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What are your names?
J: Joey.
Do you have any nicknames?
J: Five Answers, Joey the Retard, Joey the Obstinate, Joey the Beautiful…… There are too many to list! Of course, there are those who refer to me as Aunty Joey, but I often choose to intentionally ignore those who address me in this manner.
How do you usually address the other party?
J: Mr. F, Comrade F, Grand Master F, and whenever I need him to do me certain favours I’d address him as Hubby.
Nickname which you wish the other party would address you by?
J: Addressing me by my name is great. Please don’t address me as Baby, Honey or Dearest – hearing those nicknames from his mouth is an extremely scary thing and gives me goosebumps.
Mobile Phone ringtone?
J: Hey Jude.
Favourite genre of music?
J: Jazz.
Favourite band?
J: The Beatles.
First impression of the other party?
J: This boy is so arrogant.
Please use an animal to describe the other party.
F: Paramecium
F: A unicellular organism with no brains.
F: Fine, a Husky then.
F: Guess.
J: ……
Any particular gift you wish the other party would give during Valentine’s Day?
J: Please take a look at my TaoBao Shopping Cart.
Where was your first date?
J: From this incident, it is pertinently evident that I don’t treat you as an outsider……
[T/N: Hotpot tends to be a rather messy affair, as both parties tend to become rather sweaty and warm by the end of the meal. Thus, people tend to avoid going for hot pots on dates in order to maintain a certain ‘image’ they desire to portray.]
The most memorable date?
J: I’d describe something that happened recently. Last month, we went on a trip to ski. However, we only learnt that the ski resort stopped functioning upon our arrival. On the way home, we were extremely hungry, and decided to stop over at a small hotel in the wilderness. To our surprise, the food was simply fantastic! Furthermore, the scenery on the way home was extremely beautiful. Looking at the grand mountains and amazing landscapes really helped to broaden one’s mind. That was truly a very happy day, an unexpected form of happiness.
What did you feel about your first kiss?
F: Ah, I’ve waited so long for this day.
What did you feel about your first H?
F: My dream is finally fulfilled after having dreamt about it for oh so long.
J: Excuse me, are you reciting song lyrics?!
The virtues possessed by the other party?
F: She’s kind, strong, smart, and interesting.
F: You do.
F: That’s because you’re stupid.
F: You’re just occasionally smart. Generally, you tend to be rather stupid on most occasions.
J: ……
The biggest flaw possessed by the other party?
J: Huge male ego.
The biggest change the other party inspired in you?
J: I transformed into a workaholic like him. Ah, I miss the old me who was extremely carefree and lazy.
How great is your love for the other party?
J: Editor, he’s scolding you!
Is there anything the other party can say/do which would prevent you from rejecting any of his/her requests?
Him: “According to my analysis, this situation can be resolved in five different ways. The first way is blahblah…….. The second would be blahblah…… The third way would comprise of two further possibilities and permutations……”
F: As long as the request is a reasonable one, I would not reject it. Whether the request would be considered a reasonable one would depend on my mood at that point in time.
J: See? He is the exact personification of what it means to be cunning and sly.
What would happen if the other party is late for the date by an hour?
F: I usually have some last minute work that I have to finish up.
F: I’ll return home first, bye.
J: …….
What if you discover that the other party is having an extramarital affair?
J: I agree with the manner in which he proposed to handle it, but this question is so hurtful to the husband-wife relationship!
Are there any particular songs you cry to when you’re sad?
F: None.
F: What songs?
F: I merely said that I felt sentimental after listening to that song.
J: That’s roughly the same, isn’t it?
What’s the most touching thing the other party said to you?
J: When did I say this?
J: Ah, it appears to be a line from some novel. I must have been extremely drunk indeed.
F: ……
Joey seems to enjoy drinking a lot. Mr. F, shouldn’t you impose some limits on her?
J: Come over here and let me give you a kiss!
What is the greatest conflict between the two of you?
J: The greatest conflict we have is this. Whenever he runs into some sort of trouble, he would only reveal the matter to me after it has already been resolved. He wouldn’t even bother discussing the various options with me! Please allow me to feel that I’m participating in your life!
Plans for the next ten years?
J: We want to move to a city that’s more suitable to live in. As to the specific location, we haven’t really decided.
Do you want your child to be a boy or a girl?
J: I want a boy.
J: Because his mother is a tomboy, and wouldn’t know how to raise a girl properly.
F: ……
If your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend returns and request for a reconciliation, what would you do?
F: I don’t have an ex-girlfriend.
F: Who told you that?
F: Why did my mum tell you all these things?
J: She doesn’t keep anything hidden from me!
Would you continue being friends with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?
F: Who said that I possessed a huge amount of confidence in you?
J: You must have confidence in yourself – after all, how could Young Master compare to you?
What if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend requests to borrow money from you?
F: If it’s an extremely urgent matter, leave the matter to me and I’ll handle it.
The book that exerted a great amount of influence on you?
J: Can I refer to a manga? Slam Dunk.
Who’s your Male God/Female Goddess?
J: What? I wash your clothes and cook your meals for you every single day but I can’t even compare to a French girl whom you have never met?!
J: Female Goddess refers to the woman whom you love the most!
J: There’s simply too many! Jay Chou, Daniel Wu, Chang Chen, Takuya Kimura, Won Bin, Bae Yong Joon before he turned 35 years old, James McAvoy, Keanu Reeves, Richard Gere, Hugh Grant, Mitsui Hisashi, Conan Edogawa, Edward Newgate, Sanji, Luffy……
F: ……
Any peculiar or unique habits?
F: None.
J: But you clearly love to eat chocolate! Ah, I’m always rendered speechless whenever I think about a full grown man like you having a peculiar fondness for chocolates.
Favourite animal?
J: Elephant.
J: Because they look extremely friendly and kind.
What book are you reading recently?
J: Walden by Henry David Thoreau. It’s an amazing cure for insomnia. Every single time I read two pages of the book, I fall into a deep sleep.
What song have you been playing on repeat recently?
J: Cross My Heart by Twin Forks.
Favourite movie?
J: Life is Beautiful.
The moment when the other party caused your heart to race?
F: I forgot.
F: Right now then.
J: Even if you’re making something up, couldn’t you do it with more sincerity?
Is there any activity you wish to do but have yet to complete?
J: I want to get a tattoo, but a certain person disallows it (side eye).
Birthday wish this year?
J: I can’t say.
Do you feel that you love the other party more, or does the other party love you more?
F: I love her slightly more than she loves me.
If your bodies have been swapped, and both of you are required to act as the other party for a week, who would be the first to get busted?
F: Her.
If the other party’s soul had entered into Guan Chao’s body, and only a French kiss would help to resolve the matter, would you be willing to do so?
F: Who thought of this question?
Putting aside reality constraints, what is the occupation you wish to pursue the most?
F: Navy.
F: So I can pursue you.
J: That’s such a cold joke.
What do you think the ideal relationship would be like?
F: Our relationship now is ideal.
What’s your biggest wish at present?
F: Take leave from my work and go on a holiday with her.
F: Okay.
J: Although you always promise to go on holidays with me, you always end up abandoning the plan.
Do you feel that it’s a pity to love only a single person in your entire life?
F: In actuality, the risk entailed in entering into relationships with numerous people before settling down with someone who is most suitable for you is exactly the same as the risk entailed in spending a huge amount of time to learn how to accommodate and adapt to another person. Additionally, there is a greater sense of accomplishment in completing the latter.
F: Did you forget to take your medicine today?
Is Joey your real name?
J: No.
Why did you call yourself Joey?
J: I chose the name offhandedly when I was trying to come up with a name during Weibo registration. In the past, my favourite character from Friends was Joey. Thus, I randomly decided to use the name ‘Joey’. Ah, if I had known that I’d be publishing a book under this name, I’d have selected a better name!
Does Mr. F’s surname contain the alphabet “F”?
F: My English name is Frank.