From the very tip of its magnificent roofs to the unsmooth stones on the ground, the capital has been attacked by heavy rainstorms for several days now—casting the entire city into a dejected and gloomy atmosphere. The dark clouds were like overturned pots that pressed down hard on the sky, seemingly forcing the humidity and crestfallen air to ascend formidably to the earth while the traffic that gathered below, made the cars look like earthworms, creeping forward little by little.
After working for a few days in a row, now having to suffer in the stuffy and narrow car with the warm air blowing at his face, He Gu[1]was already feeling dizzy as his eyes became dry and swollen. The intensity of the traffic jam was truly a test for his mental state as it provoked a series of distraught and agonizing anxieties that refused to be washed away. Like a turtle, he moved forward just the slightest while using the phone in his hand to communicate with his subordinate about a case—several times, he nearly struck the car in front of him.
By the time he arrived at home, it was nearly ten o'clock. Although it took only a few seconds between opening the car door to opening his umbrella, he was already dripping wet because of the severe rain. In late autumn, when the rain hit the skin, it was even sharper and more dreadful than ice shards.
As he walked up the stair, even the sound of his footsteps seemed beaten with exhaustion.
Just as the key was inserted into the keyhole and turned a full circle to open the door, He Gu suddenly shivered and his once enervated mind immediately sobered up.
The sound of the game console being used came through from the other side of the door.
He came.
In that instant, the heavy workload and fatigue brought on by overtime were like raindrops, falling on the ground and smashing into numerous droplets before merging and disappearing. His heart seemed to be able to see the cool breeze coiling around the moon before a set of flourishing blossoms set off like fireworks.
That sounded rather outrageous. But once he knew that when he opened the door he would be able to see that person, the happiness that rested within him changed into a gust of warm current— as it flowed along with the blood that travelled throughout his body only to return to his heart, it was so warm and beautiful.
He Gu turned around to lean against the wall, closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths just to try and let his energy come back, even if just the slightest. Then he took out a cell phone from his pocket and turned on the front camera which revealed a refined and upright face. He tried his best to smoothen out his hair that had been soaked by the overbearing rain. His once bright and handsome face and even his scalp were also softened—combined with the dark circles and the weary expression piercing from his eyes, the sorry state he was in was easily exposed.
He let out a long sigh. Since he became like that, what need is there to be anxious? With that in mind, he no longer did any of those useless things and pushed the door open to go in.
The light in the room was not turned on and the only source of light came from the backlight of the LCD TV. A man hidden in the dark sat on the sofa with the game controller in his hand. He was engrossed to the screen with his unreasonably long and slender legs impudently propped on the coffee table.
The man did not glance over at him as his long fingers quickly pressed down on the buttons on the controller.
"Since you're here, why didn't you turn on the lights?" He Gu said before going toward the light switch.
"Don't turn it on. The atmosphere will be gone." The man said without turning his head.
He Gu looked at the screen, he's actually playing a zombie game. There was a policewoman wearing hot pants in a dilapidated factory searching for zombies—the atmosphere was nerve-wracking and strange.
"Have you eaten yet? Are you hungry?"
The man did not reply, and his attention was entirely on the game.
He Gu put down his briefcase, took off his dampened trench coat and hung it up. Then he went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, changed his clothes before going to the kitchen to get a glass of water and returning to the sofa.
The glass of water slammed on the coffee table causing the man to finally tilt his head slightly to the side to give He Gu a glance. In the darkness, those deep eyes were dark and bright with carefulness, but that meaningless expression contained a touch of affection. He Gu could feel his heart trembling uncontrollably for a moment.
I haven't seen you in over a month already,Gu He thought to himself as he looked at the man before him. Although, I can see you on TV or the internet from time to time.
Since the man was concentrating on the game, He Gu also did not say anything and quietly accompanied him. Unfortunately, the hot pants policewoman was bitten to death by zombies not long after and the man threw the controller to the side. "Fuck."
"Are you in a bad mood?" He Gu quietly said.
"I've been so busy running around, it's annoying as hell."
"Have you eaten?"
"I don't want to eat. Your TV screen is too small, it's not really good at all and the game should also be updated."
"Oh…I'll make something. You need to at least eat something at night."
"I don't want to eat. Turn the light on." The man commanded.
He Gu went to turn on the light.
As the light hit his face, the man swiftly covered his eyes with his hand. After adapting to the brightness, he shook his head and removed his hands. An utterly good-looking face that could cause anyone to lose their voice, unable to breath or avert their eyes illuminated under the light. His features possessed a three-dimensional quality that was normally unique to Caucasians, however since he was three-fourth East Asian, the contours were sharp like knives with a hint of gentleness. The pearls of his eyes were like the black sea, the bridge of his nose was like a perilous peak and the corners of his mouth was naturally upturn, looking as though he was smiling but was not at the same time. To honestly put it, such a face was simply one of God's masterpiece. The simple black turtleneck lining against his neck made his skin particularly fair and smooth and his half-curled hair was willfully drawn to the back of his head—obviously, it was completely an ascetic feeling kind of clothes, however, his languid and insouciant expression unveiled a bewitching handsomeness that was unknowingly sexy and dangerous.
"Ju Han, did you lose weight?" He Gu's eyes fell on Song Ju Han's body—normally unwilling to shift it away. Since his career was at its peak, the time that he got to see him in person has lessen more than ever, therefore, he must not waste a minute or second.
"Maybe." Song Ju Han picked up the glass of water and drank it. Then he leaned back into the sofa with his head facing the ceiling which caused his Adam's apple to emerge from the turtleneck and glided up and down.
Suddenly, He Gu felt his heart tremble again. He said, "If you're tired, take a shower and go to sleep."
Song Ju Han turned around to look at him, laughed and joked, "You're not thinking I came all the way here to sleep, right? If so, why wouldn't I just sleep at home or at a five-star hotel?"
He Gu looked at him expressionlessly. He knew what Song Ju Han came for, it was to make love and nothing else. After all these years, there was nothing else between them aside from making love. He only had a bit of hope—hope that Song Ju Han was merely exhausted and came over to calm down his emotions for a moment.
Song Ju Han yawned, "Why are you still so boring? Come, come here."
Knowing that, I should have approached him first.He Gu thought.
When He Gu walked over, Song Ju Han grabbed his arm and pulled him down to his own body. In seconds, He Gu's 180cm body pressed against Song Ju Han's. He was truly heavy causing Song Ju Han to let out a light groan as he let his hand willfully stretch into He Gu shirt. "Let me touch you to see if you've gotten fat or not."
"I shouldn't have."
Song Ju Han caressed his belly all the way to his lower back—the muscles beneath his hand were soft yet firm. He satisfyingly said, 'okay'. "Since you sit in the office all day, remember to exercise more. If you gain more weight, it would be unsightly. You know that, right?" Song Ju Han lift his chin and kissed him. "How long haven't we seen each other? I rather miss you."
"39 days." He Gu said.
Song Ju Han smiled with a light chuckle, "You remember it so clearly. You're indeed worthy of being an engineer." He turned over and pressed He Gu on the sofa. "How come your hair is so wet?"
"It's raining outside." Did you just discover that now…
"You were doing overtime until now?"
"Yeah."
"I told you to resign a long time ago. I'll give you money to open a café, restaurant, or whatever you want. It'll be easy and comfortable. There's no need to go to the office and look at those people's face all day. Is it easy to get into the state enterprises?"
"I don't know how to do anything else." He Gu simply said.
"I knew you would say that." He lowered his head to lightly bite his chin then started to tug at his clothes.
He Gu was very cooperative.
The Song Ju Han of today seemed impatient. If he was in a good mood, he liked to do some foreplay but if he was not in a good mood, he would run rampant and simply vent. Today was the latter.
He Gu brows twisted from the pain, but he bit his lips without uttering a sound.
However, Song Ju Han nonetheless took a satisfyingly deep breath. "He Gu is still the best."
He Gu looked at him with some confusion—at his face that could lure anyone into addiction, just like opium; his body trembled without end as a flush full of passion crept on his face. After all these years, he was still unable to adapt to Song Ju Han's beastly strength. But being unable to do so doesn't matter, at the least he was used to it. At the least, he could endure it.
On more than occasion, Song Ju Han had complained to him that he could not enjoy himself when he did it with others and that there was no one else as compatible as he was—that was probably the reason why the two were able to maintain their relationship until now. Otherwise, Song Ju Han would have a sea of handsome men and beautiful women at his side—without a turn for him to come here to sleep with him.
After an unknown amount of time, He Gu was already somewhat delirious but then he suddenly felt Song Ju Han shot out directly inside of him…
That was also one of Song Ju Han's interest.
Song Ju Han gasped breathlessly and lied on top of him. Due to the extremely cold weather, the capital has been placed in a difficult circumstance. The heating system was slow to kick in, but the burning hot temperature of their bodies was able to drive the late autumn chilliness away.
Soon, He Gu's eyes changed from being relaxed to focus and after spending five, six, seven minutes, he moved—feeling considerably uncomfortable.
Hugging his waist, Song Ju Han comfortably buried his head in the crook of He Gu's neck before he lazily said, "Don't move, let me lie down for a while."
"I want to clean myself up." He Gu paused and added, "Don't come inside next time."
Hearing those words, Song Ju Hai pinched his chest, "What's wrong with letting me feel good for a bit? It's only with you that I don't wear a condom." His tone seemed childish and the words he spoke sounded pitiful.
He Gu did not express anything—he had already said the same thing many times already but in reality, it was only three times…since it was useless anyways, he decided not to say it anymore.
Song Ju Han started to banter, "That's no good. Let's get comfortable."
He Gu turned his head away, ashamed until his ears were red from the roots.
"You're still really tight here, do you usually take good care of it?"
He Gu did not utter a word.
Song Ju Han laughed lightly, "That's right, you don't understand those kinds of things at all."
Wanting to ease the shame that riddle his mind but more so his body, He Gu let his face collapsed on the sofa.
Seeing He Gu's crimson neck, Song Ju Han's mood lightened up tremendously—a better way to put it, he was in a very good mood now. As he got up, he also pulled He Gu along with him. "Let's go, I'll shower with you."
By now, He Gu's legs were somewhat weak—as a result, Song Ju Han carried him in his arms and entered the bathroom. When the showerhead blossomed with water, Song Ju Han pushed him back and pressed him against the wall before his tall body cover He Gu's. Then with no explanation at all, another round of conquest began…
When Song Ju Han was done messing around, it was already midnight.
The cleaned and dried He Gu lied on the bed, tired to the point he did not want to move his fingers. Song Ju Han lied beside him, breathing evenly as he slept.
Borrowing the light that shone from the moon, He Gu carefully looked at the side of Song Ju Han's face only to be riled up by an indescribable feeling that ruptured in his heart. He looked and looked until Song Ju Han's face seem to reverse back bit by bit in age and gradually returned to the appearance in his youthful year. He Gu's memories unconsciously took him back to his senior year of high school.
At that time, he was a bookworm preparing to rage a formidable war with the upcoming college entrance examination while Song Ju Han had just entered his freshman year and immediately became the most handsome and fashionable guy in the entire campus—tall, played basketball, proficient in several musical instrument, and the crown prince of many billionaire entertainment companies. Even before he could speak, he was already like a huge star, showing his face in various media platforms with half his foot already in the entertainment circle. Most importantly, he was extremely good-looking.
He was GAY[2]. He knew when he was a junior and he liked looking at handsome boys. Of course, he only dared to secretly look.
Originally, their lives would have never intersected but they happened to be chosen by their teachers to participate in a campus environmental public welfare promotion campaign. The advertisement approach was very simple, that is, to put a series of foreign video in the school with Song Ju Han singing live in both Chinese and English while he, He Gu, translated the lyrics to the song.
As a result, for one afternoon, he sat alone in the teacher's office with Song Ju Han and translated the lyrics into his notebook. He has no musical talent while Song Ju Han had already written many songs and made his own album. Song Ju Han has a high demand for the lyrics—it should not be simply translated but must also convey the artistic concept and rhyme. After, translating for an afternoon, he discovered that Song Ju Han's English was much better than his. He came to learn that Song Ju Han had a foreign private tutor since he was a child and had consecutively travelled abroad to join the best summer schools during summer vacation.
He was ashamed and felt that the teacher had completely made him a surplus.
He could still remember that after the translation was completed, Song Ju Han smiled at him and said, "Okay, I'm leaving ah."
It was not an exaggeration to say that that smile was charming and encased with flourishing blossoms. At that moment, he thought his heart had been punched by a fearsome fist. However, there were no pain or numbing sensation—it was as if it has been injected with something incredible. He remembered himself nervously saying: "I'm sorry, I didn't help with anything…"
"What, you still helped." Song Ju Han unplugged his USB and picked up his schoolbag. Under the warm light reflected by the setting sun, his youthful skin appeared soft and full of luster while those glimmering eyes seemed to look like the crushed Milky Way, sprinkling into his heart bit by bit. "It's rare to meet someone who doesn't talk much when they're with me. It's peaceful."
He couldn’t tell whether Song Ju Han was actually praising him or mocking him. He only remembered that he looked at Song Ju Han's back until even his shadow disappeared.
Later, the public service activity was very successful. The students probably did not care much about the content itself but rather they were obsessed with Song Ju Han’s performance. After the performance ended, Song Ju Han courteously brought the teachers, promotional and staff member of the planning committee to the stage. Of course, that included him. Song Ju Han gathered them all together, stood shoulder to shoulder beside him and talked about some things during the show.
At that time, there were only two thoughts circling his mind. First, Song Ju Han was really mature and could really talk. Second, Song Ju Han said his name. Third…Song Ju Han's hand was very hot, causing his whole body to burn up.
His face must have been very red.
After that, they did not cross path for a very long time. But he still searched for Song Ju Han’s silhouette on the vast campus. In case he saw him, he would secretly look at him from afar.
That was until the day they returned to the campus after the college entrance examination, the two accidentally met in an empty men's restroom.
He Gu summoned all his courage to greet Song Ju Han while Song Ju Han looked at him for a moment before looking as if he finally recalled who he was. "Oh."
He was very disappointed.
Song Ju Han casually asked him, "You are a senior, how was the exam?”
"It was okay."
Song Ju Han whistled, pulled up his zipper and looked up only to catch his eyes that were stealing a glance at him.
He could still remember that moment of awkwardness and embarrassment until now. It was as if a thief was caught on the spot.
Song Ju Han’s face slightly changed as he glanced at the zipper he (He Gu) did not have enough time to zip up which accidentally exposed his reaction. Let's mention again that to this day, he could still clearly remember Song Ju Han's tone: "You're GAY?" The sound of the final syllable was full of surprise and frivolousness.
He was paralyzed as his deeply hidden secret was easily shaken off—that shameful feeling was indescribable.
At that time, homosexuality was not as widely accepted as it is now. Most people still sneak around it like thieves, but Song Ju Han has been in touch with the entertainment industry since childhood. In that aspect, he was extremely mature than most of his peers of the same age.
Song Ju Han lightly chuckled. It was the kind that was full of sarcasm before he left.
He Gu remembered that afternoon, how he hid in that bathroom for the longest time, not daring to go out. That afternoon, where he was supposed to relax after the college entrance examination was over—however, he painfully suffered instead.
Translator's Note:
[1]He Gu – 何故[hégù] is the name of one of the main character and also means 'what for' or 'what's the reason'.
[2]It is only referring to He Gu