Extra arc 『The Stage Ghost’s Cappricio』 Chapter 8
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「私は人形なのです」
「I am a puppet」, she said.
「でも、人間の母親から生まれたのは確かです。本当の名前も、マリ、といいます。……ついに、バレてしまいましたね。私、実は貴族の方にお会いするたびに恐ろしかったんです。本当の魔法について知る誰かが、きっといつか私の嘘を暴いてしまうだろうと思っていました」
「But, it’s true that I was born from a human mother. My real name is also Mari. …I guess I got caught in the end. I was honestly petrified everytime I’d meet with you. I’d thought that anyone who knew about real magic would surely expose my lies someday」
「I’m not thinking of exposing a lie. I just want to know your true motives. If you want me to keep it a secret, then I’ll keep the truth to my grave, and if you don’t want to about it――」
「いいえ。全て、お話します。どこから話せばいいか分からないのですが。よろしければ、初めから」
「No. I’ll tell you everything. It’s just that I don’t know where to start. If you’re fine with it, I’ll start from the beginning」
ミリア――いや、マリ・ガラントの母親は、やはり彼女に辛く当たったようだ。彼女はほとんど放っておかれて、たまに顔を合わせれば攻撃的な言葉をぶつけられたという。
It seems Miria’s–no, Mari Galant’s mother really did treat her badly. She was practically neglected, and she’d get offensive words thrown at her when they meet.
「It seems that I’d been kid who never cried, laughed or talked. My mother, to add to that, was yearning for one child that was stillborn — my sister from a different father. She told me plainly that she didn’t want to recognize a broken child as her daughter」
I wonder what kind of thoughts she had having such cruel words thrown at her.
The reason she hadn’t cried may be because she had no one to comfort her even if she cried. And the reason she hadn’t smiled or talked, was probably because there was no one near her that she could imitate how to smile or talk.
「But, even though grandfather was taciturn and unsociable, he did care about me a little. Even though I knew that the puppets were more important to grandfather than I was, nevertheless, to me, he was my one and only family. And besides, even I had a dream as a child in my own way too. Even though I couldn’t naturally laugh or cry myself, a man who associated with grandfather taught me the existence of something called 『theatre』」
Her tone became a little cheerful. When I heard that, I recalled something.
「Could that person be… Mr. Playright?」
「Yes. I was taught 『theatre』 by that gentleman, and became crazy about it. In theatre, even if the words I say were lies or even if the smiles and tears I had were fake, it was fine as long as I do it well. The fact is, I get to see people, who watch me pretend to cry out or act like I love someone, happy. ……but, as per my usual damaged self, even when my mother died, I didn’t spill a single drop of tear」
When she talked about her mother, she certainly didn’t have any facial expressions. That, to me, looked like confusion over not knowing what the proper expression to make was.
「I had a dream, and, even if it was only one, I had a family. I’d thought that was fine. I may be damaged, but I’d planned to live virtiously, to live as honestly as I could」
彼女は一つ息をついて、一段低い声で言った。
She took one short pause, and said in a tone one pitch lower than before.
「……あの時が来るまでは」
「……Up until that time came」
ニバル・ガラントがその死の間際まで、彼の最高傑作たる人形制作を手がけていたのは周知のことだった。もちろん、一緒に暮らしていた彼女が知らないはずもない。
Up until the time Nival Galant died, it was common knowledge that he’d been working on the doll that was said to be his best work. Of course, having lived together, there’s no way she couldn’t have possibly known that.
「But grandfather really hated having others see the creation of the dolls, so even I havr never seen those dolls made. Grandfather collapsed in the workshop as he was… After he died, I went into the workshop. I saw the doll that grandfather toiled over until the time of his death. And, I understood. What grandfather wanted – what even he wanted had been my sister from a different father.……The was alreadt a name etched into the doll, it was 『Miria』。――it was the name Mother had prepared for my stillborn sister.」
With a scornful laugh most likely directed at herself, she continued her monolouge sarcastically.
「The doll that had my sister’s name was.. very gentle and had a serene expression.……That’s to be expected. It was something that was born by having grandfather pour all of the passion from Mother’s hopes. Thus, it’s debut as an automaton was already prepared. Furthermore, she’ll debut from the puppet opera with the first script that man has written… She had already been set to star on stage for her first time」
ミリアの声が、重く、熱を持った気がした。
I could feel the fiery rage in Miria’s tone.
「……I… have never been so vexed. Even though I can’t even properly laugh or cry, it seems I’m perfectly capable of being jealous. I saw red. At that time, all of the pieces of grandfather’s work had already been finished and even its assembly was nearly conpleted. All that’s left was to fasten the arms and it should’ve been able to move… It was fine even if that part of the work wasn’t by grandfather. But, when I think of the promising future awaiting the doll sleeping so serenely, the moment its life begins… When I think of the doll getting all the things I’ve ever wanted once it opens its eyes…」
I could easily imagine what was beyond the pause in those words. Even so, having told me she’d tell me everything, she said this clearly.
「Without completing the doll, I hid arms and the body away separately. Then, I pretended to be 『Miria』 and came to the puppet opera」
With this, a curious switching of a doll with a human occurred.
「劇作家さんはこのことは？」
「Did Mr. Playwright know about this?」
「I don’t suppose he noticed. As 『Miria』, I always wear makeup when I appear in front of him」
Even so, I suppose there’d still be some similarities. Even by changing her outward appearance with clothes and makeup, her voice was still the same, after all.
Well, let’s leave how the playwright thinks of this aside for the time being.
The problem was about her. I’m not even certain whether I should call her 『Mari』 or whether I should call her 『Miria』.
「……if it’s alright with you, please call me Miria like before. I’m more used to it」
She’d gone ahead and addressed my trouble.
「Compared to the times I’ve been called 『Miria』 up to this point, the times I’ve been called 『Mari』 is honestly way too little that’s it’s not even worth talking about, and…… it feels strange when I’m called by that name」
With her talking badly about herself, I couldn’t make myself say, “Then, I’ll go ahead and call you Miria”.
「……You’re… human, right?」
「I wasn’t made through someone’s hands but born from my mother’s womb. But, up to now, I’ve never once proudly declared 『I’m human』. Don’t you think that human are people with an abundance of emotions and knows how to love someone?」
「……If they have their own thoughts and has a good command of their own words, they are human in my opinion」
「Is that so? I think you’re saying that because you’re kind…… I thought the same when I first stood on the puppet opera stage. As broken as I am, I was still a human, after all. I might die in this place today. If not that, this performance may end in failure due to my lies, I’d thought.……But, the performance had been a success. I think to the ghost, I looked every bit a puppet, not a human」
「You… believe in the stage ghost?」
「Yes, I do. There were things like a lot of people died in the past and performances ending up in failure, and it’s not just that. I, myself, could feel it whenever I stood there. There is……something here, I thought. No, it may be better to say someone. If that wasn’t by magic, then it was definitely a ghost」
I wasn’t in the mood to argue here about the prescence of a ghost. I had one thing I had to ask.
「So then, while you believed that this place was dangerous, whil you believed you would get killed by the ghost, you stood on the stage almost every day?」
「It wasn’t that I might get killed. I thought, someday, I want to get killed・・・・・」
I was… speechless.
「I only have one dream now. If I happen to die on that stage, at that exact time, it would mean that the stage ghost recognized me as human. That it’ll recognize a somebody as a person. No, at that time, it will prove to me that I was able to love that man. Right now, I’m sure my feelings are still a sham… I can do nothing but act well and I still can’t seem to understand my own heart, after all. But unlike a person, I’m sure a ghost will not be decieved by my acting」
With her voice bouncing slightly, she was surely an epitome of a little girl talking about her hopes.
「……泣いてくださるんですね」
「……you’re crying for me, I see」
彼女に言われてもなお、私は自分の頬に涙が伝っているとは気づけなかった。それどころではなかったから。
Though I was told by her, I didn’t realise that tears were dripping down my cheeks. Far from it.
「……I… deceived you just like all the rest. I’m sorry. I told you I’ll be your friend, pretending to be human――。Even when you found out, you still cried for me. I… never dreamed that I’ll be able to make a friend like that.」
“Then-“, as I attenpted to say it, she said.
「Someday, when I die on the stage, I’m sure you will cry for me. But, it’s okay if you just cry a little. At that time, I’ll be extremely satisfied, after all. After you’ve cried a little, please, give me your blessing」
私は返す言葉を必死に探した。
I frantically searched for words to reply.
死によってではなく、愛を証明する方法。それを彼女に提示できたなら。
Not to her mention of death, but a method to prove love. If I could present it to her…
In an opera, characters certainly immortalize their love by dying. But surely there should be a way to prove that love to living people. Otherwise, wouldn’t it be too tragic?
She loved the playwright. She also loved her grandfather. It was evident to me when I heard her story. But, as an outsider, things like my opinions were meaningless here.
As long as she, herself, doesn’t believe it…
As long as she can’t prove to herself that it’s real and not an act…
（……私は、役立たずだわ。いま、彼女に呼びかけることさえ、できない。どちらの名前で彼女を呼ぶのが正しいのか、そんなことさえ、わからない……）
（……I’m… useless. Right now, I can’t even call out to her. I don’t even know whether it’s right to call her by either of the names…）
その時の私の頭には、彼女に返す言葉などただの一つも浮かばなかったのだ。
At that time, I couldn’t even think of a word to reply to her.