"Tell you what. We'll let them do something with you today, just to appease them, and then that will be that."
"What does appease appease mean?" mean?"
"It means to make someone happy by giving them something they want."
"Oh, Daddy. I can't bear to spend more than half an hour with them. And you have to be there."
"How about two hours? And they'll want you to themselves."
"I want you you there." there."
"I know you do, but they want you alone."
"Okay. Two hours. One minute more and I'm running away and joining the circus."
"It's a deal, squirt."
39. TWO LITTLE GIRLS LIVING BY THEMSELVES.
Donovan and Achara were slated to show up at nine. Stan Beebe's funeral would start at the Lutheran church a few blocks north of the station at eleven. The engine was draped in black crepe and festooned with bunting and flags and would carry the coffin to the local cemetery.
The buzz around the station was that Joel McCain's wife had decided Joel needed to attend Beebe's funeral. Let me tell you, when I became a zombie, the last thing I'd want was to get wheeled around in front of my old friends like a mummy on tour. It seemed so unlike Mary McCain, who until now had kept Joel under wraps.
Maybe he was was getting better. getting better.
On our way to the fire station, I told Stephanie to drop us off at the playfield at North Bend Elementary two blocks from the station. Realizing what I was planning, Stephanie gave me a sorrowful look through the windshield as she drove away.
After the girls burned off some of their breakfast, I found myself on my back upside down on the slide, staring up at the clouds, just like a kid. Britney was at the top on her back, the soles of her feet resting against mine, both of us suspended by my grip on the cold rails. Allyson sat at the very top playing with Britney's hair. Above us was a mostly blue sky, a battery of cumulus clouds rolling over the lip of Mount Si, wispy clouds I couldn't name streaking the middle of the sky, and corroded contrails from jet traffic to the west above Sea-Tac.
It had been years since I'd taken the time to lie on my back and watch clouds. The absolute grace of the atmosphere astonished me. After a while, I could almost feel the earth moving, could certainly see the clouds shifting in the sky. A private plane traversed the horizon silently. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind.
To have had these girls for as long as I had made me the luckiest man in the world.
"I have something I need to tell you," I said, finally.
"What is it, Daddy?" Britney and Allyson both had slipped into that same lazy summertime cadence I remembered as a youth, when everything slowed down and you had no worries and it seemed as if there were no such thing as clocks or teachers or homework.
Too bad their lives were about to implode around them.
"Does this have something to do with Stephanie?" Allyson asked, failing to conceal the note of hope in her voice.
I let go of the slide and slid to the bottom, sat up as Britney scooted into my arms. Allyson followed, slamming into us. "Stephanie's here because she's my doctor. I'm sick. I'm getting sicker every day. If we don't find out what's causing it, I won't be with you by the end of the week."
"What's the end of the week?" Britney asked.
"Sunday."
"Sunday?" Allyson flicked a lock of hair out of her eyes. "What do you mean, Sunday? Where are you going on Sunday?"
I'd violated my own philosophy of dispensing bad news, the same philosophy I'd used just a few days ago with Marsha Beebe. The rule was: Spit it out quickly and concisely and in clear, unequivocal language.
"If we can't stop this, I'll end up like your Grandfather Swope sometime on Sunday. I might even be in the same nursing home with him."
I still hadn't said it.
"You mean you're going to get old?" Britney asked.
Allyson had tears streaming down her face. "No, dummy. He's going to get sick."
"Neither one of you is a dummy," I said. Britney looked from Allyson's tears to me and back to Allyson, her lower lip beginning to quiver. This was exactly what I couldn't bear to watch. "My body will be here and my heart will be here, but my brain will be gone. I won't be able to talk to you. Or look at you. And after a while, I'll probably lose weight the way Grandpa did."
"You don't love us anymore?" Britney asked.
"Sweetheart, I'll still love you a hundred years after I'm dead. Anytime anything happens to you and you feel like you need someone, you can know that my love will be there alongside you. I love you both more than anything."
"Then why are you going to the nursing home?" Allyson asked.
"It's not for sure. But if it happens, it will be because I don't have a choice."
"How did you get sick?" Britney asked.
"Nobody knows. It's something to do with the fire department. I got sick at the same time Joel McCain and Stan Beebe and some others did."
"What if you get well?" Allyson asked.
"I'm hoping I will. That's why Stephanie's been working on the computer so much. A lot of people want to help. We're going to be seeing some experts today."
Allyson leaned her head against my chest. "So, Daddy? You shouldn't be goofing off with us. You should be with Stephanie."
"Right now I want to be with you."
"If you're not living with us," Britney said, "how are we going to get to school? And who's going to take care of us?"
"We'll take care of ourselves," Allyson said, knowing the alternative was at that moment registered eight blocks away in a motel.
"We'll figure something out."
"I'm going to miss you," Britney said.
"I'm going to miss you, too. Both of you. More than anything."
Seconds later Britney was wailing so hard and so loud, Allyson and I thought she was acting. She cried so hard, she went blind with it. A moment later Allyson started up. Then I shed my first real tears in years.
It was fifteen minutes before we ran out of water, another fifteen before we were composed enough to walk to the fire station hand in hand, talking about little things, anything but what was on our minds.
At the station telephones were ringing, firefighters and volunteers rushing to and fro. A few people were there to help out with our research on the syndrome. Most were there for the funeral. It was nine o'clock, and Donovan and Carpenter had not arrived. I was surprised by how much their absence irritated me. Even my alcoholic in-laws were punctual.
Ian Hjorth and Ben Arden had organized a squadron of volunteers to run errands and do the busywork. They'd even recruited children to keep Allyson and Britney company.
When the kids disappeared into the game room upstairs, I located Stephanie at the computer in the officers' room, Ben Arden's wife, Cherie, behind her, fiddling with a pot of coffee. "I found some stuff," Stephanie said.
I sat down, rubbing an ear to clear the ringing. Stephanie looked at me full on. "You told them?"
"Yeah."
"How'd it go?" When I didn't reply, she said, "Sure. I know. But you did it, and now you can move on."
"Right."
"Try not to be despondent, Jim."
"Lieutenant? We're going to stop this right here," Cherie added vehemently. Just what we needed, a new cheerleader fresh from the wings.
40. DIG UP THE CHIEF, QUICK; HE MIGHT NOT BE DEAD.
"You heard from Donovan and Carpenter?" I asked.
"Huh-uh," Stephanie said. "But I think I'm on to something. For a month now I've been on various Internet medical forums asking doctors if they'd had any patients with symptoms matching Holly's. After we found out about that fire in Tennessee, I narrowed the search to the southeastern United States. This morning a general practitioner from Biloxi wrote back and said he recalled something from a couple of years ago. Two patients. Brain-dead. Waxy hands. Both much younger than your average stroke victim."
"What'd he say about them?"
"They were patients of a doctor he'd heard speaking at a seminar, a specialist in Knoxville. He claims this specialist had a theory about what'd caused it. Also there's a man named Carl Steding from Chattanooga left a phone message for you."
"From the fire department?"
"A newspaper guy."
"What about this specialist?"
"I've got a call in to him."
Cherie Arden spoke up. "I don't understand this thing, whatever it is. I mean, if you were all exposed back in February, why didn't you get sick in February? And why isn't everybody getting sick at once?"
Stephanie said, "People's immune systems are different. Some are strong. Some are weak. We don't know what might be affecting the way people react. As far as the lag time between exposure and onset of symptoms, apparently this syndrome has a long incubation period if exposure was minimal. I'm guessing the firefighters in Tennessee had a greater level of exposure than the people here, and that's why their symptoms came on so much quicker."
I said, "A guy came through town a year ago. From Montana. Exfireman. On disability. He'd had a stroke. He said they fought a fire out in the dingles somewhere in a store that carried everything you could think of: pharmaceuticals, ammunition, painting supplies, dynamite. Afterward, people who'd fought the fire started going down. In nine months four of them had strokes and three had heart attacks. They never proved it was caused by the fire, and they never got any money out of the pension system, either, even though they all knew it started with that fire."
Cherie said, "I never thought it would happen here. I sure hope Ben doesn't have it."
"Me, too, Cherie."
"I didn't mean it that way."
"I know. I really don't want anyone else getting it."
Two King County fire investigators in jeans and button-down shirts appeared in the doorway behind me, the first looking dwarflike beside the second, taller man, who had ruddy, baby-butt cheeks on an otherwise pale face he worked hard to keep unexpressive. These were the two who'd responded to Max Caputo's place after the explosion-the short one was Shad; the taller, Stevenson. Shad didn't look tall enough to be a firefighter, but then, most departments in the area had relaxed their guidelines on height in order to recruit more women.
"Need to talk to you," said Stevenson.
"I've got a funeral I'm about to go to."
"And we've got a man up on the hill came down in itty-bitty pieces," said Shad.
"We're still trying to fit it together." Stevenson planted a wan smile on his mug, delighted at his own witticism.
Ian Hjorth came up the hallway, peered over their shoulders, and said, "Sorry to bust in, Jim, but Karrie brought in some doctor from out of state who claims he's going to talk to the TV guys after the funeral. Says this syndrome is all in your head."
"What?"
"That's what he says."
"How could he know that without talking to me?"
"I don't know. He spoke to Karrie, though."
"Karrie doesn't know her ass from a sack of apples!" I glanced at the two fire investigators, who'd backed off in the face of my outburst. "Wait in the front office. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Just don't be skipping out on us," said Stevenson.
"For God's sake," Stephanie muttered. "Where do you think he would go? A Mexican clinic?"
Just then, Karrie walked past the doorway in her black dress uniform.
"Karrie? What's this I hear about you bringing in a doctor to debunk our syndrome?"
"Dr. Perkins. I didn't bring him in. Not actually. I found him on the Internet and called him. He said this sounded like an interesting phenomenon and would we mind if he flew out. When he showed up yesterday, I took him to see Jackie. I was just trying to help."
"He's not even a real doctor," Ian said. "All he does is write books, get on talk shows, and play kiss-kiss with celebrities."
Karrie brushed a speck of lint off her coat. "I would think you'd be relieved. He's already proved you don't have to worry. Or hasn't anyone told you the syndrome's a figment of your imagination?" When the room and corridor had been quiet for a few seconds, she added, "Doesn't that make you feel better?"
"It would if I thought it was true."
"Oh, it's true."
"Wow!" Hjorth said. "I guess there's nothing wrong with Joel, then. And the chief must not be dead. Maybe we should go dig him up."
I gave Hjorth a sharp look. "Why hasn't he spoken to Dr. Riggs, who right now probably has more medical information about this than anyone?"
"He doesn't have to talk to another doctor to reach an opinion. He examined Jackie. He said as far as he could tell she was a typical head case from a car accident."
"He saw Joel, too?"
"No. I told him about everybody else, and he says they're all within the realm of the normal." She glanced at Stephanie, who was still seated at the computer behind me. "He said he's almost positive this whole thing is hogwash. A sad and wonderfully illustrative case of collective delusion."