Things are getting too slow so I have compressed 2 half-chapters into one longer post. An interesting woman appears today and I quite believe everything that Feng Jin says about how he can help the newcomer although Shang Guan Jing is still clueless. Feng Jin has developed strong feelings for Shang Guan Jing which is good for her, to have more bargaining chips in her corner. Else I really don't see how she can have a life with such an resourceful n oppressive person like him….
Chapter 5
In her dreams, she sees a familiar person. He is tall, muscled, good-looking with eyes that shine with purpose. When she realized belatedly that he is asking her a question, she hurriedly stops her swooning and catches his last words. "… what do you intend to do when you are back from your travels?"
She tightens her hold on the bag over her shoulder and tries to sound normal, despite the fact that her heart is beating at twice its normal speed. "I have not given it much thought but I doubt it will be much different from now. I will look after Teacher, spend my days with Shi Jie, Shi Mei… and you."
Had Teacher been less insistent that she should travel to broaden her horizons, she would be contented to stay in the mountain all her life. As if sensing her thoughts, he clasps her hand in his and looks deep into her eyes. "Is Teacher the only important person in your heart?"
"You are important to me too!"
"Then if I tell you that I want a different life, something with more sizzle. Changes. Will you be there with me?"
"But isn't a simple life better?"
She did not see the disappointment in his eyes which he hid by looking away, nor did she understand his troubled expression back then. Soon after this conversation, she left and after 2 years of travelling, she concludes with herself that a simple life is indeed what suits her best.
Although it is not simple to be able to live simply.
******
Over the next few days, Shang Guan Jing avoids Feng Jin as much as she can. She is not dense and can tell that he is saying that he likes her, when he tells her so gently but intently that he rather remains sick for the rest of his life if he cannot marry the woman he likes.
She has no issues with his character or looks, and like the simple life in Nan Man. This is a place where honest men can make a living by tilling the land during the day and resting when the sun sets. But despite her liking of the place, it has not crossed her mind to settle here permanently. Furthermore, she has not forgotten that she still has a mission to accomplish.
After another day of wondering in the nearby villages, she returns to the bamboo house at dusk. When she spots Feng Jin standing by the gate, she drags her feet in hopes of prolonging any chance of an encounter. As she nears him though, she sees that he is not alone. An old man is kneeling in front of him, bowing to the ground, and pleading Feng Jin for help. There is a wooden cart behind the old man where a young woman quietly sits.
The old man seems to have been kneeling for some time and Shang Guan Jing catches some of his words as she walks up to them "…I only have one daughter, please, please take pity on her and save her! She has suffered so badly that I fear that she will lose her soul if this carries on. Please, please help her!"
Shang Guan Jing summersaults nimbly into the air and lands beside the cart. She does not dare to look at Feng Jin but she is aware of his unwavering gaze on her. Trying to behave naturally, she takes the young lady's hand in hers. From her pulse, the young lady seems fine; her breathing is even and body temperature normal. But she has noticed the slash marks on both the young woman's wrists and there is a ring of green-purple bruises around her neck.
Unless she is mistaken, this young woman should have attempted to suicide several times. Shang Guan wants to asks Feng Jin on what has happened to the young lady but he seems to look through her as he addresses the old man. "If I do save her, what do you intend to do after that?"
"If you can save my daughter, I will leave Nan Man with her and settle down in another place far, far from here! Please be merciful and save her. You are her only hope now!"
The old man starts crying and after a long time, Feng Jin finally nods. He gestures for the old man to bring his daughter inside the bamboo house and the old man is overjoyed that he starts bowing on his knees once more. His tears continue to trickle down his cheeks but this time, they are tears of joy.
After the old man has settled his daughter, Feng Jin tells the old man to come back the next morning for her. The old man leaves and Feng Jin waits for Shang Guan Jing to precede him into the house. When finally she seems rooted to the ground, he turns around and enters the house without her.
She calls out to him but he did not stop or turn around so she runs up to him. Hands folded behind his back, he asks her coolly. "Is anything the matter? Aren't you avoiding me?"
"I… er… am sorry for that." Shang Guan Jing lowers her head and did not see his smile. He is surprised by her meek compliance but he is not ready to let her off the hook just yet. Thinking that a pitiful Feng Jin is required, he sighs. "You are not wrong to avoid me…" It should sound more realistic if he stutters a little. "After…afterall, it is only natural if you feel…feel uneasy after what I said the other day me."
"I am not uneasy!" It is not exactly the truth but she is not going to risk hurting his feelings. "I'm not! Truly!"
He smiles a little sadly and nods. "That's good."
She does not see what is so good when he obviously don't believe her. Shaking her head, she follows him into the house and asks if she can help the young woman. But Feng Jin turns down her offer and he askes Zhu Yu to settle the young woman in Shang Guan Jing's guest lodge and help her to freshen up. When all that has been done, he shuts himself in the room with the young woman and Shang Guan Jing has no idea on what they are doing after that.
She tries to ask Zhu Yu for more details on the young woman although the latter is unable to tell her much. Finally, she hears Feng Jin announcing that she can enter and Shang Guan Jing enters the room immediately. She smells the faint scent of herbs and sees Feng Jin by the bedside as he considerately tucks a blanket around the young lady and push a wayward strand of hair away from her face. The young woman has fallen asleep and seeing that there is nothing she can do to help, she tries to settle her curiosity. "Are her wounds self-inflicted?"
Feng Jin nods. "She has tried to drown herself, hang herself, cut her own wrists… you name it, she has tried it. If her father has been any less vigilant, she should have succeeded by now. He is worried that if she continues this way, she may find a moment when he is not looking and succeed."
Shang Guan Jing feels very sorry. "Why did she do that? Is she bullied?"
"Do you remember the villains in the forest? This young woman has encountered them too but she did not have my good fortune. I am afraid she has suffered greatly at their hands." Feng Jim fumes to himself that this young woman is not the only victim. Had the villains not disrupted the peace, he would not have needed to intervene. He has already taken out a couple of lowlife prior to meeting Shang Guan Jing, and those in the forest should have been the last ones.
"Treating her physical wounds is the easy part; it is her emotional wounds that is more tricky." He looks at Shang Guan Jing and smiles. "If I tell you that I can seal her memories, would you believe me? That I can make her forget everything and let start her life from a blank page so that she can look forward from henceforth. Will you believe me?"
At her blank look, he breaks out laughing. "Ha-ha-ha! looks like I am quite good at pulling your leg! This young lady is suffering from a weak heart, made worse by her grievance. I have given her some 'Dragon's Blood' to strengthen her heart, improve her blood circulation, and help her to relax so that she can recovers faster."
'Dragon's Blood' refers to the sap of a tree which grows in his garden. The tree is only about as tall as a man but Feng Jin has spent a lot of effort in the last 13 years to look after the tree. "You can make pills from it and they are very good for blood disorders. To a medical practitioner, 'Dragon's Blood' is a very valuable herb."
"Can she recover just by taking 'Dragon's Blood'?"
"At least she will be more tranquil. Hopefully, she can put the past behind her with time and starts afresh. Besides, it is not as if she has many other options."
They look at the sleeping woman in silence and after a while, the young woman starts to struggle. Even in sleep, she seems to be caught up in terror and her hands reaches out to block out the demons in her mind as her breathing turns ragged. "Don't come any closer! Don't touch me! No! Help!"
Shang Guang Jin puts her arms around her and she wakes up with a start. Her look of terror changes to one of confusion, until she sees the man at her bedside and she stiffens in alarm. "You….you…you."
It is almost as if there is a sign above her head - 'cue pitiful, sensitive man' and Feng Jing picks up the role with gusto. He turns his face from their view and moves quickly away from the bed as if he is some inferior being, afraid of being seen in their presence.
Shang Guan Jing wants to reassure him but she cannot leave as the young woman is clutching her hand in desperation. She can only call his name and see him walk out of the room - and totally missed the smug smile on his face. Ha.ha!
Left alone with the young woman, Shang Guan Jing can only try to quell her unease and answers her questions. "Where am I? How did I get here?"
"Who is that scary-looking man? Is he a man? or ghost? My god, he looks scary. I'm scared. Big sister, I'm scared."
Shang Guan Jing tries to placate the young woman. "Don't worry, he is a good man. A very good man. You need not be afraid."
"But his face… god, he looks scary!"
"Never mind how he looks; he saved you! Your father brought you to him and begged him to save you."
"My father… father?" The woman blinks and tries to recall a face from her fuzzy memory. "My head, god, my head hurts. I am not going to think. Father… I have a father correct, Big Sister?"
The young woman presses her fingers to her temple and looks so frail that Shang Guan Jing fears that she may faint any second. "Yes, you have a father and he is coming to fetch you home in the morning." She recounts how Feng Jin has tucked the blankets around her earlier and did the same. "Try to rest and don't think so much. I will see you in the morning."
The young woman closes her eyes obediently although her brows remains knitted. "Yes, I have a father. I remember now. My father loves me very much. Big sister, you are a good woman but beware…. be careful…. the devil…"
Shang Guan Jing bites back a retort and soothes the young woman brow to make her sleep better. Once the young woman has fallen asleep, she goes in search of Feng Jin and finds him deep in thought in the garden. He did not respond when she calls to him and tries to hide his face from her when she approaches, which makes her heart ache. "Feng Jin…"
"Since you are trying to avoid me, you should do a better job." He sounds despairing and defeated. "You know, I think you should leave. You need not force yourself to stay here for fear of hurting my feelings. If you stay, I will only bring bad luck to you and makes it hard for you to continue staying in Nan Man." He laughs drily. "And don't think too much on what I said the other day. I only want you to know more about my illness and cure and have no other meaning."
Shang Guan Jing does not agree with him because she does not find him repulsive and indeed, he has been a very amiable host/companion so far. "Others may turn from you because they are scared of you. I'm not, so why should I leave?"
She counts with her fingers. "I have nice food to eat here, a comfortable bed to sleep on, a maid to wait on me and brings me food and drinks and whatever I desire… do you think I'll be that stupid to leave? And if you think you will bring bad luck to me, I'll take it as fate if something bad really happens. So no worries, do your worse."
He seems stunned and as she looks at him, she imagines for the first time about a future with him. The idea is not repulsive actually and she clears her throat. "Actually, I am a little worried …"
When she does not continue, Feng Jin's curiosity finally got the better of him. "What are you worried about?"
"Well, I am worried that the young woman may request to marry her life savior."
His eyes narrow in irritation. "Are you making fun of me?"
She shakes her head. "I am really worried."
"Why?"
"In case you forget about sequence. Who knows if you will remember that I came along before her?"
The sounds of forest fade away and the night comes to a standstill for Feng Jin. Thinking carefully on her words, he thinks he need to confirm. "Why?"
She shakes her head. "I do not know."
He repeats his question and she tries to explain her feelings to him. "To be in your company, frankly, is no hardship at all."
Shang Guan Jing can think of several benefits if she is with him. One, she can cure his blood illness and maybe, just maybe, she can find the simple life she has always wanted. To settle down in Nan Man and put the jianghu behind her… the idea is not without merits. So what if she has the leader's token? So what if she has not found the Diao family? Maybe it is time to leave some things to fate.
So it is possible if she stays here with him? Can she?
He takes a deep breath to relax his taut muscles. "Are you taking pity on me?"
"I …. don't…" she does not wish to lie but a part of her do pity him.
At her hesitation, he closes the distance between them and hugs her tight. "Let me tell you, I do not care"
Even if she knows martial arts, she is unable to shake free of his hold, so surprise is she by his sudden action. And when his eyes shine so brightly like the stars, all the more is she unable to break away and he declares firmly. "Even if you are staying out of pity, I do not care the least. So long as you are willing to be with me, I can ignore everything else. I really…. hope you can stay. It is already good enough for me if you can stay."
She is moved by his sincerity and looks fondly at his face which is now glowing a deep red especially on the patches. She takes a deep breath herself and returns his hug. "I am staying."
He holds her even tighter and voices his concern. "I do not think that we should just live together, without a proper status."
Shang Guan Jing nearly laughs. "Ok, so we need to fix the status."
"Can I take it that you are proposing to me?"
"Huh?" Isn't it the other way?
He stutters. "But I….I think there should be more to a proposal than this. Maybe more closeness? Perhaps something more…. more different?"
Seeing his unease and inferiority, she smiles to herself. Taking a deep breath, he stands on her toes and touches her nose to his. She let their breath mingle together for a moment before pressing her lips lightly to his.
His lips feels unexpectedly soft and just when she wants to pull back, he tightens his hold on her back and deepened the kiss. He nearly wants to do more but she pats his back as if telling him to tame down. He lifts his face from hers. "So I will I take it that I have offered myself to you successfully for saving my life?"
So now she is his life savior instead? She laughs and he laughs lightly with her.
Hugging her close once more, he runs his hand over her back - a back made strong by years of training - and feels the steady, heavy thump of her heart against his chest. His heart is racing too, like the time when he was filled with lust, but with no boundaries this time.
Welcome to my house.
Once inside, she will be his and his alone.