Chapter 35.3
However, the words that small wolf said are absolutely not in the scope of jokes…
At those words, the many states of Chako up till now float up in my head .
Chako who always chased Tomotaksenpai with her eyes .
However, in front of the person himself, she interacted with him with a fabricated beauty’s smile .
And, she’d leave that place as quickly as possible, or try to make Tomotaksenpai leave .
“Awful right? Everyone loses to their appetite like that, when they become a familiar . That’s why I did what a familiar senior taught me . I interacted with him like a servant . So that my appetite won’t increase . So that I can make Tomotaksama look at me like a tool . ”
That was always―― .
“Perhaps thanks to Yui-chan, Tomotaksama became gentle recently… However, I didn’t want to respond to that and be relied upon . ”
――Thinking about Tomotaksenpai .
“Because he’s pitiful . ”
The small wolf lets out a small voice as though it’s laughing .
“Tomotaksama, seems like things aren’t going well with him and his family . He’s absurdly strict with himself too . He said he never celebrated Christmas and stuff y’know? Isn’t it awful that within those, the guy beside him wants to eat him, and wants him to hurry and die?”
Sensei in the 2nd round and 3rd round . [1]
When he was informed that Chako was Tomotaksenpai’s familiar, he said『There’s no saving you』 .
That was surely, because he knew a little about the relationship between onmyoujis and familiars .
Onmyoujis and familiars .
No matter how peaceful their relationship, familiars eat up the bodies of onmyoujis .
“Even if I wanted to do something, I can’t do anything… Because even if I run away… even if I don’t want to eat anymore… If Tomotaksama dies, I’ll eat him . ”
To save Grandpa, Chako was made into a familiar while not knowing anything .
Surely, she was extremely, extremely perplexed at herself like that .
“Tomotaksama said I was free but… I didn’t feel at all that I became free… Snatching life force from humans, destroying phantoms… Devouring Tomotaksama one day… I can only live like that . ”
Chako was human .
And became a phantom in this world before she knew it…
A body completely different from a human’s .
A completely different way of living .
And, the hunger brought forth by having become Tomotaksenpai’s familiar .
“I thought that it would be amazing if such a me could be used for Yui-chan’s sake . ”
She’d always, fought alone .
“I thought that if this life can be useful to Yui-chan, I’d happily present it . ”
No longer, wanting to snatch away anything…
――She tried to use her life, for my sake .
“… I’m sorry . I said it was for Yui-chan’s sake but, in the end I only thought about myself . ”
When I look at the small wolf dazedly, it’s staring at me .
“By no means, did I think Yui-chan was turning back time… I also didn’t realize you’ve always been looking at me with that expression . ”
Then, it mutters apologetically .
“I’m sorry . ”
Ah .
I wonder why .
Why, are you so gentle?
“Chako… Have you always, always, been fighting with such feelings? I’m sorry I didn’t realize quicker . I’m sorry I wasn’t able to listen to what made you hurt . ”
The one who should apologize is me .
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“Nah… I’d be troubled if Yui-chan realized . Cause I’ve always been hiding so that Yui-chan alone won’t realize . ”
“… Chako, there were many times you felt tired right?”
“Yeah… Well, it became that I meet Tomotaksama often, and that may have been slightly tiring . How do I put it, a delicious steak is sizzling above the iron plate but, I can’t eat it, kinda . Like that . ”
The small wolf laughs aloud “Hihihi” mischievously .
In a joking tone, poking fun like it’s nothing…
“I panicked during the Cultural Festival, too . Tomotaksama bled y’know . Moreover Yui-chan was there . I didn’t want you to know about such a weird me but, you chased me to the back of the club building . ”
“… Un . ”
“Ah, also, I found out just now but, when I strengthened my power by eating phantoms, for some reason, my desire to eat Tomotaksama increased too . It’s been a long time since I saw him but, I was surprised the domestic beef ranked up to a Matsusaka beef[2] . ”
”Ahaha” the small wolf laughs while showing its fangs .
“Probably, if I lose my ego, the first thing I’ll do is eat Tomotaksama . Because I can’t restrained myself if my ego disappears right?”
“… Un . The Chako whose ego disappeared… may have attacked Tomotaksenpai . ”
I recall the time up till now .
The 1st round, the Chako who ate Kousuke-kun and lost her ego had rushed to attack Tomotaksenpai .
The 4th round, the Chako who ate lots of phantoms and lost her ego may have also, rushed to attack Tomotaksenpai .
Then, squeezed by that black chain spell, she continued to suffer .
I recall the words of the 4th round’s Chako .
『I’m tired』she said . 『Enough』she said .
I said “Let’s live together” but, she didn’t take my hand .
… That’s right .
Always by Tomotaksenpai’s side .
Always suffering from hunger…
The me who didn’t know anything .
There was no way she’d take the hand of such a me, right…
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“I’m sorry… I repeated a number of times, and made you suffer a number of times…”
It would have been good if I knew quicker .
It would have been good if I released her from being a familiar quicker .
Quicker――
“You know, every time Chako disappears… you smiled in satisfaction . But… I alone… couldn’t give up…”
――It would have been good if I had given up .
“… I’m sorry… Even if Chako is suffering, even if you don’t like being a familiar… Even if you don’t like this world…”
Even if she’s released from being a familiar, Chako isn’t human .
She can’t return to her original world too .
“I don’t want… Chako to disappear . I’m sorry I’m selfish . But, …”
Doing over a number of times, I helped everyone .
I told Chako my secret just before she disappears, to make her have regrets .
Forcibly .
I pulled Chako up till here .
“… I want Chako to live… I want you to stay in this world with that body . ”
Chako who has a human’s heart and a phantom’s body .
There may be a lot of suffering in the future too .
Even then, even if she has to feel that way .
I want Chako to live in this world .
Selfish and self-centred wishes .
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My chest squeezes painfully when I say them .
Even then, when I look at the golden eyes without averting my eyes, the small wolf sighs “Haa” .
And, stretches its body within my arms, rubbing its head against my cheek .
The head of the small wolf touching my cheek is covered by fluffy fur, and is soft .
“Yui-chan is too earnest as expected… You know what, Yui-chan doesn’t have anything to apologize for . Because you’ve always been working hard with all you have . ”
A gentle voice .
“Making the excuse that it was for Yui-chan’s sake… making it Yui-chan’s fault, I just wanted to escape from this body… from this world . ”
The gentle voice I’ve always, always been unable to give up on .
“I didn’t have the willpower… in place of that, Yui-chan worked hard a lot . This life I gave up on immediately… Yui-chan had never given up . ”
The small wolf separates its head from my cheek, looking fixedly into my eyes .
“This body… I didn’t like myself who continued to snatch… But . ”
The golden eyes narrow gently .
“This life wasn’t something that was snatched away… It was granted from various things… Gramps made it…”
The warm body inside my arms .
Is properly, here .
“It’s the life that’s here because Yui-chan didn’t give up . ”
――It’s properly alive .
When the small wolf says that, it scratches its ear with a forefoot as though it’s kind of shy .
And, laughs mischievously .
“I’m not a familiar anymore! I probably won’t see Tomotaksama as a steak . ”
The color of the small wolf’s golden eyes is gentle .
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