I left Rangii and Saehee behind and entered the courtyard. Narae was waiting for me with her arms crossed. Standing under the night sky illuminated only by the moon’s pale light, Narae spoke.
“…I guess I don’t need an answer anymore. The video … told me everything I needed to know.”
Narae’s eyes looked almost blurred in the moonlight.
“Yeah.”
She was absolutely right. Narae’s question didn’t even apply anymore.
“I’ll tell you the truth.”
Narae’s lip began trembling. Narae raised her hands in an attempt to block her ears, but I spoke before she could finish.
“I like Rangii too.”
Narae was more than a little surprised by my confession. So surprised that her legs gave out from under her, and she plopped down onto the ground. Granted, it would have been stranger if she hadn’t been surprised.
“…Say that again.”
Now isn’t the time for that, Narae. I have more to say. I walked towards Narae and sat down in front of her.
“I said I like Rangii too.”
Narae looked up at me with her eyes devoid of any emotion before shouting at me.
“You lolicon! Pervert! Pedophile! The hell is that?! What’s wrong with you?! That’s wrong! Seriously wrong! How can you see Rangii as a woman?! You were never like that before!”
“How can I help if that’s how I feel?”
“Hey!!”
Narae shoved me. I fell backwards. It hurt. But now isn’t the time to get angry, Narae. Even if you were to strangle me, I would unapologetically say this to you.
“What kind of ridiculous crap is that?! That doesn’t make any sense! Rangii’s a kid!! How can you say that you like her in that way?!”
“What’s wrong with that? That’s called love. There’s that saying: love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”
Just what am I saying right now? And, Narae, why are you ignoring the important part about what I just said? There’s no way you’d miss something that even I realized.
“You saw everything just like me, didn’t you? No, I know you did. You saw how I looked at Rangii on the TV. I looked just like someone in love, didn’t I? And that’s why you’re mad at me. Why you’re disappointed in me. Because you think that I don’t like you anymore.”
The more I thought about it, the stupider I felt. Stupid for not noticing until now. Who would go to such lengths for her childhood friend? There were any number of examples that made it blatantly obvious that Narae liked me. I’m not going to mention this. Because admitting that I never noticed Narae’s feelings would make me look like an idiot. Though I am an idiot. Regardless, if Narae really did hate me, then she wouldn’t have asked me who I liked more. Narae wanted to know the answer. She wanted to give me a chance. She wanted to give me a chance to apologize for letting my eyes wander. But that video gave her the answer to her question. I genuinely like Rangii. I didn’t only have eyes for Narae anymore.
And Narae must have realized something else as well.
“So why won’t you say it?”
But Narae was intentionally avoiding that fact. Actually, she was probably having difficulty coming to terms with my decision at all. Just like how I limited my own vision by thinking that there was no way Narae could like someone like me, Narae had closed off her own vision by reducing herself to strictly following the dictates of common sense. That left me with no other option. I said to Narae a fact that she had been ignoring all this time.
“Why are you ignoring the way I act with you?”
I realized this after watching the video. I couldn’t decide between them; Narae and Rangii, Rangii and Narae, I liked both of them. That’s right. I like both of them. The question of which one of them I liked more and which one I liked less had no meaning. Because I realized that I had absolutely no intention of giving up either of them. I wouldn’t let either Narae or Rangii go.
This is what is known as two-timing.
Go ahead and curse me. I’m trash, the absolute scummiest kind of person. I don’t care if you call me a lolicon or an arrogant jackass trying to get two girls at once. But what else am I supposed to do? I like both of them. I don’t want to lose either of those two lovely girls. I don’t want either of them to leave my side.
They’re both mine.
I want to love them both and be loved in return. Why can’t I strive for that? And what will I do if human conventions prevent me from doing that? Then there’s no helping it. I’ll stop being human. Even if this meant that Rangii would eat me and I would end up serving under Saehee, even if this meant I’d have to train to become a Taoist sage, I would do it. If I didn’t have at least that much determination, then I wouldn’t truly be in love with Narae and Rangii. Yeah. No matter what happens, I don’t want to lose either of them. Even if the world were to reject my decision, if there are those who would throw stones at me, I wouldn’t change my mind.
“Listen.”
I looked Narae in the eye as I spoke.
“Even if you hate me, even if you absolutely hate my guts, I’ll still like you. I’ve spent these past eight years in love with you, so what difference would that make? After all, I’ve already spent half my life in love with you, so what would that matter?”
While Narae stood there, stunned, I walked forward and held her by the shoulders as I confessed my feelings.
“I like you, Narae.”
And then I said,
“Let’s get married.”
I got too swept up in the moment and said something ridiculous.
Silence. As that silence practically echoed between us, it took Narae a moment to open her mouth and speak in confusion.
“W-wait, what? S-so you’re saying…. Wait. Are you saying that you like both Rangii and me?”
I nodded my head and answered.
“Exactly.”
“Rangii and me, both?”
“Yes.”
“What?! What kind of crap is that?! How does that make any sense?!”
She got angry. That was completely understandable. But I couldn’t back down either. This was truly how I felt. Oddly enough, I was just as calm—no, calmer than usual. I wondered why. Was it because I was being so completely honest? Narae’s face was bright red, so overwhelmed that she was rendered speechless, and I continued to speak. Making use of this opportunity, I put a bit more strength into my voice and practically shouted my words.
“It makes perfect sense. Simply put, I don’t want to lose either of you.”
At this point, I was no different from nuclear waste. Narae simply opened her mouth, uanble to respond to my inane words. I was about to reveal everything to Narae without a single hidden thought.
“Are you kidding me?!”
She hit me before I could say anything. It hurt. It took all of my willpower to ignore the throbbing pain in my head.
“S-so you’re planning on two-timing between Rangii and me?”
I answered truthfully.
“That’s right.”
“Have you completely lost it?!”
I understood how she felt, but questioning my sanity was a little insulting.
“I haven’t.”
“Yeah, right! You already know, don’t you? That I like you too!”
I was happy. Narae said herself that she liked me. But Narae didn’t give me the time to fully appreciate her revelation.
“How can you even say something like that?! You like both Rangii and me? You’re going to two-time? What kind of crap is that?!”
I closed my mouth and waited for Narae to calm down.
“O-okay. Sunghoon. First, let’s go back to Seoul. Once we get back, I’ll ask my dad to introduce you to a good doctor. You’re not fully sane. Because there’s no way you could say something like that otherwise. I mean, saying that you like both Rangii and me is ridiculous. How could you say that if you weren’t insane? Yeah. Sunghoon. What terrible things did you go through for your head to end up like this? So let’s go back home. I’ll look after you.”
The problem was that Narae genuinely thought that I went insane. My first confession ever ended up becoming the ravings of a madman. Geez. But as I began thinking about how to convince Narae that I was in my right mind, I heard the sound of the door opening and a familiar voice called out.
“Who are you calling insane?”
It was Rangii. When I stood up and turned around, I saw Rangii standing in front of the doorway. Rangii walked towards us as she began speaking again.
“Explain to me why you would deride my husband as having gone insane.”
Now isn’t the time for you to butt in! This is a problem between Narae and me. Something we had to solve for ourselves. I tried to tell Rangii that, but instead, I closed my mouth as I made way for her. For some reason, Rangii absolutely wouldn’t allow me to get between her and Narae. Rangii hadn’t said a word; rather, she was communicating these thoughts with her body alone. I decided to respect Rangii’s wishes. I didn’t do this because I was intimidated by her eyes glowing with rage or her gait that looked like that of a menacing tiger. Seriously. After all, no matter what form Rangii was in, I had no reason to fear her. But this only applied to me.
“R-Rangii?”
“I asked you a question!”
Rangii pressed Narae for an answer.
“What of my husband’s actions has inspired your complaint?! What has he done wrong?! Tell me now!”
After hearing that, Narae was able to argue.
“Of course what he said is wrong! How can you like two people at once and then say that to one of those people?!”
“What’s wrong about that?”
“Well, obviously….”
“Saehee.”
Rangii cut Narae off. Saehee, who had been standing behind Rangii, answered.
“Yes, Master.”
“I am unaware, so inform me. Among the humans you have seen up to now, how many, like my husband, have had feelings for more than one person at a time?”
Saehee bowed her head and answered reverently.
“More than there are grains of sand on a beach.”
“Then what is the problem? Is this not a completely natural occurrence among humans?”
I never even dreamed that I would see the day when Rangii could speak so logically.
“With great courage, my husband acted virtuously and spoke to you honestly, without a single word hidden. So how can you say that my husband is in the wrong, that, worse of all, he is insane? How dare you make such a remark!!”
Ah, only now did I understand why Rangii joined the conversation. She was upset that Narae questioned my sanity—namely that she called me insane.
…I know now isn’t the time to be thinking about this, but I wonder how Rangii would react if I told her that Saehee once tried to strangle me to death.
Rangii’s reasonable words helped Narae calm down, and Narae responded reasonably as well.
“Rangii, you’re probably too young to know this, but in the end, you have to choose only one person. This is a rule we humans have to follow. What Sunghoon’s trying to do is break that rule!”
Though by the end, Narae became emotional.
“I didn’t know.”
Rangii admitted her ignorance plainly. And she didn’t stop there.
“Because I won’t follow Nyangii’s path!”
…What is that supposed to mean?
“Master. In this case, you should say, ‘A tiger does not follow the logic of a common mutt.'”
“…Really?”
“Indeed.”
Ah, Rangii, that little brat. She was embarrassed. But she quickly recovered her dignity and spoke again.
“a tiger does not follow the logic of a common mutt!”
That silly skit actually helped Narae calm down.
“Sunghoon and I aren’t tigers!”
“That isn’t true! Sunghoon is a tiger!”
I am a human.
“Sunghoon is a tiger now! There was a time when he was untrustworthy and hurt me, but he has become an exemplary, magnificent tiger without compare! I have seen this many times with my own eyes, and this remains true even now! But you, you would…!”
Rangii clenched her fists and shouted.
“I am disappointed! Despite your jealousy, I thought you would be a kind and understanding concubine for Sunghoon! After you forgave me for my misdeeds against you, I was amenable with you being with Sunghoon! But even so!!”
Rangii wiped her eyes with her sleeves. Her sleeves darkened with moisture.
“Why would you insult Sunghoon? Why would you deride Sunghoon’s feelings as nonsense?! Why would you sadden and hurt him?! Why would you cause my own breast to ache by hurting Sunghoon?!”
“Why?”
Narae mentioned what Rangii had failed to note.
“You didn’t stop to think about my feelings?”
Rangii went deep into thought about what Narae said, but Narae had no intention of waiting.
“I knew it, Rangii. Never mind that Sunghoon’s become like this. What about me? I’m not like you or Sunghoon. I’m just a normal girl! How am I supposed to react when the boy I like just announces that he’s going to start two-timing?!”
Narae’s pointed anger startled Rangii.
“But then why don’t you also—”
“I won’t! I can’t! How could I possibly stand it?! How could I stand watching the man I like always have one eye on another girl?! Also, Rangii. There are lots of stories about people who’ve liked multiple people at once. But how many of those stories do you think ended happily? Saehee, tell her. How many happy endings have there been for people like Sunghoon who liked multiple people at a time?”
Saehee answered truthfully.
“There have been many that ended in misfortune.”
Rangii looked surprised by Saehee’s grave voice. I was also surprised. I never expected Saehee to say something that would support Narae’s argument.
“S-Saehee?”
Narae didn’t give Saehee the chance to answer.
“Do you get it? Even if you and Sunghoon think that this is normal, I don’t. Because I know that no matter how hard I try to hide my feelings, how hard I try to get along with you, we’ll end up hating each other! Are you telling me that I’m the bad guy for telling Sunghoon what’s wrong with what he said? Rangii. Answer my question. Give me your answer!”
Rangii found it difficult to open her mouth. Silence hung in the air for a moment as Rangii struggled to answer Narae’s question. Rangii looked away from Narae’s focused gaze and apparently decided to simply say whatever came first to her mind.
“Th-that won’t happen. Sunghoon and I won’t do that. You’re the only one worrying about that! So wouldn’t that make you the bad guy?”
From a certain point of view, that was a very Rangii-like, childish thing to say. Under normal circumstances, Narae would have been able to laugh off Rangii’s failed logic, but unfortunately, Narae was nearly overwhelmed by her emotions. Narae bit her lip then shouted.
“I’m the bad guy? Do you seriously think that?”
This is bad. Narae’s mad.
“I do! You’re just being selfish!”
Rangii failed to notice the color drain from Narae’s face, and she continued to speak.
“You’re the bad one! You’re just trying to—”
“If you put it like that, then—!”
This is dangerous! I shouted to mask Narae’s words even as I grabbed Rangii and covered her ears.
“If you weren’t here—”
“Narae, stop!!”
I cut Narae off. I looked cautiously at Rangii, worried that she had heard what Narae said. She was simply confused as to why I was suddenly hugging her and shouting. She didn’t hear Narae. Thank goodness. I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Narae’s face paled even more when she realized what she was about to say. But Narae, whether angered by how I prevented Rangii from hearing what she was going to say or some other unknowable reason, released her temper on me.
“Who do you think you’re shouting at? You’re the one in the wrong, here! Don’t you realize how messed up what you’re saying is?!”
I handed Rangii over to Saehee and answered.
“I do! I know I’m in the wrong! I didn’t assume you were going to agree with my decision—I was even prepared for you to end up hating me! But I decided that I would convince you of this somehow! But you’re going too far!”
Narae flinched.
“So you think I’m in the wrong?”
I didn’t realize until now how emotional I had become either.
“Of course not! But you know as well as me that there are some things that you can never say!”
My childhood friend agreed.
“Fine! Then I’m the bad guy! Besides, you knew this whole time, didn’t you? That I would never—”
“Narae, please!!”
“…Ah.”
Narae realized her error and put her hands over her mouth. The ugly look of anger on my face stopped Narae. Silence hung between us in stark contrast to the uproar that had dominated the air earlier. I clenched my fists, glaring at Narae, and Narae stared back without any intention of losing. For the shortest of moments, Narae and I glared at each other with near murderous intent, the silence between us building, until….
“W-waaaaaah!”
Rangii’s sudden crying broke the silence.
Narae and I were so surprised that we forgot about our fight and turned to look at Rangii. Rangii had crumpled to the ground, her legs splayed on the ground as she wailed.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
My breath caught in my throat.
Wait, Rangii. What are you talking about? What do you think you did wrong? We both know you didn’t do anything bad. So why are you crying? I should be the one suffering right now, so how come you’re the one who’s crying?!
Rangii didn’t answer my inner questions.
“Waaah, Sunghoon, Narae, I’m sorry, so stop fighting, wahhhh—”
She continued to wipe away the tears from her eyes even as she kept crying.
“I don’t, sniff, want you two to, sniff, fight because of me. So please stop. Hic. I won’t, sniff, I won’t say anything like that again. I won’t, sniff, I won’t get in your way, s-so stop, w-waaaah—!”
Only now did I realize why Rangii was crying. Rangii thought—even though this was all most definitely my fault—that she was the cause of our fighting. Or maybe this was all my own personal speculation. Did she think that she was just a bother, a burden to me?
That’s wrong. Rangii knew better than anyone the pain of being abandoned. I didn’t even have to think twice about it. How could I not know how she felt after I’d seen her like this so many times? Rangii, who would do anything to stop me from disliking her. Rangii, who would always tried so hard to make life easier for me. I’d seen Rangii like this, doing anything and everything solely so that I wouldn’t hate her, many times over. Long, long ago, farther back than I could possibly imagine, she was abandoned. The situation wasn’t too different from what was happening with Narae and me. Narae with me, and me with Narae.
This happened when I was a kid, but I still couldn’t forget it. Would she remember? On the day Rangii and I first met, I reached out and grabbed Rangii’s hand after she turned around, prepared to give up everything after I rejected her. I had to hold her hand. Because years prior, Narae had taught me the sadness of being abandoned and betrayed by someone you trusted, someone you hoped for, someone you relied on. Narae had the same wounds as me. Actually, Narae’s wounds were likely deeper than me—and likely still are. After that, Narae couldn’t help but be kind to me.
Over the years, as our wounds slowly healed, I fell in love with Narae. And beyond that, I also fell in love with Rangii. How could I not fall in love with someone who cared for me so much that she would willingly risk her life for an idiot like me? That was why I never wanted to see Rangii crying because of me again. I didn’t want to see her hurting because of me again. I didn’t want to see her blame herself. Because this was all my fault. That was why, no matter what the consequences, I decided to comfort Rangii.
“You mustn’t do that, Young Master.”
Saehee, who had been standing behind Rangii, suddenly stood in front of me to block my path.
“Why the heck not?”
Can’t she see that Rangii is crying?
“And what are you planning to do afterwards? Even if this situation were to avert itself, what would you do the next time this happened? Would you blindly patch up the situation again? Would you ask the Master to shed her precious tears again?”
“…Call me a short-sighted fool if you want, but I don’t care. Call me an idiot all you want. I don’t care if you insult me, but I won’t stand still when Rangii’s crying right in front of me.”
Saehee sneered.
“I see you are attempting to become a man of action. However, Young Master, this is a problem that the Master and Narae-nim must settle for themselves. It is well established that, though the interference of an adult in a children’s quarrel spells nothing but trouble, the interference of a man in an argument between women spells only disaster for all involved. For the time being, please rein yourself in.”
Saehee was probably right. But even so!
“But still!”
“Enough. Stop.”
Narae stopped me before I could shout at Saehee.
“You’re just making me look even worse!” Narae said.
“I believe that the contemporary expression is ‘bitch.'”
“You’re seriously nasty. The way you manipulate Sunghoon and then say unnecessary things like that.”
“I haven’t the faintest idea what you are talking about, Narae-nim.”
Saehee’s lips curled upwards. W-wait. Dammit! Was she using me?! I mentally sharpened the knife I planned to use on Saehee, and Narae walked towards Rangii and kneeled down so that their eyes were level. Rangii continued bawling, continuing to rub her eyes with her hands.
“I’m sorry, Rangii.”
Narae apologized to Rangii.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. Okay?”
Narae grabbed Rangii’s hand and hit herself on the head with it.
“I was upset, and I said things without thinking. That’s why I deserve this: punch.”
“B-but, sniff, th-this is my fault. Sunghonn and, hic, you like each other, kuhuk, but you’re fighting because, because of….”
“You’re wrong.”
Narae immediately refuted what Rangii said.
“You see, I….”
Narae lowered her head, her face blushing red. She glanced at me before turning her head to look once again at Rangii, and she moved forward to whisper something into Rangii’s ear.
“…That’s why this happened. I won’t let something like that happen again. Keep this a secret from Sunghoon, okay?”
I couldn’t believe it when Rangii suddenly stopped crying.
“…Huh? Really?”
Rangii was so surprised that she stopped crying, and Narae, who was now blushing deeper than ever, answered Rangii’s question with a nod of her head.
“Y-yeah. I’ll try and stop this from happening again. So, Rangii, you don’t need to be sad and you don’t need to blame yourself anymore. This was my fault. Right?”
“O-okay. B-but what if you’re lying….”
“Why would I lie to you?”
Narae gave Rangii a light bonk on the head. It likely didn’t hurt, but Rangii covered the top of her head with her hands.
“Wh-why’d you hit me?”
“Because you didn’t believe me when I told you my most important secret.”
“Th-then what you said is true? Really true?”
Narae replied with difficulty.
“Y-yeah. It’s true. So no more crying. You can’t show Sunghoon your crying face, right?”
“I-I wasn’t crying!”
Rangii gave a bold-faced lie and wiped her face with her sleeve. The redness in her eyes and the snot running down her nose said otherwise.
“Yes, you were.”
“D-don’t tell lies!”
Rangii herself gave ridiculous lies before continuing to speak.
“But still, but still! I still like you, Narae!”
Rangii snuggled close to Narae’s chest in a hug. Narae hugged Rangii back and patted her head. It looked like the fight was over. This was a good thing, right? My confession ended up taking a backseat to all this, so maybe not. I seriously worked up all of my courage to confess my feelings, and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Ah, whatever. I said what I wanted to. And Narae understood my feelings. Though that was solely thanks to Rangii. All that was left was how Narae would react to my feelings. That would likely have to wait until everything settled down. Whether she rejects them or accepts them doesn’t matter to me. Because that’s her choice to make, the choice of the one I love. Because I’ll always love Narae.
But there was something I was curious about. What did Narae tell Rangii that caused her to stop crying?