His words made me turn towards the lapis lazuli-coloured sky which was partly obscured by the tall buildings of the city. Through the windshield I could see the brilliant glow of the white moon; it was a sixteen day old moon.
He nodded, and gave a brief glance my way.
“Nothing. I was just thinking how beautiful you are.”
I couldn’t think of what else to say. I wanted to make a light-hearted joke, but nothing came to mind.
Instead, I closed my eyes, inhaled and glanced once again his way. He was gripping the handle, and his side profile looked slightly cool to the touch.
It may just be because he was wearing a suit that day. Perhaps he wanted to put on an air of sophisticated composure today because he was wearing such formal wear so unlike what he usually wore. That must be it, I convinced myself.
I could see the massive Ferris wheel in Odaiba. The deep blue neon lights drew numerous lines as if drawn from a ruler which flashed in the night sky. The mesmerizing pattern that floated in the darkness gave off the impression of huge snow crystals.
The city is beautiful, I thought. It was the gathering place for all that was artificial. They were brought together, and enveloped the world in a gentle light. But when it came down to it, it was a harsh beauty. And although it didn’t go hand-in-hand with a life that didn’t meet its perfect standards, it was undeniable in its beauty.
The road was empty. The flash of the red tail lamp of the car driving in front filled my field of vision, and as it sped ahead, it left the traces of a distorted long red line.
“You’re awfully quiet today,” I said. “It’s as if I’m going out for a drive for the first time with someone I just met.”
“Yes, you are. Is something wrong?”
“No, there’s nothing wrong with that… it’s just… you’re not like you’re usual self, that’s all.”
“Of course. It was on a rainy day in December.”
“Bodies of those who had drowned?”
“Oh,” I said. “I remember that. We said something about how that would be kind of nice, right?”
“Well when that happens, let’s hold hands so we won’t be separated.”
I glanced at Shougo, who held the steering wheel in a tight grip. The clean-cut features of his side profile which so resembled her father sent a warm rush through my heart.
“The next time we see a view of the sea, I might just turn the steering wheel with all my might,” I joked. “If you let your guard down, the handle might turn to the left and the car will flip and plunge into the ocean. What would you do if that happened?”
His voice was so low that I almost didn’t hear him.
“Yes. There would be nothing happier for me than to die with you.”
But I replied to his comment in a teasing manner, “Why thank you. I wouldn’t be wholly averse to it seeing as how it’s coming from my favourite brother in the whole wide world.”
The thought of wanting to kiss him crossed my mind, but that would have been nothing more than an aimless action on my part; I felt a feeling akin to happiness that made my heart dance from his words.
I also wanted to tell him about how I wanted to go visit our parents’ graves together, and about how even if he settled down and found a full time job after graduation, I wanted for us to work out a way for us to still meet on a regular basis.
But everything ended before I could tell him any of this.
I didn’t scream. There was no fear, and I didn’t feel the force of the crash that I must have felt. I didn’t even fully register what was happening.
The vast number of artificial lights sparkled and created whirls on the surface. The entire universe was before me.
The beautiful car that held Shougo and I crashed into the side rail with full force, and with that, it plunged into the depths of the dark, dark water.