Chii, having forgotten that she was a magpie phantom, looked at me with the predatory eyes of a hawk.
“I understand that you are a lolicon, pedophilic, breasts-obsessed pervert, but please don’t look at my friend like that.”
I didn’t have a response to that, so I instead urged Pyeii to continue.
“All right, so you’re the one who gave Chii directions … wait.”
Something was off.
“Then how did you find this address?”
Pyeii snorted, ostentatiously shrugged her shoulders, then rubbed her palms once, moving either hand up or down. Then a black laptop appeared on the table that, just a moment ago, only had on it a couple of cups and some snacks. It seemed like, be it a bear or a tiger or a dog phantom, they all used that magic.
[I found it on the Phantomnet.]
“Phantomnet? What’s that?”
[Humans use the internet. So the one phantoms use is called the Phantomnet.]
Wait, one second. I may not be the best at English, but I’m pretty sure that the etymology had nothing to do with the Korean character for human, In. …Right? Regardless, I decided not to press her on that. It seemed like she was joking. But still, this was strange. I would never and have never put my address on the Internet.
“Where’d you find my address?”
Pyeii looked down at me with an air of superiority before writing more.
[Hacking into the system and finding your personal information is child’s play.]
Wait! Hey! You damn brat!
“That’s a crime!”
[I’m a phantom.]
“What difference does that make?!”
[I didn’t do it. I just found it.]
That’s still a crime.
“What’re you talking about?!”
[I’m writing.]
Don’t tease me twice.
“But wasn’t there at least a password or something?”
[It was well-encrypted. Took me three seconds.]
…I was at a loss for words. Just how did she get my information? I’d been getting some weird letters recently, so did that have something to do with it?
[That’s not the important thing.]
The criminal subtly changed the subject.
[That’s why I brought Chii here.]
The conversation took a while thanks to all the distractions, but I understood that Pyeii was saying that she brought Chii here because she didn’t know how to get here. But there was one thing that bothered me. I directed this question to Chii.
“You mean Saehee didn’t give you my address?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Why not?”
The second I asked that, Chii’s cheeks flushed red and her hair started flapping. Upon seeing Chii do that, Pyeii pouted.
“Please ask Saehee-unni for yourself.”
…Just what did Saehee do for Chii to be so embarrassed? I decided not to ask Saehee, either. It was clear that she’d done some kind of mischievous deed. Regardless, I did what I had to do next.
“Then, Pyeii.”
[?]
Pyeii made a question mark out of the smoke. How convenient.
“Thanks. For helping Chii.”
I gave her a quick bow. Even if it’s to a kid, giving proper thanks to someone was the right thing to do.
[No need to thank me.]
But rather than being bashful or deflecting my thanks, she smiled as if with some hidden intention in mind and wrote:
[Because I have a favor to ask you.]
…That bad feeling I had was never wrong. I decided to change the subject.
“First off, why’re you always calling me you?”
[So what?]
“I’m clearly older than you. So shouldn’t you be calling me Oppa or Big Brother like Chii does?”
[Old man?]
“…I’m not that old.”
[Shitty child.]
“I’m not a kid. Also, don’t swear.”
[…I’m older than you.]
She was right. After all, she’s a phantom. Still, my plan seemed to have worked.
[Also, don’t change the subject.]
Actually, it was an all-around failure.
[My Phantomnet persona would give you the chills, so don’t underestimate me.]
“I never underestimated you.”
I just wanted to stop you from asking me for a favor.
[I’m going to tell you my favor now, so listen close.]
Fine. Do whatever you want. I already suspected that there was another reason for her coming here. Just the fact that she flew all the way from Jirisan with Chii was proof of that fact. Still, after all the illegal things she did on Chii’s behalf, I figured I could at least listen to her request.
“All right.”
Chii flinched. …What was wrong? Did Chii already know what Pyeii was going to ask? Pyeii didn’t pay Chii any mind and focused solely on her writing. However, the contents of her words left me utterly baffled to the point where I wondered if my eyes weren’t working correctly. The heck was Pyeii asking? I turned my head to look at Chii, but she head lwoered. She was flapping her hair without saying a word. I reread Pyeii’s words. But, still unable to understand what she was asking, I was reluctant to give her any sort of answer. Was I always this bad at reading? I itched my cheek and spoke to Pyeii.
“What do you mean by I want to change, and how am I supposed to help you with that?”
[A small step for phantomkind, but a huge leap for me.]
Her thought process must work in four dimensions.
[Just keep that in mind. That’s all you need to know.]
“It’s not that simple. If you want someone’s help, you need to give him the full details.”
Pyeii looked at me, a serious expression on her face as a red glow spread across her cheeks, and she wrote more while artfully twirling her hair.
[If you help me, I’ll let you touch my boobs.]
Though, the problem was that it was clear she wasn’t giving me a serious answer.
“The hell kind of explanation was that?”
[It didn’t work?!]
Even her written words reflected her surprise.
“Did you think that would?!”
[Then I’ll let you t-touch them bare. So help me.]
I felt like these tests of my patience were becoming more and more common.
“Hey. Seriously. If you want to ask someone for a favor, then you need to give him a proper explanation, not some weird bribe. Plus, that bribe doesn’t make me want to help you in the slightest. Even if you are Chii’s friend, if you keep acting like this, I’ll get mad.”
I spoke a little a little forcefully, causing Pyeii to panic a little and look at Chii. If nothing else, just from that interaction, I could tell that Pyeii tended to depend on Chii. Pyeii looked at Chii with a terribly desperate expression on her face and wrote:
[HELP…Help. HELP.]
The words morphed continuously in size, from big to small to big again, as if dancing around her head. I almost wished I could get a full look at that dynamic display.
“I told you to tell let me tell him,” Chii said.
[I thought he’d be too busy slobbering over my breasts to care.]
Hey.
“I’m afraid not. Big brother wants more extreme things than just that, so it won’t work.”
Hey, you brat.
[Wouldn’t that still turn me into an adult?]
Hey, the two of you!
“It’s because I can’t let that happen that I came with you.”
[Chii, love you.]
“Awooo, please don’t say embarrassing things like that.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“…When exactly do you two plan on explaining what’s going on?”
[You, blind to the mood.]
“That’s not for you to say,” I replied.
I sighed and took a deep breath before continuing.
“Could you explain, Chii?”
Pyeii kept quiet, and Chii nodded.
“Pyeii is an introvert.”
At that very first statement, I interrupted Chii by pointing at Pyeii and expressing my disbelief.
“An introvert? You’re telling me she’s an introvert? The one sitting right there?”
I had no idea how an introverted could possibly tease someone she’d just met like she did with me. When I looked disbelievingly at Pyeii, she looked extremely upset.
[You, Chii’s oppa. Her savior. Trustworthy. So I’m trying hard.]
From the way she was pouting and the way her hair was spinning, I could clearly tell that she was angry at me. Chii commiserated with Pyeii.
“Pyeii is really trying very hard right now. With anyone else, she wouldn’t have been able to say anything and just hid behind me.”
The truth was, I was still having difficulty believing Chii after the way Pyeii acted, but Pyeii was Chii’s friend. So of course I had to accept her at her word.
“Sorry about that,” I said.
[Ignorance is sin.]
I needed to rein in my temper. I looked at Chii, urging her to continue with my eyes.
“But Pyeii said she needed help. She wants to change. She said she wanted to become more outgoing.”
I looked at Pyeii. She avoided my gaze.
“So you want my help?” I asked Pyeii.
[Be my lab rat.]
It’s okay to lose my temper now, right? I frowned venomously at Pyeii, causing Chii to both flap her hair and her hands.
“Awoo, you should have asked him to be your white hamster instead.”
“That’s the same damn thing, you bunch of brats!”
“Kyawoo?!”
[?!]
Chii’s yelped in surprise, while a question mark and an exclamation point appeared above Pyeii’s head.
[Surprised me.]
“You scared me.”
I admit that I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but I think the situation deserved it. I put my palms to my head in an attempt to forestall an upcoming headache, and said:
“Fine. I pretty much get it now. Basically, you want to get closer to me?”
Pyeii shook her head.
[I said I had a favor.]
“That’s what I’m saying. I’m asking if your favor was for me to become friends with you.”
[You’re counting your chickens.]
“…I bet phantoms don’t even raise chickens.” (tn: A Korean idiom that I localized.)
I guess I jumped to conclusions.
“Then what is your favor?”
Pyeii wrote:
[Validate my account on the Phantomnet.]
Chii lowered her head. I had absolutely no idea what Pyeii was talking about.
“Give me a real answer this time. What’s the Phantomnet, and what do you mean by validate your account?”
[The Phantomnet is the phantom equivalent for the Internet. To gain access, need magic power.]
So that explanation from before really was a joke.
“And the validation?”
[You don’t know what that is?]
“I do.”
[Like I said: validation.]
But doesn’t validation normally mean proving that you are who you say you are on the Internet? So what does that have to do with me?
“No, I know what it means to validate your account on the Internet, but how am I supposed to help with that?”
[Not that hard. Just hold this and let me take a picture.]
…The heck? Isn’t that suspiciously easy? I guess, after being roped from one horrible experience to another, I’ve become a lot more cowardly. I was scared that I’d have to fight a bunch of phantoms in a death match or something.
“Great. If that’s all, then it should be fine.”
[Take this.]
Pyeii once again slid her palms against each other, and a white sheet of paper with something written on it appeared. Curious about what it said, I gave it a read. At the very top was English. “I Love…” something or other. I really needed to study English better. I knew the alphabet, but when they’re bunched up together in words, they might as well be a horde of monsters. Next were Chinese characters. …Again, they were indecipherable. Those glyphs really are hard to read. And below that was regular old Korean.
“…Hey.”
I directed that towards Pyeii, but Chii was the one who flinched.
[What?]
“It looks like it says, ‘Every night, I sate my sexual desire by sadistically ravaging little girls….’ “
[Korean, beautiful letters.]
“The problem is what those letters are saying, you damn brat.”
[I only need one photo.]
Nothing in this world is easy. I can’t help but feel like I’m being led by the nose … as if she’s trying to hide something from me.
“Why should I agree to do this?”
[It’s my favor.]
“That’s not what I was asking.”
[It says the truth. What do you care?]
I already knew that Saehee’s rumor had already spread like wildfire in the phantom community, but, even so, being told to take a photo with a sign that says something like that is another matter entirely.
“…Didn’t Chii tell you the truth?”
“Awooo….”
When I said that, Chii lowered her head so much that her nose was practically touching the table. Why was she acting like that?
[Chii agreed with me?]
Pyeii answered my question.
“What?”
[That you did all kinds of….]
“Kyawooo!! You said you wouldn’t talk about that!!”
Pyeii waved her hands madly through the letters, reverting them back to formless smoke.
[Ah, I forgot.]
Pyeii nodded her head and wrote again.
[Anyway, it’s the truth. So what do you care?]
Pyeii acted as if what she said was perfectly obvious, and I decided to keep quiet. The truth was that I didn’t really care about having a picture taken while holding that sign. Everyone who cared already knew the rumor, and it was true that I loved Rangii. Besides, the sign wasn’t completely off base, either. But my first question was why she wanted that picture in the first place. I needed to now the reason. I swore not to allow my carelessness to get me in trouble again.
“Fine. It’s not that difficult to do.”
Chii and Pyeii immediately relaxed.
“But why do you need to take this photo?”
Pyeii tilted her head to the side and wrote:
[I just told you. Are you stupid?]
What an adorable kid.
“What I’m curious about is why you wanted me of all people for this photo.”
I intentionally set my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands as I looked intensely at her.
“I mean, it doesn’t make much sense. I’m the human who will become Rangii’s husband. So why’d you come to me with such a trivial request rather than something a little more crazy? What’s strange to me is that this seems more like a joke than anything….”
I paused for a moment and stared silently at Chii before continuing.
“So, what are you planning?”
Saehee guaranteed me that weak phantoms couldn’t possibly try to kill me. However, I had no guarantee that Pyeii was a weak phantom or that she wanted to kill me at all. If she wanted to ruin my relationship with Rangii, there were a million better methods than this.
“B-Big Brother?”
Chii was shocked. But I ignored her. Just think about it. I admit I’m exaggerating, but what Pyeii is doing is like gathering all the wish granting devices and then asking for a pair of panties (tn: Dragon Ball reference). I’m obviously exaggerating. Still, she could have asked for something weightier, something that really asked a lot of me. Because, as far as I can tell, Rangii is like the ruler of all phantoms. Yet Pyeii asked that person’s husband for this ridiculous favor. Something’s clearly up.
…But I seemed to have let my thoughts wander a lot.
[Don’t you dare.]
Pyeii’s twintails spun, a furious frown spreading across her face.
[I would never do anything that would make Chii sad!]