I walked away from Saehee’s strange smile and into my room. On the way, I saw Baduk asleep on a mat underneath a parasol she must’ve gotten from somewhere and Ara, as usual, unconscious. Did I hit her too hard? …I should think of it as her getting her just deserts.
The room was stuffy, so in her sleep, Rangii had kicked off the blanket completely, buried her face in the pillow, and had her butt in the air. Geez. How can a girl sleep so immodestly? No matter how hot it is, that’s too much. I sighed and pulled the blanket over her shoulders. Even when you’re like that, I’m taking care of you, you brat.
“Nyam nyam…”
She must have been dreaming that my pillow was made of meat because she was chewing on it. And because of that, my pillow was covered in drool. I’d better wash it. While thinking that, I shook Rangii by the shoulders.
“Rangii. It’s time to get up. Let’s eat. Okay?”
Waking someone up by telling her it’s time to eat is a bad strategy.
“Uu—ung. I’m not hungry.”
She shook her head, rubbing her face in the drool-covered pillow. Meaning I would have to wash her as well.
“Don’t be like that, and let’s go eat. You won’t grow if you don’t eat.”
“Uu…”
Those words had an effect. Rangii clutched the mattress, conveying her reluctance to get up, when she raised her butt up behind her, meaning towards me, and stretched.
“Unya nya nya nya nyaaaa!”
I thanked heavens that I put the blanket over her first.
Rangii sat kneeling on the mattress, shook her head a few times, and extended her arms towards me.
“Give me a hug.”
Was that a command?
“Why?”
“I don’t have any energy in my body.”
“I know that’s a lie.”
“I’m serious. Saving Chii was so tiring that I am completely out of energy. I’m so tired that I feel like sleeping for the rest of the day.”
If you put it like that, then I couldn’t say no. Normally, I would have acted unwilling and gave her a hug, but there was a problem. Rangii was naked. I could have wrapped her in the blanket and carried her, but I couldn’t just treat her like some caterpillar.
“Get dressed first. Then I’ll hug you. You can dress yourself, right?”
“I can…”
Rangii was about to nod when she quickly shook her head.
“No, no. I’m so tired that I can’t.”
A little too late for that.
“You can dress yourself, right?”
I looked at her a little sternly and repeated my question exactly. Rangii was surprised and reluctantly nodded her head.
“I-I can. Rangii can dress herself.” (tn: Rangii refers to herself in the third person.)
Rangii stood straight up as if fully awake. In contrast, I was sitting down, and I turned my head away. Because even if it’s Rangii I’m talking about, there’s a certain place that, as a human being, I can’t look at. Looking away, I heard Rangii make small grunts as she dressed herself. What, do you dress yourself with your mouth or something?
“I’m all done.”
I then looked at her. She had dressed herself a little sloppily, but all her clothes were on. Even though she hadn’t buttoned her pants or pulled up the zipper, she had done a passable job. I’d better ask Saehee to do her hair.
“One sec.”
I pulled up the zipper and buttoned her pants.
“All done.”
…Huh? When I looked up, Rangii was pouting, her face red.
“What’s wrong?”
“It-It’s nothing.”
I wasn’t sure what that was about, but it must not be important.
“Then let’s go eat.”
I extended my hand to her, and Rangii raised both her arms to me. Tch, you brat. I wanted to walk with you while holding hands, but she didn’t have the same desire.
“Okay.”
I bent down and hugged Rangii by the waist. She was hot. When I held her to my chest, she wrapped her legs around my wait and hugged me by the neck. She even rubbed her cheek against my neck. Hey, stop that. Just a bit ago, you were rubbing your face on that drool-covered pillow. But because Rangii was enjoying herself so much, I decided to let her be this one time.
“Let’s go wash up.”
“Unyaa?!”
I’m still going to make sure you wash up.
I was walking towards the faucet so that Rangii could wash her face, but when I entered the courtyard, Baduk and Ara were nowhere to be found. The only thing there was a hole with evidence that a person had been pulled out of it. Did Ara wake up? Oh no, or did Baduk eat…no, that couldn’t be it. Baduk probably pulled Ara out of the courtyard to get Ara something to eat. Yeah, I should stick with that.
After I washed Rangii’s face, I saw that Baduk and Saehee had already taken their seats. Baduk was waiting expectantly for us to come, her tail wagging, and Saehee was sitting elegantly. Huh? But someone’s missing? I ignored the “Baduk’s Latest Meal” theory and asked, “Where’s Ara?”
“Seol-lang Unni took her a bit ago,” Baduk said.
Seol-lang?
“Who’s that?”
I asked Baduk this, but Saehee answered.
“A phantom who used to live here. She said that she couldn’t stand the stench of human—pardon—the Young Master’s grandfather, so she is currently living elsewhere.”
Saying that made it seem like I was someone who never bathed, but in truth I took over five showers a day. The biggest reason for this was the hot weather, but another was because Rangii kept going on and on about my smell. No, that isn’t the important thing right now.
“Where’d she take her?”
This time Baduk responded: “She said she was going to England. She asked if I wanted to go with her, but I said I was fine here. I did well, right, Young Master?”
I didn’t know why she thought she thought she did well, but she looked up at me with sparkling eyes, approaching me with her two hands up as if demanding something. I wordlessly patted her head. The need to ask about Ara and her shapely body going to England began to slip away at the feeling of Baduk’s hair, the happy expression on her face, and the slight blush to her cheeks. But I refused to let myself be distracted. What if Ara starts some trouble again?
“Was this your idea?”
So I asked Saehee a question.
“That is correct.”
“Why?”
“I believe it is best to go to the birthplace of an art when receiving education.”
I wanted to ask what kind of education was born in England, but my good sense stopped me. The sense that if I asked about it, then my question would end up coming back to bite me. I decided to forget about Ara for the time being.
“Are you not going to ask what kind of education I was talking about?”
Saehee smiled darkly. I should just ignore the topic completely. I had no idea what kind of nasty plans Saehee was concocting, but I didn’t want to get stomach ulcers from stressing over it.
“It’s fine. Because Chii left this to you.”
“It is a bad habit to avoid reality, Young Master.”
“How about you first deal with your Master who’s run away from reality completely.”
I looked down, and Rangii looked at me with sparkling eyes, indicating she had absolutely no idea what we were talking about.
“What is it?”
“Let’s eat, you brat. Get off me and sit down properly.”
“Ah, you’re right.”
She then unwrapped her legs from around my wait and sat…no, she just turned around so she was facing forward.
“Hey.”
“I don’t even have the energy to hold a spoon. Can’t you feed me?”
I had no idea where she learned to do this, but she turned a little and started tracing a circle on my chest with her finger. What am I saying, of course I knew. She learned it from Saehee. I raised my fist to teach Rangii to be scared of adults when Saehee said,
“If you have already forgotten what happened last night, then I would recommend going to a hospital.”
“Is it hard, talking in circles like that?”
“Did I not tell you? It is easy once you get used to it.”
I really should go to a hospital.
In the end, I lowered my fist and patted Rangii on the head.
“Only this time, okay?”
“Hehehe. Okay.”
Rangii rubbed her cheek against my chest and hugged me tight. Geez, you brat. Are you that happy? And this is how our late breakfast/lunch began. I decided to pay tribute to the terrifying Tiger-nim.
“Here, say ah.”
“Aaahh.”
Nyam.
“What do you want to eat?”
Rangii pointed at the pork cooked in soybean soup, aka boiled pork.
Rangii likes meat. But there are some meats that she avoids. For example, she can’t eat spicy foods. Like stir-fried spicy pork. She likes bulgogi (marinated beef) though. Because it’s a little sweet. She also likes galbi (marinated ribs), but when she puts a piece in her mouth and spits it out, all that’s left is the bone. I once saw Baduk take that bone to the courtyard and chew on it. Of course she was in human form, so I felt the need to say something despite not knowing quite what to say. Regardless, Rangii’s favorite dishes are grilled or steamed meat without any special spices. She eats them without dipping them in any sauces. I never asked her, but I could tell easily just by watching her. After getting to know her for so long, it was no surprise that I ended up learning how she likes her food.
That was why I picked up some seasoned bellflower roots for Rangii to eat. Do you plan on only eating meat, you picky phantom?! I find it hard to believe that you went 100 days eating only mugwort and garlic when I see you like this! (tn: In the Korean myth, the bear and the tiger had to eat only mugwort and garlic to be able to turn into humans.)
When Rangii saw the bellflower roots going towards her, she immediately closed her mouth and shook her head.
“Eat it, you brat. Don’t you know that phantoms can’t only eat meat, that you have to vegetables too?”
She shook her head again. She was learning. I planned on feeding her the vegetables once she opened her mouth to speak. Then maybe I should squeeze her cheeks to force her mouth open and feed her that way.
“…”
“…”
Saehee-nim stared at me, as if saying that I would die if I dared to do that. There was no helping it. I put the vegetables on my bowl and picked up some boiled pork for Rangii. She finally opened her mouth and happily went nyam and allowed the chopsticks into her mouth. Geez, you brat. This is why you aren’t growing.
“I like meat.”
“Are you certain that you’ll be okay, Tiger-nim?”
Just take a look at Baduk. She was eating everything with gusto; almost as if she would happily tear up weeds and eat them too.
After we cleaned the table, I told Rangii to go brush her teeth, and I went out into the courtyard to do the same. I was lounging on the veranda after brushing my teeth, feeling full and happy, when Rangii walked out of the master bedroom. With a huge pillow in her arm. Come to think of it, she said she was going to sleep all day, didn’t she? It seemed like it was going to be a lonely day. But the pillow Rangii was hugging was little, no, extremely weird. First off, it was huge. Length-wise, the pillow looked like it’d be taller than Rangii. While the pillow could just be described as a little on the large side, that wasn’t the problem. The pillow cover. The image of a man I’d seen many times before, the image on the pillow cover, caught my eye. And by seen many times before, I meant many times in the mirror. Yeah. It was me. The pillow Rangii was holding to her side inexplicably had an image of me looking forward and lying down on a blanket with one leg bent upwards. For the sake of my humanity, I have to make clear that I have never made a face like that in my entire life. While I was shocked to the core by the pillow, Rangii jumped forward to grab my hand.
“Sunghoon. I’m sleepy. Can’t you sleep with me?”
I then came back to my senses.
“First tell me about that pillow.”
Rangii looked at the pillow, then smiled happily and spoke as if bragging.
“Saehee gave it to me!”
Rangii kindly showed me the back of the pillow. Go ahead and laugh at how stupefied I was by the front alone. Because I hadn’t even seen the back yet.
The back side had an image of me blushing and wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt and tie. As for my bottom half, I was only wearing a pair of boxers. And that wasn’t all. I was pushing back my hair with one hand, and with the other, I had grabbed my underwear by the middle of the waistband and was in the middle of pulling it off. There was a strange liquid covering my entire body.
I forced back the scream that threatened to come out and said,
“…Give me that.”
I could only speak in a growl. And, of course, I furrowed my brow, and my closed mouth began twitching. Rangii, scared at how angry I looked, held the pillow to her and tried to run back into the room, but my moved inhumanly fast and took the pillow from her.
“Ack?!”
Ignoring Rangii, I quickly took off the pillow cover and folded it into one. My hand was shaking. I would have given anything if I could create fire from my hands like the main character of a fighting game.
“Wh-What’s wrong? I wanted to sleep with you and that pillow today…”
Even I could only keep in a certain amount of anger.
“Do you think I’m crazy?!”
“Unyaak!!”
Rangii screamed in surprise and ran away on all fours. I did feel a little sorry for her, but it would have been strange for me not to be angry in this situation. With all my might, I shouted the name of the person who gave this damn pillow and pillow cover to Rangii.
“Saeeeeeeheeeeeeee!!”
“You need not say my name in such a hardcore fashion, Young Master.”
Right then, I wanted to scream like a death-metal singer. Once Saehee appeared, Rangii quickly ran to hide behind Saehee and peaked at me. I forced myself to ignore Rangii and spoke to Saehee.
“Tell me about this thing.”
Saehee looked at my shaking hand and spoke calmly.
“It is a specially produced pillow cover I made for the Master. It received a Maid in Korea quality guarantee.” (tn: Maid in Korea was written in English.)
In my heightened state, I understood the difference between Maid and Made. But more importantly, you. If you have the time to make things like this, then maybe you should sleep instead.
“Why?”
“I made it to comfort the Master’s heart should the Young Master not sleep with her.”
Rangii took a half step to the side from behind Saehee and nodded her head. But she still had her hand on Saehee’s hip, so she was ready to hide behind Saehee again if I started yelling. I should hold off from doing things that scare Rangii.
“I wanted to sleep with you for a few days so that the pillow kept your smell.”
Hold off. I needed to hold off.
“Don’t use it.”
I couldn’t allow such an object to exist in this world. Because isn’t it one of those? A body pillow! I saw one once on cable television! It even showed up on a news station once! (tn: Reference to actual events in Korean society.)
“I’m confiscating this! Right now! Rangii, listen up! If you ever use this pillow, I’ll get seriously made, you got it?!”
Rangii was about to cry after I said that.
“Uu—. But why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?!”
Because it makes me want to die of shame! Just see what happens if someone even catches a glimpse of you sleeping with a pillow like that! What kind of public shaming play is that?! If anyone finds out about that, then I’ll get plastic surgery on that very day!
The difference in opinion between us was as big as Jeongmi-nuna’s breasts. Saehee explained this by saying,
“The Young Master is simply worried that he is being replaced. One could even call it the jealousy of a selfish man.”
The amount of wrong in what she said caused even me to keep quiet. The bigger problem was that Rangii took to those lies like a tiger to her prey. I could tell this by how she went from depressed to smiling an ecstatic smile, her ears pricked up and her shoulders shaking with excitement.
“Really?”
I said I could already tell.
“Don’t worry! This is nothing more than a fill-in for you, so as long as you’re…”
I was ending this conversation. While Rangii was wrapped up in her fantasy world, I walked forward, rubbed her cheeks with my hands, and then hit her on top of the head.
“Unyaaak?!”
Surprised by the unexpected punishment, Rangii looked like she was in a lot of pain as she looked at me accusingly. What? Did you think I was going to rub your head? I bent down to be at eye level with Rangii and spoke seriously.
“If, just if, I ever see a horrible thing like that again, if I ever see something even similar again, I’m going to leave, go to the far north, and live my life in an igloo all by myself. And if you visit, I’ll barricade the door and throw salt on the ground. Understand?”
Terrified by my threat, Rangii vigorously nodded her head. Good. I dealt with Rangii.
“Saehee.”
“No need to worry, Young Master. I also made a pillow cover in the likeness of the Master for you.”
Saehee put her hand in her sleeve and was taking something out.
No!
If that ever reached the light of day, then a ton of trouble would ensue! I quickly lunged forward, grabbing Saehee’s wrist and forcing her hand back into her sleeve.
“Hoo? Are you finally forgoing the limits of humanity?”
I ignored Saehee’s look of surprised amazement and said what I had to.
“Don’t take it out. Don’t show it to me. Don’t make it. Just don’t.”
“Would it not be wise to take one look at it? I truly put my all for it to emulate all manner of textures, so one touch will feel just like the real thing.”
I didn’t want to know what kind of texture she was talking about. Or what kind of feeling.
“Stop before I say things that I should—and shouldn’t—say to Rangii.”
“…Understood, Young Master.”
I sighed and dropped onto the veranda. I just ate, and I already felt like throwing up. While I controlled my breathing to help me relax, Rangii bared her butt to me and carefully walked backwards towards me. She was on all fours, always ready to run away, with only her head facing towards me. She then poked my forearm with her tail. It didn’t fit Rangii to be so passive.
“What is it?”
“…Are you mad because Saehee made that pillow?”
“Yeah.”
If the image of me on the pillow cover were a bit more normal, I wouldn’t have gotten so angry. But it depicted me making a weird face, lying down weirdly, and dressed weirdly! It also looked like I was covered in some kind of lotion, but never mind that! Anyway, it’d be weird for me not to get mad in this situation!
But I could see that Rangii was pouting and there were tears in her eyes. Even if I was angry, I couldn’t make Rangii cry. I quickly consoled Rangii.
“I’m not mad anymore, so don’t worry.”
I patted Rangii’s cheek. She was too sensitive to my mood. I went from touching her cheek to patting her head, and then Rangii returned to usual.
“Hehehe.”
See? I didn’t even want to imagine how Rangii would react if I ended up disappearing.
“Yeah. Okay. Then Sunghoon.”
“What?”
“Let’s sleep together.”
She was as quick to change her mood as usual.
“No, but I’m not sleepy?”
“I’m sleepy!”
So what, does that mean I have to sleep with you even though I’m not sleepy? And it wasn’t my job, as a human, to help Rangii sleep even though she was so exhausted because of me. So I proposed a compromise.
“Then I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”
When Rangii falls asleep, I’ll go on the computer and check the news and stuff. Being holed up in the mountains meant I had no idea what was going on in the outside world.
“Uung…can’t you sleep with me? Whiiiine, sleeping by myself is lonely.”
Unsatisfied with my suggestion, Rangii puffed out her cheeks a little and put her index finger to her lips. She looked so cute that all I could do was hug Rangii and kiss her on the cheek.
…No, this was a conditioned response. A conditioned response etched into my soul that didn’t change my stance in the slightest.
“…Huh?”
Rangii never even imagined that I would end up kissing her, and she put her hand to her cheek in surprise. Man, I just don’t know anymore. Since things turned out like this, I should try to make use of the situation.
“Th-This is enough for today. Right?”
“Th-Then if I go to sleep by myself, will you k-kiss me on the lips?”
Seeing Rangii squirm from side to side made me want to do anything she wanted, but I couldn’t! It was just because she was so cute and lovely!
“Shut up, you brat.”
I extended my hand to a disappointed Rangii.
“I’ll put you to bed. Let’s go.”
Rangii grabbed my hand. I walked into my room, feeling Rangii’s body heat through my hand. I didn’t have to go so far for her, but this was my reward to Rangii for always keeping Saehee’s mouth shut. That was all.