Loving a person is really simple, it's just need a second of heart-moving feeling.
For considering clearly "whether someone should love or not?", it takes several days, several weeks, even longer.
However, the real difficult things yet is to turn love to dis-love. That may take a long time, even a lifetime.
When I found that I was fascinated by Xiao Cheng, who had just turned completely nineteen years old. I clearly realized that this was a mistake, however, I didn't want to ignore this kind of heartbeat all the time and didn't want to get rid of this destined secret crush. When I thought that I could do it, he would suddenly appeared and provoked my girly heart, so I couldn't really give him up…
Action 1
On a boring day, Xiao Cheng sent a message.
Xiao Cheng: [Boring, do you have any test, ask me one.]
I replied: [ Guess my QQ password then.]
Xiao Cheng: [Your full name.]
I replied: [ (O.O )How do you know?]
Xiao Cheng: [ I think you could only memorize this kind of password.]
I asked: [You even realize this?]
Xiao Cheng: [You said previously then you even couldn't memorize something that has number on it…….]
I asked: [You really have a good memory, is it for make me feel inferior?]
Xiao Cheng: [My good memory skill is not really good, but I will always remember something that I think important.]
It was clearly a simple and easy to understand word. I looked at the screen of my phone. I read it countless time and till my eyes felt sore, but I still couldn't understand it.
Action 2
During the day that was boring and I was reading my novel, Xiao Cheng sent a QQ to harass me.
Xiao Cheng: [Are you free?]
Xin Xin: [ No, I read my novel.]
Xiao Cheng: [ What novel is it?]
Xin Xin: [<
Xiao Cheng: [Then enjoy.]
The next day, I finished the novel. I felt even more bored so I decided to harass him.
Xin Xin: [What are you doing now?]
Xiao Cheng : [Don't you the sunset glow (Wan Xia) is really beautiful?]
Xin Xin: [It's the afternoon, where is sunset glow?]
Xiao Cheng: [……..]
Xin Xin: [You've read the <
Xiao Cheng: [Last night, I want to know what your "funny" novel looks like."
Xin Xin: [Don't you think it's so funny?"
Xiao Cheng: [Funny, "I can't escape from the sky no matter far I've walked" "I couldn't change that beginning, also couldn't forget that ending" "Everything will be gone, and only memories would be left."]
Xin Xin: [Eh, suddenly I want to cry….]
That moment, I really want to cry. Because I suddenly notice —- He has a heart that very mature and soft. Moreover he will read my favorite novel.
My heart started to move again.
At this time, there was another message from Xiao Cheng.
[I just bought three packs of tissues, each one has 300. Do you want me to send it to you?]
I: [Hey! Being so kind, is it your real style? The oldy saying said: "one is kind may hides evil intentions.]
Xiao Cheng: [Don't I always be that kind?]
Reading this message made me a little bit hard to reply.
Toward me, he always be kind. When there was nothing or something to he always loves look for me…. does he want to have something with me…. he has feeling toward me?
But to think it throughly, it shouldn't be like this. If he has some feelings toward me, he should look for various of opportunities to be closer to me. Even he doesn't confess, he should show his intense friendliness. But in three years of knowing him, he always keeps me at his arm's length. From time to time, he chatted with me online, his words poked my heart; From time to time, for several days he will ignore me just like he forgets about my existence; From time to time, when I need help, he will appear in the first time; From time to time, we ran to each other in the class, he will slightly nod toward me. And when he passed by me, he didn't say any small talks.
After some rational thinking moment, I regard Xiao Cheng's "harassment" action, it was because recently he felt to bored, so he used me to pass the time and also it was also "love me, love my dog."
Action 3
Again one day, I suddenly remembered my motivation to get into T University —— Look for a good man to marry.
For the suffering of having lost my weight more than 20 kilograms, I must not let go of my dream so I decided to find myself a goodman.
According to Fei Fei: The internet cafe near T university is a place where single men gather. Many men play there also takes time to find out if there are girls that looks pleasing to their eyes. If there is, they will find the girl's QQ account and send a friend request with a message : [I am XX department of T university, could we try to know each other?]
It's the way Fei Fei found her boyfriend.
That night, I dressed up myself prettily and went to the internet coffee on the opposite of the apartment. I was full of hope. I wore my newly-bought high heels and strode like a lady to the internet cafe.
I looked around at those handsome boys and with a glance I noticed Xiao Cheng! I lost my steps and my ankle almost broke. I was hurt that I bit my lips. He raised his eyes and looked at me.
I smiled stiffly and waved my hands: "Hey! What a coincidence?"
He looked at me and I saw the light smile hung on his lips.
My girly heart, I really don't know how should I calm it down!
Action 4
Gathering my courage and looked for an empty seat, I logged in my QQ then Xiao Heng's avatar flashed on my computer.
Xiao Cheng: [How could you come to the Internet cafe? Is the internet in the dorm off?]
Xin Xin: [ I come to look for an affair.]
Xiao Cheng: [Do you find it?]
My brain was broken, I sent the message: [I met you, is it count?]
Xiao Cheng didn't reply, I slightly glanced at his seat. I was surprised to see that he was looking at me.
I like a little kid who was caught by the adult of stealing candy, I typed: [I'm just joking, don't want take it seriously.]
I didn't wait for his reply, I turned the topic of our conversation: [Are you free? I need points, if not you can help me again.]
[Okay!]
That night I played with him for the whole night, I was very happy. I completely forgot the reason I came to the Internet cafe. Even the man, who sat beside me, took initiative to help me out, but I tended to ignore him.
All the chicken's heart that my old Ma gave me was really completely wasted!
Action 5
One night, when I was online.
Zhuo Zhuo asked me: "Xin Xin, do you have a screwdriver, the sewer in our bathroom is blocked."
I sent Xiao Cheng a message: [Beautiful Zhuo Zhuo needs a screwdriver, do you have it?]
After several seconds, he replied: [I have, I will send it up.]
I despised him: [Ahyoo! It's not really your style! Wouldn't you trouble yourselves if you have anyone to help?]
He sent an expression: [For looking at the beauty, I never ask anyone else.]
I hadn't found a good expression to reply, but the door was knocked.
I opened the door and found Xiao Cheng stood outside of the door with a screwdriver. He should be just come out from the bathroom. His hair was wet and there was a shower gel smell on his body….. My heart beat so fast.
Actually he couldn't be regarded as an exceptionally handsome man but he is quite pleasing to the eyes. At least for me.
"Thank you!" This moment I moved my body a bit for him to see Zhuo Zhuo.
But all along he kept on looking at me: "Do you need my help?"
"I need it so much!" I slightly pointed at him, "Get in."
Action 6
The reality prove, no one is perfect.
Even the nineteen years old Xiao Cheng developed well mentally, however both of his hands didn't show any well-development.
He was sweaty and battled with it for half an hour, but it was ineffective.
I stood on his back and be silent for thirty minutes, I finally couldn't look at him anymore and said: "Let it be. Let me handle it. Come inside and drink a glass of water and chat with Zhuo Zhuo."
He washed his hands and said: "Wait, let me find someone else to fix it."
After ten minutes, the old man of the receptionist came by and fixed it.
After he went home, I asked Xiao Cheng: "This old man always be so cool, how could ask for his help?"
He replied: "In China, there is nothing cannot be done, you just don't persist in it."
It's a rare chance to hear some wise words from him, I was curious and asked: "Then how do you persist? You wouldn't hug his thigh and beg, right?"
"Two boxes of cigarette."
I once again raised my two thumbs toward him: "Handsome man, you really have a good prospect!"
"Thank you!"
Action 7
Considering of how Xiao Cheng sacrificed two boxes of cigarette and fixed our problems, of course I need to help him show off his greatness.
"Come inside and have a drink." I invited him.
He looked at Zhuo Zhuo, who was in call, and hesitated.
"Come inside." I passed my glass of water and pointed at my chair.
He sat down n the chair and drank silently.
I stood behind him and looked at him silently too.
The most favorite part of him is his back part, because it's a part that he couldn't see, so I could recklessly examined him…..
Action 8
Zhuo Zhuo finished her call.
Xiao Cheng finished his drink.
I noticed that I was standing in the middle of both of them.
I was considering whether I need to look for an excuses, then suddenly my phone rang. It was a call from Lao Xiang.
Lao Xiang said to me: "Ning Xin, I already find the mathematic textbook for level 2 that you wanted. Can I send it to you now?"
"Okay, okay." That time I felt Lao Xiang was an angle that help me out from this hell.
"Are you in the dorm?"
"Yes. Em. I will go down and wait for you."
"Okay!"
I hung up and immediately went outside.
I ran outside and suddenly remembered something, I just realized I forgot to say goodbye to Xiao Cheng.
I thought about it and thought that was not really necessary, anyway he didn't come to see me.
Action 9
That night, Lao Xiang didn't only bring textbook but he also brought a big surprise or perhaps a terror ——- a big bouquet of roses and a confession.
"Ning Xin, I like you!"
I looked at the roses and the nervous Lao Xiang.
I thought that time my brain was full of "a particular quiet eyes", if not I would probably accept this sincere feeling.
However, I forced myself for a long time, but I still said "I'm sorry!"
He was slightly disappointed, but very quickly regained his composure and asked me: "Then can I pursue you?"
This question that time I couldn't answer it: "If I said "no"?"
"Then I will still pursue you."
"So what's the point of asking me?"
He considered it carefully and noticed that was something wrong with this logic of the question. He laughed and scratched his head "Then just regard it is as my way to inform you. If not, when I pursue you later on, you will not know."
"Am I that stupid!"
After a long moment, that time when I also know that someone also had ever pursued me, I just realized a profound truth: "People a, there will always be a time of no self-knowledge."
Action 10
Unconsciously I raised my head and looked at the window of the dorms, the curtain was closed and I couldn't see anyone.
I didn't know what were Zhuo Zhuo and Cheng Ze doing, saying, I also didn't want to know. As a result, I sat down on the side of the flowerbed in front of the apartment, and took my time to look at the star.
Lao Xiang also joined me to sit down there. He placed the roses between us.
I remembered clearly that it was a cold day. I just wore my sweater. We sat there for two hours, and I was felt the coldness reached my bone.
Lao Xiang talked a lot of things, but I didn't have any heart to hear it. I just thought about my regret of not wearing thicker clothes before I went outside of the room.
Action 11
Under the moonlight, there was a familiar figure came out from the big glass door of the apartment lobby. In a flash, I forgot about my coldness.
I looked at it, and saw that Cheng Ze came out from it. I saw he only wore a thin dark blue coat and sport suit.
He also saw me and paused. He looked at the roses beside me.
I smiled and waved at him and greeted him: "Hey, it's late at night and you are going out?"
He just nodded at me and looked at my sweater, he wanted to say something but when he saw there was Lao Xiang beside me, he didn't say anything.
His figure disappeared and I couldn't see him anymore. I stood up stiffly.
"I can go home now." If I didn't go home, then probably I would be freeze to death.
Lao Xiang passed the roses to me. I shook my head.
Lao Xiang said: "If you don't like it, then just throw it. I will be ridiculed greatly by roommates if I bring it home."
I thought about it and also think it's rational then I hugged the roses and went back to my room.
Action 12
The time I went back to my dorm, Zhuo Zhuo just finished washing her face. She was laying down on the bed and listening to the music. She was prepared to sleep.
Looking at my return with a bouquet of roses, she sat down with surprise: "Lao Xiang confessed to you? Did you accept it?"
With shivering, I said: "No. He is good, but he is not my type."
"Don't you say that you like more stable type of man? I think he is quite stable."
"It's not a mature one like him, it's a kind of stable."
"What kind?"
Then I remembered again those pairs of quiet eyes, then sighed: "I also don't really understand, anyway not him."
"O…."
I put the roses down and asked Zhuo Zhuo: "When did Xiao Cheng go home?"
"When you went out, he just went home." Zhuo Zhuo was embarrassed and laughed: "Xin Xin, in the future you don't really need to make an opportunity for us, you only make him feel awkward…"
Awkward? It's a good chance, why should he feel awkward?
"I'm not making any opportunity for you guys, I really have something to do." I explained.
Zhuo Zhuo gave me her expression "I understand you too well", then she laid down on her bed.
Action 13
Two nights after, I was lack of sleepiness, I played the cards game online.
Xiao Cheng suddenly appeared and asked me: [Why you are not sleeping yet?]
[I couldn't sleep, I will play for a while. What about you, you also are not asleep?]
[I couldn't sleep.]
I played the game and chatted with him. Didn't know how could it be, we chatted about our feeling. He asked me: [Last two days, the man with you, is your boyfriend?]
I tried to arrange an answer then I just send [It's still in consideration.]
He asked me: [What do you like from him?]
[I couldn't say what I like, but I feel he is a good one, mature, gentle, tolerant. My Pa Ma really likes him. They said that he is very serious. O, he is also four years older than me. My Ma said that if I find someone older then in the future I will being loved more.]
Xiao Cheng sent a disdainful emoji: [What kind of postmodern concept is this?! Sis, may I ask your age?]
[Sister will be twenty one years old this year. ] I sent it, then hurriedly sent another one: [You dare to disdain me, how old are you? Are you love concept well-developed?]
Xiao Cheng: [I definitely well-developed than you.]
Xin Xin: [Hey, don't judge people solely by their appearance.]
Xiao Cheng: [No man does not like a beautiful woman. However, I value feeling more than it. If there's feeling, then it will be okay.]
Without thinking, I typed quickly: [feeling, how long can the feeling persist? A year? Two years? Or a month? Two months? if there's no feeling, do we need to separate immediately?]
[The matter about feeling, at first it is an agreement of together, and if two of them are not compatible then they need to separate. Could it be that if you be together with a man, then you want to be spend a life time with him.]
I looked at his answer and can't help to smile bitterly. He was really too young, too young to understand what love is, too young to understand what was responsibility and only pay attention to his own feeling.
After a long consideration, I replied him: [I don't mean that love that it means that we definitely need to be together for a life time, but at least I want to look for someone that wants to marry me. When I love someone, I will love him wholeheartedly without any reservation so I can't bear the pain of breaking up. My love shouldn't have a result, but when I know clearly that there will be no result in my love, I will not do it!]
I waited for a long time for he replied: [Perhaps, you are right.]
I didn't reply anymore.
I just hugged my Crayon Sinchan and looked at our chat word by words.
In this chat of love's concept, I faintly noticed a taste of "tragic love", it was like a chat between boy, who euphemistically expressed his feelings, and is rejected by a girl ruthlessly!
I read it for three times more and felt it became more and more intense. Then I recalled a lot of things. I remembered the first time we watched a movie. I remembered how he helped me through my work. I remembered of his caring action toward me during the dinner, and how I got the Crayon Sinchan in my embrace……..
Then I lost my sleep! I laid down on my bed and my brain was in chaos.
I couldn't hold it anymore, I took my phone and sent him a message, I typed: [Do you like me?]
Then I changed it to [What is the meaning of your words toward me this night?]
I thought about it then changed again: [Who is she who makes you feel?]
At last I put my phone down and erased the message.
The next day, when I was still confused, Xiao Cheng also didn't take initiative to message me.
After several days, he didn't appear in front of me. I couldn't help but to harass him in QQ. I asked him: [are you there?] He didn't reply.
After several days, I heard a news that I felt I was being thrown from a cloud. I was finally said in my sadness: "The cruelest part of reality is not the fact that you couldn't get what you want, but when you are indulged in a good expectation, and finding out that everything is only your daydream."
——<
If you want to choose a good man, then don't you believe on first impression, because your eyes are not X-ray. You couldn't say his nature or temper, you still need to pass several long days to interact with him, to understand him.
So since now, you need to know more opposite sex people. Even it's just a small talk or careless talk, eat, or going on the movie with friends. You give him a chance to know you, and at the same time to let you know different men.